Читать книгу NORMAL Doesn't Live Here Anymore - Barb BSL Owen - Страница 28

Sunday morning, 24 hours after my dad entered the hospital, I was summoned by his doctors. Upon arriving I was told that Dad had suffered a heart attack. As if that weren’t enough for Dad’s body to deal with, the intravenous blood-thinning drugs were causing major problems. Nonstop, frightening nose bleeds were just one of the visible side effects.

Recognizing the fear I was attempting to conceal, one of the doctors asked to speak to me. “The dilemma that we’re facing is significant. Your father is now bleeding internally as well as externally—a side effect of the medication we’re using. It’s the best choice that we have, given your father’s heart condition. But now, it’s difficult to say whether it’s helping or hurting him. If we discontinue the drug, he may experience blood clots. If one of those gets to his lung…” His voice trailed off as he seemed to be thinking about what next to say to me.

“If this were your father, what would you do?” I asked.

“That’s really difficult for me to say. We do need you to make a decision about discontinuing the medication. Things are not likely to get better,” he stated.

Evaluating the risk fell in my lap. Dad was understandably overwhelmed by his physical problems and fear. Mom was too weak and confused to comprehend as I tried to explain my conversation with the doctor. Dad was experiencing so many problems that I had little time to think. I had to immediately make a decision—one that felt like my own chest was being crushed. Discontinuing the drugs was my choice. Managing his pain and keeping my dad comfortable became the plan.

There was no new procedure or medication that would fix his heart, or mine.

Mom experienced disorientation and a great deal of anxiety in the hospital. She was fearful that something had happened to my dad and I had not told her. Mom always appeared to be so fragile that I didn’t know how much information to give her. During their 65 year marriage, my dad had always been their decision maker and Mom’s protector. As she and I continued along our path, I discovered that not knowing the truth was much worse for her than dealing with difficult situations head on. With time and patience I began to more fully recognize and understand aspects of my mother’s personality that I had never seen which eventually led us into a much deeper, more loving relationship.

Riding the hospital elevator and making difficult decisions filled another day as I checked on my parents and tried to find doctors. Wherever I was, I should have been somewhere else. I needed some magic, a clone or even a sibling to share the load.

The human heart feels things that eyes cannot see, and knows what the mind cannot understand.

− Robert Valett

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