Читать книгу How Did I Get Here?: Navigating the unexpected turns in love and life - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 16

Some turning points are obvious. You know you’re approaching them, even if you don’t admit it to yourself or to anyone else. You’ve been unhappy in your job for too long, and the company itself is being reorganized, with firings about to be announced. You and your romantic partner can’t agree on the direction you want your relationship to go, and all you’re doing is arguing. Your elderly mother has been less and less able to care for herself, and is beginning to need full-time care. In spite of what your instincts tell you in these situations, you still hope for some last-minute miracle, something to change the course of events so you won’t have to get to a difficult crossroads, make a painful decision or a face a frightening change.

Even though you may dread these turning points, you are not completely surprised when they happen. They are what we might call the “expected unexpected.” On some level, you have been aware of the transition taking place all along. This doesn’t make the experience any easier or less agonizing, but you are a bit more prepared than you would have been if you hadn’t seen it coming. Therefore, you can navigate through it more easily. In these cases, the lament “How did I get here?” is more of a rhetorical question. You do know how you got to where you are. You’re not disoriented—just disappointed.

Recently I bumped into an old friend of mine at a fund-raiser. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her for some time and noticed she was there without her husband. I knew their marriage had been extremely rocky, and had always sensed that it was just a matter of time before they split up.

“How are you?” I asked, suspecting I knew what the answer would be.

“I’ve been better,” she replied with a grimace. “It’s been a really difficult year. Larry and I separated last summer.”

“I’m so sorry. I realize how hard that must be.”

“Thanks, but I know you aren’t surprised,” she admitted. “Neither was I, actually. I kind of knew it was coming for a long time, but hoped somehow it wouldn’t. I kept waiting for something—don’t ask me what—to intervene and prevent the inevitable. Does that make sense?”

Of course it did. I’d been there—we all have.