Читать книгу Falling For The Nanny - Barbara McMahon - Страница 13

TEN minutes later, Claire carried Bella to Matt’s office, an odd feeling in her stomach. For as much of a big, strong, stubborn guy as Matt Patterson was, he really wanted to do what was right for this baby. He genuinely wanted to be a good daddy. He didn’t mind looking a bit silly. And he wanted to learn.

She sat on the chair in front of the desk as Matt dialed the number for the nanny service.

“Hello, this is Matt Patterson. May I speak with Mary Mahoney?”

He sat in silence, waiting to be transferred, while Claire straightened the collar on Bella’s pale green one-piece pajama. “You look especially pretty in green.”

As if she understood the compliment, Bella grinned at her, but her little blue eyes were red from crying and still watery. Claire’s heart twisted. In an hour or so they’d put her down for a nap again, then the temporary nanny would arrive, Claire would leave and Bella would wake up to two people she considered strangers. Plus, there was no guarantee that the nanny would teach Matt. Or even let him spend any quality time with Bella. Or let him dance.

If Matt knew more about babies, he could stand his ground with a stern nanny. But as unconfident as he was now, he’d let a nanny take over. And Bella would lose her daddy.

Suddenly Matt straightened in his chair. “Hello. Yes. Ms. Mahoney. I’m Matt Patterson. I recently got custody—”

She pressed her fingers on the button in the cradle for the phone receiver and disconnected the call.

He gaped at her. “Are you trying to make me look like an idiot?”

“No.” She hugged cuddly Bella to her, swept her lips across her downy hair. “But I think it might be premature to leave Bella with a nanny. I think what we need to do is have me stay another day so she can get more adjusted to you.”

He slowly replaced the phone receiver in its cradle. “You want to stay?”

Refusing to meet his gaze, she fussed with Bella’s pajamas again. “I wouldn’t say I want to stay, but I think I need to stay for Bella’s sake.”

“I can’t say it’s a bad idea, but you might want to mention these things to me before I call someone, instead of just hanging up the phone when I’m talking.”

She winced. “Sorry.” She said it casually, but the full ramifications of what she’d done by hanging up the phone began to sink in. She’d slept in a bedroom next to his the night before. True, she’d closed the door, but she was still in his house. And they’d kissed—because they were attracted. True, they’d talked that out. They weren’t suited. So they were avoiding or ignoring that attraction.

But what if something happened that they couldn’t? What if they kissed again? What if he wanted to do more than kiss? Could she resist him?

She mentally shook herself. Of course she could resist him. She’d been resisting men for five years—men she hadn’t been attracted to.

She peeked up at Matt. Strong shoulders. Handsome face. Sexy eyes.

She’d be spending another whole day with him…sleeping next to his bedroom again—

Oh, boy.

Studying her across the desk, he leaned back in his chair. “So what do we do now?”

The smart thing to do would be to keep them so focused on Bella and so busy she could forget this ridiculous attraction. Especially since he didn’t seem to be having the same trepidation about it that she was. “You said you wanted to learn a few more things before a nanny completely takes over. Why don’t we spend today doing some of that?”

He sat up. “Okay.”

Trying to be nonchalant, she said, “Too bad she doesn’t need a diaper change, since you danced instead of changed her diaper the last time she cried.”

He sniffed a laugh.

The room got quiet.

The urge to run bubbled up in her, but she gathered her courage. After all, she was doing this for Bella.

“So since she doesn’t need a diaper, has already been fed and doesn’t want to sleep…maybe we should play.”

He glanced over. “Play?”

“Sure.” She rose, walked the baby to the thick Oriental rug in front of the sofa and lowered herself and Bella to the floor. “Babies are naturally curious. So sometimes playing can be as simple as setting her on the floor and letting her explore.”

He ambled over. “And how do I fit into this equation?”

“You keep her from getting hurt, as you point out things that might be fun for her.”

He sat on the floor beside her. “Like what?”

She peered around. There wasn’t a damned thing in his house that might interest a baby. Worse, sitting on the floor with him only inches away, sprawled out comfortably, caused weird feelings to ripple through her. This was how he’d be with Bella. A sort of clueless but affable dad. He’d be sweet. Loving.

Great. Adding emotion to her attraction had been real smart.

She popped up off the floor. Seeing him as a good dad upped his likability by about a thousand percent. If she wasn’t careful, she wouldn’t just be fighting a sexual attraction; she’d be falling for another guy who was all wrong for her.

“Maybe I should go upstairs and get her one of the rattles and her bear.”

She walked up the spiral staircase and back the hall to his bedroom, then took a deep breath as she leaned against the closed door.

She was fine. There was nothing to worry about. She’d learned her lesson about falling for self-absorbed men. She wasn’t in any danger of losing her heart. Even thinking that was stupid. She’d agreed to stay for Bella. Bella needed a real daddy, not just a guy who paid for a nanny. She needed a daddy who would play with her when he came home from work, tuck her in at night, kiss her forehead. And she could teach him to do all that, if she kept her wits about her. It might be a little uncomfortable for her and she might have to miss work—

Miss work! She hadn’t told her boss she would be taking time off!

She raced to her purse and retrieved her cell phone. With one click she speed dialed Joni’s number.

“Dysart Adoptions.”

“Oh, my gosh! Joni! I’m so sorry! I forgot all about you.”

Joni, the owner of the adoption agency, chuckled. “That’s okay. I figured you were busy with Bella.”

“I was.” She winced. “I am. Matt Patterson’s staff are all on vacation so I volunteered to help him.”

“Oh?”

“We were just walking back to the den to contact a nanny service when Bella woke up from her morning nap and she was inconsolable.”

“Poor thing!”

“I know. The sweet baby is having so much trouble adjusting. Matt grabbed her out of the crib and it didn’t even slow her down. But when she saw me, she reached for me and cuddled in and pretty soon she was calm.”

“She’s gotten accustomed to you.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re not ready to leave her.”

“I can’t leave her like this. Plus, once she was calm, Matt took her and danced with her.”

“Danced with her?”

“It calms her. I didn’t tell him. He figured it out for himself. I can see he has the potential to be a really great dad. In a few days, I could teach him so much and then he would be comfortable around the baby and wouldn’t desert her to a nanny when he gets one.”

“You think he has the potential to get so accustomed to Bella that he’d spend time with her?”

“Yes. There’s just something about the way he deals with her that makes me see he wants this. He wants to be a good dad. And if I can help him, I think I should.” She paused, bit her bottom lip. “You’re okay with me staying the rest of the week? I’ll take it as vacation time.”

“It’s Tuesday. That’s four whole days.”

“I know…but Bella needs me.”

“I think it’s kind of cute.”

Her breath stuttered out on a long sigh. “I don’t know about cute. I just feel awful for her. She’s so small and she can’t even talk to tell us how she feels. And Matt genuinely wants to be a good dad. Right now, he’s waiting for the right moment to learn how to change a diaper.”

Joni laughed.

“Okay. I’ve got to run. I left her on the floor of a den that looks like it could be part of a museum.”

Joni’s voice perked up. “Oh, interesting. You’re getting a sneak peek at his house!”

“Yes. I am. But I wouldn’t want to live here. Everything’s perfect. And I think that’s going to be hard on Bella, too. While I’m here I might just suggest he create a few baby-friendly rooms.”

“Well, have fun. And good luck with Bella.”

“Thanks.”

After disconnecting the call, she removed Bella’s bear from the crib and dug through the diaper bag for one of the two rattles. She returned to the den feeling a lot better about her decision to help Matt. Joni didn’t see anything wrong with her staying. In fact, she thought it was cute. Because that’s the kind of people she and Joni were. They loved kids. Babies especially. They’d dedicated their lives to caring for them. Staying at this house for Bella and teaching Matt to be a good dad wasn’t out of line. It was what she did.

As she entered the den, Matt said, “What took you so long?”

“I had to call my boss and arrange for some time off.”

He groaned. “Sorry. I forgot about that.”

“That’s okay. She’s fine with me staying a couple more days. In fact, I took the rest of the week off so I can help. We all have Bella’s best interests at heart.” She glanced around. “By the way…where is she?”

“Under the desk.”

“Under the desk!”

“Don’t worry. There’s nothing under there. And she seems to like it.” He smiled briefly. “It reminds me of when my sister Charlotte and I used to sit under my dad’s desk and call it a fort.”

“A fort?”

“We were always at war with our other sisters.” He paused.

Knowing family was a sensitive subject for him and not wanting to get him in another bad mood, she ignored that last comment and went in search of Bella.

After moving the office chair out of the way, she stooped in front of the entry to the desk. “What are you doing?”

Bella screeched happily and patted her chubby thighs.

“Oh, so you do like it under there?”

She squealed with delight.

Claire raised her head until she could see above the desk. Catching Matt’s gaze, she said, “Come over. Play with her.” She waved the bear. “I have props.”

He hoisted himself off the floor and strolled over. “Props?”

“The bear and the rattle. Things that will make playing easier.”

He snorted a laugh, but slid the tall-backed chair far enough away from the desk that he could crouch beside Claire. “Hey, Bella.”

She gurgled what Claire surmised equaled hello in baby talk.

“So, this is how the tiny half lives.”

Bella laughed.

Claire turned a bit to face him. “She likes you. She really does. She just needs to get accustomed to you.”

“And that will require me sitting on the floor a lot?”

“Among other things.”

He shook his head, once again getting comfortable on the floor, laying out as he had on the Oriental rug in front of the sofa. “You know, I’m glad you don’t know me. Because I have no reputation with you, I don’t have to worry about ruining it by doing foolish things like sitting on the floor.”

She looked away. How would he feel if he knew that the things he considered foolish like laying out on the floor actually made him more attractive to her?

She shifted the conversation back to Bella, the reason she’d stayed. “You also don’t have a reputation to ruin with Bella. No matter what you do, this baby will love you.” She reached in and tickled Bella’s tummy. “Just as you are.”

The idea that someone could love him just as he was stopped Matt cold. He peeked under the desk, at the little girl happily gurgling as if she’d found heaven. He scooted a little closer, looked at Bella with new eyes. Not as a baby who needed his protection, but as someone who would love him.

Just as he was.

Nobody had ever loved him just as he was. Even Ginny wanted him to change. That was why they’d divorced. She’d wanted a more attentive, loving husband. He’d been as closed off as a man could get. And even when he tried to be more honest, more receptive, he couldn’t take those final steps.

He peeked at Claire. “No matter what I do…she’ll love me?”

Claire smiled. “Yes. As long as you love her.”

“I’ve never really been good at love.”

She shrugged. “There is no such thing as good or bad in love. There’s just love. If you love this little girl, she will know it and she will respond.”

Bella cooed with happiness. He imagined her first birthday, imagined her learning to walk, learning to talk, turning to him for help and guidance and affection. And hugging him. Returning the love and affection he gave her.

Unimaginable warmth filled him. Along with a mountain of regret.

He swallowed hard. “I didn’t really love her mom the way she needed to be loved.”

“Obviously, you did something right. She left her child in your care.”

“What I did right was stay friends with her.” He peeked over at Claire. “And her new husband. Oswald was a great guy. A smart guy. But he always just missed the boat when it came to the big deals. So I let him sell me this house.” He glanced around at it. “And having both the sale of this house and a sale to me to put on his résumé gave him the leg up he needed. When he…” He swallowed, unable to say died. Instead, he said, “This time last week he was one of the biggest real-estate brokers in Boston.”

She put a comforting hand on his arm. “That’s a great story.”

“That’s the only reason my ex-wife stayed friends with me. I felt I owed her so I helped her new husband. I considered the score settled. They felt I’d gone above and beyond the call of duty and made me their new best friend.”

Claire shook her head. “You’re so down on yourself. Did you ever stop to think that maybe they liked you?”

“Wall Street’s Iceman? The guy who broke Ginny’s heart?” He snorted a laugh. “I doubt it.”

“I think you’re selling yourself short.”

There she was again, seeing the good in him. She didn’t understand how cool and distant he was, even though she’d said she did after their kiss at her apartment. He had to remind her she wasn’t magically going to find his nice side, or she would get hurt.

He caught Claire’s gaze. “I loved my ex-wife. I truly did. But being dedicated to work, I ignored her. She had seen I wasn’t capable of real love and she moved on. I didn’t fault her for that. I didn’t blame her. But she knew me. The real me. The me who doesn’t love.”

Claire ran a finger down Bella’s chubby arm, making the baby giggle. “Look at this sweet child. Do you really believe your ex-wife would have left her in your care if she genuinely believed you were incapable of loving her?”

“Maybe she left Bella with me because I have money enough to get her a good nanny, buy her everything she needs, see that she gets into a good university.”

Claire gasped, clearly offended by his interpretation of Ginny’s motives. “That’s not how moms think! More than money, more than nannies, more than grand houses and fancy educations, babies need love. Mommies know that. Ginny wouldn’t have left Bella in your care if she believed you couldn’t love her.”

Real fear tightened Matt’s chest. He could care for this baby. He could give her affection. Giving her affection seemed to come naturally. But real love? That wasn’t in the cards. Ginny would have known that.

“Ginny didn’t believe I could love. She made me guardian only because she needed a name to put in her will. She never suspected she was going to die. Otherwise, she would have thought this through—found someone better to raise her daughter.”

His solid, certain voice could have convinced Claire he was right…except she knew moms. They did not leave their babies with just anyone. They didn’t make guardianship decisions lightly. Unfortunately, he wasn’t in the mood to hear that, so she didn’t reply.

Still, looking at him, reclining on the floor, watching the baby under his desk, waiting for his chance to learn how to change a diaper, she frowned. Very few people probably saw him this relaxed, but his ex-wife would have. She would have been with him in all kinds of situations and would have known him better than anybody ever had.

Ginny had to have seen something in him that nobody else saw.

And if she did see Matt as a man capable of loving a little girl enough to raise her, what would it take to bring out whatever Ginny had seen in him?

She didn’t know. But the part of her that loved Bella knew she had to figure that out. She had the rest of the week. Plenty of time to push him a bit. But later. When he’d be a bit more receptive. There were lots of other, less threatening, less personal things they could discuss now to relax him. Get him to trust her. Before she began probing for whatever it was Ginny had seen in him.

“Speaking of big fancy houses not being what babies need, you might want to make a few kid-friendly places for Bella.”

He glanced over. “Kid-friendly?”

“I think you’ll need a playroom for her. You’ll probably want a big family room…somewhere the two of you can play board games or video games and watch TV.”

“Maybe foosball? Or ping pong.”

“Sure. Whatever you want. Your best conversations with her will happen while you’re doing something else.”

“Makes sense.”

The room got quiet. Bella happily sucked on her rattle. Claire once again searched her brain for something Bella-related to discuss, and realized he’d never made firm plans about his trip the following week. If he would be taking Bella to Texas, then teaching him how to travel with a baby ranked almost as high as demonstrating how to change a diaper.

“So what about the reunion in Texas? You said you might not go.”

He sighed. “I have to go. I promised my sisters, Ellie, Charlotte and Alex.”

“Ah.” So he would need help.

“Don’t make too much of that.”

“That’s okay. I’m not interested in your family as much as I am in helping you plan for the trip. You’re probably going to need a baby carrier and lots more clothes.”

He shrugged. “The temporary nanny should be able to help me with that, though, right?”

Her cheeks heated. Why did she keep forgetting he’d be replacing her? Was it because she wanted to see him raise Bella on his own—or because she couldn’t stand the thought of being replaced?

She glanced at sweet Bella and her heart melted. But when she moved her gaze to Matt, her stomach tumbled. He saw himself as such a terrible person, yet here he lay, on the floor, just to be with Bella. To give her time to get accustomed to him.

How was a woman supposed to resist a guy like that?

“Yes. The nanny will take care of most of that.” Fumbling for something to say to get her mind off how irresistible he became every time he was good to Bella, she inadvertently took them back to family again. “I think it will be good for Bella to get out among your family.”

“Family is the group who taught me that it’s best to never show your soft side.”

“Really? I’d love to have a sister or brother.” She smiled wistfully. “A sister to confide in. A brother to defend me…or for me to look up to.”

“You can have my sister Alex. She’s a chatterbox. And I hear I have a half brother Holt. You can have him, too. He’s supposedly somebody everybody looks up to.”

Her eyes widened. “You don’t know if your own brother is somebody everybody looks up to?”

“I don’t want to know!”

His shouted words echoed around the room. Embarrassment flooded Claire’s entire body. He might be sweet and sexy when he was caring for Bella, but this was the real Matt Patterson.

What had he called himself? Iceman?

No matter what Ginny had seen in him, he was an iceman.

She rose. “You know, suddenly I am hungry. I think I’ll just go to the kitchen and see if I can scout out something for breakfast.”

He blew his breath out on a sigh. “Can you take the baby with you? I have some overseas calls to make.”

She smiled politely and said, “Sure,” but his request that she take the baby with her was another reminder that he wasn’t a sweet guy, grappling with caring for a baby. He was a rich man, accustomed to people doing his bidding. He didn’t like her. He might be attracted to her, but he saw her as an employee, a servant. He might also want to be a good dad for Bella, but he had a business to run and that was his priority.

She left the room, Bella on her arm. Matt hoisted himself from the floor and plopped down into the tall-backed chair. When Ellie had first told him about this family reunion, he wasn’t interested, but when Alex and then Charlotte also started to pester him about it, he agreed to go. Especially for Charlotte. Because he liked her. Because she could persuade him to do things he didn’t really want to do. Even when the ramifications of what he’d agreed to do had settled in, he’d decided he could go, be his cool, aloof self and then just come home and forget all about Texas and his real dad and the four half siblings he didn’t need.

But now he had Bella. A baby. Because Ginny, the ex-wife who’d become a real friend to him after their divorce, had died. Grief rumbled in his chest, squeezing his heart. It came with a heaviness he couldn’t even define or describe. He felt more for the wife who had dumped him than the pack of family he had but really didn’t know. It didn’t seem right to be off meeting them, as if nothing had happened, when Ginny was dead.

He was sorry he’d yelled at Claire. But she didn’t get it. Not having a family, she didn’t realize that real families weren’t warm and fuzzy. Siblings were competitive. Parents could hold grudges. Hurts could run deep. And getting a baby to raise wasn’t a gift from the heavens. It was a responsibility.

He leaned back in his chair, but bounced forward again. The best way to forget about his personal life was to work. He picked up the phone receiver, dialed a number and got his mind where it needed to be. On business.

He talked with two banks and four prospective investors for his latest venture. Twenty minutes later, the office door opened and Claire haltingly stepped inside. “My boss called. I have to go to work. Just for an hour or so to debrief her on some cases she’ll need to handle for me tomorrow. But I’ll be back.”

The fact that she would still stay after he’d yelled at her humbled him. It was no wonder she thought there were good people in the world. She was one of them.

“Okay. Thanks.”

She motioned toward the ceiling. “Bella’s upstairs in her crib…asleep.”

He nodded, wishing she’d just leave because he was feeling weird things about her, too. Wondering why she was so nice to a guy who was nothing but snippy with her. Wondering why she was alone, not married, and remembering the bad relationship in her past that she’d mentioned but not really explained. Wondering why he kept thinking about her, when he shouldn’t care. When he should have let her leave that morning.

He said, “Thanks.” But a vision of Bella waking, screaming for Claire, filled him, and he remembered why he hadn’t let her leave. He couldn’t care for Bella. Oh, he knew the basics, he could even dance with her to quiet her, but so far Claire was the one Bella really wanted. And he hadn’t yet changed a diaper or fed her. Dancing wouldn’t help if her pants were wet and her tummy empty.

He swallowed a lump in his throat that felt very much like his pride. “What do I do if she wakes up?”

She took a few more careful steps into the room. “She should sleep the entire time I’m gone. But if she doesn’t, change her diaper, give her a bottle and play with her like we did this morning.”

He nodded, but she wouldn’t look at him. She kept her gaze focused on the floor.

Heat swamped him. He hadn’t meant to be so angry with her. After all, his family wasn’t her fault.

“You might want to get Jimmy to help you set up the play yard and swing we bought yesterday afternoon with the crib. She’ll love the swing. It will definitely settle her if you can’t get her to stop crying.”

He said, “Thanks,” wishing she’d just meet his gaze, knowing he didn’t deserve a smile. But she turned and left the room.

He tossed his pencil to his desk. This was why he hated dealing with people, and the truth of why he didn’t want to go to Texas. Alone in London, with too much time to think about things, he’d begun to wonder if maybe his problem with his extended family wasn’t the fault of his seven siblings but his.

Maybe he was the reason the whole damned family couldn’t get along. After all, he and his twin, Ellie, contributed to the reason his mother had left Texas. At least, that was what Cedric had told him the night of their big fight. Had his mother not gotten pregnant, she might have been able to handle living in Texas. But having twins in a rural county, so far away from her family, had made her run.

Claire left Matt’s house, grateful for an hour alone in her car, even if she was fighting traffic.

When she arrived at Dysart Adoptions, she immediately walked back to Joni’s office.

“Hey.”

Blond-haired, blue-eyed Joni looked up. “Hey! I’m glad you could come in.”

She winced. “I’m sorry I dumped everything on you without any notice.”

Joni motioned for her to sit. “It’s not like we’re really busy. I just hate to see you wasting your vacation on something that’s essentially work.”

“I know. But Bella’s special and in a way so is Matt. He wants to be a good dad so much that he can’t hide it. But he’s more than a bit rough around the edges.” She slid to the seat in front of Joni’s desk. “Did you know his nickname on Wall Street is Iceman?”

Joni’s face fell. “How awful for Bella.”

“Well, that’s just it. I’d think how awful for Bella, if I didn’t keep getting glimpses of a nice guy underneath his Iceman exterior.”

Joni laughed, but her laughter quickly died. “Oh. Wait.” She studied Claire for a second, then said, “You’re not falling for him, are you?”

Claire sat up in her chair. “Absolutely not.” She’d had this conversation with herself in the car driving to the adoption agency. And convinced herself she hadn’t gotten angry that he’d yelled at her; she’d gotten angry that he hadn’t learned to control his temper around the baby. “Number one, he’s so far out of my league I’d be crazy to even consider it. Number two, I’m literally teaching this guy how to love. He says he hurt his ex-wife so badly he had to make it up to her by helping her new husband with a business deal. And he can’t understand why Ginny would leave her daughter in his care when she above everybody else knows he can’t love. I’d be crazy to get involved with him.”

Joni said, “Okay. Good.”

“I mean, it’s not like the guy doesn’t have potential. If I’m reading the situation right, I think he had a very soft heart at one time and something happened in his family that broke it. I’m guessing his Iceman image is a defensive wall to keep him from getting hurt again. Which is why I think there’s lots of hope for him with Bella.”

Joni inclined her head. “That makes sense.” She caught Claire’s gaze. “As long as you’re only working to repair his heart enough to raise a baby, not because you want something to happen between you two.”

“I already said I don’t want anything to happen between us.”

“Because bringing him far enough along that he’d be able to love you—as well as a baby—would be a big job.”

“I know.”

“And it would probably end up with you getting hurt.”

“I know that, too.”

“Just checking.”

Joni dropped the subject after that and they went to work on quickly reviewing the few cases Claire had on her desk. But when she left Dysart Adoptions, Joni’s words rolled around in her head.

She could probably teach Matt enough to care for Bella in a day or two. She hadn’t needed to take the whole week off.

Was she subconsciously trying to heal him for herself?

Did she think she could be the woman of his dreams?