Читать книгу The Surrogate Wife - Barbara Leigh - Страница 10

“From now on you can sleep behind the curtain in the larger bed,” Josh told Meagan the next morning as he sat drinking coffee and resting his head in his hand, his eyes bleary with lack of sleep. “I’ll take the cot out here.”

He’d searched half the night, believing that she had run away. Expecting with every step he took to find her lying dead in the mud and rain. Blaming himself for not having more control of himself and sending the frightened girl to face her fears alone when she had come to him for help.

The rain had disappeared with the night, and as the watery sun fought its way through the tops of the trees, Josh had wearily made his way to the barn. The cow had to be milked and the chores done. He’d never tell her how relieved he was when he saw her curled up under a blanket in the hay. He’d never admit that he stood there and just feasted his eyes on her as she slept in exhausted innocence. But he would never allow himself to forget that he had promised the good Lord that if he found her safe he’d never take another chance on being alone with her in a situation that might lead to dishonor and death.

And so, in the dim light of morning he burned her sleeping image into his mind and his heart, knowing he would never again dare hold her in his arms.

Even now, in the broad light of day, with the homey sounds and smells of breakfast surrounding them, Josh could hardly bear the pain of denial. He fought to keep his mind on his grits and eggs and off the woman who had prepared them.

“I don’t mind sleeping in the barn,” she was saying. “Besides, I have to get up early and start breakfast and…”

He shook his head. “There’s no need,” he told her. “I’m used to rising before anyone else is up. Lily was never one to rise with the sun. It takes me a bit to get myself together.” He paused and gave the matter some thought. “In fact, I’d be more comfortable if you didn’t bother to get up at the first crack of dawn. I’ll go out and start the chores. You can make breakfast, and have it ready when I come in. After that we’ll both start our day.”

Meagan nodded in agreement. But before she could speak he added, “And you will sleep behind the curtain.”

The blanket that separated them was adequate, and while Meagan was sure that Josh could not see through it to where she slept, Meagan was able to see him outlined against the light of the fire as he pulled his shirt over his head and got ready for bed.

The night was warm, and Meagan knew that sleeping near the fire must be uncomfortable. But it was his choice. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. It seemed but a few minutes when she was awakened by a sound.

Through a chink in the curtain she could see Josh moving around the room. He stirred the fire and swung the hob with the kettle on it over the flame. She realized it must be morning and was about to get up when she remembered his instruction. Silently she lay back on the bed, but sleep would not come and she found herself watching Josh as he moved about the room.

She followed the movement of his body as the light of the flames touched his chest and arms, his rippling muscles, flat belly and smooth skin that looked so warm and delicious in the firelight. She closed her eyes. The very fact that she dared allow such thoughts to exist was dangerous, if not life-threatening in her situation.

But her eyes would not stay shut. They devoured the man with a mind of their own, and she forgot even to breathe as he placed a basin on the table and washed his face and chest.

The firelight caught the droplets of water that clung to the golden hair across his chest. Like tiny jewels, the water tempted her. She felt the urge to run her fingers through his hair and take the water onto her own skin, still warm from his.

The thought made her squirm. The rope tether that cradled the mattress on the frame of the bed gave a muted groan and Josh looked toward the curtain, but Meagan had rolled over and pulled the comforter over her head in an effort to smother the shameful thoughts proximity with this man had placed in her mind.

She allowed herself the painful pleasure of remembering the feeling of warmth and security she had known when Josh had taken her into his arms that night as she lay shivering beneath the wagon. She had tried to forget. Heaven knew, she had tried to put the whole thing out of her mind. And, for the most part she had done so. It wasn’t her mind that refused to obey. It was her body. Her sinful body remembered every moment, every touch, every bit of wonderful warmth that seeped through the barriers between them and melted her heart and her soul.

How she wished she had met Josh under other circumstances. How she longed to have him look at her ‘ without the glimmer of sorrow in his eyes, and the accusation in his heart that was forever between them. And yet, she realized that his wife would have stood between them, alive or dead. According to all that Josh believed, had it not been for Meagan, his wife would still be alive. Meagan could not help but wonder how things might have played out had she been far away from the Somers household the day Lily fell down the stairs, and what Josh’s opinion of Meagan Reilly might have been if she had been introduced to the new widower as an eligible woman. But fate had dealt her a lethal blow and, try as she might, she could not resign herself to it.

Meagan blinked back the tears. She had waited all her life for such a man, and now she would never dare look further than serving as his slave for the rest of her life. Yet, she had begun to realize that even living as his servant was better than living without him.

She would work for him. She would work with him, and she would work harder than she had ever worked in her life. Perhaps then, as her reward for her toils, she could fall into a sleep that carried no dreams of life with—or without—Josh Daniels.

She heard the bar lift on the door. There was a swish of air through the cabin and she knew Josh was gone. With her vow in the forefront of her mind, Meagan dressed for the day and went to start breakfast.

As the summer heat gave way to the crisp mornings of fall the lives of Meagan and Josh began to assume a pattern of cautious camaraderie. Together they tended the land and the animals, rejoicing in the harvest and the abundance their toils had produced. Josh could find little fault with Meagan. When he chose to carry on a conversation with her he found her informed and intelligent. Without intending, Josh found himself asking her advice and listening to her opinion.

With the end of summer came the time for Josh’s daughter, Abbie, to return.

It was Will Carmichael who would retrieve the little girl from her grandparents. He stopped at the Daniels farm to tell Josh that he was planning a trip to Albany and would pick up the child on his way back.

“You had some reservations about leaving Abbie with Meagan when she first came to live with you,” Will reminded him. “Have those been resolved?”

“Meagan’s a right smart young woman. Has a lot of book learning. She’s going to be able to teach Abbie a lot of things I couldn’t,” Josh said. “I can’t fault her.”

If there was any fault to be had it was within Josh himself. He found himself listening for the sound of her voice as she sang while she hung out the laundry or called out to the chickens and ducks as she fed them. He would hurry in from the fields, embellish his accounts of little things that happened during the day to make her laugh and hold his breath at night to hear her gentle breathing behind the curtain across the room. But all these things were locked tight in his heart and he did not share them with his friend, although Will stood waiting for Josh to continue.

The silence lengthened until finally Josh added, “I’m sure that Meagan will get along nicely with Abbie and with the winter coming on I’ll be around the cabin most of the time. If there is any problem I’ll know about it.”

Will nodded. “That will be best,” he agreed, cutting short his own thoughts as he became aware from his friend’s expression that Josh had something more to say. “What is it, Josh?” he asked. “Has Meagan done something to upset you?”

“Other than being prone to accidents, and afraid of the dark, she seems fine,” Josh admitted.

“Accident-prone?”

“Just little things, mostly,” Josh said as he thought back. “Except for the other day when the big cast-iron pot we make the soap in fell off the shelf and darn near knocked her head off.”

“What was a soap cauldron doing on a shelf in the first place?” Will asked.

“Danged if I know.” Josh gave it some thought. “Never saw it up there before, but it was sure there that day. On the shelf right above the washtub.”

“Is Meagan all right?”

“She managed to jump out of the way, but it about scared the life out of me. She seemed to take the whole thing in stride.” There was a hint of approval in Josh’s voice as he spoke of the incident that wasn’t wasted on Will Carmichael.

“Is that all?” Will asked.

“Well, that and the night Meagan thought the organ was haunted.”

“The organ? The one in the parlor?” Will reiterated.

“That’s the one,” Josh admitted. “She was sleeping in there on the daybed and swore she heard it playing in the middle of the night. The girl’s got a real good imagination. Guess she was afraid of the rainstorm and didn’t want to admit it.”

“Does it happen often?” Will was playing for time. He had wondered where the girl slept and was fairly certain it wasn’t the barn. He wondered if he should remind Josh of the judge’s warning. For that matter, he had been wondering if she should warn Meagan, but since they slept in separate buildings he needn’t worry. He gave a sigh of satisfied relief as Josh answered his question.

“It won’t happen anymore. She stays in here with me and sleeps behind the blanket there.”

That did it! The time had come to speak out. “You remember what Judge Osborne said.”

“I remember.” Josh didn’t bother to hide the resentment in his voice, and Will didn’t know whether to bless the judge, or blast him to hell.

“Besides, it isn’t Meagan that worries me—” Josh wiped the back of his neck with his hanky “—it’s Ruth Somers.”

“Has she heard the organ playing too?” Will asked innocently.

Josh gave his friend a dirty look and continued. “Ruth stops by here right often. A bit too often, if you ask me. It was different when Lily was alive. Lily enjoyed entertaining and couldn’t seem to get enough of it, but with both Meagan and me off in the fields it’s kinda unnerving to come home and find Ruth sittin’ here waiting.”

“What does she want?”

“Far as I can see she just wants to make trouble. She says she wants to make sure Meagan is doing her job and hasn’t run off, but she’s sure got a funny way of doing it. Guess I kind of resent Ruth playing God as far as Meagan’s concerned.” Josh rubbed his neck again. “You don’t suppose she knew the girl from somewhere before, do you?”

“I wouldn’t know where it could be, but I’ll surely see what I can find out.”

“That will be fine,” Josh agreed. “I doubt that there’s anything to it, but it just doesn’t make sense that a woman could harbor so much hatred toward another. Seems like it should almost be the other way around. I mean, if what Meagan claims is true, she should be mad at Ruth for getting her convicted for something she says she didn’t do.”

Will could hardly avoid showing the satisfaction he felt on hearing Josh’s words, because Will had never believed Meagan was guilty of the crime. He had expressed his opinion openly until it became obvious that championing Meagan was costing him clients among the women who liked and believed in the stalwart Ruth Somers. Ruth was one of the cornerstones of the widespread community and given a great deal of credibility by the other members.

“I’ll let you know if I learn anything,” Will promised. “Ruth has always been something of a busybody.”

“It’s just that she seems to have a real mean streak when it comes to Meagan and I don’t want the woman hanging over our heads like a nesting vulture when Abbie comes home.”

The comparison of Ruth to a vulture caused Will to burst into laughter. Josh joined him and they were both in the throes of jocularity when Meagan joined them.

“Is it a private joke?” she asked.

Josh wiped his eyes. “We were just talking about Ruth Somers.”

“There must be something I missed about the woman,” Meagan said in confusion, “because I swear I’ve yet to see anything funny about her.”

This sent the men into another gale of laughter. Exasperated, Meagan started back toward the house. “I’ll get you both something to eat. Unless I miss my guess, you’ve already had enough corn whiskey.”

“Do you think we should tell her?” Will asked as the door closed.

“No use worrying Meagan over something she can’t do anything about. Ruth hates her, and that’s a fact. And I don’t think anyone but Ruth knows why.”

“Well, we’ll see what we can find out,” Will promised as he followed Josh back to the house where the scent of fragrant stew permeated the air.

Abbie Daniels proved to be a very precocious little girl, with a sharp mind and insatiable curiosity. However, she could not be described as a beautiful child.

Meagan liked children, and Abbie was no exception. But to say that the child’s appearance came as somewhat of a shock would be an understatement.

Having lived in close proximity with Josh Daniels for the better part of the summer, Meagan recognized the fact that he would be considered a handsome man. His features were strong and even. Nothing about him seemed out of proportion.

Meagan was the first to admit that she had not seen Lily Daniels at her best; still, Lily had been a woman who, even in death, had held exceptional beauty. So Meagan was prepared to welcome an attractive child.

To her amazement, the little girl was small for her age, with a pensive, intelligent face. Otherwise her features were unexceptional. Her hair was pulled back so tightly her eyebrows looked to be permanently raised above her blue-gray eyes. But it wasn’t until the child removed her bonnet that Meagan realized she was indeed faced with a challenge.

The afternoon was warm and while Josh and Will talked on the dogtrot, Meagan, Abbie and Will’s wife, Phoebe, went into the house.

Meagan was happy to see the woman who had given her shelter during the time before and during her trial. Phoebe had been a bulwark against adversity and despair, and Meagan was pleased that she had come to help break the ice with Josh’s daughter.

“Are you the new hired girl?” Abbie asked bluntly.

“You could call me that.” Meagan caught Phoebe’s eye and gave a sigh of relief. Obviously the child hadn’t been apprised of Meagan’s true situation. “Actually I am going to be helping you with your lessons as well as helping your father with his work.”

“That’s good.” The child nodded. “Papa needs help sometimes and I’m too small.” She poked around the room as Meagan prepared tea. She peered, prodded and finally decided that there had been no major changes of which she didn’t approve.

Phoebe was telling Meagan about the trip she and Will had taken to Albany when Abbie settled herself at the table.

“Would you like some tea?” Meagan asked as the little girl looked at her expectantly.

“I’d rather have buttermilk,” Abbie told her.

“There’s some in the ice house,” Meagan replied. “Can you carry the pitcher by yourself?”

“Of course,” Abbie said importantly as she dashed out of the room.

Meagan watched the child from the window, making certain she was able to manipulate the heavy door that Josh had built to keep in the cold. A few minutes later, Abbie returned. She placed the pitcher on the table and brushed the perspiration from her forehead.

“It’s warm today, isn’t it?” Meagan remarked as she poured the thick liquid into a cup. “Why don’t you take off your bonnet? There’s no need to wear it in the house.”

Phoebe uttered a gasp of protest, or perhaps it was a warning. Regardless, it came too late, for the child pulled the ribbons of her heavy cotton bonnet, jerked it from her head and handed it to Meagan. Then Abbie lifted the cup of buttermilk to her mouth, closed her eyes and began to drink.

Meagan’s hand went to her lips as she saw the reason why the child wore the heavy bonnet, for Abbie’s ears stuck out on either side of her head like two foreign appendages.

Before the child finished her drink, Meagan turned away, denying the child any glimpse of her face.

“Why don’t you go and see if your father wants some buttermilk?” Meagan suggested.

Abbie wiped her mouth on her forearm and ran out the door. Meagan turned to Phoebe.

“Why didn’t someone tell me?” she asked.

“I’m sorry, Meagan,” Phoebe apologized. “I just assumed that Josh would tell you about Abbie’s…ears. It didn’t occur to me that you didn’t know until you told her to remove her bonnet.”

“Does she wear a bonnet all the time?” Meagan asked, her heart going out to the little girl.

“I’ve seldom seen her without one.” Phoebe fiddled with her teacup. “Lily thought it was a hopeless case. The only thing the doctors could suggest was to keep tight-fitting bonnets on Abbie’s head and hope her ears would somehow benefit from the pressure.” She shook her head. “I don’t think it helped a bit, but Josh has always insisted she wear them.”

Before Phoebe could continue, Josh appeared at the door. “Come along, honey,” he urged, “I’ll help you get your bonnet back on.” He gave Meagan a wilting look. “Abbie always wears her bonnets, Meagan,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Day and night.”

“I understand,” Meagan said quietly. She wanted to shout at him that he hadn’t told her and she had no way of knowing about his daughter’s “affliction.” Then she saw the anguish in his eyes and held her peace.

Josh tied the ribbon under his daughter’s chin. “There! Now you look like Abbie again.” He grinned and tweaked her nose before his smoldering gaze fell again on Meagan.

“Abbie again…Abbie again…” The little girl danced about the room, basking in her father’s approval. She stopped in front of Meagan. “I have lots of bonnets,” she told her. “I’ll show them to you if you like.”

“I’d like that very much.” Meagan smiled, aware that the child had made the first gesture of acceptance. She looked at Phoebe, expecting approval, but there was only a little worried frown that creased Phoebe’s forehead.

It was obvious to Phoebe that Josh Daniels could not keep his eyes off his indentured servant, just as it was obvious that Meagan was unaware of the explosiveness of the problem.

The Carmichaels spent the night, using the trundle on the daybed. The morning mist had not yet faded when they made their farewells.

“If you need us, let us know,” Phoebe said as she impulsively embraced Meagan. “We’ll find some way to come to you.”

And before Meagan could ask what she meant, the woman allowed her husband to help her into their buggy. As they were leaving, Meagan stared after them, wondering what had prompted the woman’s words.

It wasn’t long before Abbie had reestablished her place in her own home and Meagan found herself hardpressed to keep up with the little girl.

“My mama never made me tell her where I was going,” she protested as Meagan brought her in from an impromptu trip to the barn.

“Abbie, you need to tell someone. Your father worries when he comes in and doesn’t know where you are. He is working the fields all alone right now, and if you refuse to tell me where you are going, I am going to go back into the fields to help him and you’ll have to come along, whether you want to or not.”

“Well, I don’t want to go with you,” Abbie protested. “And I don’t want to tell you where I go. My mama never made me do anything like that.”

“Your mama never made you do anything you didn’t want to do.” Josh’s voice boomed. “But your mama isn’t here. Meagan and I are. And you’re gonna tell one of us where you’re going, or you are not going to go.”

Abbie put her hands on her hips, a vision of indignation, but there was no submission in her father’s face. He wasn’t going to change his mind no matter what she tried. Abbie surrendered to authority. “I’ll tell you or Meagan, but then I’m going to go where I like,” she asserted.

“Only if you have permission,” her father reminded her.

The little girl turned on her heel and marched out the door. She hadn’t left the porch when her father called after her, “Abbie! Where are you going?”

“I’m going back to the barn.”

“Do you have permission?”

She stopped.

“You know where I want to go,” she fired defiantly.

“And you know you’re supposed to ask for permission,” he said again.

“My mama never had to answer to anybody when she wanted to go somewhere,” Abbie shouted at her father.

Angered at the defiance in his daughter, Josh spoke rashly. “Maybe if she had she wouldn’t be dead now.”

His words brought a simultaneous gasp from the lips of both his daughter and Meagan. Before he had a chance to utter another sound, Abbie ran back through the door of the house and burrowed herself into her bed behind the curtain.

Josh did not try to talk to her. He looked at Meagan and shrugged before returning to the fields. It was Meagan who went to the child.

“I guess you pretty much had the run of the place when your mama was alive,” Meagan remarked as she took her place on the side of the bed.

“Mama knew I wouldn’t get into any trouble.” Abbie sniffled into her pillow.

“Your father knows you aren’t going to get into any trouble,” Meagan told her. “It’s just that he wants to know where you are. I don’t think he really knew how much freedom your mother was giving you around here. I tell him where I’m going so he won’t worry, and he does the same for me.”

The little girl lifted her head and looked at the young woman. “Is that because you love him?” she asked.

Meagan was taken aback. Loving Josh Daniels was the last thing in the world she would ever dare admit to, even if it was true, which of course it was not. It would be foolhardy to love someone who could never love you back.

“That’s because it’s the best way to do things when people live out here,” she said. “What if there was a fire, or an Indian attack, and your father didn’t have any idea where you were?”

“He never knew where my mama went, or what she was doing, and nothing bad ever happened.” Abbie sat up and crossed her arms over her chest.

Meagan stood up, her back toward the girl as she straightened some of the articles on the chest of drawers. “Well, that’s not quite the way I’d look at it.”

Realizing her mistake, Abbie was about to try to retract her words, but the look on Meagan’s face told her she wouldn’t get away with it.

“All right.” Abbie scuffed her foot under the rag rug beside the bed, “I’ll tell you or Papa where I’m going. But I’m not going to like it.”

“Abbie, life is just full of things we don’t like,” Meagan told her. “It’s all part of growing up.”

Abbie jumped off the bed and looked down her body at the distance to her feet. “Do you think I’m growing up?” she asked.

“I think you’re growing up faster than you know,” Meagan told her.

“My grandma called me her baby all the time,” Abbie admitted. “It didn’t make me feel grown-up.”

“I think grandmas are allowed to say things like that because they are so much older than everybody else,” Meagan confided. “I guess everyone seems like a baby to them.”

Abbie’s face brightened. “I guess I can be Grandma’s baby as long as I can be grown-up here at home.” She gave an assertive nod as she threw back the curtains and headed once more for the door.

“Abbie,” Meagan called out, “just remember, you have to earn the right to be treated like an adult, and the first thing you must remember to do is—”

“Tell you where I’m going.” Abbie finished the sentence for her and sighed a deep sigh. “I’m going to the barn to look for baby kittens. The cat has babies every spring and fall.” The little girl stopped, a new thought springing to her mind. “Do you know where they are?”

Meagan wiped her hands on her apron. “As a matter of fact, I do. There are five and they’re about a month old. If you like, we can bring one into the house and keep it for your very own.”

Abbie flew across the floor and grabbed Meagan’s hand. “Come on,” she urged. “Let’s go now! Why didn’t you tell me you knew there were kittens? If you had, we wouldn’t have had all this trouble.”

Meagan stifled a laugh. “Why didn’t you tell me kittens were what you were looking for?”

“I thought if I told you, you wouldn’t let me go. My mama always said kittens were dirty, sneaky little things and she didn’t want me to play with them. One time when I showed her where they were she took the kittens out of the barn and put them in a bucket of water.”

Meagan knew drowning kittens was a common practice, but she couldn’t help but give a little gasp of disapproval. “What did you do?” she asked, wondering if the child had cried over the loss of her treasures.

Abbie swung Meagan’s hand as they crossed the yard. “I waited until Mama had gone into the house to lie down and then I ran back and took them out of the water and laid them in the sun. As soon as they dried out, all but one of them came back to life. Mama never even noticed and Papa never knew.”

“Well, I don’t think we should trouble your father about it now,” Meagan said, and the little girl cast her a look encompassing friendship and trust that, given a chance, could last a lifetime.