Читать книгу The Fruit Picker - Bea Eschen - Страница 6

‘Sebastian, dinner is ready!‘

His mother called from the kitchen as she did every evening. He knew if he didn't answer straight away she would become annoyed. Like he did every evening he called back to her.

‘I’ll be down in a minute!‘ Being overly punctual, he always kept it strictly to a minute.

His father was already sitting at the dinner table waiting for him.

‘How’s your day been?‘

‘Like always.‘

As always, Sebastian avoided making eye contact with his father. His father had noticed it for a long time and pointed out to him that he should look at the people he was talking to. But Sebastian just shrugged his shoulders.

Over the last six months his parents knew something was happening with their son. They couldn’t put it into words.

Sebastian was behaving strangely. Lately he preferred to stay in his room, putting his earphones in and listening to music. He was tired of his home, his school, his friends and his life. He alone knew why, and he hadn’t yet told anyone. He knew he was gay, and he was feeling lonely. Yes, he loved to look at young men posing in gay magazines. He loved their bodies and ached to touch them. On the Internet he contacted like-minded young men where he felt understood and supported. He also had his first sexual experiences with a young man who had been as curious as Sebastian. They spent the most wonderful time together in a tiny hotel room. The oversized bed almost filled the room, and they had no other choice but to fall directly upon it. Even today, they sent each other steamy messages. Again, Sebastian felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He immediately remembered the young man’s strong hands on his skin, the scent of his masculine aftershave, and his hot kisses all over his body. With his heart throbbing, he pulled out his phone and typed a message with trembling fingers. He slipped the phone away and ran both hands through his hair. No, not now, he thought. It took superhuman effort to deny him getting drawn deeper into sexual fantasies that would have left him with nothing but frustration.

How could he tell his parents he was gay? It seemed like a wall stood between him and them. His parents had conservative views. They regularly attended mass, and the local priest thought of them highly, as they were devout Catholics.

As a young catholic boy, Sebastian went through the ceremonies and rituals . After communion, his priest told him his sin was forgiven, and he had received eternal life as well as the indwelling Holy Spirit.

‘But what sin did I do?‘ he asked looking up at the priest with childish eyes.

‘You and God know,‘ the priest answered, confusing Sebastian.

I don’t know so how can God know? How can God forgive my sins if I don’t know what sin is?

When they watched television, his father casually remarked that gay men were not part of the church because they bore the sin of obscenity. His father did not know how much he hurt Sebastian with these words. Sebastian tried to suppress his humiliation, but after his father said that, he never entered a church again.

His mother didn’t stop pestering him about Magda, a girl Sebastian liked to spend time with in his childhood. Magda was their neighbour’s daughter, and from his parent’s perspective nothing would have been more suitable for Sebastian and Magda to become a couple. Sebastian wasn’t interested. He liked Magda for their familiarity and her cheerful smile. They had grown up together like brother and sister. As children, they used to play house, hide and seek, doctor, and climbed all the trees in the neighbourhood. They built their own little home in the forest near the swamp, made from collected corrugated iron sheets, tree trunks, twigs and leaves. It looked like a camouflaged soldiers hideout—and that’s what they called it. In there they pretended to be a family during times of war; mother, father and child. Magda’s doll, old and grubby, served as their much-loved baby. They pretended to be married in a church in front of the altar with a pretend priest speaking words none of them understood. The only words they could cite were,

‘Do you want to take Sebastian as your husband, and stand by him in good and in bad times, until death parts you?‘

And Magda would answer, ‘Yes, I do.‘

‘Do you want to take Magda as your wife, and stand by her in good and in bad times, until death parts you?‘

Sebastian would answer with his cheeky smile,

‘I guess so.‘

Then they would hug and smile and keep playing their roles in their innocent, careless and childish ways. As they grew older, they hung out with the other village youths under the big oak tree doing everything teenagers like to do. Riding motorbikes, listening to music, smoking weed, drinking alcohol, dancing, and playing on their phones.

Yes, he felt lonely and excluded. Magda looked at him with her caring yet discerning look. She tried to understand what the problem was. Magda had always loved Sebastian. Right from the start, he was her hero. To remember their childhood brought about peace in Sebastian. He would never forget those moments with Magda because she had given him unconditional love and trust. Since childhood, Magda had always been his soul mate. Yet Sebastian knew he had reached a moment in his life where he alone had to choose.

It was a rainy but warm day in early August when Sebastian strolled along the streets of Nordhorn. The small town flourished with tourists, who arrived during spring and summer. They came for the Engdener Wüste, a recently opened nature reserve for water birds. The tourists brought along good atmosphere and money for the upkeep of the local economy.

Sebastian was pleased with himself because he had completed his Abitur the week before, which would make him eligible for enrolment at university. Although his father had been trying to persuade him to enrol in a theology degree, Sebastian wasn’t sure what course to enrol for. He didn’t like learning about the divine but he leaned more towards subjects like anthropology, that explores humans within past and present societies. Or the humanities, that study human culture. His parents had offered to pay for his entire course, but it meant he could only study theology.

He hated that their offer had made him feel pushed into a corner. Their lack of understanding for his own ideas disappointed him. He told them that he had his own interests, which they should try to understand. But they could only shake their heads. Like so many times before, he walked out of the house to escape their senseless control. Yet each time he had to go back home—a journey that was becoming more and more dreadful.

He walked out of the park and continued to stroll along the streets of Nordhorn. It was an early Saturday afternoon and Sebastian could feel the weekend atmosphere. People were rushing home to their families, stopping to get groceries to prepare their traditional Sunday roasts. Sebastian thought of his Sunday roast at home that would undoubtedly comprise of a big chunk of beef with gravy, potatoes and cooked red cabbage. He dreaded the morbid conversation that would eventually come to a cold stop midway through lunch. His mood immediately deteriorated.

Sebastian was crossing the road when he spotted a new poster in the travel agent’s window. He got into the habit to look for international flight specials. It made him dream of faraway places. As he got closer, he could make out the words:

Experience Australia. Become a Fruit Picker. Offers now available.

Without hesitation he entered the travel agency.

‘Good day.‘ He walked towards the travel consultant at the desk. 'Please tell me more about this fruit picker offer.‘

‘Well,‘ she said, looking at him curiously, ‘first you’ve got to be over eighteen to do this.‘

‘I am twenty,‘ Sebastian said excitedly.

‘All right,‘ she said with a smile. She looked at her watch. Then she looked at Sebastian. A very attractive young man stood in front of her. Hair almost black and curly, styled in a way none of his peers would have it, she thought. Dark sparkling eyes surrounded by thick eyelashes, and full red painted lips. Soft facial features, almost feminine with white, cleanly shaved skin. He had a perfect physique with muscular arms and wide shoulders.

‘Look, here’s a brochure that explains everything. Read it over the weekend and come back next week if you are still interested.‘

‘Thank you very much.‘ Sebastian couldn’t hide his excitement. ‘You will see me next week.‘ With these words he rushed out of the travel agent’s office, ran across the road back to the park to sit down and read the brochure. He was reading so fast he missed out on words and entire lines. Calm down, he muttered to himself, noticing his fast heart beat. With shaky hands he read the text a second and a third time, absorbing each word and trying to understand the conditions. Slowly the words sank in:

Mango Harvest, September, in Northern Territory, Katherine

Seasonal Harvest Fruit Pickers

We currently have an opportunity for mango pickers to join the team near Katherine, Northern Territory, Australia.

Reporting to the Picking Supervisor, you will be required to pick mangoes in an efficient and productive manner, whilst maintaining excellent quality and hygiene standards.

We will require physically fit people who will be available for an induction starting 1st September. Overseas students welcome.

Positions are limited, so please forward a current resume at your earliest convenience to:

mangotree@fruitpickers.com.au

Sebastian didn’t understand every word, but he knew it was about the picking of mangoes. And that he wanted to leave this place.

When he came home that evening, his mother noticed a new bounce in his step. What had happened to her son that made him look happy? He rushed past her and disappeared to his room for the rest of the night. When she called him down for dinner he declined, saying he wasn’t feeling well. She knew he was up to something, but because her husband wasn’t coming home for dinner either—he was on one of his monthly church meetings—she let the evening pass by quietly reading the Bible.

Sebastian went straight to his laptop to compose a cover letter. He also sent his resume, noting that he was looking for overseas experience to help him decide on what to do next in his studies. Within a minute he received an automated acknowledgement saying he will get a response from the advertiser within the next forty-eight hours.

That night Sebastian could not sleep. He was tossing and turning, thinking non-stop about how he would handle his adventure if it went ahead. But somehow—he didn’t know why—he was feeling it would work out for him. He deserved to become happy again after all his suffering.

In the early morning hours he devised his plan. He would use the savings from his holiday jobs to pay for the flights, accommodation and expenses. For many years he had helped Magda’s dad in his bakery, who paid him generously for his hard work. Sebastian had to prepare dough starting at three in the morning—working through to shop closing at three in the afternoon. Neither the hard work nor the long working hours bothered him. It made him happy to be tucked away in the bakery’s backroom, next to the hot oven, hidden away from the public and away from his friends and parents. At the same time it was like an apprenticeship. Magda’s dad took pride in teaching him his secret recipes of bread making, buns and cakes. His parents were also proud that he learned the baking in addition to his schooling. What his parents thought, however, did not matter to him. It had been his decision to do so, and at the moment he decided to leave his home and his friends to get away from his sad life and to think about himself in peace.

On Monday evening Sebastian found an email from MangoTree Orchards. He was so nervous he missed the right key on his keyboard, and instead of opening the email he shut down his computer entirely and had to wait until it restarted again. After logging in again there it was: MangoTree Orchards was happy to welcome him by the end of August. They advised him to contact the Australian embassy as soon as possible to get a work visa. His contract would be initially for three months with a prospect of extension. His pay would be $16 per hour. Accommodation was provided free of charge. After receipt of his acceptance they would send a contract in an attachment, which required his signature. Sebastian sent a reply at once and accepted their offer.

‘I accept your offer and await your contract for signing. I will arrange to obtain a work visa as soon as possible.‘

It was easier than he thought it would be. The next day he called the Australian embassy, and someone there advised him that he could apply for his visa online. It would take no longer than two weeks to process.

He spent his time working full time at the bakery. Magda’s father asked him to have the weekend off to recover but Sebastian wished to work over weekends as well. The minute he received his six-month work visa, he sent a text message to Magda.

‘Can we meet tomorrow night at seven by the big oak tree?‘

‘Yes, will see you there. I will bring wine.‘

When Magda made her way to the big oak tree the next evening, she knew Sebastian wanted to tell her something important. She had a bad feeling, but couldn’t tell why. Her heart was heavy when she arrived. He sat on the big tree trunk that had blown off during the last storm and nobody bothered to move it. One of his long legs rested casually on top of the other. His posture made her think of Buddha sitting under the fig tree meditating. It was an idyllic place to be that night. The sky was sparkling with stars. There was a mild breeze. The rustling of the grain of the nearby cornfield was barely audible. Magda thought he looked more handsome than ever. She noticed his shining face and a sparkle in his eyes when she walked toward him. He got up and greeted her warmly with a kiss on her cheek and a brief hug.

His throat tightened when he saw her coming. She was wearing the black loose dress he loved on her. It made her look taller than she was. A colorful scarf was thrown around her shoulders. The blue reflected the color of her beautiful eyes. Her lips had a hint of extra color and her long blond hair was tied in a loose ponytail. She looked lovely.

He knew his news about his departure would sadden her. Magda was very attached to him. They sat down next to each other and smiled when Magda produced a well-chilled bottle of expensive champagne. She had intended to bring a bottle of wine, but the occasion was worth the champagne. He popped the cork and while he was pouring their glasses, he said quietly:

‘You know, don’t you?‘

‘Yes.‘ Her eyes filled with tears.

They looked at each other warmly as they had done many times before.

‘To us,‘ she said solemnly.

They took a generous sip of the ice-cold bubbly, feeling the cold liquid going down their tight throats.

‘Excellent champagne.‘

There was a silent pause. He turned to her.

‘Magda, I am going to Australia to pick fruit for a while. I need to have time to myself and think.‘

‘I know what the matter is, Sebastian. I have known all along that you are gay but I wanted you to tell me.‘

He swallowed hard. ‘I am sorry Magda. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t bring it over my lips. I feel insecure talking about this. My parents think it is obscene to be homosexual.‘

‘It is the way we are brought up, Sebastian. Find a way to detach yourself from your parent’s influence.‘

‘It’s easier said than done.‘ Tears flowed down his face. Magda gave him a tissue.

‘I love you,‘ she said without hesitation.

‘I know.‘ They embraced. Their faces touched.

‘I love you too but not in a sexual way.‘

‘I know that too,‘ she said in acceptance. They drank more champagne, enjoying each other’s company in silent harmony.

‘Sebastian, you have to accept who you are, otherwise you will never become true to yourself. Only by accepting what and who you are you will find happiness.‘

‘Thank you.‘ He held her hand.

‘Sebastian, remember that I will always be here for you. Remember I deeply love you. Remember my love when you feel lonely or desperate. Remember you are never alone. I carry you in my heart.‘

After the weekend Magda accompanied Sebastian to the travel agent.

‘There you are,‘ the travel consultant said as if she had waited for him.

She acknowledged Magda with a nod. ‘Are you going with him?‘

‘In my heart, yes.‘

The travel consultant smiled.

Sebastian booked the one-way flight for the last week of August. He would fly via Hong Kong to Darwin, and from Darwin by light plane to Katherine.

As they walked out of the travel agent’s office, Magda turned to him.

‘Sebastian, I am leaving for Hamburg tomorrow to stay a few weeks with my aunt. I can’t be here when you leave.‘

‘I won’t be gone forever,‘ he tried to console her.

‘I have a different feeling about that. You are not made for this world here. Follow your path, my dear Sebastian, and don’t look back.‘

She turned and walked away, shaking, sobbing. He looked in the direction she left until she disappeared behind the next bend. For the first time after his decision to leave he felt a strange emptiness in his heart that stayed with him for a long, long time.

His parents gasped in disbelief when he broke the news. He had waited until three days before his departure. In his mind the short notice would lessen the pressure that would mount on him.

‘But what about your theology degree?‘

‘Who said I want to study theology?‘

‘It’s what we have planned for you since you were born!‘

‘Exactly. That has always been your mistake. Making plans for me.‘

‘But we only mean good for you, boy!‘

‘Will you stop calling me boy? Damn, I am twenty and really no boy anymore!‘

‘Really, Sebastian,‘ his mother said desperately, ‘you don’t know Australia, how will you survive there? You have no overseas experience, no life experience!‘

‘Well, that’s my problem, not yours, mother. For sure I will be happier once I get out of here where no one understands me.‘

‘Please give us a chance to understand you.‘ His father pleaded.

‘You’ve missed your chance. You had twenty years to understand me, but you failed.‘

Both his parents swallowed hard. These were harsh words coming from their son.

‘At least you could have discussed it with us,‘ his mother said. She gave up as she knew her son’s stubbornness.

‘When are you coming back?‘

‘Honestly, I don’t know. My visa is valid for six months.‘

His mother seemed to relax.

‘It is open for extension though,‘ he added coldly.

There was disbelief and shock. The traditional Sunday meal ended halfway through when everyone got up and left the table.

When the day of departure finally came, his parents handed their son a farewell necklace of pure silver with a cross as a pendant. The cross was beautiful and had a lot of detail. It looked very old. The face of Jesus crucified expressed sorrow and pain. Blood flowed from his wounds and down his body. Sebastian was impressed with this special gift. Even though he had left the church, he wore the necklace around his neck under his shirt.