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INTRODUCTION.
Permit me, gentle reader, to briefly explain the genesis of this little book. Starting on my pilgrimage in the too early twilight of life's day, I have often stumbled into dry nulláhs[1]—very dry and dismal, and with very steep sides. And in groping my way to reach the other side, I have badly barked my shins. But it is matter for thankfulness to be able to say that in none of my stumbles have I broken any bones. However bad the fall, I have always managed to pick myself up; and, with the rope thrown by friendly hands, have struggled up the stony hill-side. These "roughs and tumbles" of life have become a part of my nature, and I have often felt a vague sort of conviction that life would be scarcely worth living without some prospect of having to "rough it."
A Poor Beginning.
I began life at twelve, giving private lessons. It was a poor beginning—the task of coaching big hulking lads was so dreary. At sixteen I became a regular teacher. I had seen enough of the world before this—the world of India, of course. I entered upon my new duties, therefore, with hearty interest. The work did not feel a drudgery for some time; but two or three years after, my migratory instincts again asserted themselves. I felt that I wanted a change. I had taught and studied children long enough, and I thought I must now study "children of a larger growth."
A Tempting Offer.
At this time I was offered the joint-editorship of a local (English) weekly. I jumped at the offer, and submitted it to a few friends whom I used to consult on matters beyond my management. These gentlemen, each and all, scouted the idea, and strongly advised me to keep where I was.
My Troubles.
Here began my troubles. I had already been favourably known as a versifier; and with the overweening confidence of youth, thought I had the right and the power to enlighten the public on political and other topics of the day. There was nothing for it, however, but to bow to friends' decision, once having sought their advice. During the next two years I had the most miserable time of it. They made me a morose, disconsolate verse-monster. I scribbled English verses by the yard; and after destroying the bulk of them, ventured to publish a few pieces. But no end of verse-writing could compensate for the glorious chance I had missed of becoming a journalist and public censor. However, I received fresh overtures soon after. This time I gave my elderly advisers to understand that I meant to act for myself, though I should be very glad if I could do so with their consent.
Struggles of a Cheap Newspaper.
It was a cheap weekly, hitherto owned by two partners, cousins, one who had given it money, the other brains. Two more partners were added, my friend N. bringing money, and I supposed as supplying brains. The work was fairly divided—the first proprietor, D., a small clerk, undertook business management. N. was to help D., and also to make himself useful to us—my friend P. and myself—in the literary business. For a week or two all went on smoothly; but we soon felt the necessity of discussing our position. N. was a man of temper, and among other things "compositors" did not take kindly to him. I received frequent complaints as to his harshness; but knowing he had brought us a thousand rupees I could do nothing more than appeal to his good sense. One Saturday night Mr. N. was given a "proof" to read. He corrected it; but instead of entering corrections on the margins, poked his pen into the body of the "composed matter." The compositor almost fainted at sight of the "proof" he had to revise—he could not follow the corrections, and the paper was delayed next morning. On Sunday, when we four proprietors met, I gently asked Mr. N. to be good enough to enter corrections, in future, on the margins of the proof-sheet. N. glared at me for what he took to be an insult, and replied that he had paid 1,000 rupees to be his own master—that he would do just what he liked, and would not be bullied by people who had not contributed a farthing. This sneer was passed over by me; but the co-editor winced under it, and replied hotly to N.'s insinuation. What threatened to be a bad quarrel was, however, soon made up; and we all adjourned to an adjoining hotel to discuss the future of the paper and a substantial breakfast provided for the occasion.
Editorial Vagaries.
But by-and-bye we two editors could not quite agree between ourselves. I was for treatment of social questions chiefly; my friend P. affected politics. We settled this difference by confining each to his own forte. Our ignorance, even in this, was as boundless as was our arrogance. But was it not glorious to criticise and ridicule the highest men in the country? What a privilege for too-early-emancipated school-boys! Nothing could be easier than my share of the literary work: I turned into prose, every week, two of my versified social essays, of which I had a plentiful supply at home. Did poet ever sacrifice his substance as I did, in those days, in the public interests? My sweet sonorous hexameters surrendered bodily to the manipulations of the deity P. D.! No martyr could do more. My friend P. wrote political essays. He was decidedly better-read than I. Certainly he took pains with his essays; but how could a young man of less than twenty overtake topics which baffle the grasp of practised veterans? One day, writing, I believe, of the battle of Plevna, P. asked me what was meant by "the Porte." I said "the Porte" was the Sultan of Turkey's principal wife. P. thought it was only the European title of the Khedive of Egypt. We often thought in that curious way, and often wrote ourselves down, in our own paper, a pair of conceited jackanapes. And when, next morning, we found out our mistake, we accused each other of ignorance, obstinacy, and so on.
Editorial Amenities.
This could not last; and one evening P. suggested, in Council, that our capitalist partners should get a few reference-books for the editor's table. Mr. N. refused to pay four our "extravagance." I submitted, as chairman, that we were neither of us "extravagant," and that Mr. N. was wrong. Hereupon he charged us with indulging in soda-water with office money. P. replied, "If some fellows eat plantains (or bananas) with office money, I don't see why I may not drink a bottle of soda when thirsty." Here, by way of diversion, I suppose, N. said he wanted his thousand rupees back. P. asked him fiercely if he meant really to be so "perfidious." N. replied, with equal ferocity, that he wanted to get rid of "r——ls." "Very well," said P., taking up N.'s new turban and throwing it out of the window, desiring its owner to leave instantly, on pain of being sent after the turban by the same means of exit. But N. did nothing of the sort. He took P. by the throat, and demanded the satisfaction of throwing out his turban. "It is my right, give me my right, you r——l, and then I'll leave." Here they closed. They tugged and lugged, tore each other's hair and clothes, and mauled each other very prettily. It was with the utmost difficulty that the young Tartars could be separated. And the two—once intimate friends and college chums—have never since been on "speaking terms." That evening, in the presence of friends, servants, and neighbours, who had come up on hearing of the fracas, I wept tears of anguish, in my editorial and presidential chair, at all my hopes of fame and fortune having vanished so suddenly and so cruelly.
But crushing as the disappointment was, it enabled me to cast about for some equally powerful distraction. I had long cherished the hope of visiting Gujarát and Káttywár with some definite business views. And having at this juncture received an offer from a friend, I accepted it thankfully.
A Poor Programme.
This personal explanation has been given, reader, to warn you against expecting too much from my book. Now that you know me, I know you will not be too exacting. If you are curious to revel in the luxury of deep and learned research, I must frankly refer you to Oriental Memoirs, Forbes, Briggs, Ferishta, and such others, with whom my acquaintance is slightest of slight, barely sufficient to make me know my place. If you want to refresh, and at the same time to enlighten your mind, you had better turn to the picturesque details of the gifted padre[2] Heber. Should you wish to have correct statistics and authenticated accounts, I could safely recommend you to pore over Mr. J.M. Campbell's famous Gazeteers. In these prodigious results of editorial labour you will find a forest of facts and figures which you can traverse leisurely, till you become another Dr. Hunter,[3] a prince of particulars, a very king of quotations. But if you care to have a fresh account of, perhaps, the least known but most interesting parts of Her Majesty's Indian Empire, of the inner life of an important people, their habits, customs, manners, the moral and social forces at work among them; then you are welcome to these pages, such as they are. You will have to be content with rough, hasty sketches, but generally taken on the spot—sketches from real life. I would not promise you much of system and order—because, you see, this is not an Official Beport. Many of these sketches appeared, at the time, in the Bombay Review, and are all the better for having received a few touches here and there from the very able and accomplished editor. Not a few of them were, indeed, undertaken at the suggestion of that veteran Anglo-Indian journalist. These sketches, and a few more contributed to other papers, are here put into shape, intermixed with extracts from letters to friends and the contents of a rough diary—all strung together on a rather slender narrative thread.
I do not mind confessing, reader, that this is a poor sort of programme. But it is, perhaps, as well it is so. I may also prepare you for a little exaggerated expression, wherever the writer is "intense." But you will not find cause to question my bona fides—in spite of occasional levity, degenerating at times almost into what may appear to be flippancy. I do assure you that no writer meant to be more serious. If you follow my sketchings in the spirit and the letter, if you read between the lines, you will not find them all mere caricatures.
1 ↑ Empty water-courses.
2 ↑ Applied, in India, to all European preachers or priests.
3 ↑ Dr. W.W. Hunter, Director General of Statistic to the Government of India.