Читать книгу An Impossible Thing Called Love - Belinda Missen - Страница 11

8th January 2011

Hi Emmy,

I’m bored.

William.

9th January 2011

Hello Bored,

I’m so glad to hear from you! How are you? And how can you possibly be bored in Paris? Please, go eat some pastries for me.

A very jealous Emmy xo

12th January 2011

Hey yourself,

It goes a little like this, Ems. There’s only so much firewood I can chop before I’m a little sore and achy. I could really go for a massage right now, so I’ve been sitting in front of the fire, reading up on some medical journals, getting some naps in and – when it stops snowing – looking out for pastry. How’s it been settling back into real life? Are you okay?

I have a wee confession to make, if I may, in the way that English people apparently don’t talk about their feelings. So, New Year’s Day? I woke up with the awful realisation that I hadn’t got your details. I pulled my pants up and raced over to the hostel, only to be told your bus had already left. Needless to say, I’m glad you found me at the airport. Really glad.

How was the flight home? What did you say – thirty hours? How the hell do you cope? And what do you do for thirty hours of sitting still? That would drive me spare (though I would absolutely not hesitate to visit).

William.

P.S. Let’s switch to good, old-fashioned letters? My address is below.

2nd February 2011

Lovely William,

Oh, you have no idea how thrilled I was to see you, too. Did you know I ran after you on New Year’s Eve? You’d disappeared around the corner and I thought, ‘Oh, shit!’. So, I tried to follow, like Alice down the rabbit hole, but you’d disappeared. I walked into the first hotel I saw to ask if they’d seen you and was told trying to find a red-head in a Scottish city was a long shot, but good luck with that.

As for the flight home, there were a lot of films on the inflight entertainment. The cabin crew kept us all well fed on starchy foods (sleep inducers that they are), and I read a book that Josh had packed with him. So lucky for that book – it filled Dubai to Sydney nicely.

Do come and visit, you’ll love it. I’m thinking sometime around October when I may or may not have a birthday? The weather will be just nice, and we can hire a car to explore some.

I’m off to the beach this afternoon, after bypassing the bookshop and picking up some textbooks. How’s work going? When does it start? School starts for me in exactly one month. Kind of looking forward to getting it over and done with.

Ready when you are,

Emmy x

28th February 2011

Emsy,

How are you feeling about school today? I know what you mean about getting it done. I’m in this GP office for eighteen months before I move on to the very last stage of my training. They’re a nice bunch. If it keeps going like this, I wouldn’t be offended by returning to this practice as a legit GP. You know, one of those people with a thousand letters after their name that sound all so important? It feels like it’s so close, but so very far. I mean, I can look at how far I’ve come of course, but … well, I’m sure you know what I mean.

I Googled Sydney today. Can we get a ferry ride? I love that you’re so close to the beach. The trusty Thames just doesn’t cut it in terms of bikinis and sun-drenched umbrellas – although, we do try.

I bought a couch over the weekend. To most people that’s not terribly exciting but, for me, it means I no longer have to sit on the floor and watch telly. It’s a comfy little second-hand number from a vintage shop not far from here. I had a friend help carry it home. If you’re ever feeling a little stressed, just imagine two lads walking down the Harrow Road, ancient couch sagging between them, and they happen to prop it up against the wall for a drink at the local – good times!

You’ll be well chuffed to know I delivered a baby today. Well, not technically mine. I didn’t birth it, nor did it come out of me, but I happened to be in the right place at the right time and, if I didn’t know what I was doing beforehand, I do now. The poor woman was in the clinic and, well, there I was. Hats off to any woman that ever wants to put their body through that because I am completely okay with being a boy right now. If I kept a gratitude journal, it might read something like this:

Today I am grateful for: my penis.

W

19th March 2011

Dear William,

I don’t even know where to begin with that statement. Good? I’m glad? Did they not teach you what happens in school? Seriously, congrats on the first birth – in the practice, that is. Your first time is always special, and a time to be cherished, don’t you think? Mine was at the tennis – birth, that is. Get your head out of the gutter. It was spectacularly beautiful, if a little messy.

I’ve just been pulled up in class for laughing at your penis comment. My classmate Craig covered for me – said it was his fault, so I live to see another day of Introduction to Australian Literature. Well done to you for that. The lecturer even asked if we’d both like to leave – whether I wanted to or not, I didn’t want to in front of 200 other people. No thanks. Instead of leave, I figure I’d just sit here and write you a letter.

Do you remember my friends Heather and Josh? Josh of the New Year’s Eve face punch spectacular? About thirty seconds after he’d knocked me to the ground, and Heather found out he’d been hitting on another girl, she realised she was jealous. They’re now dating – and I’m thrilled. How could I not be? The three of us have been friends for years but, now, they’re just … a bit more. I am seriously excited for them. What kind of a shit friend would I be if I wasn’t?

Fun fact: we’re currently reading My Brilliant Career by Miles Franklin. What’s your idea of a brilliant career?

E x

1st April 2011

Hey Fighter,

It’s 11 p.m. – I’ve just opened my mail after a long day, having had a microwave meal and a shower. Not at the same time, of course – chicken cordon bleu (or what bares a slight resemblance to it) doesn’t play well with water.

Thank you for making me laugh – I needed it today. Right now, my idea of a brilliant career is to get out of this GP placement unscathed. I’m exhausted. Off to bed.

First Aid Extraordinaire

14th April 2011

My Favourite First Aid-er,

Get some rest. Lots if you need it.

Come back when you’re feeling up to it.

Emmy xo

P.S. I wasn’t fighting.

3rd May 2011

My Emmy,

You’re officially mine now. I have claimed you, and I’m keeping you. Okay? Okay. Good.

Why do we begin a letter with ‘Dear’? All my bills begin with, ‘Dear William’, and I could swear they don’t actually mean it as a term of endearment.

Thank you so, so much for sending the box of treats. Biscuits, tea bags, a kitschy coffee cup and an ugly tourist magnet – I love it.

You are something else, you know that? I am so sorry I’ve been shit at the letters this month. You’ll be pleased to know you’re at the top of my list with a red star for URGENT.

I was thrilled to get your parcel – both because it kicked me in the backside and reminded me of what I think of about five minutes after leaving work each day, and for the fact that it is amazing and thoughtful. Clippy Koala has found a home above my desk at work – along with one of your photos. I’ll leave you to guess which one.

Mum, Dad, and Jen came to stay last weekend, which was lovely and meant that Mum did all my washing and cooked way more food than I’ll need for the next month (spoilt, I know). Dad helped with a bit of painting, and Jen stole my Wi-Fi and watched telly – so all’s right with the world.

I’m so glad I met you. Have I told you that today?

William. xo

28th May 2011

Lovely William,

Hello! This letter is brought to you by my university library which, sadly, is nothing like Hogwarts. I’m here with Craig working on an essay for Political History. I’m quite sure neither of us know what we’re doing, but we’re going to give it a go anyway.

I’m glad you enjoyed your parcel. They were just some little things I collected along the way.

Last weekend, I did my first volunteer stint since I got home. It was a rock concert, and not a band that I love, but it was nice to get out and about. It made me think of you – have you done any volunteering since Edinburgh? It felt good to get back into it, if I’m honest, so I’ve put my hand up for some more.

Emmy xo

27th June 2011

My Emmy,

Quick catch up – I’m off the grid for a week or so now. Heading up to the Peak District for some camping (drinking), unwinding (not reading textbooks), and doing nothing (true). I hope you’re keeping warm. Enjoy this box of goodies. The teapot reminded me of you. I’m not sure why, but it did, so I thought you should have it. I was shopping with my mum at the time, and she did question why I’d bought it.

Never fear, I’ll be on the lookout for cheap and tacky souvenirs while I camp. Enjoy your care package.

W.

P.S. It’s a negative on the volunteering – too tired/busy/circle appropriate answer.

24th July 2011

You beautiful man,

Thank you – a thousand times, thank you. It’s not every day a girl is spoilt with a Fortnum & Mason tea set. (did you take out a second mortgage for this? It’s so delicate!) You’re way too thoughtful and beautiful and now I need to think of something to send you in return.

It was my last exam today, so this has come at the perfect moment. I have tea steeping as I write this.

And I’ll use the voucher to take my sister out this weekend. Frankie is twelve years older than me, though it sometimes feels like there’s one hundred years between us. She doesn’t live at home, but she’s just broken up with another boyfriend (and I say ‘another’ in the nicest possible way). So, a night out for the both of us will be great, I think. I hope. Maybe I’ll see if Ezra wants to join us, too. He’s the lucky middle child – nine years older than me, but I think he might be busy with his girlfriend and her daughter.

Have the best time while you’re away. I’ll wait for your next mail to arrive – oh, and I’ll send you one, too.

Love,

Emmy x

16th August 2011

Em,

I thought I’d wait until I posted this stuff to send you a letter. Recently, I’ve found I quite enjoy getting things in the mail that aren’t bills. I hope you feel the same.

Great weekend away – brain feels a little recharged, and I got a decent amount of sleep. If I’m honest, all I did on the first day was sleep. Everyone else went hiking and climbing. I stayed back at camp and slept – it was glorious. I ate lots of baked potatoes, drank too much beer, and pondered a few things that are a story for another day.

One of the best parts of our trips is the people we meet. What started as four friends getting away for the weekend has become somewhat of a choose your own adventure. It started when Hamish invited another friend along. Now it’s friends, girlfriends, people I’ve never met before and others who float in and out as occasion needs – and it’s fun. For example, there were fifteen of us this time. The only people I hadn’t met before were Owen, Claire, Angela, and Pip. Pip is a boy, mind you.

Slipped into Sheffield on the way through to pick up a small gift for you. Enjoy.

What are your plans this weekend? Can’t wait to hear from you.

Will x

27th August 2011

My Emmy,

It’s your birthday soon, right? I thought I might try and fly out for it. I’d love to see you again, and I’ve often wondered if our meeting was pure chance, or if there was something more to it. Anyway, I’m going to stop rambling – we can talk about all that when I arrive. I’ve found a hotel, and flights are currently cheap enough. If you have any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace…

W x

5th September 2011

My Favourite William,

YES, PLEASE VERY MUCH THANK YOU OKAY

Now that I’ve breathed into a paper bag and calmed the hell down – yes! I would absolutely love to see you this side of the equator. And for my 21 ^st birthday of all things. That would be an incredibly sweet gesture. I’ll blow off life for a little while and we’ll go exploring.

Oh, and I’ve picked up some work at the local hospital. It’s admin work, but it’s great fun. I think I’ll do a short course on medical terminology. Currently investigating options. It seems more fun than my BA at the moment.

E x

29th September 2011

Lovely Emmy,

So, don’t I feel like an idiot right now. Leave declined. Couldn’t even wrangle a few weeks later in the year. I am so sorry. I’ll just sit in the corner and lick my wounds.

William.

16th October 2011

William,

Please don’t feel the need to apologise. It’s out of your control. We will catch up again, somewhere on this earth. It’s just a matter of things aligning. Hey, maybe if I get punched in the nose again, you’ll appear. I can’t say I’m keen to repeat that experience though.

Off to a party tonight, wish me luck!

E x

12th November 2011

My Emmy,

It feels a little strange to say it’s been so long since we’ve talked. One thing I did notice? I’ve missed it – and I know that it’s my fault. I’ve been working and socialising, got a bit of late autumn camping in, and have been studying until it feels like my eyes are about to drop out of my head.

The end of first year is fast approaching for you – how do you think you’ve fared? And are you enjoying it? I know we talked about moving sideways into medicine (despite how tired I am, I do love it – please don’t let that put you off). Have you had any leads on night school? I’m keen to hear about that – please keep me updated. I’ll send you a book if you like. I’m going to send it to you anyway. It was a great help to me, so I’m sure you’ll find it useful.

Recently, someone’s asked to rent one of my spare rooms. They’ll be working in London soon and will need a place to stay. Problem is, I don’t mind the peace and quiet when I get home. Upside is I can charge rent, I suppose, and that’ll help with the mortgage. What do you think?

I found this great little eatery nearby that I’m going to take you to one day. Best pho ever. It’s just off the Harrow Road, near home. Have you been to your favourite sandwich shop lately? I look forward to the day I can (finally) get there and shout you lunch.

I’m off to bed for the night, but look out for the postcard I sent you from our camping trip.

Yours,

William x

1st December 2011

My William,

Corn-wall. It’s been ten minutes and I haven’t stopped laughing. My mum snatched the postcard from me and wanted to know who sends postcards like that. Ha!

So, what would you say if I came to visit instead? I have a job now (because that doesn’t make me sound like a bum at all), so I could grab a cheap ticket, stay in a hostel. Maybe we could meet in Edinburgh for New Year’s? Or, maybe after New Year’s? I think it’s a bit late to organise a New Year’s trip now.

Let me know,

E x

10th January 2012

Ems,

Yes, to all the above except the hostel. I have plenty of room here. It’s staggering how big this place is for just me. Now, I did buy it with the future in mind, and I do have a lodger now, but there is still plenty of room here. I’ll make up one of the spare rooms, and we can work out what happens from there. Just buy the ticket and let me know when you’ve booked for. I’ll meet you at Heathrow.

Gotta run, but wanted to let you know that it’s a very big yes from me.

Will x

27th February 2012

William!

I am laughing so much right now. I squealed so loudly at your email that Craig and I got kicked out of a lecture. For real, this time. In front of everyone, and I laughed all the way out the door and into the halls. Don’t care, too busy being excited. Let’s make this happen! I’m going to put together my London Bucket List. I know, I know, bucket list makes it sound morbid, but it’s a list of places I want to see and things I want to eat.

So, shoot me some recommendations.

Much love,

Emmy.

15th March 2012

My lovely Emmy,

I love the idea of the bucket list. If you get it through to me early enough, I’ll work out a rough itinerary. How long are you thinking of staying for? A week? Two? A month? Let me know all of that and I’ll work around it. I’ll show you all my favourite ‘outside London’ spots, too.

William.

31st March 2012

Dear Mr Tour Guide,

I’ve attached a mini-list of everywhere I think I should go. I want all the kitschy, flag-waving tourist experiences. I want high teas and night-time cocktails, fancy theatres and bus tours. Buckingham Palace is open in the summer, right? Let’s go there, too. Have you been?

What do you think of my list?

Emmy.

20th April 2012

Hey there,

Just checking in to see if you got my last email? I’m guessing you’re run off your feet now, so that’s why you’ve been quiet. It’s okay. I’ve been dealing with some stuff here, too.

Dad’s not well. The idiot went and had a heart attack, so we’re all sitting in the hospital waiting room at the moment. The doctors think he’ll be okay, so that’s a good thing, right?

Can I ask you something? I know we’ve always emailed or posted, but can I call you? I need someone to talk to about this, and I think you’re the only one who’d make sense. You know, being a doctor and all.

Looking forward to hearing your voice.

E xo

15th May 2012

William,

Okay. I’m getting worried now. I have no other way of contacting you. Heather checked Facebook and can’t find you. Are you okay?

Emmy.

21st June 2012

William,

I’m not sure what’s going on. I hope it’s that you’re busy and you’re kicking ass at your job. Saving lives and taking names, right?

I have some news. Heather and Josh are moving to London in January. They’ve both picked up work, and they’re flying high. I’m a little jealous, and a whole lot of sad but, more than anything, I’m excited for them. Her career is kicking along nicely, and I’m so proud of her. I’ll miss them both terribly, but it’s a good excuse to visit, right?

Are you okay?

Emmy.

3rd August 2012

William,

Where are you?

Emmy.

I tried one last time to send an email.

This message was created automatically by mail delivery software.

A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed:

william.scott@southlandclinic.co.uk

No Such User Here

***

When Dad was sick, William was the one person I would have trusted over anecdotal websites, misinformed family, or sanitised for the public doctors. Talking to him, though we hadn’t physically spoken to each other in almost eighteen months at the time, would have put my mind at ease and pointed me in the right direction. And when my two best friends decided to pack up and move to London, he was the one person I thought I could count on for … something. What I hadn’t counted on was this. This was cold, and it hurt.

I tried to email from another address, but that one bounced back, too. Good to know it wasn’t just me, then. I went so far as to check the local phone directory. The results page was blank. Facebook offered me a whole heap of blonds and brunettes, but no flame-haired Londoners. I was shit out of luck.

Thinking about it constantly only turned sadness to anger, and when I finally got past that point, I wanted to be done with the reminders of that holiday and the months afterward that were tacked to walls of my bedroom. I removed the photos, postcards, and notes, and placed them in a box along with all the trinkets, toys, mugs, and books he’d sent. William had been relegated to a box underneath my bed.