Читать книгу The Littlest Wrangler - Belinda Barnes - Страница 9

She’d grown up in hand-me-downs, had a baby alone and left the only man she had ever loved, but this was the hardest thing Kelly Mathews had ever done.

“James, this is Will. Your son.”

No, that wasn’t right, either.

She pulled her hand away from the doorknob to James Scott’s equine veterinary clinic and marched back to her truck, her baby braced on her hip. She couldn’t face the father of her child until she had it right. But what could she possibly say to make him understand why she hadn’t told him he had a child?

She wouldn’t lie. A lie is what had gotten her into this whole mess. Well, not exactly a lie so much as withholding the truth. Not telling James about Will before now had been a doozy of a mistake. It certainly wasn’t the first one she’d ever made, but most definitely the biggest, second only to falling in love with Dr. James Scott. Her best friend.

Kelly’s head pounded as Will wriggled, wanting down. A wave of dizziness washed over her, forcing her to lean against the dented front fender of her truck. She tightened her hold on her child and tried to rein in her escalating fear that something was terribly wrong with her. Something that might take her from her son.

She pushed off from the faded-blue pickup and crossed the thick carpet of grass, lush and green from Texas’s spring rains. If she didn’t keep moving, she’d fall asleep on her feet. And she had to talk to James before that happened.

It was now or never.

Kelly sucked in a deep breath and squared her shoulders. As she pushed open the office door, she vowed her sweet baby’s future would include his father.

As she took one step inside the veterinary clinic, her gaze settled on James standing across the room, head down, making an entry in a file. Memories of their one night together rushed at her, followed by the pain of all the lonely nights that had come after. Tears of what might have been stung her eyes, but she blinked them away, determined to see this through for her baby’s sake.

James wore faded jeans, scarred boots and spurs, an indication he was probably on his way to the rodeo. The trophy buckle he’d won three years ago glistened against the denim shirt that covered his washboard abdomen, a sure sign he intended to do a little honky-tonking after his ride.

Even after all this time she still hated that buckle. It served as a neon light, flaunting his need to compete, his need to take foolish risks and avoid commitment. It also served as a reminder of why she’d had to leave, when in his arms was the only place she’d ever wanted to be.

She tried not to stare at James, but found herself looking at where his jeans met his boots. Then her gaze traveled up the muscled length of his long legs. Everything about the man—his confident stance and his angular jaw—screamed Bad Boy.

He hadn’t changed.

And neither had the way he set her heart to pounding.

Kelly met his dark gaze. His face mirrored his surprise. For a long moment he said nothing but watched her with eyes the color of warm whiskey kissed by the Texas sun, eyes that touched her as thoroughly as his hands once had. He appraised her in a leisurely manner, eliciting unguarded feelings she’d given in to once, feelings she knew she shouldn’t acknowledge. But it had been so long since she’d last seen him, and she had missed him so.

What a fool she’d been to think she could waltz in here and see James again and be okay. Well, she wasn’t okay. And she didn’t know if she ever would be.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” He dropped the folder and pen on a nearby desk and sauntered toward her, his lips turning up in a devilishly sexy smile, the same smile that had captured her heart. “It’s about time you showed up again.”

She wondered if James would still be smiling once he learned why she’d returned and if he would give her a chance to explain.

As though reading her mind, he bent to glance at Will. “Hey, buddy. How are you doing?”

Their son hunched one shoulder and buried his face in the curve of Kelly’s neck.

She gave Will a reassuring squeeze. “He’s a little shy.”

James straightened and sent her a questioning look. “Who’s this little fella?”

The sound of the air conditioner, the faint country music, served as a backdrop to his sudden silence while he stood waiting, watching, thinking only God knew what. She struggled to contain her anxiety.

“Kelly?” He tilted her chin with his forefinger and looked into her eyes.

She didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to see the anger on his face. But most of all, she couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him any more than she already had.

Reminding herself why she’d returned, she forced back her apprehension. “This is Will, someone I want you to know. H-he’s my son.”

Something like disappointment clouded James’s eyes. “So you’re married?”

“No. Will’s two years old. He was born the fifth of May, two years ago.”

She watched him digest that, could see the wheels turning in his head as he mentally did the math. And she waited.

Fear made her tremble. Fear of what he would say, of the effect on her son. Had she made a wrong decision over two years ago? No, not about leaving. She’d had no choice. But she should have told James about Will a long time ago. He’d had a right to know.

Kelly locked her knees against the weariness that threatened to buckle her legs. She prayed James wouldn’t blame their child for what she had done. She prayed that he would grow to love Will. And she prayed he never discovered that, even after everything that had happened between them, after what she’d done, her feelings for him had never changed.

James’s smile faded. His eyes narrowed in question, shifting from her to Will, then back. “Are you telling me—”

“Will is your child.”

His child.

James Scott stood frozen. He had to remind himself to breathe. His head buzzed as if he’d taken a hard fall off the back of a bronc. The country music playing on the radio behind him faded into the background as her words hung in the air between them.

If he’d seen even a hint of a smile, he would suspect this to be one of the pranks they’d always played on each other, but the fear and exhaustion in Kelly’s eyes told him otherwise.

Her betrayal twisted his gut into a tight knot. “Why, Kelly? What made you think you had the right to keep this from me?”

She flinched. “I didn’t think—”

“You’ve got that right. You didn’t think or you would have known how I’d feel, what I’d say.”

“If you’ll just give me a chance to explain—”

“Why should I? You didn’t give me a chance,” he said, not allowing her the opportunity to defend her actions. He managed to keep his voice low enough not to frighten the boy. “And why are you telling me now?”

Her face was as pale as the white T-shirt she wore over a pair of blue jeans. She swayed, and he caught her elbow.

He muttered a curse. “You okay, Kel?” he asked, surprised at how calm his voice sounded when anger still pounded in his ears.

“I’m a little tired is all.” She stepped away from his touch, then looked from him to the child in her arms. “This is William James. He goes by Will.” Her eyes turned soft and warm as they lingered on the boy.

He studied the child’s chocolate-brown eyes, thick mahogany hair and olive complexion—too many similarities to ignore.

The boy watched him from the security of Kelly’s arms. Their eyes met and held until the toddler lowered his head against Kelly’s breast.

Something shifted in James’s chest, flooding him with an intense need to protect and something else he wasn’t sure he wanted to examine. “You should have told me before you left.”

“I didn’t know then.” She stifled a yawn.

He caught Kelly’s elbow and steered her to a chair, her arm fragile in his hand. “Let’s sit down where we can talk, before you fall asleep on your feet.”

Kelly sat on the edge of the chair. “I’m sorry. I’ve studied hard the past two weeks, even pulled several all-nighters. I loaded the truck yesterday after my last final and drove straight through from College Station to Willow Grove.” She tried to hide another yawn behind her hand. “I’m really, really tired, but I had to tell you.”

“Look, we’ve got some things we need to talk about, but you can barely keep your eyes open. Why don’t we go to my place? You can sleep for a while, then we’ll talk.” It would give him some time to think this whole thing through. After he cooled off.

She stood and blinked several times, as if focusing was difficult. “No, there’s so much to explain, so much I need to say. Just let me go splash some cold water over my face.”

He caught her arm when she tried to pass him. “Kel, I’ve already waited a couple of years. I reckon I can wait a while longer.” Maybe by then he would have regained control of the old feelings that had suddenly resurfaced. It was almost as if she’d never left. Only, he knew she had.

And now he knew she had also betrayed him.

The child began to fuss, and Kelly kissed his brow. “Just a second, sweetie, and we’ll leave.” She gave James an apologetic smile. “There’s a hotel not far from here where Will and I can get a room.”

“There’s no need for that,” he said, wondering at her reluctance to go home with him. Maybe it made her feel uncomfortable to go back to the place where they’d made love. “Look, Kel, you don’t need—”

“Thanks, but I can’t impose on you and your, uh, roommate.”

“Roommate?” Why would she think he had a roommate? He’d never had one before. “You care to explain that?”

When the child began to squirm, she shifted him to her other hip. “I assume you have someone living with you, James, that’s all.”

“Someone? You mean a woman?”

“No, James, I meant a tractor,” she said, her lips turning up in a grin that wavered, then slipped away as her eyes settled on him. “Of course I mean a woman.”

He had no intention of telling her he had only gone out twice since she’d left. Both times he had known five minutes into the date that it wouldn’t work. Because neither of the women had possessed Kelly’s quick wit or her sassy mouth. And neither had made him feel the way she did. “No, Kel, there’s no one.”

“Oh.”

“So will you go home with me now?”

When she didn’t answer right away, he said, “Come on. I’m not the big bad wolf. I’ll behave.”

Despite struggling to keep her eyes open, she smiled. “You forget I know you.”

“Can’t blame a fella for trying.” He lifted the restless child from her arms. Funny how holding Will seemed almost natural. He chalked it up to holding Cal’s daughter, Jessie, on more than one occasion. But this was different. This was his son.

He’d missed out on so much. As bad as he hated to admit it, he’d missed her while she’d been away at vet school. He’d missed the way she’d always pestered him, how she’d dragged stray cats and dogs to the clinic during off time and how she’d restored order to his disorderly life. But that was before she’d run out on him. Before this unthinkable deception.

James could see Kelly was exhausted. Her clothes hung on her as if she’d recently lost weight. She’d always pushed herself until she dropped, forgetting to eat, functioning on very little sleep.

As he led her outside, he circled his arm about her waist to steady her. She was so thin he could have spanned her waist with his hands. Half-asleep, she paused beside him while he locked the clinic door.

James noticed the slump of her shoulders, as if she bore the weight of the world—but then, Kelly always had. The sun low on the horizon revealed dark shadows beneath eyes that had once sparkled with life. Lines of exhaustion bracketed lips that used to smile without effort.

Her keeping the child a secret angered him, but his immediate concern was her welfare, because, as usual, it looked as though she’d taken care of everyone except herself.

The struggling child in his arms proved there was a side to her he didn’t know—a side capable of harboring painful secrets. For the time being he’d have to be content to know that by this time tomorrow he would have answers.

“Kel, you’re not in any shape to drive. Get in and scoot over. I’ll drive your truck and come back tomorrow to get mine.”

She gave him a smile that slid into a yawn. “I see you’re still as hardheaded as ever, James Scott, but I’m too tired to argue. You can drive, but take it easy. I’ve got Matilda in the horse trailer.”

“You still hauling that broken-down nag around?”

“She’s family.” Kelly leaned against the pickup’s fender. He hurried to steady her and lowered the boy to the ground, careful to see the child had his balance before he lifted Kelly and settled her inside the truck. When Will began to fuss, James picked him up and walked to the passenger’s side where he strapped the toddler into his car seat. He found a cup with a top and a built-in straw in the seat and stuck it in his mouth.

James circled her truck and horse trailer. Both had been junkers five years ago when Kelly had first come to work for him and his partner, Cal, at the veterinary clinic. They still were.

After checking the trailer hitch, he opened the driver’s door and paused. The end of Kelly’s long braid hung over her shoulder. Wild tendrils of gold had escaped the uneven plait and danced in the warm May breeze carrying the smell of a nearby hay field through the open windows. His hands itched to smooth the strands back into place.

So many times he’d thought of her. He had set out more than once to find her, but each time had come back empty-handed. Now it was as if she’d never left. As if everything was the same.

Except for the child.

And the lie.

After moving a blue notebook from the seat to the floor, James eased her over to sit between him and the boy. Reaching across her, he hooked her seat belt. Awareness swirled around him, beckoning him with her sweetness. He set his jaw, determined to ignore the familiar scent imbedded in his mind. He needed to keep a clear head, something he’d never been able to do around her, until they hashed things out.

He put the truck in gear and eased out the clutch. As he pulled away from the clinic, his attention on the trailer behind him, Kelly slid closer to him, her head nuzzling his shoulder.

James glanced at her. “From the looks of you, it definitely would have been a mistake to let you drive.”

“We made one mistake,” she mumbled, more asleep than awake. “We can’t afford to make another.”

He wasn’t sure whether she meant their one night together or the child. Either way, he wanted to argue the point with her, but she was already out.

He didn’t understand how she could have kept news of her pregnancy from him. She had never been one to play games. The only person who had more rules than Kelly was his dad, and, like the sergeant major, she lived by every stinking one of them.

Considering that, he cursed under his breath and glanced around her to the boy. Though Kelly had passed out, he should have been the one to faint dead away, after learning he was the father of a two-year-old.

Will offered Kelly his cup. When she didn’t move, the toddler cocked his head to one side and said, “Mama night-night.”

Warmth spiraled through James. “Yeah, Will. Mama’s gone night-night.”

The kid nodded and caught the straw with his mouth, then settled back to watch James, wariness in his eyes, the same sort of uncertainty James now felt.

As he turned the pickup onto the county road leading to his land, he couldn’t help but wonder if Kelly hadn’t told him because she’d believed him irresponsible. A rush of anger accompanied that thought, and he tightened his hands on the steering wheel. Well, she’d made her last sole decision where Will was concerned.

From here on out, James would have a say in his son’s future.

The bark of a dog somewhere outside drew Kelly from a deep sleep. She stretched and yawned, then turned on her side. The scent of potent male emanated from the pillow.

Kelly blinked several times before her eyes focused on framed photographs of horses against antique-white walls. A portable TV sat at an odd angle on the nightstand surrounded by stacks of veterinary medicine books and magazines.

She bolted into a sitting position and looked around. He had taken her to his bed. Again. Though last time she’d willingly followed him. Somehow she didn’t remember the bed being so big…or lonely.

Even cloaked in darkness, with soft light slipping through the closed curtains, she recognized his bedroom. She’d memorized every detail during their one time together—the night his gentle touch and honeyed words had broken down her defenses. The night she had given in to the secret love she’d harbored for her best friend. The night she had turned her back on the principles that had been the only constant in her life for as long as she could remember.

Dogs barked again somewhere outside, and the sound of Will crying came through the closed door. Kelly’s arms and legs felt heavy, but she yanked back the covers and jumped to her feet, thankful she still had on her clothes from the day before. Set into action by a deeply ingrained maternal instinct, she hurried to the door, wondering how long she had slept and whether Will was okay.

Her son’s fussing grew louder as she dashed down the hall. She knew instinctively that the man she’d once idolized could handle a two-year-old. She’d watched James work on injured horses and knew he always exercised the utmost care and responsibility. But was James with Will? The need to see for herself that her son was unhurt spurred her forward. Heaven only knew what Will had gotten into while she’d slept. The possibilities made her stomach churn.

Pulse racing, Kelly skidded to a stop as she entered the kitchen. Relief surged through her. She caught the door frame and drew a ragged breath.

Across the room her son knelt on a heavy oak chair pulled up to the open fridge. James stood beside him, dressed in jeans and a chambray shirt with cuffs rolled up to the elbow. Her gaze locked on his muscled forearms, then dropped to his standard, scuffed boots. She couldn’t help but wonder if those were the same boots he hadn’t managed to get off before they’d made love that first time. They hadn’t gotten as far as his bed, either. At least not the first time.

Or the second.

She closed her eyes and tried to ground herself. She’d forgotten how his towering height, his mile-wide shoulders and his to-die-for smile had always affected her.

They still did.

But it was so much more than just the way he was put together and what he did for denim. Her feelings for him ran deep and extended beyond their one night of lovemaking. Her continued longing for him was fueled by the memory of his tenderness and the things he’d said. That she was beautiful. That he wanted her.

He had said things that almost made her forget she had spent most of her life feeling unwanted.

She opened her eyes as James pulled a cardboard box off a wire shelf and offered Will something shriveled and dried. “What about pizza?”

Kelly started to protest, but Will pushed the food away while fussing and jabbering unintelligibly. She recognized her son’s renewed cries were caused by anger and frustration, probably from not getting his way. The only person more stubborn than Will was James. Again her thoughts whirled back to the night they had created Will. After the second time they’d made love, James had tried to tell her they needed to stop, because he didn’t want to hurt her. Kelly smiled at the memory. She’d been shamelessly persistent. Afterward she had been glad she’d broken down his resistance. That one night was all she’d had with him. It was all she would ever have.

Muttering, James tossed the pizza box behind him onto the table, barely visible beneath a pile of discarded items—the same table where he’d made slow, mind-shattering love to her the first time. “You’ve already polished off the only soda I had. That leaves a six-pack of beer, and you can’t have that.”

Will slid to the floor and kicked. When he wanted something, he wanted it immediately.

“Yeah. No offense, partner, but you’re a might young for beer.”

Will sniffled and toddled over to James, catching the leg of his jeans at knee level.

Something in Kelly’s chest shifted. She had known seeing James again would be difficult. But nothing had prepared her for the sight of father and son together. Regret filled her soul. She gulped a shaky breath before squaring her shoulders.

Kelly reminded herself that James had always been and probably still was a free spirit, not at all the commitment type. She would do well to remember why she’d left. But this wasn’t about her.

Would James resent her for tying him down? Was he ready to raise a child, ready for that kind of commitment? These were the same questions she had asked herself when she’d made the decision not to tell him she was pregnant.

But there was no one else to raise Will should the need arise.

“All right, Will.” James closed the refrigerator door and sat on the floor beside his son. “I reckon it’s time to wake your mama.”

Will crawled into James’s lap, and the cowboy looked a little ill at ease as he held his son.

“I’m awake.”

Will rushed at her, his bare feet slapping against the wood floor. She released the door frame and scooped him up into her arms. He snuggled against her shoulder, quiet and content for the moment. “Hey, sweetie. Have you been good?”

With his head buried in the curve of her neck, Will nodded.

Kelly sensed James watching her and tried not to look at him but failed. The cowboy still had the knack of disarming her with nothing more than a glance—and that glance had her remembering the rumpled bed they had fallen into the third time they’d made love.

As if reading her mind, James’s heated gaze started at her feet and worked its way up, lingering here and there, making her pulse race and her temperature rise. His brown eyes darkened as they had that night—the night she had tried so hard to forget. But the memory of his unhurried touches and lingering kisses was forever seared in her mind.

Kelly stiffened. She didn’t want to recall the gentleness of his callused hands, the way she’d responded to his touch, or the way his mouth had ignited flames that had consumed her.

No. She absolutely refused to think of that night again, but how could she forget when James kept looking at her like that?

“I—I’m sorry I couldn’t stay awake,” she said. “Thanks for watching Will.”

James shrugged and pushed to his feet, his seductive eyes never leaving her. “After I shower, we’ll head into town for some breakfast. I’ve had all night to think about us and what happened—”

“There is no us, James. There never was,” she said, the lie bitter on her tongue. “It was just sex between consenting adults, that’s all. And only the one night.” Kelly was sickened by her deceit and tried to walk past him, but he blocked her path, his nearness making her heart pound. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get Matilda out of the trailer and feed her.”

He touched her arm, then let his fingers trail down to her wrist, sending shock waves through her body. “We put her in the barn last night with my horses and went out earlier to feed the old nag. The boy seemed to get a kick out of that.”

“Thanks,” she said, cursing the wobble in her voice.

James watched her, his eyes clouding over like a summer storm. “I want answers, Kel. I don’t think you can convince me that what you did was right, but I’m willing to listen…after I shower.” James caught the front tails of his shirt and yanked. The snaps popped open, and as if drawn by a homing device, her gaze became riveted to his tanned chest and the dusting of dark hair.

“I’ll hurry,” he said as he strode past her and down the hall, his faded jeans caressing his backside with every fluid shift of his slender hips.

Her thoughts shattered. Kelly pulled a chair away from the table with a shaking hand and lowered herself, careful not to wake Will who had fallen asleep in her arms. She had convinced herself she would be immune to James’s blatant sexuality. Grabbing an envelope off the table to use as a fan, Kelly admitted she might have been wrong. Even though there were subtle differences in him, she had done the right thing by leaving. James was still too gorgeous for his own good. He oozed more sex appeal than should be legal. Still, he was Will’s father.

She cringed, knowing she shouldn’t blame everything on James. He couldn’t help how he looked or the way females threw themselves at him. She had watched him trying to put them off without hurting their feelings; he really was a good man. And living with James would be a sight better than having Will grow up in foster care with nothing but rejection and loneliness as his companions—if something happened to her.

She knew all about loneliness. It had sent her into James’s arms even though she’d seen him shy away from commitment with other women. After he’d made love to her, she had refused to cling to him the way some had tried. Unwilling to watch him withdraw emotionally from her, she had decided that for once in her life she wouldn’t be the one left behind and hurting. So, she’d done the only thing she could do—she’d left.

Kelly shifted Will on her lap and breathed in James’s scent that lingered on her son. Their son.

Odd she should be here now, seeking the aid of the fun-loving man she’d tried so hard to forget, but he was Will’s father. And she had no one else to turn to. Over her lifetime she’d made a lot of rules that she observed diligently. Coming back, speaking to James, meant breaking rules sixteen and seventeen, but there had been no other way. She couldn’t bear the thought of Will ending up alone. She wanted him to know James’s love.

Even if she never would.