Читать книгу His Special Delivery - Belinda Barnes - Страница 11

Cal paced outside the neonatal isolation unit. He’d walked this strip of gray tile for three hours now, waiting to hear something about Jessie.

He needed to see if Sara still slept, but kept putting it off, not wanting to face her until he had news about the baby. Also, he had to rein in the feelings that had nothing to do with wanting to protect her and the baby.

An admissions clerk swished toward him. She stuck a clipboard under his nose. “We need your signature on these forms, Dr. Tucker.”

The clerk’s stiff demeanor annoyed Cal. “What are they?”

“Routine forms for the administration office. They’re acknowledgment of your responsibility to pay.” She thrust a pen toward him.

He shook his head. “Sara needs to sign those.”

The doors beside him burst open. A short, gray-haired man tugged down the blue mask covering his mouth and nose and let it hang around his neck. Glancing at Cal, he asked, “Dr. Tucker?”

Tension knotted Cal’s shoulders. “Yes.”

The clerk cleared her throat as she blocked Cal’s path. “Your signature, please.”

Cal glanced toward the doctor, then snatched the pen from the irritating clerk.

Once he’d scrawled his name on the lines indicated, the clerk took the clipboard and pen and slipped away.

The man in scrubs extended his hand toward Cal. “I understand you performed the delivery on the side of the road.”

Cal shook the offered hand. “I didn’t have much choice. How is Jessie?”

“She’s fine. You’ve got yourself a real fighter in there.”

Cal wondered at the sense of pride that filled him. “What happened?”

“She aspirated amniotic fluid during the delivery, which caused her some difficulty breathing. We want to observe her closely for a couple of hours. If all continues to go well, she can go home the day after tomorrow.”

Relief rushed through Cal, but nagging doubts still troubled him. “Did I do something wrong that caused this trouble?”

The doctor patted Cal’s shoulder. “No, son. You did a fine job. It just happens sometimes.”

The guilt he’d struggled with since the nurse’s call eased. “Will there be any lingering problems from this?”

“It’s hard to tell this soon. Sometimes there are some respiratory problems for a while. Each case is different. Just keep a close eye on her and call her pediatrician if she has any trouble.”

“Thanks.” After the doctor left, Cal headed for Sara’s room, suddenly anxious to tell her the good news.

He heard the commotion before he rounded the corner. Sara staggered toward him, pushing her IV pole, clearing a path down the hall, a nurse hot on her heels.

The nurse tried to bar Sara’s way. “You’ve got to go back to your room.”

Sara glanced at Cal, a look of utter torment and despair on her face. Her soft bottom lip trembled. Tears streamed down her freckled cheeks and dripped from her chin.

Suddenly she was in his arms. He didn’t know how it had happened, only that she was there. Cal absorbed the sobs that racked her body and hugged her tightly, bending down to bury his face in her soft hair. He would leave in a moment, but for now… “Shh, Sara, it’s okay.”

He straightened, trying to ignore how good she felt pressed against him. Cal wanted to pull back so he wouldn’t feel her softness, but he couldn’t. Instead, he shifted from one foot to the other and did his best to comfort her while ignoring his body’s immediate response to her nearness.

“Can you talk with her, please?” the nurse asked. “She’s still under sedation and too unsteady to be out here.” Her tone softened. “I know the waiting is difficult, but as soon as we hear something about the child’s condition, we’ll let you know.”

“It’s okay,” Cal said. “I’ll take her to her room.” He reached for Sara’s elbow, but she shoved his hand away, surprising him with her strength.

“Get away from me. I’m not budging until someone tells me what’s going on with my baby.”

She hobbled around him, wincing as she went. Cal turned in time to catch the tail end of her gaping hospital gown, trying not to notice her long, coltish legs as he pulled her to a stop. “Sara, wait. I just left the doctor.”

She spun to face him, catching the back of her gown to hold it closed. “How is she?”

“Jessie’s fine. Now, let’s go back to your room, and I’ll tell you everything.”

Her lower lip trembled again, and she walked back into his arms. Cal held her against him and settled his chin on the top of her head. Her shoulders shook, and he patted her awkwardly, stirring the air, which teased his nostrils with her sweetness.

He shouldn’t want to hold her. He shouldn’t need to comfort her. And he shouldn’t like it this blasted much.

“Come on, Sara. Let’s get you back to bed.” The sight of this strong woman coming all undone, a woman who had just gone through natural childbirth on the side of the road, touched something deep inside him.

Sara tipped her head back to meet his gaze. “I have to see her, to touch her. Please, Cal, I need to know she’s okay.” The soft, warm quality of her voice beckoned him.

Cal took a step back and cleared his throat. “The doctor wants to keep Jessie under close observation for a few more hours. When it’s safe, they’ll bring her to you. But we have to go back to your room. That’s where they’ll call.”

He turned Sara around and, with his arm about her slumped shoulders, guided her down the hall. She leaned against him, her arm circling his waist as if his strength might be the only thing holding her upright.

Cal didn’t want to get drawn into her problems, but Sara needed someone strong to depend on for a while. He told himself he could do at least that much without getting any more involved.

Though Tiffany had assured him it was over between them, he still needed some time to think through everything, to reevaluate the direction of his life. The last thing he wanted was to get tangled up with another woman.

Sara relaxed against him, her breast pressing into his side. He did his best to ignore the way she made him feel and his sudden need to hold her tighter. Now that they knew Jessie was safe, he probably should leave.

When they entered her room, he urged Sara toward the bed. This should have been one of the happiest days of her life, a time shared with someone she loved. Instead, her daughter was in isolation. And Sara was here with him—a man incapable of love—because some scumbag who didn’t rate being called a man had walked out on her.

Cal had learned early in life about broken dreams and disappointments. That she’d had to deal with the same feelings of defeat and failure ate at him. Sara deserved a man who would take care of her, worship her, love her. For one insane moment his control slipped, and he wished he could be that kind of man.

But he knew he wasn’t and never would be.

The next morning Sara pushed the breakfast tray aside and sat on the edge of the hospital bed, her heart broken. “This is all my fault. I should have left home sooner.”

Cal leaned against the wall, arms folded over his chest, legs crossed at the ankles. He listened and frowned.

“I waited too long to start for the hospital, then my darned car wouldn’t start.” Sara pushed a lock of hair back from her face. “I don’t think I can bear the thought I might be to blame for Jessica’s breathing problems.”

“You did what you thought best.”

The bitter taste of defeat filled Sara’s mouth. Every day since Gary had walked out, the fight to survive had grown more difficult. At first it was almost as if he’d taken everything good with him. But now she knew that, too, was a lie. Using pretty words and a too-sexy smile, Gary had made her think things were great. Eventually she’d seen through the illusion he’d painted.

Now she had a reason to go on. Jessica was the only good and decent thing left in Sara’s life. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks, but she couldn’t summon the energy to wipe them away.

The adrenaline rush she’d felt after Jessica’s birth had deserted her. The need to lie down and curl into a ball tugged at her, but she refused to give in.

Cal cocked his head to the side and looked at her. “Listen to me, Sara. Dr. Moore said this deal with Jessie is just one of those things that happens sometimes. None of it is your fault.”

“I’d never intentionally do anything to harm Jessica.”

“I know you wouldn’t.”

Sara bowed her head. She hadn’t had a chance to get to know her own mother, who had died in childbirth. She’d had no mothering, no one to learn from until the fourth grade when her father had returned to the rodeo circuit, sending Sara to live with her maternal grandmother. Despair settled like a rock in her stomach. “Maybe I’m not fit to be a mother.”

Cal pushed away from the wall and ambled toward her, his boot heels marking off the distance between them, his musky cologne embracing her. He paused beside her. “I never figured you for a quitter.”

Her head snapped up and she glared at him. “I’m not.”

He caught a tear running down her cheek on the tip of his finger and looked at her, his eyes filled with challenge. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Sara didn’t know why she even bothered to argue with the cowboy. “I’m not crying. It’s postpartum depression. Surely you’ve heard of it.”

“You know,” he said, giving her a cocky grin that deepened the dimples bracketing his mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a mare suffering from that particular malady.”

A warming sensation wound its way through her. She wondered about this man who seemed so different from any she’d known.

The door opened, and Jessica’s cries filled the room as a nurse maneuvered a bassinet inside. Sara’s heart swelled. When she tried to ease off the bed, Cal clasped her about the waist and lowered her to stand on the floor. She pushed his hands aside. “Quit it. I’m not helpless.”

“Never thought you were.”

She dismissed him and hurried to her child as fast as her sore body would allow.

The nurse pointed to a chair. “Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll hand your child to you.” After Sara complied, she settled Jessica in Sara’s arms and smiled. “If you need anything, hon, just ring the nurses’ station.” The woman left, pulling the door closed.

Sara nuzzled a cheek against her infant’s tiny head and inhaled the sweet baby scent. All her worries melted away.

“You gonna cry again?” Cal sat on the edge of the hospital bed and stretched his long legs out in front of him.

She glanced at him. “I don’t think so. I’ve got my baby now. She’s what I needed. She’s all I’ll ever need.”

With that Sara tugged on the top tie at the back of her hospital gown. She bared her shoulder and paused, her gaze riveted on Cal. “I know one udder is pretty much like another, but I’m kind of new at this and…”

Sara tried to ignore Cal’s wicked grin, but couldn’t. Heat filled her cheeks as he continued to watch her. She sighed. “Cal, I can’t do this with you staring.”

His gaze flicked over her again, and the corner of his mouth twitched. He slid off the bed and sauntered across the room, pausing beside her. “Sara, I’ve seen you from the inside out. There’s no reason to be embarrassed now, but I need to go, anyway. I just dropped by to check on you and Jessie.”

Sara tried not to notice the hurt expression he wore and the way he lingered at her side. “Thanks, Cal,” she said, clearing the tightness from her throat. “I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

After a moment, Cal nodded. With long strides, he ambled to the door, pulled it open and stepped into the hall. The door closed behind him with a quiet click.

After putting Cal from her mind, Sara cleansed herself, then lifted her child who instinctively began to nurse. A sharp rap on the door sounded as Cal entered.

She grabbed a receiving blanket and covered her exposed breast. “Cal!”

His gaze settled on the flannel covering. Heat climbed Sara’s neck, and she wished he’d look away.

Finally, he removed his hat and fingered the brim. “I—I’ll swing by later to see how things are going and find out when you’ll get to go home,” he said, tossing out an uneasy smile. “I came back to ask if you need anything.”

“You don’t have to do this, Cal. I appreciate everything you’ve done for Jessica and me, but I know you have a life and a business to keep going.”

He replaced his hat, tugging the brim low on his brow. She did her best to ignore the heat of his gaze, but couldn’t quite manage. Something about his eyes, the way he looked at her, made her feel as if he actually cared.

“I’ve already made arrangements to take off. My partner’s covering the clinic.”

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but you don’t have to come back. We’ll be all right.”

Though he seemed somehow different from Gary, Cal was still a man. The last thing Sara wanted was to get used to having another one around. Each and every one she’d known had brought her nothing but trouble, and she’d already had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Cal stared down at the floor a moment, then met her gaze. “I know it sounds strange, but I feel somehow responsible. I need to know you’ll be okay. You and Jessie.”

“Well, you don’t have to feel responsible. We’re fine. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us, but we don’t want to take up any more of your—”

“Actually, the doctor said this thing with Jessie might have some lingering effects, so if it’s just the same to you, I’ll—”

The room seemed to tilt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“I’m her mother. I’m supposed to worry.” She regarded Jessica, who still nursed.

When Cal continued to stand there, she frowned at him. “What are you not saying? Does the doctor think she’ll have problems?”

He met her gaze, his expression serious. Too serious. “Don’t get upset. The doctor said some kids have problems, but others don’t.”

Sara’s world crumbled around her, but she wouldn’t tell Cal that. She didn’t need to drag him into her problems.

He shook his head. “I can’t go yet. You need me.”

She almost choked on the breath she drew. “Granted, I may need a lot of things, but right now a man’s not one of them.”

His look suggested he disagreed. “It’s not what you think. Just friends,” he said, the brim of his hat casting his face in shadow, preventing her from seeing his eyes. “No strings.”

Sara stared at him a long minute. She had no idea what he wanted or why. Worse still, she didn’t know what to do about him. Or herself for that matter. “Weren’t you getting married or something yesterday?”

He hooked a thumb in his belt loop and shrugged. “Not anymore.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He touched the brim of his hat and said, “I’ll be by later.” Then he sauntered out the door.

The things Sara noticed about Cal made her uneasy, not to mention the way he made her feel. A woman who’d just had a baby had no business having those kinds of thoughts.

Granted, he had stayed with her through childbirth and afterward, when she’d feared losing her daughter. As much as Sara hated to admit it, she’d leaned on him and he’d stood fast, never wavering, never letting her down.

The problem was Cal had this male thing going for him. He was sexy in a no-frills, down-to-earth way. And despite her vow to push him away—her denial that she needed him—she had found herself listening for the sound of his boot heels in the hall.

She’d also noticed the hungry glances the nurses sent his way, as if he were a chocolate bar. Even though her reactions to him were nothing but an excess of jumbled hormones, Sara admitted to doing a double take once, twice…Okay, maybe three times.

He stood at least six-two with muscles in all the right places. The deep tan he wore suited him, giving him an earthy, outdoors look. Dressed in jeans, scuffed boots, and a faded-blue chambray work shirt with the cuffs rolled back, Cal looked better than he had in the tuxedo. His every move, his every touch, made her more aware of him as a man.