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Chapter 14

“You really played basketball and softball and soccer?” Kevin stared at the framed photos on the walls and the shelves filled with trophies in Bernie’s small den. “You must have been really good to have won all those trophies.” Kevin turned and surveyed Bernie from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. “I guess you were good because you’re so big and tall. Not many girls are your size.”

“Kevin, I don’t think—” Jim corrected his son.

“No, no, it’s all right,” Bernie said. “I am bigger and taller than most women.” She smiled warmly at Kevin. “Yes, my size was definitely an asset when I played sports in school. And it works to my advantage as the sheriff. I’m as tall as many of my deputies, so I can look them right in the eye when I issue orders.”

Kevin laughed. “You can’t look my dad in the eye. He’s taller than you.”

“So he is.” When she glanced at Jim, he squared his shoulders and stood tall and straight. She chuckled at his antics.

“My mom’s not very tall.” Kevin’s smile vanished. “I’m taller than she is. She told me just a couple of weeks ago that I wasn’t her little boy anymore, that I’m her—” Kevin’s voice cracked.

“Hey, you two had better go check those steaks,” Bernie said. “You like yours medium well, right? Just like your dad does. We don’t want them to get overdone.” She nodded her head toward the door. “While y’all are doing that, I’ll put the salad together and set the table in the kitchen.”

Jim laid his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Come on, son.”

“Wait up a minute,” Bernie called to them as they headed out of the den.

Father and son paused in the hallway and glanced over their shoulders, their mannerisms identical. Not for the first time, Jim thought how much Kevin was like he’d been at that age. Minus the happy home life, with parents devoted to each other and a pesky little sister. Jim had wanted all those good things for his son, but had failed to give them to him.

“I’m making homemade ice cream,” Bernie said. “Kevin, what’s your favorite flavor?”

With unshed tears glistening in his eyes, Kevin swallowed and then said, “I like just plain old vanilla.”

“So do I. And I use my mom’s recipe that calls for half a dozen eggs, so it’s super rich.”

“Yum.” A fragile smile lifted the corners of Kevin’s mouth.

Jim herded his son down the hall, through the kitchen and onto the open back porch. He lifted the lid on the barbeque grill, then picked up a two-pronged fork from the side shelf and quickly flipped the three T-bone steaks.

“Five more minutes, tops,” Jim said.

“What can I do to help?”

“Go inside and get a platter from Bernie to put these beauties on.”

“Okay.”

“Kevin?”

“Huh?”

“It’s okay to be worried about your mother. And if you need to talk about her surgery or—”

“I just want her to be all right. I don’t want her to die.”

“I understand. I want that, too.”

“Why did she have to get cancer? Why now, when she’s happy with Allen and—” Kevin clamped his teeth together tightly.

Jim ached inside, his gut tightening painfully. He couldn’t bear to see his son suffering this way. As a parent, he had learned that nothing hurt you the way seeing your child in pain did, especially when you knew there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.

“I don’t know why she got cancer or why it had to happen now. But you have to believe that she’ll be all right, that she’ll get well.”

“Do you believe it?”

Tell him what he needs to hear. “Yeah, I believe your mother will be all right.”

Kevin sighed heavily. “Dad?”

“Hmm …?”

“I like Sheriff Granger. She’s a real nice person, just like her mom and dad are.”

“You’re right, Bernie is a nice person, just like her folks.”

“Do you like her, too?”

Jim hesitated for a moment before replying, not quite sure if there was more than the obvious to his son’s question. “Yes, of course I like her.”

“How much do you like her?” Kevin asked.

Jim narrowed his gaze and studied his son’s expression. “I like her a lot, as a friend.”

“Oh.” Kevin turned around, opened the back door and walked into the kitchen.

Jim stood there and stared through the half-glass door, watching as Kevin went over to Bernie and started talking to her. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but within a couple of minutes, Kevin smiled and then laughed.

Thanks, Bernie. Thanks for knowing what to say and do to put a smile on my kid’s face.

Bernie reached up into a top cabinet for a platter. Jim’s gaze zeroed in on her butt when the material of her brown slacks tightened across each cheek. She had a nice rear end. High, rounded, and firm. A twinge of sexual awareness reminded Jim that he was ogling his boss.

Jerking his gaze away and focusing on the sizzling steaks, Jim sucked in a deep breath, then blew it out in a loud whoosh. What the hell was the matter with him, looking at Bernie’s rear end and actually getting aroused? Not only was she his boss, she was also definitely not interested in him as a man. And you’re not interested in her. She’s not your type. Her sister, Robyn, is your type.

But that was another problem. He’d had one date with Robyn, and despite the fact she was a gorgeous woman, he had discovered that she was far too much like his ex-wife to suit him. One Mary Lee in a lifetime was more than enough for any man.

“Here’s the platter.” Kevin held out the large oval plate as he emerged from the kitchen. “Bernie set the ice cream maker in the sink and plugged it in. She said the ice cream would be frozen by the time we get through eating our steaks. Are they ready yet?”

“Yep, they’re ready.” Jim took the plate and set it on the shelf on the side of the grill, then using the large fork, he lifted each steak and placed them one by one on the platter.

“It is okay for me to call her Bernie, isn’t it?” Kevin asked. “She said friends should call each other by their first names, and she wants us to be friends.”

“Sure, it’s okay.”

Bernie opened the back door and called to them. “Everything’s set. Bring those steaks in here and let’s dig in.”

Within thirty minutes the three of them had finished off their salads, steaks, and baked potatoes. Then they ate huge bowls of vanilla ice cream, the best Jim had eaten since he’d been a kid. After supper, Jim went outside and cleaned the grill while Kevin helped Bernie clear away the table and load the dishwasher. When Jim finished up and headed back in, he paused for a couple of minutes at the closed door and watched his son with Bernie, the two of them talking and smiling and working side by side. An odd sensation hit Jim in the gut. A warm and familiar feeling, reminding him of his own childhood when he’d helped his mom in the kitchen.

Jim opened the door. “If you two are all squared away in here, Kevin and I had better head for home.”

“Ah, Dad, can’t we stay for a while longer?” Kevin gazed pleadingly at his father. “Bernie’s neighbor’s dog just had puppies, and she’s already called to see if we can go over and take a look at them tonight.”

“They’re Boston terriers,” Bernie said. “I’ve bought one of them from the Nolans. I thought maybe Kevin might like to take a look at my puppy and help me decide on a name for him.”

“Please, Dad.”

“Sure, why not.” Jim shrugged. He’d do just about anything to make Kevin happy, to keep his mind off of Mary Lee for a little while.

“Bernie said that Brenda and R.B. are going to babysit her puppy, so that means I’ll get to spend a lot of time with him, and Bernie said I could help her folks train him.”

Jim glanced at Bernie and they exchanged a brief moment of understanding without either of them saying a word. Kevin needed a distraction, something to keep him from worrying himself sick about his mother.

“The Nolans are expecting us, right?” Jim asked.

“Yes, they are.” Bernie placed her hand on Kevin’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Are you ready?”

Kevin glanced at Jim. “Are you going with us?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

“Chuck and Diane Nolan keep the mama and her babies in the laundry room.” Bernie led the way outside and across her backyard to the gate. “They said just come around to the backdoor and knock.”

Jim followed behind Bernie and Kevin as they entered her neighbor’s backyard. The sun had set nearly an hour ago, leaving behind a colorful twilight that was fading fast into darkness. Jim glanced down at his lighted digital watch. Eight-fifty-two.

“My puppy is the runt of the litter. His face is almost solid white,” Bernie said. “You’ll know him the minute you see him.”

“How old is he?” Kevin asked.

“Six weeks old.”

“That’s old enough for you to bring him home, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. And I’m getting him very soon. First, I’ll have to buy all the stuff he’ll need. Maybe your dad will let you go shopping with me tomorrow. The local Feed & Seed carries a whole line of supplies for dogs.”

Jim listened to Kevin and Bernie as they discussed the puppy, the supplies and how Bernie was counting on Kevin to help her folks with her new pet. Once again that strange notion of Bernie and Kevin reminding him of a mother and son came over Jim. It was then that Jim realized Bernadette Granger was a natural. Mothering was simply a part of her basic nature.

All Kevin talked about on the way home was Boomer, the name he had chosen for Bernie’s black and white puppy. Jim wondered why he’d never realized how much his son had always wanted a dog. Maybe because he’d been too damned busy fighting with Mary Lee. And he could admit now that all those arguments hadn’t been his ex-wife’s fault. There was more than enough blame to go around, even if he could never forgive her for cheating on him or for deliberately trying to drive a wedge between Kevin and him. For years after their divorce, he expected the worst from his ex-wife and somehow just couldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt.

As soon as they entered his duplex apartment, Jim sent Kevin off to the bathroom. “Go take a shower, brush your teeth and then hit the sack. You can sleep late tomorrow because I’m going to be working from home most of the day.” His plan was to speak to the lead detectives on the four, possibly five, murder cases in various southeastern states that were eerily similar to the two here in northeast Alabama. He could do that from home as easily as he could from his office.

Kevin paused before leaving the living room. “Don’t forget that Bernie’s picking me up at two tomorrow to go shopping for Boomer.”

“I won’t forget.” Jim grinned. “And if I did, you’d remind me.”

“Do you think I’ll get to talk to Mom tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I have my own cell phone, you know. Allen got one for me. She can call me even if I’m not here at your place or not over at the Grangers’ house.”

A twinge of parental jealousy zapped Jim and he instantly felt like a heel for resenting Allen’s ability to provide special things for Kevin that he couldn’t afford. But the truth of the matter was that he wasn’t sure he approved of a twelve-year-old having his own cell phone. “If Mary Lee doesn’t call tomorrow, she’ll call you soon.”

“Yeah, if not tomorrow, then Sunday for sure.”

No matter how many times his ex-wife had bad-mouthed him to his son, he would not say anything against Mary Lee to Kevin, especially not now. But he knew his ex-wife for the selfish bitch she had always been, even in the early days of their relationship. Back then he’d been too in love and in lust to see her for what she was. God, what a fool he’d been. The worst thing about it all was that Kevin had to pay the price for his mistake. Jim realized he should cut Mary Lee some slack because of what she was going through, but if this near-death experience didn’t alter her basic nature, then she would simply continue to put her needs above everyone else’s, including Kevin’s.

“Go on, get ready for bed,” Jim said.

Kevin hesitated.

“Something wrong?” Jim asked.

“Could I invite Bernie to have supper with us tomorrow?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, sure, ask her.”

“Can we take her to the King Kone for burgers and fries?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Jim stood in the middle of the living room in his duplex rental and savored the moment. Thanks, Dad. Two simple little words that meant the world to Jim. Did a lot of other divorced dads endure the same guilt and anger that plagued him? Did these other weekend fathers cherish every minute with their kids the way he did?

Enjoy this time with Kevin. It’ll come to an end soon enough, once Mary Lee recovers and sends for him. The selfish side of Jim’s nature wished Mary Lee would decide she couldn’t deal with being a cancer survivor and handle a soon-to-be-teenage son. If only she would allow Kevin to stay here with him. Yeah, and that would happen about the same time he’d be able to go ice skating in hell.

The “what-if ” game was a waste of time. “What if ” and “if only” were Jim’s old friends. He’d spent too much time with them over the years. What if he’d been able to play pro ball? If only he hadn’t married Mary Lee. What if his partner on the Memphis PD hadn’t been murdered? If only Mary Lee hadn’t cheated on him.

Jim walked into his bedroom, flipped on the bedside lamp, undid his belt, and jerked out his shirttail. He went over to the chest of drawers, opened the top drawer and removed a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. After unscrewing the cap, he lifted the bottle to his lips and took a swig, blew out a hot breath and then wiped his mouth. His knees ached, but then they always ached. The pain had become a part of him. If Kevin wasn’t staying with him, he’d be tempted to down the whole bottle of whiskey tonight. Getting drunk would not only ease the continuous ache in his knees, but it would erase the memories of all his failures. As a football hero, as a partner, as a husband, as a father, as a man.

Jim took a second swig, then recapped the bottle and returned it to the top drawer. He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Don’t look back. Don’t think about past failures. Think about the opportunities you have now to be a good father and a top-notch chief deputy.

After removing his shoes and socks, he lay down atop his unmade bed and rested his head on his pillow. He stared up at the ceiling, then closed his eyes.

“Dad? Dad?”

Jim heard Kevin’s voice, but couldn’t quite come out of the sleepy fog.

“Huh?” Jim managed to open his eyes and search for his son.

Kevin stood in the doorway. “Dad, are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. I just dozed off for a couple of minutes.”

“I’m going to bed now. See you in the morning.”

Jim sat up and lifted his hand in a wave. “Sleep tight.”

“Yeah, you, too.”

After Kevin went to his room, Jim turned and sat on the edge of the bed for a couple of minutes, then got up and headed to the bathroom. He’d shave and shower in the morning, but he should brush his teeth tonight. And he needed to piss.

Just as he finished up in the bathroom and lathered his hands with soap, he heard the doorbell. Who the hell? It had to be past eleven. He and Kevin hadn’t left Bernie’s until ten o’clock.

After rinsing his hands quickly, Jim shook them dry as he headed through the house to the front door. He peered through the viewfinder and did a double take. What on earth was she doing here, especially at this time of night?

He unlocked the door and eased it halfway open.

She smiled at him, showing her perfect, straight white teeth. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“It’s kind of late to be visiting, isn’t it?”

“I’ve just had the most boring date of my life.” Robyn Granger sighed, heaving her breasts, which were covered with a very tight white T-shirt. Her peaked nipples pushed against the cotton fabric. “But if you’ll invite me in, the night won’t be a total waste.”

Jim hesitated. Robyn pushed the door open just enough to squeeze inside, then wrapped her arms around Jim’s neck and pressed her body against his.

He grasped her wrists and untangled her arms from around him, then closed the front door. “Who was the unlucky guy?” Jim asked.

“Unlucky?”

“Unlucky because he bored you.”

Robyn laughed. “I should have known better than to go out on a date with a minister.”

“Your date tonight was with Reverend Donaldson?”

She laced her arm through Jim’s. “Let’s not waste our time talking about him.” She cuddled against Jim and whispered in his ear. “I’m horny as hell and you’re just the man who can fix that.”

Under different circumstances, Jim probably wouldn’t turn down what she was offering. After all, he hadn’t gotten laid in quite a while, and Robyn was one sweet piece of ass. But his son was here, possibly still awake in his room. No way was Jim going to screw Robyn or any other woman with his son just across the hall.

When Robyn slid her hand beneath Jim’s shirt and caressed his chest, he grabbed her hand. “Look, honey, it’s the wrong time and this is the wrong place. Did you forget that my son is staying with me?”

“Oh, that’s right. The cute kid Mom and Dad are babysitting. Keith? Kirk?”

“Kevin.”

“Yeah, like I said, cute kid.” Robyn leaned into Jim and kissed him on the lips.

He grabbed her shoulders. She smiled and sighed.

“Why don’t we go to your bedroom? We’ll be very quiet. Keith won’t even know I’m here. And I promise I’ll leave before he gets up in the morning.”

Jim tightened his hold on her shoulders. “Go home, Robyn. Take a cold shower. Or make good use of your vibrator.”

She puckered her lips and frowned. “Are you really going to send me away?”

He nodded. “Yeah, honey, I’m afraid so.”

She pulled away from him, stepped back and threw her arms out in a take-me gesture. “Think about what you’re turning down.” Robyn lifted her T-shirt to show him that she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Jim swallowed hard. His penis twitched. Down boy. You aren’t getting any of that. Not tonight. And if I’m really smart, not ever.

“It’s my loss,” he told her.

Huffing, she lowered her T-shirt. “Well, this is a first for me. Turned down by two men in one night.”

“You propositioned the preacher?” Jim chuckled.

Robyn grinned. “Well, not exactly. But by a couple of hours into the date it was obvious that he didn’t fuck on a first date. Hell, he didn’t even kiss on a first date. I think something’s wrong with the guy.”

“He’s a minister. My guess is he thinks fornicating is a sin.”

Robyn tiptoed her fingers up Jim’s chest. “Are you sure you don’t want to do a little fornicating tonight?”

“Not tonight.” Jim turned Robyn around and marched her to the front door.

“Want a rain check?” She winked at him.

Jim didn’t respond immediately.

“Who is she?” Robyn asked.

“What?”

“You wouldn’t have hesitated in answering if you weren’t either getting it or planning on getting it from some other woman. Who is she?”

“There is no other woman,” Jim told her. And just to prove to her that there wasn’t, he said, “I’ll take the rain check.”

She gave him a tongue-thrusting kiss, then breezed through the door. Pausing on the sidewalk, she turned and waved at him. “Call me. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Jim watched her get in her little yellow sports car and drive away. He had the hard-on from hell. His body wanted a woman in the worst way. Not Robyn Granger in particular, just a woman. Any woman.