The Complete Works of Josh Billings
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Billings Josh. The Complete Works of Josh Billings
BIOGRAPHICAL INTRODUCTION. ADAPTED FROM THE LONDON EDITION
KONTENTMENT
MARRIAGE
FASHION’S PRAYER
THE BIZZY BODY
FASTIDIOUSNESS
LOVE
FEAR
BUTY
FAITH
BRANES
SPRING AND BILES
TIGHT BOOTS
THE LAM AND THE DOVE
THE DUV
THE OLD BACHELOR
HORNS
KISSING
“WHAT I KNO ABOUT PHARMING.”
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
WHISSLING
HOTELS
LAFFING
HOSS SENSE
SILENCE
BRAVERY
DISPATCH
HOW TO PIK OUT A WIFE
HOW TEW PIK OUT A WATERMELLON
HOW TEW PIK OUT A DOG
HOW TEW PIK OUT A KAT
LOST ARTS
HINTS TO COMIK LEKTURERS
FASHION – FURY – FELLOW – FUN – FUSS – FLUNKY – FRETS – FITS – FINIS
FASHION
FUN
FRET
FURY
FITS
FUSS
FELLOW
FLUNKEY
FINIS
THE NU FOUNDLAND AND THE TARRIER
THE RAT TARRIER
THE MONKEY
THE PISSMIRE
THE POLE KAT
THE WEAZEL
ANGLE WORMS
THE MOUSE
THE YALLER DOG
ROOSTERS
THE FOX
A YARN. – THE AUNT, AND THE GRASSHOPPER
A HEN
THE GOTE
GOOSE TALK
“THE CLAM.”
SNAILS, SNAIKS, AND BABYS
STRIPED SNAKE
BABYS
“THE CRAB.”
ESSA ON SWINE
THE CAT, AND THE KANGAROO
THE CODFISH
THE MACKREL
THE POLLYWOGG
THE BULL HEAD
MUDTURKLES
THE FLY
THE CROW
THE BUMBLE BEE
THE ROBBING
THE SWALLO
THE BAT
THE HAWK
THE MEDDO MOLE
THE POSSUM
THE CURSID MUSKETO
THE HORNET
THE RABBIT
THE POODLE
THE PATRIDGE
THE SNIPE
THE COCKROACH
THE MULE
BED BUGS
THE FLEA
NOT ENNY SHANGHI FOR ME
THE AUNT
SUM SNAIX
THE ADDER
THE STRIPED SNAIK
THE BLUE RACER
THE BLAK SNAIK
THE MILK SNAIK
THE RACCOON, AND THE PETTYFOGGER
THE FEATHERED ONES
DUK
TURKEY
THE HOSSTRITCH
THE PARROT
THE BOBALINK
THE EAGLE
NATRAL HISTORY
KATS
THE HUM BUGG
THE BUGG BEAR
THE GAME CHICKEN
THE DUK
THE SANDY HILL CRANE
MORE SNAIKS
THE RATTLESNAIX
THE HOOP SNAIK
THE ANAKONDY
THE GARTER SNAIX
THE EEL SNAIK
THE SEE SARPENT SNAIX
THE KOPPER-HED SNAIX
THE BLU JAY AND OTHERS
THE BLUJAY
THE QUAIL
THE PATRIDGE
THE WOODKOK
THE GUINA HEN
THE GOSLIN
SMALL-SIZED VERMIN
THE GRUB
THE LADY BUG
THE TREE-TUD
THE PORKUPINE
DEVIL’S DARNING NEEDLE
RAMRODS
LOBSTIR SALLAD
MOLLASSIS KANDY
PUDDIN AND MILK
PLUM PITS
CHIPS
KOARSE SHOT
SLIPS OF THE PEN
GLASS DIMONDS
JEWS HARPS
TADPOLES
PEPPER PODS
HOOKS & EYES
JAW BONES
ODS AND ENS
FUST IMPRESHUNS
PLUM PITS
GNATS
KINDLING WOOD
PHISH BAWLS
STRAY CHILDREN
INK BRATS
LIGHTNING BUGS
PARBOILS
NEST EGGS
CHICKEN FEED
HARD TACK
SOLLUM THOUGHTS
INK LINGS
EMBERS ON THE HARTH
HOT KORN
FOUNDLINGS
DRIED FRUIT
REMNANTS
REMARKS
SAWS
REMARKS
NOSEGAYS
SHOOTING STARS
THE INTERVIEWER
THE MUSK RAT
THE MINK
THE DISTRIKT SKOOLMASTER
SINGULAR BEINGS
THE POMPOUS MAN
THE ONE IDEA MAN
THE HAPPY MAN
THE HENPECKED MAN
THE OFFICIOUS MAN
THE PHUNNY MAN
THE CHEEKY MAN
THE LIVE MAN
THE FAULT-FINDER
JOSH AND THE BORDER INJUN
THE CUNNING MAN
FREQUENT KRITTERS
THE LOAFER
THE PROJEKTOR
THE KONDEM PHOOL
THE PRECISE MAN
INDIVIDUAL FOLKS
THE OBTUSE MAN
THE POSATIFF MAN
THE CROSS MAN
THE PASHUNT MAN
THE FUNNY MAN
THE HONEST MAN
PECULIAR ONES
THE SQUARE MAN
THE OBLONG MAN
THE PERPINDIKLAR MAN
THE LIMBER MAN
THE JOLLY MAN
THE PEWTER MAN
THE FITEING MAN
THE PRECISE MAN
COQUETT AND PRUDE
FOLKS WE ALL KNO
THE EFFEMINATE MAN
THE JEALOUS MAN
THE ANONYMOUS MAN
THE STIFF MAN
THE MODEL MAN
THE NEAT PERSON
OUR OLDEST INHABITANTS – TWO OF THEM
JOHN BASCOMB
ELIZIBETH MEACHEM
GOOD REZOLUSHUNS FOR 1872, 1873 & 1874
MY FUST GONG
KORN
ADVERTIZEMENT
ADVICE TEW LECTUR KOMMITTYS
LETTER TO FARMERS
A TEMPRANSE KLUB
PROVERBIAL PIG
JOSH BILLINGS ADDRESSES THE “FEMAIL PORDUNK SOWING SOSIETY.”
THE FUST BABY
JOSH BILLINGS UNDER OATH
JOSH AT NIAGARA FALLS
SUM VERY BLANK VERSE – THE NEGRO AND THE TROUT
THE DANDY AND THE THIMBLE-RIGGER
LONG BRANCH IN SLICES
BILLIARDS
HABITS OF GRATE MEN
JOSH BILLINGS INSURES HIS LIFE
HOW TEW PICK OUT A GOOD HOSS
GREAT AGRIKULTURAL HOSS-TROTT
AT PORDUNK
FUST DAY
SEKOND DAY
THIRD DAY
FOURTH DAY
FIFTH DAY
OATS
A LAFF
PASHUNCE OV JOB
THE GAME OF YEWKER
BEER
LAUGHING
THE ADVENT NO. 2
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
LONG BRANCH, SARATOGA, AND LAKE GEORGE
SUM VEGETABEL HISTORY
NEW ASHFORD
BENDS
KOLIDING
WRITERS AT SHORT RANGE
BEAU BENNET’S SUPPLIKASHUN
A LEKTURE TO MALE YOUNG MEN ONLY
FEMALE REMARKS
PRIVATE OPINYUNS
ON COURTING
LATEST NUZEPAPER TATLINGS
JOSH MOUNTS A VELOCIPEDE
THE RASE KOARSE
THE TRACK
THE HOSSES
FUST HEAT
REMARKS
SECKUND HEAT
BILLINGS LEXICON
OWLY
PORDUNK VILLAGE
4 LETTERS
JOSH SETTLES UP WITH HIS CORRESPONDENTS SUMMARILY
A LOOSE BILT EPISTLE
SHORT REPLYS
WIMMINS RIGHTS. DOG TALK. CORRESPONDENCE
SHORT, BUT SWEET
JOSH REPLIES
JOSH BILLINGS CORRESPONDS WITH A “HAIR OIL AND VEGETABLE BITTERS MAN.”
THE GASSY MAN
THE SHARP MAN
THE LAZY MAN
THE NERVOUS MAN
THE DIGNIFIED MAN
THE WEAK MAN
Отрывок из книги
Kontentment is the gift ov God, as it kan be cultivated a little, but it is hard tew acquire. Kontentment is sed to be the same az happiness, this ackounts for the small amount ov happiness laying around loose, without enny owner. I don’t beleave that man was made tew be kontented, nor happy in this world, for if he had bin, he wouldn’t hav hankered enuff for the other world.
When a man gits perfektly kontented, he and a clam are fust couzins.
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No man kan swear exackly whare he will fetch up when he touches calico.
Kno man kan tell jist what calico haz made up its mind tew do next.
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