Читать книгу Living in Love and Faith - Bishops of the Church of England - Страница 16

The Homily on the State of Matrimony published soon after the Reformation described marriage as ‘a perpetual friendship’.¹² It reflected one of ‘the causes for which Matrimony was ordained’¹³ set out in The Book of Common Prayer in its service of ‘Solemnization of Matrimony’: ‘the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other’.¹⁴

‘Mutual society, help and comfort’¹⁵ run like a golden thread through the liturgies of the Church, ancient and modern, especially in the Western Church where the couple themselves are ‘the ministers of the marriage’. In a public act with legal status, they marry themselves in the presence of a congregation who witness their marriage, and before a member of the clergy who proclaims that, having married each other in the sight of God, ‘they are husband and wife’. Echoing the words of Jesus, the minister then declares to all:

Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.

The couple’s marriage is effected through three interrelated stages. The first is where they consent to marry. It sounds strange that they should be asked to state very clearly and publicly at this late stage that they want to marry. Nevertheless, freely choosing to marry is an essential mark of the Christian understanding of marriage.¹⁶ The couple make a free decision not only to be married but to undertake to do all that marriage involves: to ‘love, comfort, honour and protect’ each other, ‘forsaking all others’.¹⁷ They each declare their readiness to dedicate themselves to the one they have chosen to love and serve for the rest of their lives. ‘Forsaking all others’, they make it known that they are giving themselves over to the endless mystery of another person, determined to ‘be faithful’ to each other ‘as long as they both shall live’.¹⁸

In the second stage, the couple turn their decision to marry into vows of marital commitment – promises of love, care and fidelity – as the bridegroom, taking the hand of the bride, says to her, ‘I take you to be my wife’; and as the bride, taking his hand, says to the bridegroom, ‘I take you to be my husband’:¹⁹

to have and to hold

from this day forward;

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

till death us do part;

according to God’s holy law.

In the presence of God I make this vow.20

In the third stage, these solemn vows are sealed by the giving and receiving of rings and by the joining of hands. The rings are signs of their pledge to honour each other, give all that they are to each other, share all that they have with each other, and to do so ‘within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit’.²¹

In this love of God, a man and woman have become bound to each other, each promising to seek not their own good, benefit or fulfilment but the very best for the other whether their resources are plenty or few, whether their health is strong or weak, when they are young with life ahead of them and when they are old with memories of their lives together. They make a solemn undertaking to serve another human being in faithful love throughout that person’s life. Stability is the foundation of their mutuality. They have chosen to be ‘one flesh’²² not only in sexual union but in the giving of their whole selves to an interdependent life together (Genesis 2.24; Matthew 19.6; 1 Corinthians 11.10,11). They will often fail each other and fall from everything they are reaching for on this day. They will need to rely in the days and years that follow on each other’s costly love, and so it is prayed that they may be

Gentle and patient, ready to trust each other, and, when they fail, willing to recognize and acknowledge their fault and to receive forgiveness.23

For all this, the couple will need the help of God. After their consent, vows and exchange of rings, the blessing of their marriage therefore calls down all ‘the riches of his grace’ upon them.²⁴ God’s blessing is great for those who make the promises of love, care and fidelity that marriage requires of them. God’s promise of steadfast love and care is sure for them as they live out their marriage. Marriages made ‘in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation’²⁵ are sustained through all the means of grace God makes available to those who seek God’s help.