Читать книгу Victor Dark - Blaine Sims - Страница 10

Perhaps the most important bond in child development is one with their mother. This holds true throughout the animal kingdom. Maternal nurturing is crucial in establishing positive growth and well-being. Shelter from physical elements and bodily sustenance is vital for tangible expansion, and Victor’s mother gives the bare basics. With some, this equates to a plus, as it enables one to learn to fend for themselves and toughens them. However, Victor does not receive any cultivation or emotional comfort from his birth giver.

His mother disdains everyone. She thinks the world revolves around her, and every action, cause, and purpose are direct infantile attempts to result in her own gain. She cares not for her offspring, but her own selfish needs and wants. Victor and his siblings despise her with a passion.

Victor’s connection with his father is healthier, but not by much, and a father cannot provide the level of furtherance a mother can. Laidback and on the cusp of being an introvert, he avoids discussion and conflict with his wife. His son resents this and feels his dad should stand up to her. He should defend his honor and children. It will come later. Too late. He leaves his wife and kids and moves out.

In a house full of brothers and a sister, Victor suffers sexual abuse at the hands of a male relative. He divulged this to Andrei but never told him who it was.

It is in his third decade Victor’s life turns more wrought with activities and events.

Out of his mother’s house by choice at 20, Victor moves to his maternal grandmother’s. A quaint dwelling, it is on 26^th Street, a shady road interspersed with single and multi-family houses. Every several miles, a small apartment complex lines the way. His room is clean and decorated with an oriental theme. It turns into a family affair, as his siblings follow a short time later. Thank goodness it’s a large dwelling with five bedrooms and ample baths. The backyard is spacious, secluded with potted plants and rows of trellis overgrown with vines. When alone in the yard on a starry night, Victor loses himself in a fantasy world he prefers.

It is during this first year at his grandmother’s he throws himself into the realm of the occult, renaissance fairs, and card readings. His participation in renaissance fairs is passionate. These events include a richness of characters in costume which Victor always dons. Camel and elephant rides are a hit and jousting, knife, and ax throwing delight people. Musical and theatrical acts, sales of crafts, comedy routines, and plenty of food round out the festivities. Medieval Knights on horseback and foot, damsels in distress, chivalry—things Victor fantasizes about take him to the days of past at these modern-day carnivals. For twenty dollars a pop, he will tell your fortune. He makes female friends and becomes infatuated with more than a few. It begins a life where hopes cease to exist and dreams die.

Born under the Libra sign, they are an air sign represented by scales. The association reflects their fixation on harmony and balance. It is regrettable Victor’s life doesn’t have either one. Obsessed with symmetry, they strive to create equilibrium in all areas. Ruled by Venus, the planet governs love, beauty, and money. Libras adore high art, intellectualism, and connoisseurship. Suave Libras need to surround themselves with stunning objects and create environments which reflect their exquisite tastes. Excellent designers, decorators, art critics, and stylists, relationships are paramount for Libras. They find balance in camaraderie. Harmonious partnership with trendy mates makes attractive arm candy. When coupled, they must be cautious about seeking attention outside agreed-upon boundaries. Since they try to keep everyone happy and engaged, they may be lured to push the parameters of pacts with partners.

As time goes by, he works as a concessionaire, bartender, security officer, delivery man, sign holder, marketing caller, car wash attendant, and Fuller brush seller. He dabbles in massages, not having the license to do business as a masseuse. Does he think of getting one? No. None of the positions last more than a year. For all his self-imagined insight, he fails to understand why he’s financially strapped. Oblivious to the fact one needs to work, unless independently wealthy or leading a life of crime, he complains at the injustice of others having hard cash. It’s not proper to judge, but it begs the question, when does it become obvious to a person, they’re on the wrong path? When does a person need to have a heart-to-heart talk and ask, “Maybe it’s time for me to reconsider facets of my life and way of thinking? Things aren’t going well, so a change may be in order. A shift in approach is necessary.”

It boils down to a relentless pursuit of going in circles, never catching or achieving anything. Every interaction; every communication is an attempt at compensating for his failures and shortcomings, yet he persists in reverting to the same behaviors which lead to problems. In new connections with females, years of abuse subtly revisit and grow. He espouses positive thoughts about himself for the most part but spins things into negatives. As with other people, his past defines his present.

Andrei would tell the story of how upset he would get at his father’s incessant statement, “You don’t have to like it. You just have to accept it.” His hands would clench and his face would grimace hearing the words. He disagreed because he was a child. Victor also disputes the phrase, but what is the alternative? The insistence of not playing by the rules has consequences, and if you’re willing to accept the costs, all good. If not, well, tough shit. Nothing is free, there are no handouts, and the world doesn’t give a rat’s ass you didn’t ask to be born.

A downward spiral affects Victor in his late 20s and into his 30s. The man is despondent at a lack of meaningful relationships. His inability to stay in romantic connections preys on him. Unable to solicit feedback as to the reasons from those he bonds with and cares for, he seeks counseling and stress-reducing mediums to get to the bottom of his troubles. He dallies in positive reinforcement, self-awareness, and reflection. Like a Gorgorik without its head, he’s not whole. “Do I come across to women the wrong way?” he deliberates. “Is it the influences of my mother’s wrongful conduct and her lack in raising me?” “Am I a bad person?”

Of Jamaican descent, Alvita’s hair is black, short, and wavy like her son’s. The same height as him, she was ripped off on a drug deal. Unbeknownst to her husband and offspring, she belongs to a Jamaican gang known as the “Jamaican Me Crazy” posse. With small, perky breasts, she started as a small level dealer of pot and became popular with male members because of her looseness and lack of morals. Nicknamed “Lil’ Tramposo,” she rose fast in the organization to become a Lieutenant. Involvement in money laundering, hit squads, identity theft, robbery, and the gamut of organized crime, it is a life she keeps well hidden from relatives. As ruthless and violent as the Mexican Cartel or Chechen Mafia, this mob is notorious for torturing any rival they capture. Merciless as wild animals, they give no quarter to those who cross them.

The person who absconded with the dope was the brother of the guy who stabbed Victor. On a cold moonless night, shy over a month after being snookered, Alvita confronted the thief and shot him. A bandana covered her face. Mistaken for his momma, Victor once more suffered the consequences of her actions. She never came forward to reveal it was she who pulled the trigger. The police never found the brother who stabbed Victor. An association with a rival gang led to him being killed a year and a half later.

Victor shows a habit which many find a turnoff. He will interject his baseless opinions, usually negative and unsubstantiated by fact, in conversation, not attune to the reality of the topic at hand or the emotions of the other person.

One female in particular, Felicia, captures his attention and heart. She wears a tattoo Victor finds a turn on. Petite and shy with light-colored wavy brown hair, the lass perks Victor, and they foresee matrimony in their future. Deep brown eyes melt his heart like a flame melts chocolate. Reticent yet provocative, her intellectual stimuli are refreshing. She presents a mystery few decipher. Victor swears she’s heaven-sent. Sad for the fact her diagnoses of mental deficiencies and malaise’ reads like John Gotti’s rap sheet. They border on all ten of the recognized personality disorders. With a body etched in abundant tattoos and piercings; she presents the appearance of a psychedelic art gallery. Victor’s intuition reveals she’s been pulling the wool over his eyes from day one. He feels an attachment but concludes it best to step away from the relationship. One who craves love and attention will not find it from those whose needs and sufferings exceed their own.

Victor decides he has a personality disorder. He changes his Facebook name and begins striking out at those who try to help him. For all his meditative techniques, philosophizing, and craving to find himself, he remains a lost soul.

As do countless people, Victor has an identity issue with his sexual outlook. There is no question he is straight in his orientation. However, he decides he’s “demisexual.” Andrei was not sure he fully understood the concept. Healthline describes it as, “…a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to those they have close emotional connections with.” It confused Andrei that a generation of people who are so adamant about being accepted as one and not singled out or put into groups, come up with different tags to identify themselves. Mind-boggling to him, as it separates them further. He was close to severing the friendship with Victor twice, but there was something special about him. With all his faults and rants, Andrei held on. As the saying goes, “He ain’t heavy. He’s my brother.”

A surprise to all who know him, Victor is asked to come to the local police station for questioning. He has no clue what it is about. Curious, and certain he’s committed no offense, he meets with detectives. Earlier that night, a shooting took place in the parking lot of a mall. The victim was a 16-year-old male. All leads exhausted; investigators are now picking at straws. They interrogate Victor. Shocked they consider him even a remote suspect, he has to admit several coincidences and factors which point the finger at him. At the conclusion, one investigator advises Victor he’s free to leave and states, “I don’t believe you’re capable of killing anyone. One last question before you go. Do you have any leads or suspects for us?”

Flabbergasted, he says, “No.”

As he leaves the station, Victor decides he needs a stiff drink. His search in the aisles of his local liquor store frustrates him. He’s hunting for Sexton scotch. He notices the girl at the checkout is attractive, and always the flirt, decides to kill two birds with one stone. As he saunters to the counter, he reckons he’ll womanize and find out where the special whiskey is.

“Excuse me, Ma’am. You seem to know this store like the back of your hand. I’m looking for Sex…”

The girl reaches across and slaps him upside the head.