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One of the many things that surprised Kate Wise in this, her fifty-fifth year of life (with the fifty-sixth just a few weeks away), was how getting ready for a date never failed to make her feel like an insecure teenager again. Was her makeup right? Was it too much? Should she start coloring her hair darker to combat the grays that seemed to be slowly winning the battle for her hair? Should she wear a sensible bra that was all about comfort or one that would be easy for Alan to remove when the date came to its end?

It was a nice sort of anxiousness, one that reminded her she had been through this before. When she had been married, she’d felt the same way in getting ready for a date all the way up through the first year. But now with Alan, the first man she had dated since Michael died, she had been forced to learn how to date all over again.

It was getting easier quite fast with Alan. They were both in their mid-fifties, so there was a sense of urgency to each date—an unspoken knowledge that if this relationship was going to come to something other than dating, they needed to fully invest in it. So far, through a few obstacles here and there, they had done exactly that. And to this point, it had been pretty incredible.

Tonight’s date was to be dinner, a movie, and then back to her place, where they’d spend the night together. That was another thing their age allowed them to do in dating: to skip the will-we-won’t-we when it came to the bedroom. The answer for the last few months had been an unequivocal yes—a yes that carried over after nearly every date (something else that surprised Kate about dating at the age of fifty-five).

As she applied her lipstick—just a bit, like she knew Alan liked—a knock at her front door startled her. She checked her watch and saw that it was only 6:35, a full twenty-five minutes earlier than she had been expecting Alan.

She smiled, assuming he had come by early. Maybe he wanted to swap the order of the date and go ahead and do the bedroom part first. It would be a pain to get undressed moments after she’d gotten dressed, but it would be worth it. With a smile on her face, she left her bedroom, walked through the house, and answered the door.

When she saw that it was Melissa on the other side, she went through several emotions quite quickly: surprise, disappointment, and then worry. Melissa was carrying the car seat in her right hand as little Michelle stared out. When Michelle’s eyes found her grandmother, she beamed and started reaching out, making clutching motions with her little hands.

“Melissa, hi,” Kate said. “Come in, come in.”

Melissa did as asked, frowning as she looked her mother over. “Crap. Are you going out? A date with Alan?”

“Yeah. He’s coming over in about twenty minutes. Why? What’s up?”

It was then, as they settled down on the couch, that Kate noticed something seemed to be troubling Melissa. “I was hoping you could watch Michelle tonight.”

“Melissa…I’d love to any other time. You know that. But as you can see, I already have plans. Is…is everything okay?”

Melissa shrugged. “I guess. I don’t know. Terry has been weird lately. Honestly, he’s been weird ever since Michelle’s health scare. He’s just not there sometimes, you know? It’s been worse the last few days, and I don’t quite know why.”

“So you two need some time together? A date of your own?”

Melissa shook her head, frowning. “No. We just need to have a talk. A very long, serious talk. And there might be yelling. And as distant as he’s been lately, he and I both agree that we’re never going to yell at each other while there’s a child in the house.”

“Is he…is he mistreating you?”

“No, nothing like that.”

Kate looked down at the car seat, slowly taking Michelle out. “Lissa, you should have called. Given me a heads-up.”

“I did. I tried, about an hour ago. But it rang a few times and went to voicemail.”

“Ah hell. I left it on silent after I went to the dentist today. I’m so sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I hate to ask you for this favor so last minute when you clearly already have plans. But…I don’t know what else to do. I’m sorry if it feels like I’m taking advantage of you, but you’re…you’re all I have, Mom. But lately, it feels like you’re moving on. You have Alan and your sort-of job with the bureau now. I feel like you’re forgetting about me…that Michelle and I are more of a nuisance than anything else.”

It broke Kate’s heart to hear those words. She sat Michelle on her lap, holding her little hands and bouncing her lightly.

“I have not forgotten about you,” Kate said. “If anything, I think I’ve been trying to rediscover myself. Through work, through Alan…through you and Michelle. You’ve never been a nuisance.”

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come over after you didn’t answer your phone. We can do this some other time, maybe a few days from now…does that sound good?”

“No,” Kate said. “Tonight. Take tonight.”

“But your date…”

“Alan will understand. He’s grown pretty fond of Michelle, you know.”

“Mom…are you sure?”

“I’m positive.”

She leaned over and wrapped Melissa up in a hug. Michelle squirmed in her lap, reaching up with a free hand to clutch her grandma’s hair. “I was scared when Michelle was going through all of that hospital mess, too,” she said as they embraced. “Maybe Terry just never processed it. Give him a chance to explain. And if he gives you a hard time, remind him that your mother carries a gun.”

Melissa laughed as they broke the hug. Michelle laughed too, clapping her chubby little hands together.

“Tell Alan I said I’m sorry,” Melissa said.

“I will. And if things get weird tonight, let me know. You’re always welcome to stay here if you need a break from it all.”

Melissa nodded and kissed Michelle on the head. “You be good for Grandma, okay?”

Michelle had no response to this, as she was currently slapping at one of the buttons on Kate’s shirt. Kate watched Melissa leave and could clearly see just how torn she was. It made Kate wonder if things were worse at home than she was letting on.

Once the door was closed, Kate looked down at Michelle and gave her a smile. Michelle happily returned it as she reached up for her grandmother’s nose.

“Is Mommy happy at home?” Kate asked. “Are Mommy and Daddy doing okay?”

Michelle grabbed her nose and squeezed, as if reminding her of her duties. Kate grinned and stuck her tongue out, realizing that maybe watching Michelle could be a date in its own right.

***

When Kate answered the door for Alan fifteen minutes later, he looked both happy and confused. His eyes were alight and sparkling as they usually were when they took in the sight of Kate. He then saw the ten-month-old baby in her arms, causing his eyes to narrow into confusion. He smiled regardless, as Kate had told Melissa the truth less than half an hour ago; Alan loved Michelle almost as much as Kate did.

“I think she’s a little young to be serving as a third wheel,” Alan said.

“I know. Look, Alan, I’m sorry. But there’s been a change of plans…like in the past half an hour. Melissa and Terry are going through a hard time. Terry is being really distant and weird. They have to work through some stuff…”

Alan shrugged nonchalantly. “Am I still invited in?”

“Of course.”

He kissed them both—first Kate on the lips and then Michelle on the forehead—before stepping inside. Kate’s heart warmed toward him at once. First of all, he looked handsome as always. He’d dressed nicely for their date, but not too nice. He managed to always dress in a way that made it look like he could fit in at a cocktail patio on the beach or a swanky downtown restaurant.

“You think they’ll be okay?” Alan asked.

“I think so. I think Michelle’s health scare rocked Terry more than he knew. It’s just now starting to catch up with him and I think it might be affecting their marriage.”

“That’s rough,” Alan said. He opened his hands to Michelle and she instantly reached for him. As he snuggled her close and she slapped at his cheek, Alan regarded Kate with what wasn’t quite concern, but something close.

“Did she not even call?” he asked.

“She tried and…damn. I still forgot to take it off silent. Went to the dentist for a checkup.”

She took her phone out of her purse and switched the ringer back on. She saw at once where Melissa had indeed tried to call her an hour and twenty minutes ago.

“Well, you know, we can have the date here,” he said. “We can call up some Thai food and watch a movie. And the ending part of it all could be the same.”

Kate nodded and smiled, but her attention was still on her phone. She had missed another call as well. And the number had tried calling twice, having left a message the last time.

It was a call from DC—from Director Duran.

“Kate?”

She blinked and looked away from the phone. She hated that she felt like she had been caught doing something bad.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just…work called, too. About three hours ago.”

“Return the call then,” Alan said. He was pretending to dance with Michelle and although he wore a happy face, Kate could sense some irritation lurking beneath. But she also knew that he’d only press her harder to go ahead and make the call if she refused.

“One second,” she said, walking into the kitchen and returning Duran’s call.

The phone rang only twice before it was answered. Even in something as simple as “hello,” Duran sounded pissed.

“Kate, there you are. Where have you been?”

“My phone was on silent. Sorry. Is everything okay?”

“Well, when you didn’t answer the last time, I’ve sort of been scrambling around.”

“Over what?”

“There’s a case out in Illinois—two murders that seem related but there’s no hard link. It’s pretty much stumped the local PD, and the field office out of Chicago pointed out that you were familiar with the area…the Fielding case you cracked in 2002. They said they’re glad to put their own agents on it, but were asking if you’d rather take it. They’re kind of excited about the idea of getting you back out there.”

“When?”

“I’d like to get you on a plane tonight. Get you and DeMarco out there nice and early in the morning.”

“What are the details?”

“I can send you what I have, but there’s still some stuff coming in. Police reports, forensics, all of that. Can I count on you?”

Kate looked back over at Alan, still dancing with Michelle. She was bopping him on the nose and on the mouth while he sang a Bob Dylan song to her. If she took the case, she’d have to call Melissa back and tell her she couldn’t keep Michelle. Not tonight. And she’d also have to cancel plans with Alan.

“What happens if I can’t?” she asked Duran.

“Then I’m going to pass it over to the field office in Chicago. But I really think you’re the perfect match for this. All I need you to do is find some leads and get it rolling. After that, local agents can roll with it.”

“Let me think about it?”

“Kate, I need to know now. I have to let the local PD and the Chicago field office know what’s going down.”

In her heart, she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to take it. She wanted to take it very badly. And if that made her selfish, then…then so what? There was a huge difference between putting family first and denying herself the opportunities and the chance to live her own life. She knew if she turned this opportunity down just because she had stepped in to watch Michelle for Melissa at the last minute, she’d feel resentful toward them both. It hurt to admit it, but there it was, the honest and raw truth.

“Okay, yes, count me in. Are there flight details yet?”

“DeMarco is taking care of all of that,” Duran said. “She’ll be contacting you soon.”

Kate ended the call, her eyes again traveling over to Alan and Michelle. The strained look on Alan’s face told her that he had heard the conversation.

“When are you leaving?” he asked.

“I don’t know. DeMarco is in charge of the itinerary. Sometime tonight. Alan…I’m sorry.”

He said nothing, looking away as he sat down on the couch with Michelle. “It is what it is,” he finally said. “And don’t feel too bad…I still have a pretty hot date here.”

“Don’t be silly, Alan. I’ll call Melissa and explain things to her.”

“No. If they need the respite, let them have it. As you might know, I am fully capable of watching after this little one.”

“Alan, I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that!”

“And you never would. Which is why I am volunteering it.”

Kate came over to the couch and sat next to him. She rested her head on his shoulder. “Do you know how incredible you are?”

He shrugged. “Do you?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, sensing some resentment in his tone.

“I mean, this thing with you and your work. It was supposed to be an every now and then thing, right? And honestly, to be fair, it has been. But when it’s on, it’s on. They want you to drop everything and come running when they call.”

“It’s part of the job, though.”

“A job you retired from two years ago. Did you really miss it that much?”

“Alan…that’s not fair.”

“Maybe not. I won’t pretend to know what kind of lure that job holds over you. But I’m on the same sidelines as Melissa and Michelle. There’s only so much more of this I’m going to be able to take.”

“If you feel so strongly, I won’t take this one. I’ll call Duran back and—”

“No. You need to take it. I don’t want you taking it out on me or your daughter if you let it pass you by. So, go. Take it. But coming from someone who is rapidly falling more and more in love with you, I feel I should tell you that you need to have some hard conversations when you come back. With me, your daughter, and maybe even yourself.”

Kate’s first reaction was one of anger and resentment. But maybe he was right. After all, hadn’t she realized her decision was borderline selfish just several moments ago? She’d be fifty-six in three weeks. Maybe it was time she finally drew up some boundaries in terms of her work. And if it meant that her special little set-up with Duran and the bureau came to an end, so be it.

“Alan…I need you to be honest. If me taking this is going to strain us…”

“It won’t. Not this time. But I don’t know how much longer it can go on into the future.”

She opened her mouth to respond but her phone rang, interrupting her. She checked the display and saw that it was Jo DeMarco, the young woman who had been serving as her partner for the last year, riding along on this little experiment between her and the FBI.

“It’s DeMarco,” she said. “I need to get travel details.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “You don’t have to clear it with me.”

What she didn’t say but felt deep in her heart was: Then why do I feel like I have to?

It was a question she did not feel like wrestling with at the moment. And, as she had been doing when presented with questions like this over the last few months, she turned her attention to work. With a sting of guilt, she answered the call.

“Hey, DeMarco. What’s up?”