Читать книгу Good Medicine - Bobby Hutchinson - Страница 8

THE INTAKE NURSE WAS both intuitive and gentle. Jordan managed to choke out her name, adding that she was an Emerg physician, and without even asking her to fill in any forms, the nurse guided Jordan to a tiny private room with a cot and a chair. She helped her lie down, covering her with a blanket.

Jordan curled into a ball, too exhausted and spent to resist the emotions coursing through her. After a time, the door opened and Helen Moore, the resident psychiatrist, came in. Jordan knew her slightly, and had always liked her kind smile and forthright manner.

“Hi, Jordan.” Helen sat down beside the cot and reached for one of Jordan’s hands. She took it gently, cradling it between both of hers. “Can you tell me what’s made you so upset?”

Jordan tried, but it was impossible to talk through the tears. Helen reached for a box of tissues and handed over a fistful. “Try to take deep breaths.”

After a few moments, Jordan was able to put words together. “My hus-husband is—is a drug addict,” she began. Once she’d said the words aloud, it became easier to tell the rest of the story. She began with the car accident, the morphine, the prescriptions she’d written him and, when she’d refused to supply him, how the apartment was ransacked. Amid fresh bouts of weeping, she managed to recount what had occurred the previous night in the E.R.

“What—what about—about—Garry? What am I going to do about him? How—how can I—help him?”

“This is not about him,” Helen said firmly. “This is about you, Jordan. What are you going to do about you?”

Helen’s words shocked Jordan out of her tears. For so long, she’d exhausted herself worrying about Garry and his problems, believing that if only she could help him stop taking drugs, their life together might work.

“Garry is an adult, making choices about the way he lives his life,” Helen continued. “Do you want to go on allowing him to make those same choices for your life? You’re an exceptional physician with a great reputation at this hospital, Jordan, and I know you to be a good and caring person.” Her kind face broke into a mischievous smile. “Lord knows you’re good to look at. I’ve seen men fall over their feet like schoolboys when you’re around.”

Jordan started to cry again. It had been so long since anyone had complimented her. When she’d first met Garry, she’d felt confident and even pretty. Now she felt gray and old. And ashamed, so ashamed of not being able to control herself.

Helen gave her hand a comforting squeeze. “I think you need to value your own worth, Jordan, and go from there. The scene last night in the E.R. was hard, but sometimes it takes a hard lesson for us to see we’re on a path that isn’t the most beneficial for us.” Helen smiled again and released Jordan’s hand. “I’ve had my share of those tough lessons, I know how much they hurt. But they also help us heal. Right now I’m going to give you a sedative because you need to rest. We’ll talk again.”

“I feel so—so stupid,” Jordan admitted, her voice trembling. “You’d think I could cope with this on my own. It’s humiliating to admit that I can’t.”

“We—all of us—are only human, Jordan. Being doctors means we start out with a higher level of daily stress, and then we have our own personal stuff on top of it. As a profession, medicine carries the highest rate of alcohol dependency, drug addiction, divorce and suicide. Coming here shows good judgment and common sense. And no one needs to know you’re here.”

Jordan blew her nose. “Thank you. That would make things easier.”

“I’ll have a word with the staff. Now, I think rest is the best restorative at the moment.” She gave Jordan a sedative and gently tucked the blanket around her. “I’ll be in this evening to see how you’re doing. Relax now.”

As the medication gradually took the edge off her panic and her muscles loosened, Jordan was able to think more clearly than she had for weeks.

Garry was a junkie.

As an E.R. doctor, she’d seen enough junkies to know that no one could help them unless they chose to help themselves.

He wasn’t making the slightest effort.

Her eyelids were heavy, and she knew that within a few moments, she’d be asleep.

What are you going to do about you, Jordan?

The answer floated to the surface. It made her terribly sad, and it frightened her as well, but it was the right thing for her. The only thing.

As soon as she felt able, she was going to see a lawyer about a divorce.

“THE VERY LEAST you could have done was tell me you wanted a divorce before you saw this—this scumbag of a lawyer.” Garry’s face was scarlet with rage and disbelief. “How could you do this to me, Jordan?” He threw the copy of the proposed separation agreement she’d just handed him to the floor and stood glaring at her, hands knotted into fists. The pages scattered, landing at her feet.

His voice rose. “You know I’m not well. I’m not over the accident yet! You could help but you won’t. What about the marriage vows you made?” Sarcasm dripped from every word. “I could swear there was something in there about in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Have you thought about my parents? They’ve treated you like one of the family, and now you’re doing this to me—to them.”

Jordan’s heart was hammering. It was true, Meg and Edward had been good to her. She hated the thought of hurting them. She kept her expression impassive and did her best to convince herself that the problems Garry was throwing at her weren’t hers to solve.

This was all his stuff, as Helen would phrase it. And Meg and Edward had witnessed Garry’s recent tantrums. Surely they would understand her decision when they accepted the reality of their son’s addiction….

It was helpful to remember Helen’s advice. Jordan now viewed the two days she’d spent in psych as an intensive training seminar.

Right now she noticed that everything Garry said related only to himself. Lordy, how could she have missed how self-centered he was? She’d known him two and a half years, and yet she felt that during the past week, since she’d come home from the psych ward, she was seeing him as if he were a stranger.

And it surprised her to realize she didn’t even like him anymore. His addiction had turned him into a bully and a whiner, not exactly a sexy combination. There hadn’t been any sex for months now, anyway.

He was hollering at her again. “What kind of bull-shit is that dyke of a doctor pumping you full of, Jordie? You never acted like this before. What’s between us should stay between us. I don’t like you dumping your guts to some stranger.” His voice grew softer, and he tried to reach out and take her into his arms. “You’re my wife, babe. Shouldn’t you be talking to me about stuff that bothers you?”

Jordan held up both hands, palms out, and moved away.

He swore a long stream of curses, and then she could see him consciously turning on the charm again. “C’mon, Jordie. Honey, baby, don’t be this way,” he wheedled. “I said I was sorry for what happened in the E.R. I just couldn’t take the pain in my back anymore, and you wouldn’t give me anything for it, remember? I’m not good with pain, honey, you know that.”

She moved farther back, out of his reach. She remembered everything. He sickened her.

The second day of her stay in psych, Jordan had called home and left a message for Garry, telling him where she was. Hours later, he’d come to the ward, and on Jordan’s instructions, Helen and the staff had conveyed the message that she didn’t want to see him. High, he’d become verbally abusive. Helen had threatened to call security, and finally he left.

Now Jordan looked at him, and she couldn’t even summon pity.

“I won’t prescribe drugs for you ever again, Garry. So don’t bother asking.”

He tightened his mouth and narrowed his eyes. Taking a step closer, he shook his trembling finger under her nose. His breath was foul.

“You go ahead with this divorce shit and I promise you I’ll ruin you financially. I am a lawyer, in case it’s slipped your mind. Any judge would award me ongoing support when they hear about the accident. And I’ve got the firm behind me—it isn’t going to cost me anything.”

He’d already tested his firm to the limit, but she resisted the urge to tell him that. She was grateful that Helen had given her the name of an attorney she liked and trusted, Marcy Davis. Marcy had handled Helen’s own complex divorce several years ago. It made it easier to withstand Garry’s bullying, knowing Marcy would deal with all the legal issues.

“And I’m not moving out of this apartment, either,” he said. “You want a separation, you move out, lady.”

“I already have.” He hadn’t even noticed that her clothes, some of the furniture and the few personal things she cherished were gone. She’d packed up that morning, called a moving company to put the furniture in storage, and rented a housekeeping room at a motel across the street from St. Joe’s.

“You’re welcome to everything that’s left here. But I’d like to put the apartment on the market as soon as possible, Garry.” Her lawyer was well aware that Jordan had been making the mortgage payments since Garry’s accident.

She could tell by his expression that he hadn’t expected any of this.

“My lawyer will handle the details,” she said in a quiet voice. “Call her if you have any questions.” Exactly what Marcy had told her to say. She’d practiced so that now it came out smoothly, without revealing the effort it took her to speak.

“Where the hell are you going? You come back here!” She heard the panic in his voice as she headed for the door. “We haven’t finished talking yet. What if I need you for something? You could at least give me your new address, Jordan.”

It was tragic to recognize that the only thing he’d need her for was money. Prescriptions and money were all he’d needed from her for months.

“You have my cell number.” And Marcy had already suggested she get that changed if his calls became too frequent or abusive. “And I’d rather you didn’t come to St. Joe’s again, Garry.”

“Last I heard it was a free country,” he snarled. “I can go wherever the hell I choose.”

“Okay, then I’ll alert security.” She prayed she wouldn’t have to carry out the threat. She opened the apartment door. “Goodbye, Garry.”

“You’re making a big mistake, you dumb bitch!”

She closed the door and hurried to the elevator. Her legs were shaking as she made her way down and out of the building. She was crying when she climbed in her car. Some of the tears were for the dreams she’d forfeited, but mostly they were tears of relief.

She’d taken a first and much-needed step toward finding out who Jordan Burke really was, and she was learning fast what she didn’t want in her life anymore. If that was a negative positive, so what? She’d take what she could get.

She blew her nose hard and for the first time in days, she smiled wryly. But the smile went just as quickly as it came.

Now she had to figure out what it was she did want.