Читать книгу Surrender - Brenda Jackson - Страница 13

Ashton's gaze drifted around the restaurant for the umpteenth time since arriving more than an hour ago. He had yet to see Netherland. He had eaten his meal with his senses on full alert, but she hadn't made an appearance. He couldn't help wondering if perhaps she was avoiding him.

“Is there anything else I can get you, sir?” asked a hostess who came up to the table.

He smiled and leaned back in his chair studying her name tag. “What you can do, Rainey, is tell me where Netherland is tonight.”

The woman glanced around the room before bringing her gaze back to his face. “She must be in her office working.”

Ashton nodded. “And where's her office?”

The woman seemed reluctant to tell him at first, then studied him intently before finally inclining her head toward an archway. “At the very end of that hall.”

“Thanks.”

“Don't mention it.”

Smiling, Ashton grabbed the wine bottle off the table in front of him, along with two wineglasses. Standing, he headed in the direction the hostess had given him. He knocked when he came to the closed door.

“Yes, come in.”

And there she was, sitting behind her desk looking so beautiful it nearly took his breath away. He could tell from her expression that he was the last person she had expected to see. Her surprise quickly transformed into a frown.

“Ashton? What are you doing here?”

He came into the room and closed the door behind him, locking it. He leaned against it for a moment before slowly walking over to her desk, his gaze not once leaving hers. Her brow lifted when he placed the bottle of wine and the two wineglasses in front of her.

“Since you won't go out with me, Netherland, I've decided to stay in with you.”

Netherland pulled in a long, slow breath. The room had become silent. For some reason she could no longer hear the music that had been playing moments ago. Nor could she hear the clinking of the dishes and silverware from the kitchen that was located on the other side of the wall.

She took another deep breath, telling herself firmly that she would not let Ashton get to her. Too late, her body silently chanted. He's already gotten next to you. Raw, primitive heat coursed through her body as he continued to look at her, making her heart pound and her blood race. And then, as if on cue, there was that heat settling between her legs again, this time making her thighs tremble.

To gain some semblance of control, she forced her gaze from his to focus on the wine bottle and wineglasses in front of her. “I have too much work to do, Ashton.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

He leaned against the edge of the desk facing her. “I can wait until you're through.”

Netherland frowned. “It may be a while.”

“I have nothing else to do. Go ahead and finish what you're doing and pretend I'm not here.”

Fat chance! Netherland thought as she tried to refocus on the documents in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him move away from her desk to settle in the love seat on the other side of the room. As hard as she tried, she could not gather her train of thought to complete the task she'd been working on before he had arrived. Considering that he had been on her mind constantly all day, she had hoped that staying in her office and catching up on some paperwork would be the perfect solution to not having to see him tonight. It appeared that he had no intentions of letting her avoid him.

After wasting a good ten minutes trying to unscramble her brain and feeling his presence too close for comfort, she finally had enough. “That's it,” she said, standing up. “I'm through with what I was doing. We may as well go back and join the others.”

Ashton didn't stand. Instead he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs and looked up at her. “Are you afraid to be alone with me, Netherland?”

Netherland looked at him, astonished. He didn't know how close to home he'd hit. Yes, she was afraid to be alone with him, but not for fear of what he might do to her. She was afraid of what she might let him do. Her attraction to him was too strong. There was no way she could deny that. If she stayed around him too much longer she would forget about the very reason they could not become involved. “I'm not afraid of being alone with you, Ashton.”

“Then let's share a drink together. One drink is all I ask. Is that too much to ask?”

You don't know the half of it, Netherland thought. But if sharing one drink with him would get them out of her office that much quicker, then she would go along with it. “Okay, I'll share one drink with you. Just one and not much.”

He stood and walked over to her desk and retrieved the wine bottle and glasses. He came back to her and handed her a wineglass. “Most people would envy you, Netherland,” he said, pouring her a small amount of wine.

She lifted a brow. “In what way?”

“The one thing you hated about the military most people would find rewarding.”

Netherland took a sip of her wine before asking, “What could be rewarding about being uprooted every two to three years?”

Ashton took a sip of his own wine before replying. “In your travels you've probably seen places that most people only dream about seeing.”

“I would gladly have let them trade places with me. Although I do admit it was nice seeing most of those places, I'd rather have had stability. You don't know how devastating it was for me whenever my father received new orders. That meant leaving the house behind that I had just started to consider home, and leaving friends behind that I had just gotten to know. There was never anything constant in my life.”

Ashton nodded. “Didn't your parents try to make the moves easier for you?”

“They did what they could but it's not easy being the only girl with two older brothers and two younger brothers. Things might have been different if I'd had a sister who could have been my best friend, but that wasn't the case. As close as I was to my brothers while growing up, I couldn't always get them to do girly stuff with me. They were boys, who were their father's sons with aspirations of a life in the military.”

Ashton nodded as he leaned against the edge of her desk. “Did all four of them go into the military?”

“Yes.” She then told him about her brothers and what branch of service each belonged to. “So as you can see I've been surrounded by military men practically all my life. That's another reason I don't want to become involved with one.” She smiled. “Military men are some of the bossiest men I know.”

Ashton quirked a brow. “I'm not bossy.”

“You think you're not?”

“Yes.”

Netherland shrugged as she sat down on the love seat, feeling relaxed. “Well, that's your opinion of yourself.”

“Do you think I'm bossy?”

A smile touched Netherland's lips. “Although I have to admit that I've never seen you in action, I would think being a marine colonel would demand a certain degree of bossiness, wouldn't it?”

Ashton chuckled. “Yes, a certain degree.” He took another sip of his wine. “Earlier you mentioned how often you had to move. I have one up on you. I had to move about every six months instead of every two to three years.”

Netherland sat up. “Every six months? Were you a military brat, too?”

“Kind of. I was what you would call a custody brat. After my parents' divorce I had to spend half the year with my father on the Cherokee reservation and the other half with my mother and her family wherever they happened to be. My maternal grandfather was a high-ranking officer in the army, and every year he was reassigned. Since my mother chose to live with her parents after the divorce, that meant I had to live with them when I was with her.”

Netherland nodded, finding the story of his childhood fascinating but sad. He was right. He'd had it worse than she had. “If you spent half the year on the reservation and the other half with your mother and grandparents, how were you educated?”

“Luckily I was able to keep up with the two different educations as well as the two vastly different cultures, but it wasn't easy. Like you, whenever I had to make another move I left not only friends but family and cultures behind, as well.” One day he would tell her how his grandparents had tried, during the six months he spent with them, to make him forget he was part Indian. He couldn't speak the language around them or do anything to remind them that their grandson had two heritages.

“Then why, Ashton? Why did you choose a life in the military? Knowing how unstable your childhood had been, why didn't you seek stability in your life when you got the chance?”

Ashton walked away from the desk and came and sat next to Netherland on the love seat. She was so absorbed in hearing his response she didn't notice at first. When she did, it was too late. He was sitting so close to her that his thigh was touching hers. So close that she could see the irises of his eyes.

“My main reason, which I'm sure was the same for your father and brothers, was a sense of doing something for my country. I'm a product of two heritages but foremost, I consider myself an American. I love this country and will defend it until the end. And believe it or not, the military gave me all those things I missed out on having while growing up. My stable home was being part of the marines. In that home I obtained a family that included every other marine. In my early days there, during boot camp, I met two men who today are closer to me than any blood brothers could be.”

“Trevor?”

Ashton nodded. “Yes, Trevor is one, and the other is a man by the name of Drake Warren, whom we fondly call Sir Drake.” He smiled. “Hopefully, you'll get a chance to meet Sir Drake when he arrives for the christening of Trevor and Corinthians's baby. He's one of the godfathers.”

Netherland lifted an arched brow. “Just how many godfathers will this baby have?”

“Three.”

“Three?”

“Yes. Sir Drake, Dex Madaris and myself.”

Netherland nodded. She wasn't surprised to hear Dex Madaris's name among them. Everyone knew that Clayton's brother Dex and Trevor had been friends since childhood.

“Who's the godmother? Or should I say godmothers?”

“As far as I know there's only one godmother. Corinthians's best friend Brenna St. Johns, or Brenna Jordache since I understand she recently got married.”

Netherland nodded. Although she didn't know Corinthians's best friend Brenna personally, she had heard from Syneda how the woman had gone on a three-week cruise and met the man of her dreams on the ship and married him.

Netherland was about to take another sip and noticed her glass was empty.

“Want some more?”

She looked at Ashton, again noticing how close they were sitting on the love seat. “No, I think I've had enough.” Netherland looked down at her empty glass before raising curious eyes to Ashton. There was something she wanted to ask him, something that had been bugging her all day.

“Why did you volunteer to be a part of the Brothers Auction?”

Ashton studied her, remembering something Trevor had said. “Does it bother you that I did?”

Inhaling deeply, she blew out her breath in a rush. How could she explain to him that yes, it did bother her and make him understand why it did, when she didn't fully understand it herself? She had no dibs on him, and he was free to do as he pleased with whomever he pleased. “It shouldn't.”

He looked at her, met her gaze intently. “Does it?”

Netherland hated that he was making her admit to something she didn't want to admit to. A part of her wanted to lie to him and say, “No, it doesn't matter.” But another part, the part that had asked the question earlier of why he had volunteered to do it, still wanted an answer. “Yes, it matters.”

He was silent for a moment as he continued to hold her gaze. “And why does it matter, Netherland?”

Netherland bristled slightly. She had answered several of his questions and he had yet to answer one of hers. “It just does, okay,” she said curtly. “Now will you tell me why you volunteered to do it?”

He reached out and traced a finger along her cheek. “The reason I did it was that I thought the money was being raised for a good cause and that my participation would be my contribution. You contributed by volunteering the use of your restaurant.”

Netherland nodded. “So your volunteering had nothing to do with…”

When she didn't complete her question, he raised a dark brow. “Had nothing to do with what?”

She looked at him. “Knowing all those women would want you and that one of them will get the chance to spend a weekend with you in New Orleans.”

Ashton wanted to pull her closer. He wanted to tell her that the only woman who would be spending that weekend with him would be she. What Netherland didn't know was that he had devised a plan and had given someone strict orders to top the highest bid, no matter what it was. In essence, that person would be bidding on his behalf. There was no rule that said a contestant could not bid on himself and present the winning bid to the woman of his choice. He had no intention of letting any woman choose him. He would be the one doing the choosing.

“The notion of spending time with a woman had nothing to do with it, Netherland,” he said finally. “Because no matter what those other women may want, you are the only woman that I want.” Instinctively he pulled her closer to him. “You are the only woman who matters.”

Netherland wanted to tell him that although she'd wanted to hear those words, she shouldn't be the only one who mattered because there would never be a future for them as long as he was in the military. But she couldn't force herself to say the words. The only thing she could do was to continue to look into the darkness of his eyes and see how the lighting from a nearby lamp shone on his features making them more profound, more handsome. As he continued to look at her she felt that same jolt of awareness she had felt the first time she had met him, nearly three years ago, and the same jolt she felt upon seeing him every time since then. Around her he generated heat, electricity, desire.

Without a word she tilted her head up when she saw his mouth move closer to claim her lips. She knew she should stop it now because once they had crossed over the line, there would be no going back. She had waited almost three years for this kiss.

He took her breath away the moment his mouth came down on hers, and the jolt of awareness exploded through all parts of her body. When he parted her lips with the tip of his tongue she was ready and opened completely for him.

Netherland felt him cup the back of her head to bring their mouths closer, tighter, to mate in hungry passion. As if they had a mind of their own, her hands reached up, wrapped her arms around his neck as she moaned gently to the feelings he was evoking within her. She felt herself being picked up, lifted and placed in his lap as he continued to kiss her, absorb her mouth with his, as her heart continued to beat out of control.

She couldn't help but recall the many nights since first meeting him that she had yearned for this moment to find out what his taste was like, to share such an intimate experience with him. His mouth was pleasuring her beyond anything she had known. He was demanding stirring and explosive sensations from within her. He was unfolding a need she hadn't known existed, and his kiss was beckoning her to taste, to feel and to feast on everything about the man who so gently held her in his arms as he gave her the experience women only dreamed about.

Netherland's hands tightened around his neck, urging the intoxicating intimacy to continue forever. She took his tongue into her mouth, savored it, exulted in it and connected with it. No man had ever kissed her this way before, and she knew that no man would ever kiss her this way again. Ashton Sinclair had his own brand of style and was meticulously stamping it all over her mouth with kiss after kiss after kiss.

The kiss eventually came to an end when the need to breathe overrode everything else. Ashton released a ragged breath and touched his forehead to hers. “Netherland, do you want to know something?” he asked, barely able to catch his breath.

She inhaled deeply, trying to catch a breath of her own, almost failing in the process. “What?”

“You don't ever have to agree to go out with me as long as you let me stay in with you doing this.” He then kissed her again, more thorough and hotter than before.

There was no telling how long they would have continued to kiss if the knock on the door had not interrupted them. Netherland drew in a deep breath and released it with a sigh before pulling herself out of Ashton's arms and lap, making it to the door. Without opening it she answered, “Yes?”

“It's Rainey, Nettie. I just wanted to make sure you're okay.”

Netherland turned slightly and looked at Ashton. He was sitting on the love seat watching her. The dark sensual look in his eyes was making her consider things she shouldn't. Already she had gone beyond a point of where she should have with him. He knew it, too. They also knew there was no way to go back to where they had been before tonight. They had done more than acknowledge the attraction between them. In that short space of time, they had tasted the passion, and she had gotten addicted to it. A part of her wished that nothing stood in the way of indulging in the desires he stirred within her.

“Nettie? You're okay?”

The worried tone of Rainey's voice drew Netherland's attention back to her friend. There was no way she could tell Rainey that she was okay when deep in her heart she knew she would never be okay again. Drawing in a deep breath, she unlocked the door and cracked it open slightly. “I'm fine, Rainey.”

Rainey looked at her with those ever-observant eyes. After a brief moment she said, “Yes, Nettie, I see that you are.” She placed a smirky grin on her face, turned around and headed back down the hall.

Netherland closed the door and turned back around to Ashton. He was now standing in the middle of the room. His eyes were simmering with promises of pleasures that went beyond kissing. He was tempting her mindless with the very thought. Tension gripped her entire body as she watched him slowly walk over to her. He must have felt her anxiety and reached out and bracketed her face in the palms of his hands. He probed her eyes for a moment before saying, “We'll work through whatever is keeping us apart, Netherland,” he said simply, easily.

Netherland shook her head. “There isn't a middle ground, Ashton. I refuse to become involved with someone who's in the military.”

His smile was slow, endearing, determined. “You are involved, Netherland. And now that I've tasted you, you're a craving I can't do without, so don't ask me to. There is a middle ground and we will find it. Together.” He took her back into his arms and placed a gentle yet possessive kiss on her lips. Once again her body automatically responded to his.

He then brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “Surrender, Netherland. Surrender your fears about us to me, and I promise to make things right for us.”

Netherland wanted to believe it would be that easy but knew he was promising the impossible. “I can't, Ashton. I've got to have stability and that's something you can't give me as long as you are in the military.”

Without waiting for his response, she opened the door and walked out of her office.

Later that night after Netherland had gotten into bed, she lay there and remembered the kiss—or should she say kisses?—that she and Ashton had shared in her office. A part of her wanted to regret what they had done, but another part of her continued to rejoice and forbid her to worry about the consequences of her actions.

She tossed around in the bed a few times before finally finding a comfortable spot. As much as she tried not to, her mind reflected to that day almost three years ago when she and Ashton had first met. Maybe if she had known from the first that he was military, her attraction to him would not have been so great, so overpowering, so downright unnatural. But it had been. The first sight of him had been like a magnet, pulling her in, and it was a day she would never forget.

As Netherland watched the blades of the ceiling fan swirling overhead, cooling off her overheated body, her mind became occupied with memories of that day…

“Nettie?”

Nettie lifted her head from the document she was reading. “Yes?”

“I hate to disturb you but Trevor Grant and Clayton Madaris are here,” Rainey said, smiling. “They brought some other gentlemen with them and would like to introduce you to them.”

Netherland smiled. Trevor and Clayton were two of her biggest clients, and as single men they patronized her establishment at least three to four times a week, claiming the restaurant's good food was the big draw. She knew their interest in her place also went beyond food. Their frequent visits were designed to check out the single women there, as well. “Do you know who these other men are?”

Rainey smiled dreamily. “One I recognize as Clayton's brother Dex Madaris. I remember him from the last time he came in and had all the women drooling. The other one I think is Clayton's other brother. He favors Clayton and is handsome as sin. The other man I believe is a friend of Trevor's—and he's a total knockout. His hair is longer than mine. He seems to be part Indian or something. All I know is that the man is to die for, three times over.”

Netherland chuckled as she placed the papers she'd been reading aside. “He's that good-looking?”

“Judge for yourself, Nettie.”

And she did.

While only a few feet away from the table she had to agree with Rainey. The man who sat next to Trevor at the table was to die for. He'd had his head bent, chuckling at something Clayton had said, and suddenly it seemed he had heard her approach and turned his head sharply toward her.

Their eyes met, and there was instant sexual awareness.

Immediately, spontaneously, Netherland's heart began hammering deep within her chest, and her pulse began racing. Her knees weakened, which made her slow her pace somewhat. The palms of her hands felt damp. She blinked as if the action would will him away. It didn't. He was still sitting there looking at her as intently as she was looking at him. There was something overpowering and aggressive about him and instead of backing away from it, she found herself drawn closer, so she kept on walking until she had reached their table. All five men stood.

She barely heard Trevor telling the others how wonderful the food served at her restaurant was. She barely recalled the introductions of the other men, Clayton's two brothers—Justin and Dex. Her mind, body, soul and spirit were on the man who stood next to Trevor. She knew his eyes had not left her since he had seen her from across the room. She breathed in deeply when she presented her hand to him. “Nice meeting you, Ashton.”

She found her hand folded gently in the warmth of his as he looked deep within her eyes and said softly, “The pleasure, Netherland, is all mine. Please sit down and join us for a minute.”

She knew she shouldn't. She had a million things to do. A wedding reception was being planned for the next day in one of her banquet rooms. But his request sent her entire body into overdrive, and she found herself sitting in the chair he pulled out for her—next to his.

It was only later, after enjoying herself immensely as she listened to Justin and Dex Madaris try and convince Trevor, Clayton and Ashton about the benefits of marriage that she discovered the explosive attraction between her and Ashton had been a complete waste of good energy. The discovery had come when Trevor jokingly called Ashton “Colonel.”

She had turned to Ashton and saw his eyes were still on her. “Why did Trevor just call you Colonel? Were you once a colonel?”

He smiled at her with the sexiest grin she thought she would ever see on a man. “Yes, ma'am, still am. I'm a colonel in the marines.”

She blinked as she felt a heavy hand clamp itself around her heart. “You're in the marines now?” she asked softly, hoping he would say no and that he had recently retired or something. Instead he met her inquisitive eyes. Something in her tone must have alerted him to the fact that she was asking for a reason—a very important reason—a reason he didn't quite understand.

“Yes, I'm in the marines now, and I'll probably stay in the marines until the day I die.”

She shook her head, confused. He didn't resemble a military man, especially by the head. “But your hair?” she asked, making sure she understood him correctly. “Isn't it too long?” She had been around enough military men to know the low crew cut was Uncle Sam's standard.

“No, my hair isn't too long. Since I'm legally part Indian, the right to wear my hair this length is protected by federal law.”

Netherland nodded. She knew then and there that any thoughts of ever becoming involved with him were over. The last thing she would let happen was to allow a man in her life who didn't have roots. She had been through that with her father, and had promised herself never to go through it again. She had worked too hard for independence and stability in her life to toss them aside for overactive hormones.

Netherland brought her thoughts back to the present. She had promised herself that day that she would not start anything with Ashton she couldn't finish.

Yet, tonight in his arms, she had broken that promise.