Читать книгу The Cowboy's Reunited Family - Brenda Minton - Страница 11
ОглавлениеChapter Two
Blake held his daughter’s frail body gently. She’d been a toddler the last time he’d seen her. He still remembered that day. He’d looked back at her as he walked down the steps of their house, heading for a meeting in Oklahoma City. She’d stood at the door and waved a pudgy little hand, grinning, a bite of cookie in her mouth and chocolate on her chin.
“I missed you so much, ladybug.” He whispered the nickname against her dark hair.
“I think I missed you, too.” She spoke with a soft accent. He remembered her voice. She’d had a Southern drawl, even on words like cookie. Now it was more English and unfamiliar to his ears.
Behind them, Jana sobbed. Blake didn’t turn to look at her. He couldn’t.
“We’re going to get you better,” he promised, as he settled Lindsey back in her bed, pulled the blanket up to her chin and then kissed the top of her head.
“I know.” Her voice sounded thin, weak.
“I mean it.”
She smiled up at him. “I know that I’ll be okay.”
Blake’s throat tightened at the look of confidence and assurance his twelve-year-old daughter gave him. She wanted him to believe she’d be okay. He would make sure she was.
He settled in the chair next to the bed, reaching for her hand. Jana took the seat on the other side, close to the window. She watched them together. Blake tried to ignore her presence. He couldn’t. Somehow their gazes connected. More like clashed. She smiled a little and he nodded, trying not to be touched by that smile, by the regret he saw in her expression.
It was ironic, really. He wanted her to be sorry, to feel guilty. And yet he didn’t want to believe that she meant it. He wasn’t ready to think good things about her. He definitely didn’t want to still be attracted to her. Leftover emotions were bubbling up inside him as he remembered how much in love he’d been with her.
Lindsey moved, drawing his attention back to the bed. She looked up at him, her face thin, her skin sallow in the dim light of the room. She didn’t smile but her hand tightened on his. “Why didn’t you come see me?”
After years of searching for her, he didn’t know how to answer that question. Did he tell his daughter that her mother had kept her from him? As angry as he was, he couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. Jana would have to tell Lindsey the truth. It wouldn’t be easy for any of them. But he wasn’t going to be the one to turn daughter against mother.
“I think we’ll talk about that later.” He eased out the words, knowing it didn’t make sense and Lindsey would question him. “Why don’t you rest?”
She nodded and her eyes drifted closed. “You’re not leaving?”
“They couldn’t drag me away.”
Her eyes opened again. “I’d like to ride a horse when I’m better. Mom says there are a lot of horses in Oklahoma.”
“Yes, there are.”
She squeezed his hand once and then her grip loosened and she slept. Blake looked up as Jana moved to sit on the empty bed behind his chair, closer to him. Too close.
“Have you told the doctors that she has family here?”
“Yes.” Jana scooted onto the bed, sitting with her feet dangling, her hands clasped in her lap. “They’ll have to test you to see if you’re a match. Blake, it won’t be easy.”
“I know that.”
“You might not be a match.”
He nodded and looked at his daughter again. He had to be a match. “If I’m not, there are plenty of us. We’ll find someone.”
“What if there isn’t one? Or what if one of your family is a match but they don’t...”
He cut her off, raising a hand to stop the storm of words.
“Jana, someone will.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “You do what you need to do. Tell the doctors. Arrange the testing. And we’ll take care of the rest.”
He got up and headed for the door. Jana followed him. Once they were in the hall, he realized she was about to lose it. She had probably been as strong as one person can be on her own. Now she looked like any strength she’d been holding on to was about to give out.
What could he do about that?
“I can’t undo what I did.” She leaned back against the wall and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Soft blond hair framed her face.
“No, you can’t.” What an understatement that was. She’d robbed him. She’d robbed Lindsey. Come to think of it, she’d robbed his entire family. Lindsey’s family.
Jana’s shoulders started to shake. Her body sagged against the wall and her knees buckled. He grabbed her, holding her close as she sobbed into his shoulder. She still fit perfectly, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to remember how it had been when they were young. He didn’t want her scent or her touch to be familiar.
It all came back to him. He pushed it away by remembering coming home to an empty house and a note.
He held her until her sobs became quieter, her body ceased shaking. He held her and tried hard not to think about the years he’d spent searching, wishing things could have been different for them, wishing she’d come back.
Before long, those years of wanting her back had been replaced by even more years of anger, of resentment, of not caring if he ever saw her again. All the while he never stopped wanting his daughter back.
“Mrs. Cooper?”
“She’ll be fine,” he assured the woman in the white lab coat walking toward them, her gaze lingering on Jana. “I’m Blake Cooper, Lindsey’s father.”
“Mr. Cooper, I’m Bonnie Palmer. I’m the nurse practitioner handling your daughter’s transplant.”
“I’m the dad who hopes he’s a match. Can an adult give a kidney to a child?”
“Yes, we’ve had great success with adult to child transplants.”
He realized he was still holding Jana, his hands stroking her hair, comforting her. His hands dropped to his sides and she stepped back, visibly trying to regain her composure. She managed a weak smile.
“Where do we start?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“If the two of you could join me in the conference room, we’ll discuss what needs to happen next for your daughter. And I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Cooper. The sooner we can get this done, the better things will be for Lindsey.”
Blake swallowed the painful lump that tightened in his throat. “Let’s get started, then.”
Jana looked up at him, her eyes still misty. “I’m sorry for falling apart.”
“It’s understandable.” He shrugged it off, but not as easily as he would have liked. He looked from Jana to the nurse. “I don’t want Lindsey left alone. I don’t want her to wake up and think I’m gone.”
The nurse indicated a room down the hall. “You go ahead, and I’ll see if we can find an aide to sit with your daughter.”
Together Blake and Jana walked down the hall. He motioned her ahead of him into the conference room that was really just a room with more bad furniture that he barely fit in and a lamp to soften the fluorescent overhead lights.
The door opened and Nurse Palmer entered the room with a compassionate smile but cautious looks as she glanced from Blake to Jana. For thirty minutes she discussed what had to happen, and what were the best- and worst-case scenarios for Lindsey. Blake listened, trying to come to terms with the young woman in that hospital bed and the little girl she’d been the last time he’d seen her. All of those lost years. He glanced at Jana and she looked away.
“What happens if no one in my family is a match?” he asked the nurse.
“We’ll continue dialysis and keep looking for a kidney. We’ll continue to monitor her blood, her heart and her blood pressure. We’re going to do everything in our power to get her well.”
“And if we find a kidney?”
“If she’s fortunate, she won’t reject the kidney, and both she and the kidney stay healthy. Later in life she’ll more than likely need another transplant. If she gets a kidney from a living donor we hope for twenty years.”
Twenty years. She’d be thirty-two. Blake shook his head as the reality of his daughter’s future hit. No matter what, she’d have a lifetime of medication and medical care. “So what do we do first?”
Nurse Palmer stood, clipboard in hand. “We can start testing you, Mr. Cooper. If necessary we’ll test the rest of your family. If they’re willing.”
“They’ll be willing. But let’s just go with the assumption that I’m the donor. When would we do this surgery? How soon?”
The nurse smiled. “Let’s take things one step at a time.”
“It seems to me that time isn’t something we have a lot of.”
“Mr. Cooper, believe me, I appreciate the urgency of this situation.”
“Okay, what’s the first step?”
“We start with paperwork, of course. And then we’ll do blood tests. We want to make sure you have blood types that match. The last thing we want is for her body to reject your kidney.”
“I’m her dad—why wouldn’t they match?”
“Mr. Cooper, being her dad isn’t in question. Your blood type, the antigens in your blood and her body accepting your kidney—those are the issues we’re looking at here. And we also want to make sure you’re in good health and that you have two very healthy kidneys.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Yes, let’s.” Nurse Palmer paused at the door. “Mr. Cooper, you have to understand this is a lengthy evaluation. It isn’t going to happen in an hour. And it isn’t going to happen today. We want a complete physical, blood tests, and we’ll also have you talk to a counselor.”
Great. They’d soon find out he resented the woman sitting across the room from him. He hoped that wouldn’t undo everything.
“I understand.” He reached for the hat he’d dropped on the end table. “But the way I see it, the sooner we get started, the better.”
Jana followed them into the hall. “I’m going to stay with Lindsey.”
Blake gave her a strong look and pushed back a truckload of suspicion. She wasn’t going anywhere with Lindsey. Not now. He knew that, and he’d fight through the doubts about Jana and her motives. He’d do what he had to do to make sure Lindsey got the care she needed.
He’d deal with his ex-wife later.
* * *
Jana watched Lindsey sleep. The nurse’s aide had left when she got back, only to return with a tray holding two plates. The meal was some type of chicken stir-fry. Jana tried to eat but couldn’t. Eventually Lindsey would wake up, and when she did, she’d have questions. Jana would need to have the answers. Real answers, not the ones she’d given her for years.
As she had done for the past few months, Jana prayed. She’d learned to pray, learned to trust God. She knew that Blake doubted her. Sometimes she doubted herself. But she didn’t doubt God or the faith that she’d learned to rely on when she first discovered that Lindsey’s kidneys were failing.
She had termed it “end of the rope” faith. She’d been dangling at the end of hers, and God had reached out to save her, even though she’d always doubted His existence.
“You took me away from here?” Her daughter’s soft voice broke into Jana’s thoughts.
She looked at her daughter, at the hazel eyes that were so similar to Blake’s. Those eyes were full of accusations.
“I did.”
“Why?”
Jana couldn’t look away from her child. She also couldn’t avoid the answer that would make her look like the most selfish person in the world. But hopefully someday Lindsey would see her mother as someone who’d made a mistake and then tried to make things right.
For now she would tell Lindsey the basics, not the whole story, a story that included not realizing how depressed she was during those dark days before she left Dawson and for months afterward.
“I was lost, Lindsey. I loved your dad, but I didn’t know how to be the wife of a Cooper. I didn’t know how to live so far away from London. I thought if I tried to leave him, he would take you away from me. I know that what I did was wrong, but at the time I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“You knew he was looking for me. That’s why we moved so often.”
“Yes.” The word cut deep, to the very depths of her soul. Jana reached to brush dark hair back from Lindsey’s face. “I am sorry. I’m going to make it up to you.”
“I’ll never leave with you again. You can’t make me.”
“I won’t try. We’ll stay here so you can be near your dad.”
“I want to live where he lives.”
“Okay.” Jana choked on the word, because she knew that her daughter meant living with Blake and not with her.
“Where is he?” Lindsey looked around the room. “Is he gone?”
“No, he’s being tested to see if he can be your donor.”
Lindsey reached for the cup on the table. Jana picked it up, held it to her lips. Lindsey took a long drink and then pulled away.
“Do I have other family here?”
Jana nodded. “Yes.”
“Tell me about them.”
“You have grandparents. Tim and Angie. I think Tim’s mother, Granny Myrna, is still alive. And then there are about a dozen kids, your dad’s brothers and sisters.”
“A dozen?” Lindsey’s eyes widened.
“Yes. The Coopers had several children, then adopted more. It’s a very big family. They have a large ranch with horses and cattle.”
Lindsey closed her eyes, a faint smile appearing on her lips. “I always thought I remembered my dad and the horse.”
Lindsey opened her eyes again and her smile faded. “I’m mad that you kept me away from them.”
“I know.”
“Mothers make mistakes, sometimes.” The woman’s voice at the door startled Jana. She turned to face the visitors and then she stood as Angie Cooper entered the room. “You brought her back to us, Jana. That took courage.”
Jana didn’t know what to say. Behind Angie, Tim Cooper filled the doorway. Older, but every bit the man she remembered. He entered the room, frowning and then looked past her, his gaze locking on the face of his granddaughter, and he smiled.
“Lindsey, these are your grandparents.” Jana stepped back out of the way. “Tim and Angie Cooper.”
“You can just call us Nan and Granddad.” Angie leaned over her granddaughter. “You are just as beautiful as I remember.”
“I was little.” Lindsey bit down on her bottom lip, staring up at the grandparents she’d been denied. Regret, Jana had so much of it.
“I’ll be in the hall.” Jana smiled at her daughter. “I won’t go far.”
Angie reached for Jana’s hand as she started to walk away.
“Thank you for bringing her back.”
Jana nodded and walked out the door. Her heart ached as she headed down the hall. She was fighting to save her daughter’s life, but now she worried she would have to fight to keep her daughter’s love, too. The Coopers were powerful, and even though they were kind, she knew they would band together to keep Lindsey close. And she knew, even though they would forgive, that they wouldn’t welcome her back into their lives.
The doors of the hospital chapel were open. She stepped inside the quiet room with the wood pews and soft lighting, and for a few minutes she found peace. She kneeled at the altar, soaking up the presence of God, because she knew that only with His help would she get through the coming days.
She prayed for Lindsey. She prayed for healing. She prayed for forgiveness. Then she left the quiet sanctuary, not sure where to go but knowing she needed time alone, and Lindsey needed her grandparents.
“Mrs. Cooper, your husband is on the second floor if you want to join him,” a nurse told Jana.
“I’m...” Jana paused, not knowing how to tell the nurse that Blake wasn’t her husband. “Thank you.”
She walked to the elevator. She hadn’t planned on going to the second floor, but she did. After stepping off the elevator, she headed down a brightly lit hall. She saw Blake buttoning up his shirt as he walked out a double door. He was on the phone, telling someone he would see them soon and he would make it up to them. She didn’t want to think about who he was talking to, but she couldn’t help but imagine. It was a woman, someone he was involved with. Of course he had moved on. It had been ten years. She hadn’t expected him to be alone forever.
He looked up, frowning when he saw her, then ended the conversation.
“How’s it going?” she asked him.
“I’m finished with paperwork and officially checked in to the hospital, I think. They’re going to run tests on my kidneys, heart and lungs.” He shrugged. “They’ve already taken blood.”
“Blake, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I’m sorry that we’re pulling you away from your life this way.”
“Why would you say that? Jana, I’d move heaven and earth to make sure Lindsey gets the help she needs.”
She knew he would. He had probably moved heaven and earth trying to find them. Everything inside her ached when she thought about Blake’s no doubt frantic search for his daughter. Not for his wife, though. He’d probably be happy if she dropped off the face of the earth.
Eventually she would have to tell him about the darkness, the depression, that had swept over her during those last months of their marriage. She would have to tell him how long it had taken her to climb out of that pit, and what it had taken to get her life back. But not now. He wasn’t ready to hear that now.
“I know you would do anything for her, Blake. Thank you, for coming with me today.”
“Stop thanking me. It makes me feel like a stranger who happened into your life. I’m not a stranger. I’m her dad.” He pushed the button on the elevator. “I need a cup of coffee. Want to join me?”
“A cup of coffee would be nice.”
As they rode the elevator down to the first floor, neither of them spoke. They were strangers, really. Jana didn’t know about his life. He didn’t know much about hers. They shared a daughter. That was it.
No, that was wrong. They weren’t strangers. They’d been married. He’d wooed her, and she’d fallen in love. She hadn’t exactly fallen out of love. She’d left him because she’d been young. She’d missed her home, people who sounded the way she sounded. She’d gotten homesick. Desperately homesick. And she’d grown terribly sad and hadn’t been able to overcome it.
Now, almost eleven years later, they were back to being strangers. She didn’t know the man he’d become. He didn’t know her. She wondered if they’d ever really known each other. “I’m hoping that we’ll know by morning if I’m a match,” he offered as they walked through the doors of the cafeteria.
“That would be good.” She followed him to the coffee machine.
He filled a cup and handed it to her and then reached for another cup. “Jana, we’ll have to come up with a plan for sharing our daughter.”
“She wants to stay with you,” Jana admitted as she stirred sugar in her coffee. “She’s angry with me.”
“She won’t always be angry,” he said as he pulled out money to pay for the coffee. He smiled at the cashier, took his change and nodded toward a booth in the corner.
Jana waited until they were seated before she answered. “Won’t she, Blake? Because I think she will. I think if I was her, I’d resent me. I’d want nothing to do with me.”
“She’s young. She’s been through a lot.”
“She’s been through a lot because of me. So have you. I’m really kind of surprised that you would sit here and have coffee with me.”
He was quiet for a long time, looking into the cup of black coffee, his brows knit together in thought. Finally he looked up. “Yeah, well, I’m a little surprised myself. I’m angry. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust you. But I do know that we have a daughter who needs us both. For her sake, I’ll work through this and we’ll find a way to be friends, to at least form a truce, because she needs that from us. She needs for us to be adults and pave the way for her to be happy.”
“You’re right.”
“Am I? Because I’m talking about you staying here. The last time I saw you, you weren’t too excited about living in Dawson. I still live there, Jana. And this is where Lindsey will live. This time I’ll make sure you can’t get her out of the country.”
Her heart hammered hard against her ribs. “I’m prepared to do what I have to do in order to keep Lindsey safe and happy.”
“You’re prepared to live in the town you disliked so intensely you thought it would be a good idea to take our daughter and leave just a note on the table?”
She met his accusing gaze head-on.
“I’m not twenty-four anymore. I’m thirty-five. We’ve both gotten older and wiser. I’ve learned to deal with life better now.”
If she told him more, he would understand, but she couldn’t. Not now. Whatever she said would sound like an excuse, like a plea for sympathy. She couldn’t tell him, not yet. No matter what he thought of her.
“Why didn’t you come back?” Blake asked her.
“Because I didn’t know what would happen. I was afraid you’d take Lindsey. I was afraid you’d have the police waiting for me.”
“I wouldn’t have done either.”
“Are you sure?” She smiled a little, imagining what lengths he would have gone to in order to get Lindsey back.
“Okay, maybe,” he admitted. “Maybe not.”
He finished his coffee and pushed back from the table. “We should get back upstairs to Lindsey before I have to finish the tests.”
The comment took Jana by surprise. She’d expected him to want more answers, more information. Instead he seemed to be done with her and with explanations.
She would survive his anger. At least she wanted to believe she would. But her heart wasn’t absolutely sure it could survive another round of Blake Cooper in her life.
