Читать книгу Discovering You - Brenda Novak - Страница 9
ОглавлениеRod had never particularly liked red hair. He usually had a preference for blondes. But India’s hair, which fell long and straight to her shoulders, was between a bright orange and a dark mahogany, and somehow it worked with her pale skin and almost translucent blue eyes. She was different, unique, delicate in appearance.
The more he looked at her, the more he liked what he saw. But based on what he’d gathered from their conversation since she’d started to drive, she was still in love with her dead husband. She teared up when she talked about him, and yet she wouldn’t say how he died. When Rod asked, she told him she didn’t want to “go into that.” Then she fiddled with her wedding ring the rest of the way to town. The only thing he could get out of her was that it’d been eleven months since the “tragedy” that’d taken Charlie.
“When will your daughter be back?” he asked, hoping she’d be more comfortable if he changed the subject.
“After the Fourth of July,” she replied.
He shifted to ease the terrible ache in his leg. “That gives you three weeks on your own.”
“Yes, too long for me, but I plan to make good use of that time.” She turned toward the river, where they both lived.
“Doing what?”
“Using that potter’s wheel you helped me carry into the house.”
“You do ceramics for a living?”
“Hope to,” she said. “To be honest, I haven’t made much money on it in the past, but I’ve never seriously pursued my art. I plan to open my own studio one day.”
The smile that curved her lips when she said that—as if it had always been her dream—lit her whole face.
“Here in Whiskey Creek?”
“Yes.”
“Not out of your house...”
“No. I’m picturing a cute little shop downtown. But first I have to build up my inventory.”
He was glad she didn’t expect folks to find her place along the river. He didn’t think she could be successful there, not tucked away as they were. “Don’t you have stuff already? I mean, haven’t you been doing it for a while?”
“Since high school, but not with a business in mind. What I created before belongs to a different era in my life. Now that I’m starting over, rebuilding, I’d like to take my work in a new direction.”
Her husband must’ve left her well-off, Rod decided. She’d essentially told him that what she planned to do wouldn’t cover her bills—and he knew she’d paid quite a bit for her house. Although it’d once been a cheap rental, some investors had purchased it and renovated with the intent of reselling. They did a lot of work and put some key upgrades into it, so it’d been pricey by the time they were done.
Of course, Rod would’ve been able to tell by her clothes—or that rock of a wedding ring—that she wasn’t hurting for money, even if he hadn’t known how much she’d paid for the house, or noticed the expensive furniture the movers carried in when the van arrived a few hours after he and his brothers had helped set up her potter’s wheel. “So you’ll work from home every day?”
“For the next year or so, until I can determine if I have any chance at succeeding.”
“You can make it,” he said. “There’re quite a few artisans in Gold Country. There’s a glassworks place not far away, in Sutter Creek, if you haven’t seen it.”
“I have. It’s wonderful.” She stopped at the four-way, the last turn before the route home took them along the river. “What about you? What do you do?” she asked. “From the way the paramedics were talking, I wondered if you’re a professional fighter.”
“No,” he said with a chuckle. “My oldest brother, Dylan, used to do MMA. Made good money at it, too. But he didn’t want the rest of us to get involved in it. He needed us to work in the family business, which started doing well after he took over.”
“From...”
“My father.” Rod didn’t state the reason or say anything about the circumstances. He knew how his history would sound to someone who wasn’t familiar with it, especially someone who came from a better class of people—and India’s clothes, her interest in art, even her language, suggested she came from a better class of people.
She tucked her silky-looking hair behind her ear. “What kind of business?”
“We own the auto body shop.”
“And you work there?”
He could smell her perfume. That, too, seemed to hint at money. “I do. Probably always will. But that’s okay. There isn’t anything I’d rather be doing. Maybe you’ve seen it. Amos Auto Body. It’s a couple of blocks off Sutter Street.”
She shook her head. “Don’t think I have.”
“I’ve been fixing smashed cars, trucks and motorcycles pretty much all my life.”
“Given the state of your bike, that experience should be useful,” she said wryly.
He opened and closed his right hand, which was beginning to swell. “I rebuilt it the first time. I can do it again.”
“It was insured, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“That should help.”
He leaned over to check her speedometer. He felt he could push the damn car faster than she was driving. “You realize you’re ten miles under the speed limit.”
“I’m a little rattled.”
“Why? I’m the one who got into a fight.”
She gave him an exasperated look. “Which proves there’s no telling what you might come across out here!”
He chuckled. “This is a quiet area. I think you’re safe for the rest of the night. And I would like to get home before morning,” he added, just to rib her.
Her jaw dropped open. “You have no shame,” she said. “Here I am, being a good citizen and helping you out, and you’re criticizing the way I do it.”
“Nope. I’m only suggesting you make more of an effort.”
She hit the gas, and the car surged forward. “Happy now?”
“Happier.”
“I aim to please.”
He studied her profile. “India’s a different name. You’re the first India I’ve ever met.”
“My mother loved Gone with the Wind. Named me after India Wilkes.”
“Shouldn’t it be Scarlett or something like that?”
“India was a secondary character.”
“I guess I skipped that book,” he joked. He’d skipped a lot of books, hardly ever shown up for class. It was surprising he’d graduated from high school. He wouldn’t have, if his big brother had been willing to accept anything less. “Where does your mother live these days? She still in Oakland?”
“She died when I was eighteen.”
She’d had to deal with two family deaths? “I’m sorry. So it’s just you and your father now?”
“No, my father died before she did, but I didn’t know him very well. They were divorced when I was three. He was an alcoholic, wasn’t part of my life.”
He could relate to her situation there. His own father had turned to alcohol. “So neither of your parents knew Charlie?”
“No, we were only together the last six years.”
“Where did you meet?”
He expected her to say college. The timing would’ve been about right. But she didn’t. “I was waiting tables at a restaurant near the hospital where he worked. He and some of the other doctors used to come in quite often.”
“Doctors.”
She nodded. “He was ten years older than me.”
“And he was a doctor.” Rod repeated that because it wasn’t good news. It confirmed that she was, indeed, way out of his league.
“A heart surgeon,” she said.
Shit. Just what a guy wanted to hear when he’d never even attempted college.
“If he’d had another fifteen or twenty years, who knows what he might’ve accomplished,” she said softly, almost reverently. “I believe he would’ve made a real difference in the world.”
Rod knew then that it didn’t matter if Charlie was six feet under. An auto body technician couldn’t compare with a renowned heart surgeon, even the memory of one.
“Was it a car accident that killed him?” Rod hoped it wasn’t a heart attack. That would be too ironic.
“Please. Like I said, I’d rather not talk about his death.”
He didn’t understand why she had to leave him wondering. She’d told him other things, like how long Charlie had been gone. Why couldn’t she say it was an accident or an illness or whatever?
“I shouldn’t have asked again,” he said. But his curiosity couldn’t be entirely unexpected. Someone dying that early was unusual.
They were silent for a moment. Then Rod spoke again. He didn’t want his question about her late husband to be the end of their conversation. “Can’t be easy to work on art with a child underfoot. Is that part of the reason your in-laws are keeping your daughter? To give you a chance to get started on your pottery?”
“Not really. Having her around helps fill the hole Charlie left behind. They have a daughter, but her job took her to Japan two years ago. They don’t see her often.”
“A family of high achievers, huh?”
“Yes. They can be a bit intimidating.”
“You didn’t feel you fit in?”
She hesitated. “They were fine. Anyway, for the record, I’d never choose to be without Cassia.” She sent him a grim smile. “When she’s gone, I hardly know what to do with myself. I can’t work all the time.”
She’d recently lost her husband, and she was new in town. He could see why she’d want her daughter to keep her company. But at least the kid had grandparents who cared about her. Rod hadn’t been lucky enough to get decent parents, let alone anything more. If not for Dylan, his oldest brother, who’d raised him, he would’ve been put into foster care when he was in middle school.
Now that they were older and able to take care of themselves, life was easier. Rod was glad of that. He was also determined not to do anything that might make it hard again. Intrigued though he was with his new neighbor, he’d be better off moving on to other prospects.
“You’ve been through a lot of changes,” he said. “But I’m sure things will eventually improve.” That was a throwaway statement. He was backing off and letting her have her secrets and her space. Considering what his mother had done and how it had affected his whole family, he had no desire to get involved with an emotionally inaccessible woman. He wasn’t about to try to break down what he considered a locked door.
When India glanced over, he could tell she’d noticed the change in his tone. That glance was filled with uncertainty, and maybe a tinge of regret. She understood that he’d disengaged; he could see it in her face. It surprised him that she didn’t seem completely convinced she wanted that. But what else could he do? She was the one who’d thrown up barriers.
“You’re quiet,” she said at length.
Now that he no longer had any romantic interest to distract him from his injuries, he discovered that his leg, his mouth, his hands—almost every part of his body—hurt like hell. He needed to take a shower, swallow some pain pills and fall into bed. “It’s late. I’m not in the best shape. And there’s not much to say.”
“I may not be open to a relationship. I’m still in love with Charlie. I hope we can be friends, though.”
That was direct, but he’d been direct with her. He preferred open communication, didn’t see any reason to play games. “Of course.”
“I’m sincere. I could use a friend.”
He shrugged. “Sure, we’ll be friends and neighbors.”
That must’ve sounded trite, because she frowned, apparently not pleased by his response.
Bed, he told himself. He needed sleep. This woman was sending him mixed signals. She said she was still in love with her late husband and yet she kept looking at him as if...well, as if she liked what she saw. How was he supposed to react to that if she wouldn’t give him a chance?
As soon as she pulled into his drive, he reached for the door handle.
“Rod?”
When he looked back, she seemed about to speak.
“Yes?” he prompted.
She pressed her thumbnails into the padded steering wheel. “Maybe if...if you’re not too tired, you should come over to my place.”
“Right now?”
When she raised her eyes, she seemed nervous—but she nodded.
“What for?” he asked.
She kept making those indentations in her steering wheel. “Well, I’ve got some salve and bandages. I could help get the dirt and gravel out of your leg.”
Except she’d just told him she wasn’t interested. What the hell? “It’s okay, I’ll manage.”
She caught his arm. “You could—” her voice fell to a whisper “—shower at my place.”
He stared down at her pale hand against his darker skin. “I thought you didn’t want to be with me.”
Releasing his arm, she looked away. “I never said that.”
“You shut me down. Immediately. I let you know I was interested, that I wanted to take you out, and got a no.”
She went back to making those marks in the steering wheel. “Because I’m not available for a relationship. I think it’s important to be honest about that up front.”
“So what’s this about?” He peered at her a little more closely. “Sex?”
Her nails dug deeper. “No! I just thought...maybe we could get to know each other a little better.”
“Then this isn’t about sex. You want me to shower at your place...as a friend? For company or something?”
“Sort of. I guess we could...talk.”
They’d been talking. He didn’t believe that was what she had in mind. But whatever she was asking for wasn’t easy for her to put into words. “You’re missing your husband,” he ventured.
“Of course.”
“The way he touched you.”
She briefly closed her eyes. “Yes.”
“And you haven’t been with anyone since.”
Her face flushed. If he could see her cheeks in the light, he suspected they’d match her hair. “Right.”
He felt his breath seep out, hadn’t even known he was holding it. “Then you do want to fuck me.”
When she blanched, he regretted stating it so baldly. But he didn’t want to wind up at her house and have her bail on him. This night had been bad enough.
“It doesn’t have to go that far,” she said.
“You just want to make out?”
“I’m...open to ideas. I guess with Cassia gone, it felt like a good opportunity to...” Finally, she glanced up—and then she seemed to lose her train of thought because she stopped talking again.
“Be with a man,” he filled in. Did that put it nicely enough?
She slid her bracelets up her arm, something she’d been doing the whole drive. “If...if you’re interested. But you’re injured and...I’m basically a stranger to you, so...I’ll understand if you’re not up for that kind of...encounter.”
“I’m trying to get this straight. You won’t let me take you to dinner. But you’ll let me take off your clothes?”
She would no longer look at him. “I know, that sounds crazy,” she said with an awkward laugh. “I’m not thinking straight. You can go.”
“This back and forth is confusing,” he told her. “I’ve been getting conflicting signals since I got in your car. So why don’t you tell me exactly what you’re after?”
Her eyes widened. “You liked the dress,” she said helplessly, as if she couldn’t frame it any more clearly than that.
He chuckled at her lame attempt. “I like what’s in the dress, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
She said nothing. Staring straight ahead, at his house, she nibbled at her bottom lip.
“Look at me,” he said and waited for her to comply. “Are you really committed to going to bed with a man you’ve barely met? Have you ever done that before?”
“No. I’ve been with some rather...unsavory characters, but I always knew them before...you know.”
“And that means...”
“It wouldn’t be a good idea.”
“That’s a no,” he said. “Okay. I’m glad I clarified. Because if I’d had to guess, I would’ve gone the other way.”
He started to get out, but she caught his arm again, and this time when he looked back, she gripped her forehead with her free hand and squeezed her eyes shut. “Yes. It’s a yes.”
Suddenly, Rod didn’t feel all the aches and pains that’d been bothering him. Opportunities like this didn’t come around very often. Although there’d never been any shortage of women in his life, there’d been no one like India Sommers. She was refined, educated, classy—not the kind of girl who typically tried to pick him up.
Lowering his gaze to her lips, he leaned across the console to get a sample of what he could expect at her house. He could tell a lot about a woman by the way she kissed—and he wasn’t disappointed. She wasn’t too assertive or overeager, despite the fact that she was the one who’d extended the invitation. She was still struggling with her decision to do something so reckless. He could feel the tug-of-war inside her—between her idea of what was appropriate and her desire. But she was responsive in spite of that, and her mouth meshed so comfortably with his that he had no doubt he was in for a special treat.
He could use a few hours with a woman, especially a woman who kissed like this.
When her hands touched his face, and her tongue gently probed the cut on his bottom lip before she allowed him to deepen the kiss, he could sense an inherent sweetness, and that caused his excitement to skyrocket. He’d found her to be different and attractive from the start. But she’d acted so aloof when he helped her unload her Prius, Rod had decided she thought she was too good for him and his brothers.
He’d never expected this.
“That’s nice,” she murmured when he kept it soft.
It was nice. Her kiss told him she wasn’t nearly as cold and unreachable as he’d assumed.
Soon his heart was pounding almost as hard as when he’d gotten into that fight. But as she relaxed and began to sink into the kiss, he could tell she was investing a great deal of emotion, as if...as if she knew him better than she did.
He pulled back to look at her, but she didn’t open her eyes. He was fairly certain she didn’t want to see him. She wanted to feel what he was making her feel so she could pretend he was someone else. Someone she loved and missed. Charlie.
A strange reluctance hit him, slowing his pulse. Two minutes earlier he hadn’t cared that she wanted him only for his body. He’d known she wasn’t inviting him over for his personality; they weren’t well enough acquainted for that. But now?
His gut told him to stop. He’d been with plenty of women, knew he could give her an orgasm. But she’d experienced what it was like to feel something deeper for the man who was making her tremble. A hit-and-run, even a successful one, would only convince her that their time together had been a mistake.
Finally, she opened her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
He wasn’t sure he could explain the disappointment he felt, wasn’t sure he should try. Since they’d barely met, it probably wouldn’t make any sense.
“Are you...in pain?” she asked. “Hurting? I have ibuprofen at my house.”
“That’s not it.” He had so much testosterone flowing through him that, once again, he could hardly feel his injuries. He wanted her; he was rock-hard. But she didn’t want him, and that disconnect was something he’d never experienced before. His previous one-night stands had involved women who admired him and were anxious to be with him—or what they perceived him to be. Even if he couldn’t count love as part of the equation, there’d been the hope of something more, a certain openness that wasn’t present here. It was almost as if India had chosen him because she didn’t feel he could ever be a threat to her heart. He was just a cheap substitute for the man she’d married.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You’re sorry?” she echoed. “What does that mean?”
“I didn’t intend to get your hopes up and then disappoint you.” On the contrary, that was the one thing still goading him to continue. He felt he’d made a commitment, even though he’d barely touched her.
“Is that what you’re doing?” she asked.
“I guess it is,” he replied.
“What’d I do? You...you don’t like the way I kiss? Or my perfume reminds you of someone else? Or—”
“Nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
Should he tell her that he’d figured out why she’d chosen him? That he understood she’d defined him as a “troublemaker,” thanks to what she’d witnessed tonight and what Chief Bennett had said, and saw him as the perfect guy to use?
“I’d go home with you if that’d fix anything,” he said and meant it. “But you’d be every bit as lonely and miserable in the morning. The guilt might make things worse.”
Her troubled eyes met his. “If you’re stopping for my sake, don’t. I see it as an hour or two during which I won’t have to feel what I’d otherwise feel.” She pressed her lips against his, trying to engage him again. “I can take care of myself,” she said when he resisted. “I’ll accept responsibility.”
Catching her hands, he leaned away from her. “But there’s no way I can compete with the man in your mind.”
She looked befuddled. “You don’t need to compete. I’m not asking you to.”
“That’s just it. Because you’ve already counted me out. Why would I get involved?”
“Surely a guy like you—”
“A guy like me? You don’t even know me.”
“I’m guessing you’ve had other casual encounters.”
“Of course. I’m not pretending to be a saint.”
“Then...how am I different?” she asked. “I won’t expect anything from you afterward. I promise. I may live next door, but I’ll keep to myself.”
“Maybe that’s the problem.” He could feel her surprise when he got out, knew she was watching as he walked to his house and went inside. He was stunned himself. Was he crazy to refuse what she’d offered him?
He knew what Grady and Mack would say. They’d think he’d lost his ever-lovin’ mind. They’d all been admiring her, and she’d just invited him into her bed!
If he were a few years younger, he would’ve said yes to something quick and dirty like that, he told himself. But he was thirty-one. It was time to take life more seriously, time to earn more respect. If India wanted to be with him, she’d have to give him an honest shot, not relegate him to the category of “good for a midnight ride but nothing else.”
Just because he’d had so little in life for so long didn’t mean he had to accept less forever—even if he was an auto body technician and not a heart surgeon.
* * *
If she closed her eyes, India could taste Rod’s kiss, could easily feel the way his lips and tongue had moved with and against hers. It wasn’t often that a man could kiss with such perfect pressure tempered by control. She’d just decided that she’d picked an ideal partner, one who could actually carry her away, when he’d pulled back and brought all that positive sensation to a halt.
Why had he changed his mind?
What he’d said led her to believe he wasn’t satisfied with the limitations she’d imposed on their encounter. Perhaps he didn’t like that she was the one dictating the terms. Or she’d ruined the challenge by offering. The men she’d been with before Charlie had liked having something to conquer. Love, or what passed for it, was a game to them. Considering what she’d learned from those early experiences, she’d played Rod entirely wrong. But she was an adult now, no longer interested in all the pretense and posturing that so often went with the single life.
Besides, she hadn’t intended to proposition him, hadn’t intended any of what had happened tonight. It’d been a desperate, spur-of-the-moment attempt to numb the dull ache that echoed through her body with every beat of her heart.
“Congratulations, you’ve fallen to a whole new low,” she muttered to herself. She needed to get her little girl back home. Cassia was the only anchor she still had in her life. She wouldn’t have made this mistake if Cassia was with her.
Getting her child back early wouldn’t be easy. Charlie’s parents wouldn’t welcome the idea. They’d likely start a fight as soon as she mentioned it.
Tears burned her eyes as she entered her drive and parked. Then she sat there, staring at her new house. She needed to hang all the art waiting in the detached garage, make this place her home in the truest sense. But some of those pieces were so heavy they’d require a helper, which she didn’t have, not unless she went to the trouble of hiring someone.
Anyway, the paintings would only remind her of Charlie, she told herself. He was the one who’d bought them for her—and she already thought of him far too often. She’d never get over him if she didn’t do what she could to move on.
She saw a light go on next door and realized it was probably coming from Rod’s room. The window that glowed in the darkness was on the second floor, and it had a small deck with stairs that led to the backyard and overlooked the river. She grabbed her purse, but just as she reached for the door latch, he confirmed that it was his room by coming out onto that deck and looking down at her car.
She wished she’d hurried inside while she’d had the chance to do it without being observed. How could she be so desperate as to proposition her new neighbor?
He must’ve thought she was pathetic...
Blinking back the tears that’d threatened a moment before—the situation would only get worse if he believed she was crying over his rejection—she forced herself to climb out of the car. She wanted to offer him an apology for being so forward, and to promise she’d never approach him like that again. But he was too far away to hear her, and she wasn’t about to walk any closer.
Better to prove it, anyway.
So she acted as though she didn’t notice him standing there and said nothing.
Once she was safely inside, she breathed a sigh of relief, locked the door and went to lie on Cassia’s bed, where she could hug one of her daughter’s stuffed animals while she waited for morning. Although she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep for some time—she’d had trouble getting a solid eight hours ever since that night—she didn’t bother turning on any lights. She just stared at the moonbeams filtering through the window.
