Читать книгу A Year of Second Chances - Buffy Andrews - Страница 13

Chapter 5

I sat in the car in front of the gym, trying to muster the courage to go in. I was thirty pounds heavier than when I was pregnant with Tory and that was two decades ago. Over the years I’d exercised off and on, just like I’d tried one fad diet after another. But as the years passed it’d become harder to keep the pounds off. They settled around my middle, butt and hips and I looked like my mother when I was brave enough to peek into a mirror.

I’ll admit I have a sweet tooth and have been known to down a bag of chips in one sitting, which is why I only buy them for special occasions. But watching girls who were a quarter of my size bend their bodies in ways that looked downright painful without breaking a sweat made me want to turn around and walk back out the door I’d just entered through.

“May I help you?”

I turned to see a Barbie-esque girl who looked like she was fresh from a Sports Illustrated photo shoot. An auburn ponytail sprouted from the top of her head and bobbed across her back between her narrow shoulders. She wore purple and black yoga pants and a matching tank that hugged her double D breasts.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” I turned toward the door.

“No. Wait!”

I felt her hand on my right shoulder and turned around.

“Please, don’t go. I know coming to a gym can be intimidating. I know it takes a lot of courage to walk through that door. Three years ago, I was a hundred pounds heavier.”

My eyes widened as they involuntarily scanned her size-six body.

She smiled. “I know, right? It’s hard to imagine. But I have proof.” She nodded toward a row of cubicles on the right. “Want to see?”

I couldn’t imagine the twentysomething standing in front of me weighing a hundred pounds more. I guess my curiosity got the better of me and I followed her to the last cubicle. Crayon drawings sporting stick figures with big heads and three fingers were taped to the walls. I smiled, thinking of the plastic bins stuffed full of Tory and David’s artwork in the basement. “Lovely drawings.”

She flashed a smile. “Thanks. My daughter, Daisy, loves to draw.”

She opened her middle desk drawer, pulled out a photo and handed it to me. “This was me three years ago. By the way, I don’t think I introduced myself. I’m Renee.”

I shook her hand and took the photo. I could tell it was Renee – same beautiful face only this one was accompanied by a double chin and chubby cheeks. I looked at her, then at the photo, then at her again.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” she said.

I nodded, handing the photo back to her. “Congratulations! You look fabulous.”

She opened the desk drawer and slid the photo inside. “And you can, too!”

I glanced down at my dowdy self. “Do you really think so?”

“Please, have a seat. Let’s talk.”

I learned Renee was thirty-three and, after a bitter divorce brought about by her husband’s affair, had decided to change her life. Her story sounded all too familiar.

“After the divorce, I finished my college degree. I was only a few credits shy of earning that piece of paper but just never seemed to have the time to tackle classes and homework.”

“What did you study?”

“Communications. I work for a non-profit. Derrick and I have joint custody of Daisy so on the days she’s with him, I work here. The free gym membership is nice, and I’ve been studying to become a personal trainer. In fact, I take my test next week.”

I shifted in my seat. “Congratulations!”

“So, are you ready?”

I furrowed my brow. “Uh, for what?”

“To reinvent yourself!”

I bit my lower lip. “I’m not sure I could ever look like you.”

“It’s not about looking like me. It’s about you becoming healthier, taking charge of your life, your destiny.”

I glanced down at my middle and the muffin top protruding over my waistline. I’d come to hate that mound of fat more than anything. Once, I had a dream in which I took a pill and all the fat melted away. When I woke up and felt my stomach, I realized it was just a dream. The jiggly mound was still there, laughing at me.

I know weight gain isn’t uncommon for someone my age, but I needed to stop using that as an excuse. I thought about my list. If I wanted to run a marathon, I had to start somewhere. I sighed. “To be honest, I’m a bit scared.”

Renee sat up straighter. “Don’t be. It’s not going to be easy. Nothing great ever is. But if you want to get healthier…”

I interrupted her. “I want to run a marathon.”

Renee’s eyes widened. “Well, okay, then. If you want to run a marathon, you have to start somewhere. You don’t start running twenty-six miles in the first week.”

I laughed. “Probably never.”

Renee shook her finger. “Now, now, now. No negativity.”

I winced. “Sorry.”

“No worries. I remember when I first started coming here, I couldn’t do much and I felt like everyone was watching me.”

I nodded. “How often did you work out?”

“Three times a week at first, but eventually I tried to do at least something every day. Why don’t I show you around?”

I followed Renee to the main area. The treadmills and elliptical trainers on the second floor loft stood like sentinels watching over the rows of weight machines below. To the right of the sea of machines were racket ball courts with glass walls and a gym where Renee explained they held classes. To the left of the machines was a room for indoor cycling and beyond that a pool. The facility also contained a full basketball court.

“Do you ever have any trouble getting a machine when you come?” I asked.

“Not really. Obviously late afternoon, right after work, is busy, but never so busy I can’t find an empty treadmill or elliptical. As you can see, we have a lot of equipment.”

I followed Renee as she showed me the locker room, which contained a sauna and whirlpool and was conveniently connected to the swimming pool.

By the time we’d finished the tour I was sold. I at least had to try.

“Let’s go over the paperwork and get you started,” Renee said.

I followed her back to her cubicle and thirty minutes later walked out with a plastic membership card bearing my name.

My cell phone rang. It was Tory.

“Hi, sweetie! How’s the studying going?”

“Not bad. Sorry for not calling last night, but I was at the library with a group from my marketing class finishing our final project.”

“Did you finish it?”

“Yes, finally.”

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Definitely.”

I opened my car and climbed inside. “Is everything set for graduation?”

Tory sighed. “I think so. I made reservations at the inn for Dad, you, me and David.”

“Keeping up the family tradition, eh?”

Tory laughed.

Tory and David had opted to attend the same college as Mike and I, and eating at the inn following the graduation ceremony was something each of us had done.

“Where are you?” Tory asked. “Sounds like traffic in the background.”

“I just walked out of a Fitness Fanatic.”

Tory coughed. “What? You were in a gym?”

“Yep. Just joined.”

“But why? I mean, I thought you didn’t like working out.”

“I don’t, but I hate gaining weight more. Long story short, I decided to make some changes in my life. One of which is to get fit.”

“That’s great, Mom. But why the sudden urge to change your life?”

“Lots of reasons. Mostly because I found a bucket list of sorts while helping Grandma and Grandpa pack that I wrote when I was seventeen. I guess looking at all those teenage dreams scribbled on a white napkin taken from a dispenser at the local pizza shop got me thinking about my life.”

“Don’t tell me you’re having a midlife crisis,” Tory said. “Jackie’s dad had one of those and ended up with a broken collarbone after buying a motorcycle.”

I laughed. “I’m not going to do anything as dangerous as that. Maybe run a marathon, but that’s hardly riding a motorcycle.”

“Run? You’re going to run? A marathon?”

“Yeah! Why not?”

“Uh. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you run. Well, maybe when David and I were really little and in trouble. Maybe then you ran to grab us and put us in a time-out. But not run as in arms pumping, feet digging.”

I buckled my seatbelt. “Well, I guess you will now.”

“Does David know?”

“No, but I’m sure you’ll call him as soon as you get off the phone with me.”

Tory laughed. “So is everything set for next weekend on your end?”

“Yes. I’m picking up David at the airport Friday morning and we should be at the university by late afternoon. Your dad is driving up separately, but we’re all staying at the same hotel.”

“Sounds good.”

“Did you buy your graduation gown at the bookstore?”

“Not yet, but I will tomorrow.”

“Tory, you’re such a procrastinator. I would’ve had that hanging in my closet months ago.”

“Why? It would just take up space, and I hardly have enough closet space as it is.”

“Ugh. You’re impossible. It’s not like it’s a puffy winter coat.”

“Oh Mom, stop worrying. If worse comes to worst, I’ll borrow Jackie’s sister’s. She has one since she graduated last year.”

Before hanging up, I reminded Tory to call her grandmother and pulled out of the parking lot onto the highway. I could’ve started my workout right away, but I’d opted to return tomorrow afternoon. I figured the gym wouldn’t be full on a Sunday and Renee had agreed to meet me. Besides, I had to go to the store and buy carrots, celery and a cartload of other good-for-you food. I was determined that, in addition to exercise, I was going to start eating right, too.

I didn’t think I’d ever spent so much time in the produce department at the grocery store. I bought cucumbers, peppers, carrots, tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. I even bought heads of romaine lettuce to chop up for salads instead of buying it prepackaged. Yep! I was turning a new leaf. No pun intended.

“Scarlett?”

I turned round to see my ex carrying a shopping basket. Dressed in jeans and a white button down, he looked handsome, and I wished he didn’t.

I hate men. They get up, throw on a pair of jeans and a tee, run their fingers through their hair and look as if they could pose for the cover of a Harlequin romance. They don’t have to work nearly as hard as women do to look great.

I should’ve known I’d run into someone I knew at the grocery store. It always happens. I plan to get in and get out without being noticed, but I always seem to run into someone when I look my worst. Not only was I not wearing any make-up, but I’d woke up with two zits standing like sentinels on either side of my mouth. Ugh! What forty-nine-year-old still gets pimples? Me! That’s who. I was pretty sure these were stress-related. I was having issues with two co-workers not completing their assignments on time, so I named the pimples after them! Doris and Chuck.

As Mike neared, I smelled his cologne, a scent I’d purchased for him years ago and that he obviously still liked. I waved. “Hi, Mike.”

He glanced at my grocery cart. “I don’t remember you liking vegetables so much.”

I shrugged. “Well, yeah. I didn’t, but I’m trying to make some changes.”

He nodded. “I talked to David and he said you’re picking him up at the airport. Are you sure you don’t want me to?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”

He nodded. “I also talked to Tory and she said she made dinner reservations at the inn.”

“Are you bringing Kelsey?”

Mike shook his head. “I don’t think so. Tory’s never been crazy about her and I thought we’d keep this just family.”

Kelsey had been Mike’s girlfriend for several months. She was seventeen years younger and very needy. Tory called her a “trophy girlfriend” whose biggest concern was what color to tell her technician to paint her nails.

“I’m sure Tory will appreciate that. It’s been a long time since she’s had her dad to herself.”

Mike huffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I rolled my eyes. “Why do you have to take everything so personally? I’m simply saying it’s been a long time since you and Tory shared daddy/daughter time.”

“That’s because every time she comes home she’s with you.”

“Really Mike? Do you really want to go there? She’s with me because there’s been a revolving door of women parading in and out of your condo for the past five years.”

He shook his finger at me. “Well, there wouldn’t be if you wouldn’t have left me.”

“And I wouldn’t have left you if you wouldn’t have fucked your secretary.”

I was a little too loud and an older woman pushing her cart past us turned around and glared at me.

I sighed. “Look, no more fighting. Did you rent the truck for next weekend?”

“Yes. We should be all set to move Tory to New York.”

I felt tears pool in my eyes and nodded. Mike reached out and patted my shoulder. “Look, Scarlett, sorry for arguing. I’ll see you next weekend.”

I waited until he walked away to let the tears flow. I felt stupid standing in the middle of the produce department, bananas on one side and onions on the other, crying. I pulled a tissue out of my purse and blew my nose. A woman who looked to be about my mom’s age noticed and wheeled her cart over. “Everything okay, sweetie?”

I nodded. “The onions get me every time.”

I managed to make it the rest of the way through the store and avoid Mike. I hated that he always looked so good, not a hair out of place. I hated that he always seemed to see me at my worst. Fat clothes, no make-up and bed head. And I hated that I cared he always saw me at my worst. Just once I wanted to feel sexy and beautiful and have him look at me with longing and regret. I wanted him to think, Wow, I really did have a beautiful wife. I screwed up.

To be honest, I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem following the divorce. I blamed myself for not looking better. I told myself that maybe if I wouldn’t have gained so much weight, Mike wouldn’t have found someone else. I knew I needed to get my confidence back. If I could achieve some of the things on my list, such as running a marathon, maybe I would.