Читать книгу The Girl in the Woods - Camilla Lackberg - Страница 13

Sanna was standing in the middle of an aisle in the Konsum supermarket. During the summer she usually kept the garden centre open as long as possible, but today she hadn’t been able to keep her mind on her customers. For once all the questions about how often geraniums needed to be watered seemed too stupid for words.

She gave herself a shake and looked around. Vendela was supposed to come back from staying with her father today, and Sanna wanted to make sure she had plenty of her favourite foods and snacks on hand. One week her daughter was vegan, the next she would eat only hamburgers, and after that she might be on a diet and merely gnaw on a carrot while Sanna babbled on about how young girls needed to eat or risk succumbing to anorexia. Nothing was permanent, nothing was the way it used to be.

She wondered whether Niklas had the same problems with their daughter. Taking turns having Vendela stay with them every other week had worked out well for many years. But now Vendela seemed to have discovered the leverage she wielded. If she didn’t like the food, she would say it was better at her father’s place, and that he let her hang out with Nils in the evenings. Sometimes Sanna felt utterly exhausted, and she wondered why she’d ever thought the early years of Vendela’s life had been demanding; the teenage years seemed to be ten times worse.

It was as if her daughter had turned into a stranger. Vendela always used to be on at her mother the minute she spotted her sneaking a smoke behind the house, and she’d frequently lectured her about the risk of cancer. But lately Sanna had noticed that Vendela’s clothes reeked of cigarette smoke.

Sanna glanced around at the shelves and finally made up her mind. She’d go for something safe. Tacos. And she bought both ground beef and tofu, just in case this turned out to be a vegan week.

These teenage phases had passed Sanna by; she’d grown up too fast for that. Stella’s death, and all the awful things that followed, had catapulted her straight into adulthood. There had been no opportunity for teen angst, no parents to make her roll her eyes.

She’d met Niklas at the community college. They moved in together when she got her first job. Eventually they had Vendela – and Sanna had to admit the pregnancy had been an accident. The fact their relationship had failed was her fault, not his. Niklas was a good man, but she’d never been able to let him fully into her heart. Loving someone, no matter whether it was a spouse or a daughter, hurt too much. That was something she’d learned early on.

Sanna put tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions in her trolley and headed for the checkout.

‘I suppose you’ve heard the news,’ said Bodil as she began scanning the prices of each item Sanna placed on the conveyor belt.

‘No, what’s going on?’ asked Sanna as she picked up a soda bottle and placed it flat on the belt.

‘You didn’t hear about the little girl?’

‘What little girl?’

Sanna was listening with only half an ear. She was already regretting her decision to buy Coke for Vendela.

‘The one who’s disappeared. From your old farm.’

Bodil couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice. Sanna froze, holding the bag of Tex-Mex shredded cheese in her hand.

‘Our farm?’ she said, hearing a rushing sound in her ears.

‘Yes,’ said Bodil, continuing to scan the items without noticing that Sanna had stopped unloading her trolley. ‘A four-year-old girl disappeared from your old farm. My husband went out to join the search party in the woods. I heard lots of people have turned up to help.’

Sanna slowly set the bag of cheese on the belt. Then she headed for the door, leaving her groceries behind. Her purse too. Behind her, she heard Bodil calling her name.

Anna leaned back in her chair and looked at Dan, who was sawing a board in half. Right now, in the worst of the summer heat, he’d decided it was the perfect time to get started on the ‘new deck’ project. They’d been talking about it for three years, but apparently it couldn’t be put off any longer. She guessed his male nesting instincts had come into play. Her own nesting instincts had taken a different form. She’d been going through the clothing in all the wardrobes in the house. The kids had started hiding their favourite clothes, fearing they’d end up among the garments she was planning to give away.

Anna smiled at Dan as he worked in the heat. She realized that for the first time in ages she was actually enjoying life. Her small decorating business wasn’t exactly ready to be launched on the stock market, but she’d won the trust of many of the discriminating summer visitors, and she was now having to turn away customers because she was too busy. And the baby was growing inside her. They’d decided not to find out the gender, so for now they simply called the child ‘baby’. The other children were eagerly involved in trying to come up with a name, but with suggestions like ‘Buzz Lightyear’, ‘RackarAlex’, and ‘Darth Vader’, they hadn’t been much help. And one night a grumpy Dan had quoted Fredde from the TV show Solsidan: ‘We each made a list of suggested names, and then we took the one at the top of Mickan’s.’ All because she’d dissed his suggestion that, if the baby was a boy, they should call him Bruce after Bruce Springsteen. Dan claimed her choice, Philip, made it sound as if the kid was going to be born wearing a navy pea jacket. So that’s how things stood. The birth was only a month away, and they still hadn’t decided on a single name for a boy or a girl.

But it’ll all work out, thought Anna as Dan came over to her. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. He was sweaty and tasted of salt.

‘So here you sit, relaxing,’ he said, patting her belly.

‘Yup. The kids have all gone out to visit friends,’ she said, taking a sip of her iced coffee.

She’d heard it said pregnant women shouldn’t drink too much coffee, but she needed some sort of treat for herself now that alcohol and unpasteurized cheese were both forbidden.

‘I practically died at lunch today when my sister sat there sipping a big, cold glass of bubbly,’ she moaned. Dan squeezed her shoulder.

He sat down next to her and leaned back with his eyes closed, enjoying the late afternoon sun.

‘Soon, sweetheart,’ he said, stroking her hand.

‘I’m going to bathe in wine after the birth,’ she sighed, as she too closed her eyes.

Then she remembered that pregnancy hormones put her at risk for brown spots. With a muttered curse she opened her eyes and put on her broad-brimmed hat.

‘Shit. I can’t even sunbathe,’ she cursed.

‘What?’ said Dan drowsily, and she realized he was about to fall asleep in the sun.

‘Nothing, sweetheart,’ she said, although she suddenly had an irresistible urge to kick him in the shin, purely for being a man and not having to endure the pains of pregnancy or give up anything.

It was so fucking unfair. As for those women who sighed dreamily about how wonderful it was to be pregnant and what a gift it was to be the one who brought children into the world – well, she’d like to punch them. Hard.

‘People are idiots,’ she muttered.

‘What?’ Dan said again, this time sounding even drowsier.

‘Nothing,’ she said, pulling the brim of her hat down over her eyes.

What was she thinking about before Dan came over and interrupted her? Oh, right. How wonderful life was. And it was. In spite of the pregnancy pains and everything else. She was loved. She was surrounded by family.

She took off the hat and lifted her face to the sun. To hell with brown spots. Life was too short not to enjoy the sun.

Sam wished he could stay here forever. Ever since he was a kid, he’d loved it here. The heat from the rocks. The gurgling of the water. The screech of the seagulls. Out here he could escape from everything. He could close his eyes and let it all slip away.

Jessie was lying next to him. He could feel the warmth of her body. A miracle, that’s what she was. The fact she’d come into his life at this particular moment. Marie Wall’s daughter. What an irony of fate.

‘Do you love your parents?’

Sam opened one eye and squinted at her. She was lying on her front with her chin propped on one hand, staring at him.

‘Why are you asking?’

It was an intimate question. Especially since they’d known each other only a short time.

‘I’ve never met my father,’ she said, looking away.

‘How come?’

Jessie shrugged.

‘I don’t know. I guess my mother didn’t want me to. I’m not sure she even knows who my father is.’

Sam reached out his hand to touch her arm. She didn’t flinch, so he left it there. Her eyes brightened.

‘What about you? Do you have a good relationship with your parents?’

He’d been feeling so safe and calm, but now that disappeared. Yet he understood why she would ask, and he somehow felt he owed her an answer.

‘My father, he’s … well, he’s been in the war. Sometimes he’s gone for months at a time. And sometimes he brings the war home with him.’

Jessie leaned closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

‘Has he ever …’

‘I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet.’

‘What about your mother?’

Sam closed his eyes, letting the sunlight warm him.

‘She’s okay,’ he said at last.

For a few seconds he thought about what he was refusing to think about, and he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. Then he opened his eyes and fumbled in his pocket for the cigarettes he’d brought along. He took out two, lit both of them, and handed one to Jessie.

Calm spread through his body, the buzzing faded from inside his head, and the memories were carried away by the smoke. He leaned forward and kissed Jessie. At first she froze. From fear. From surprise. Then he felt her lips soften and let him in.

‘Oh, how adorable!’

Sam gave a start.

‘Look at the little lovebirds!’

Nils came sauntering down from the rocks with Basse and Vendela in tow. As always. They didn’t seem to be capable of surviving without each other.

‘So who’s this?’ Nils sat down right next to Sam and Jessie, staring at her intently as she pulled up her bikini top. ‘Looks like you’ve found yourself a girlfriend, Sam.’

‘I’m Jessie,’ she told him, holding out her hand, which Nils ignored.

‘Jessie?’ said Vendela behind him. ‘You must be Marie Wall’s daughter.’

‘Aha. The daughter of your mother’s pal. The Hollywood star.’

Nils was now looking at Jessie with interest as she kept on tugging at her bikini top. Sam wanted to protect her from their prying eyes. He wanted to put his arms around her and tell her to pay them no mind. Instead he reached for her T-shirt.

‘I guess it’s no surprise that the two of you would find each other,’ said Basse, giving Nils a poke in the side.

His voice was a shrill, feminine falsetto, but no one ever teased him about it for fear of drawing the wrath of Nils. His real name was Bosse, but in middle school he’d got everyone to call him Basse instead, because it sounded cooler.

‘Yeah, I guess it’s not really that strange,’ said Nils, looking from Jessie to Sam.

‘Okay, I’m fucking hungry,’ he said. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

Vendela smiled at Jessie. ‘See you later.’

Sam looked at them in surprise. Was that it?

Jessie leaned towards him.

‘Who were those guys?’ she said. ‘They’re weird. Nice, but weird.’

Sam shook his head.

‘They’re not nice. Not at all.’

He pulled his mobile out of his pocket, opened the photo file, and skimmed through the videos. He knew why he’d saved this particular video. It was a reminder of what people could do to each other. And to him. But he’d never planned to show it to Jessie. Enough people had already seen it.

‘They posted this on Snapchat last summer,’ he said, handing his mobile to Jessie. ‘I managed to film it before it was removed.’

Sam looked away as Jessie clicked on the start button. He didn’t need to watch it. When he heard the voices the whole scene clearly unfolded in his mind.

‘You’re so out of shape!’ Nils had shouted. ‘Wimpy like a girl. Swimming is good exercise.’

Nils had headed for Sam’s boat, which was moored not far from where it was today.

‘You can swim back to Fjällbacka. It’ll build muscles.’

Vendela laughed as she filmed everything with her camera. Basse came running alongside Nils.

Nils tossed the mooring line into the boat, then set his foot on the bow and gave it a push. The small wooden boat began slowly backing away from the island, but it got caught in a current a few metres out, and the distance increased rapidly.

Nils turned towards the camera, grinning broadly.

‘Have a nice swim.’

At that point the video ended.

‘Holy shit,’ said Jessie. ‘Holy shit.’

She looked at Sam with tears in her eyes.

He shrugged.

‘I’ve been through worse.’

Jessie blinked away her tears. He suspected that she too had survived worse experiences. He put his hand on her shoulder and felt how she was shaking. But he could also feel the bond between them. And what united them.

One day he would show her his notebook and share all his thoughts with her. Including his big plan. One day everyone would see.

Jessie wrapped her arms around his neck. She smelled so wonderful, of sun and sweat and marijuana.

It was getting late, but still light, like a memory of the sun that had shone all day from a clear blue sky. Eva looked towards the farmyard where the shadows were beginning to lengthen. Cold fingers seemed to clutch at her heart as she thought about Nea, who always hurried inside before dark fell.

People were coming and going out there. Voices mixed with barking from the dogs as they took turns to search. The ice-cold fingers again clutched at her heart.

The older officer, Gösta, came in the front door.

‘I was thinking of having a cup of coffee, and then I’ll go back out.’

Eva got up to pour him some coffee. She’d made countless pots of coffee over the past few hours.

‘Nothing yet?’ she asked, even though she knew the answer.

If he had any news, he would have told her at once instead of asking for coffee. But there was something comforting and soothing about asking the question.

‘No, but we’ve got a big team out there searching. It feels like all of Fjällbacka has turned out.’

Eva nodded, trying to compose herself before speaking.

‘Yes, everyone has been amazing,’ she said, sinking down on her chair. ‘Peter went out to join the search too. I couldn’t keep him away.’

‘I know.’ Gösta sat down across from her. ‘I saw him in one of the search groups.’

‘What …’ The words stuck in her throat. ‘What do you think happened?’

She didn’t dare look at Gösta. Various scenarios, each one worse than the last, kept running through her mind. Whenever she tried to seize hold of one of them, wanting to understand, the pain was so great she could hardly breathe.

‘There’s no use in speculating,’ said Gösta gently, reaching out to place his hand on hers. His calm concern slowly warmed her.

‘But she’s been missing such a long time now.’

Gösta squeezed her hand.

‘It’s summer and it’s warm outside. She’s not going to freeze. The woods cover a large area, there’s a lot of territory to search, and we simply need a few more hours. I’m sure we’ll find her, and she’ll be scared and upset, but no harm done. Okay?’

‘Except … that’s not what happened to the other little girl.’

Gösta pulled away his hand and took a sip of coffee.

‘That was thirty years ago, Eva. Another lifetime, another era. It’s pure coincidence that you’re living on this farm, and it’s pure coincidence that your daughter is the same age. Four-year-olds get lost. They’re filled with curiosity and, from what I understand, your daughter is a lively little girl with an adventurous streak. Which means it’s probably not so strange that she couldn’t resist venturing into the woods. Obviously it didn’t turn out the way she’d expected, but we’re going to find her. There are so many of us searching.’

He stood up.

‘Thanks for the coffee. I’ll head back out now. We’ll keep searching all night, but it would be a good idea for you to get some sleep.’

Eva shook her head. How could she sleep while Nea was out there in the woods?

‘I didn’t think you’d want to,’ said Gösta, ‘but at least I tried.’

She stared at the door after he closed it behind him. She was alone again. Alone with her thoughts and the cold fingers gripping her heart.