Читать книгу Reverie - Candace Gold - Страница 4

Chapter 1

“Nikki…Nikki, please don’t throw that!” Jonathan Greene shouted, ducking to avoid being struck by a crystal vase. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Ironic question coming from the likes of you,” she fired verbally at him this time, eyes lit with anger and nostrils flaring as she stood there, hands on hips, panting.

Her face turned a bright crimson, nearly as red as her hair, while her blue eyes darkened to the color of thunder clouds. Jonathan had never seen her so angry. His hopes of placating her with some good-old-fashioned psychology had been doused by the cold water from the vase.

“You knew how much that damn awards dinner meant to me,” she shot her words at him like staccato bullets between ragged breaths. “I was counting on you to be there.”

“And I would have been if I’d not had a last minute emergency to tend to.”

“Lately, you always have some kind of emergency,” she countered, glaring at him.

“I’m a doctor, for God’s sake.”

“You’re a psychologist. It’s not like you’re an obstetrician on call.”

Jonathan laughed at her glib reply. “I’m there to save suicidal women, so they live to have babies.”

“Don’t you dare use my own words against me!”

Jonathan moved closer to her, wanting to enfold her in his arms and defuse her anger with kisses.

“Stop right there! Don’t you dare come any closer, either,” she said, fending him off with outstretched palms.

“Can’t we talk this out civilly?” Jonathan tried to reason with her.

“No!” She shook her head, her long red hair whipping about her face like angry tongues of fire. “Just get out of here and leave me alone.”

Jonathan made one final attempt to reach her, but she shook her head. “No! What part of ‘get out’ don’t you understand?”

He sighed, conceding there was no way he’d be able to reach Nikki tonight. She was too upset. Perhaps he’d speak to her tomorrow, after she’d had the chance to cool off. He grabbed his trench coat off the arm of the chair and headed toward the door. Opening it, he turned to say something, but she screamed, “Get out!”

As Jonathan closed the door behind him, he heard her yell, “Damn you, Jonathan!” The words were punctuated by the sound of glass shattering against the door.

* * * *

Nikki O’Connell collapsed against the kitchen wall and slid to the floor like rain running down the side of a building. Energy spent, her anger was replaced by acute disappointment and hurt. This hadn’t been the first special event Jonathan had missed because some other woman needed him to hold her hand. The man obviously had his priorities screwed up. He should have been with her, holding her hand, not some crazy woman’s. He wasn’t the only psychologist in town. Nor was he some Super Doc out to save the world. Or was he on a mission?

Then her focus suddenly shifted. Fear began to spider down her spine as she realized how irrational she’d just behaved–as if she was crazy. Had she been losing her temper more and more, lately? Was she becoming angry over the simplest of things, like having to wait on line at the supermarket because the cashier needed a price? Was her ability to cope slipping? The mere hint there could be some psychological reason for this happening terrified her.

She closed her eyes tightly, as if doing so could block out those awful thoughts. Could her actions be symptomatic of the onset of dementia? Was this how her mother’s descent into madness had begun? Had her mother become as easily angered and argumentative? No! Of course not! Nikki hadn’t wanted to think about it. The very thought she might have inherited her mother’s defective genes scared Nikki more than anything else. “No!” she shook her head. “I am not my mother!”

Taking a few deep breaths to slow down her heart, she thought she was overanalyzing how she’d reacted. There was no comparison to her mother, she reasoned as well as convinced herself. Her actions tonight were merely the result of extreme frustration with Jonathan. She couldn’t help it if she had a short fuse which happened to ignite her volatile temper. No. She mustn’t read more into it, she concluded.

Nikki slowly rose to her feet. It was time to rein in her emotions, and a cup of tea would help. As she prepared it, she could feel herself becoming calmer and more rational. The journalist part of her tried to view things from Jonathan’s perspective. He was a doctor trained to heal sick people. Though his patients’ ailments were mental, rather than physical, they were illnesses, just the same. Therefore, he had gone to the woman’s aid simply because he was doing his job. What kind of psychologist would he be if he had ignored her pleas? Despite this logical rationalization, Nikki still felt hurt. Even doctors had the right to an occasional night off, leaving the care of their patients to associate doctors.

No one likes to sit alone at one important function after another with her significant other elsewhere. That thought brought her straight back to the reason she was furious with Jonathan in the first place. Along with it came the realization that things might never change. There would always be people in crisis. And Jonathan, the self-appointed guardian angel of the mentally ill, would continue to feel compelled to help them all.

Maybe it was time for her to reexamine their relationship and decide if she wanted to remain committed to it. There was no way to tell how many other future disappointments there might be or if she’d ever actually accept them. Being so close to the situation at the moment, was it possible for her to make any rational decisions concerning her future? Perhaps she needed time and space away from Jonathan in order to think more clearly. Maybe she should take a long-overdue vacation and go someplace to relax.

Vacation. Where to? There was a big world out there with hundreds of places she’d never been. Suddenly inside her head, as if an internal radio had been turned on, an orchestra began to play the melody Under Paris Skies. As the music played, images of the Eiffel Tower, the Arch of Triumph and the Louvre appeared in her mind’s eye.

“Paris!” she shouted. “Yes! Of course, Paris!” Her tears stopped flowing as more of these happy thoughts came to mind. She’d always wanted to go to Paris, ever since her grandmother had first shown her those wonderful pictures and postcards sent from her vacationing parents. There seemed no better time to go than the present. She had at least a month’s worth of vacation time coming to her. Of course, she’d never actually be able to get away for that long, but she could come pretty close. With Internet access, she could write her human interest column from Paris. It would have a fresh perspective and might even expand her fan base. Enthused with growing excitement, she realized her trip was going to be nothing less than wonderful. However, first she had to plan it.

Nikki grabbed a pen and paper. A firm believer of lists, she wrote down everything she needed to do to make her vacation a reality. Within minutes, Jonathan, and the pain he caused by not attending her awards dinner, became the last thing on her mind.

* * * *

As Jonathan drove home to his apartment in Astoria, he revisited the entire scene with Nikki over again in his mind. He was concerned about her. Though her outburst tonight was a reaction to him cancelling her dinner at the last minute, his psychologist’s intuition sensed there might be some other emotional issue lurking just beneath the surface.

In spite of the fact he’d been seeing Nikki for some time, Jonathan realized he actually knew very little about her. She never spoke of her childhood. All she had told him in passing was her parents died when she was a child, and she went to live with her grandmother in Wisconsin afterward. When her grandmother passed, Nikki sold the house and moved to New York, where she’d found work as a journalist. What he did know was, although she had a fiery temper with a short fuse, her love was just as passionate. He’d be able to speak to her tomorrow. By then she’d have calmed down and be ready to apologize for her outburst.

* * * *

After the last entry on her to-do list was done, Nikki remembered the old shoebox she’d placed on the top shelf of her closet and went to retrieve it. When her grandmother died and Nikki decided to sell the house in Madison, Wisconsin, she sold most of the furniture and those items she wasn’t going to take with her to New York. When she cleaned the basement, she discovered several shoeboxes and photo albums packed inside a large carton. They were stuffed with pictures never put into photo albums. Another turned out to be a treasure trove of keepsakes from her parents. These were among the only things possessing sentimental value she kept before selling the place. When she moved into her Bayside, New York apartment, she’d stuck the box containing her parents’ Paris memorabilia on the shelf of her closet and had forgotten about it. She’d never completely gone through the shoebox to see what was inside. The thought of looking at her parents’ things was too painful at the time, though she’d hoped to be able to do so one day. Enough healing time had passed, and now that she intended to go to Paris, she desired to see what was inside.

Nikki grabbed the box off the shelf and set it down on the bed. Sitting cross-legged, she stared at the closed box a few minutes. She seemed to have a moment’s reluctance to open it, as if it would bring trouble like that of Pandora and nearly put it back on the shelf. Realizing she was behaving like a child, she lifted off the cover and began to slowly sift through the contents.

There were dozens of faded photos, in both color and black and white, of her mother and father. They were captured, forever in time, smiling in front of the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame. Numerous others were taken near the Louvre and other famous landmarks. She pulled out dog-eared picture postcards whose ink had long faded and small keepsakes like a miniature Eiffel Tower and a round metal key chain with Paris, France engraved in script across it.

On the bottom of the box lay the small gold locket on a chain which her mother had worn. Nikki believed it had been an anniversary gift from her father. Their last anniversary. Nikki closed her eyes and remembered her mother rushing into the kitchen to show the necklace to her grandmother.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it, mother? One-of-a-kind. Daniel noticed it in the window of a Parisian pawn shop. Thought it was the perfect thing for me. Oh, don’t you just love it?”

“Yes, it’s lovely,” Nikki heard her grandmother say. “Wear it always in good health.”

“There’s something else that makes this necklace so special. It’s supposed to have some spell cast upon it by a Gypsy.”

“Sounds mysterious. Enjoy it.” Her grandmother stirred the gravy once more before lowering the flame of the burner.

The memory faded. Nikki reached inside the shoebox and took out the beautiful piece of jewelry. When she tried to open the locket, she discovered the hinge was broken. She supposed the pictures inside were most likely of her mother and father. Too bad the necklace, just like her mother who’d once worn it, was defective. Because it was the only possession left from her mother, she put it on. Instantly, an image of a delicate-boned, red-haired woman with the fairest of skin, flashed in the back of her mind, but it was gone just as quickly.

* * * *

Later in bed, as Nikki lay there absentmindedly fingering the small gold locket, she thought about the wonderful things she’d do and see when she reached Paris. Her mother used to tell her stories about her fun adventures there. She described how beautiful the city looked in the spring when all the flowers began to bloom in the flower boxes dotting the apartment buildings and shops along the Champs Elysées. Nikki would often sit on the sofa alongside her mother while she pointed out the places she toured on bike rides or the romantic long walks through magnificent parks with landscaping that could have easily appeared in an issue of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Trying to recall everything else her mother had told her about the City of Lights, Nikki eventually drifted off to sleep.

She dreamed she was strolling along the Champs Elysées on the arm of a bearded man. The weather was mild and the jacket of his lightweight, three-piece suit was unbuttoned, revealing a handsome gold-braided watch fob. She wore a shawl over her light dress and ruffled white blouse. A large, feathered hat was pulled down low over her forehead. Aside from shading her fair skin from the sun, it allowed her to walk incognito. They stopped at an outdoor café and sat down at a small, black, wrought-iron table with an opaque glass top. A waiter appeared a moment later and took their tea order.

The restaurant’s green and white, striped awning fluttered in the light breeze. Other couples taking advantage of the lovely weather strolled by, but she hardly noticed. She only had eyes for the man sitting close to her. They spoke in French. Every so often he’d pat her hand or gently rub his thigh against hers, exciting her. She wished she could respond with more than a smile. However, one still had to be discreet in public. She listened carefully as he spoke, bewitched by his words. “You inspire me,” he said. “The music flows within me like a river.”

“I am so glad, my love,” she replied, smiling. “I only desire to be your every inspiration.”

In the distance, she heard the chiming of a church bell announcing the hour. The bell grew louder and louder…until the incessant ringing finally woke her. It was the chirping of her cellphone which she’d left on the night stand. Still not fully awake, she answered.

“Feeling better?” Jonathan asked.

She glanced at the clock on her night table and jolted upright. She’d overslept. It was nearly ten o’clock.

“I can’t talk to you now, Jonathan.”

“You sound as if I woke you.”

“You did. I’m still at home and late for work.”

“Are you’re feeling better?” he asked once more.

“Didn’t give it any thought.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Let me go. I’ll talk to you later.”

Before Nikki had hung up he added, “Meet me at one for lunch at The Greek’s?”

Figuring it would be as good a time as any to tell him of her travel plans, she agreed. They often met at a small Greek restaurant aptly called The Greek’s, located within walking distance from either of their offices. And most importantly, the food was good and not too pricey.

Before she hurried into the shower, Nikki called the newsroom to let them know she’d be late. As she stood under the pulsating water, bits and pieces of her dream teased her memory. Only a moment’s recall would flash in front of her like the instant illumination of lighting during a thunder storm and then it was gone.

All she remembered was walking along a large street with a stranger sporting a bushy beard and sitting at an outdoor café drinking tea, of all things. The only time she drank tea was at a Chinese restaurant. Most likely the dream had something to do with Paris. After all, her trip was the last thing on her mind before she fell asleep. From what she could piece together about the dream, it must have been a weird one. However, there was no time now to dwell on it, she reminded herself as she shut off the water and reached for her bath towel.

* * * *

Nikki tried to be productive at her desk, but her mind kept wandering. Realizing Jonathan might not see her decision to fly off to another country as a positive move–especially in light of their relationship–she tried to think of what to say to him. Nikki knew she still cared for him–no, caring wasn’t the right word. She loved him. In all honesty, her feelings for him were never in doubt. His priorities were the culprit. He often put the needs of his patients first before anything else and that bothered her. Knowing Jonathan and his ethics, however, this situation wasn’t about to change. Whether or not she’d be willing to accept this was at the heart of the matter. Could she be able to mold her life around his practice? Nikki wasn’t too certain and though she didn’t want to lose Jonathan, she felt she needed breathing space for now. While she vacationed in Paris she would dwell on the answers to these questions. Everything Parisian seemed to occupy center stage of her thoughts now. Though she had no idea why it seemed so important and right for her to do so, she knew it was necessary and wasn’t about to challenge her instincts.

Even if she got her mind off Jonathan, she still found it difficult to stay focused on the column she was writing for the paper. Already thinking in French, she found herself referring to the places by their French names. She kept imagining herself walking down the Champs Elysées. In her mind’s eye she could see the impressive Arc de Triomphe in the distance. She even began to recall several memorable scenes from An American in Paris, an old Gene Kelly film from 1951. She’d seen the movie so many times she knew most of the dialogue by heart. With all this going on in her head, the public relations piece she’d been working on didn’t have a chance to see the light of day.

Before Nikki realized it, the last of the morning had flown by, and it was time to meet Jonathan for lunch at The Greek’s.

* * * *

Jonathan was at the table waiting for her and waved to get her attention. She returned the wave and headed toward where he sat. He was dressed in a dark blue navy suit and smiled when he noticed she wore a blue suit, as well. They were so compatible in so many ways, even in their taste in clothing. He noticed a man from another table openly looking at her. Men often did, and he couldn’t blame them. She was a striking woman with her flaming, red hair and long, shapely legs. Of course her face was lovely, as well, with its delicate high cheekbones and small, upturned nose which was home to a light scattering of freckles. Her blue eyes were large and often changed in color to reflect her mood. As she neared, he noticed a light bluish tinge under her eyes. Perhaps she hadn’t slept well. Hopefully, after they talked, they’d be able to put last night behind them and move on.

She sat down and smiled at Jonathan. He smiled back and swept back the shock of hair that always fell over his forehead. The waitress walked over and handed them both menus. As Nikki scanned the menu, she noticed Jonathan’s eyes on her as she looked up.

“That locket you’re wearing, I’ve never seen it before.”

“It belonged to my mother. It’s the only thing I have left from her.”

“You never really speak about her–”

“Better decide what you want. The waitress is returning.”

A beat later, the waitress was standing at their table, pad and pen in hand. Nikki ordered a Greek salad with grilled chicken, while Jonathan chose a gyro, probably influenced by the smell wafting over in their direction from the meat cooking on the rotisserie.

After the waitress left with their order, Jonathan initiated the conversation. Smiling, he reached over and took her hand in his. “I’m glad you could make it for lunch.”

“I wanted to apologize about last night.”

“You were one wild woman, I’ll give you that. I’m glad you’re feeling better about it.”

“That’s just it. I don’t know how I feel about you putting your life–our lives–on hold at the drop of a phone call.”

“When a patient is in distress, it’s my obligation to help him. That’s why I became a psychologist in the first place.”

Nikki took her hand back and placed her napkin on her lap. “That’s something I’m not sure I can deal with, or even want to.” She held up her hand to stop Jonathan from interrupting her now that she was on track. “I need some time to sort things out. I no longer know how I feel about all this–and us–as a couple. So, I’ve decided to go to Paris.”

“Wow!”

“Is that all you can say?”

“Well, you’ve certainly caught me by surprise,” Jonathan said, running his hand through his hair. “I never expected you to drop such a bombshell. But, of all places, why Paris?”

The waitress brought their food and scurried away.

“Why are you so surprised? You’ve always known how much I’ve wanted to go.”

“Yes, but…we were supposed to go together. On our honeymoon.”

“I…I feel that I need some space.”

“You don’t have to go clear across an ocean to find it.” Jonathan slammed his sandwich onto his plate and took a sip of water.

“I have to get away in order to sort things out…”

“By that you mean us, don’t you?”

“That…and what I want to do with my life,” Nikki replied, stabbing a cucumber with her fork.

Jonathan reached across the table to touch Nikki’s arm. “I thought the two were synonymous.”

Nikki shook her head. “I’m not too sure anymore. I need to go and think about everything. A different backdrop will help.”

“Or complicate matters.” Jonathan pulled back his arm.

“Maybe. But I’m willing to take that chance.”

“Well, if it makes any difference, I’m certain about how I feel,” he added.

“You, of all people, should understand how I feel. Things change, people change. Right now I feel as if I’m going with the flow.”

Just because I’m a psychologist doesn’t mean I can’t get hurt. “It sounds like I don’t have much of a choice.”

“No, I guess you don’t.”

He needed to shelve his hurt for now. “When are you going?”

“Tomorrow.”

“So soon? How long were you planning this getaway?”

Nikki broke into a broad smile. “Did it all last night on the computer. I’ve been talking about going for so many years that once I made the decision, I jumped in with both feet. I went online and made all the arrangements. I even found a gorgeous apartment to rent.”

“You’re renting an apartment?” Jonathan’s face clouded. “How long do you intend to stay?”

“Two, three weeks tops.”

He let his breath out. “So you’re not thinking about relocating?”

She laughed. “Of course not. I want to rub shoulders with the locals rather than fellow tourists.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll be back before you know it. That’s the trouble with trips. By the time you arrive, the countdown begins to when you leave.”

Even though that made Jonathan chuckle, he feared there was a chance she’d love Paris enough to stay longer–or heaven forbid–forever. “You’ve always had a unique way of looking at things.”

As they ate, Nikki began to talk about Paris nonstop. Her excitement was infectious. If she hadn’t been leaving him behind, Jonathan might have been happy for her.

He glanced at his watch. “I have an appointment soon. Do you need a ride to the airport tomorrow?” he asked, leaving money with the check the waitress had left. “No. It’s an early flight. I’ve already made arrangements with a car service.”

“You thought of everything last night, didn’t you?”

“I tried.”

Everything, but how I’d feel–or didn’t you care? “But you did all this planning while you were terribly upset and–”

“Doesn’t matter. Here we are today, and I still feel the same way.”

Jonathan tried to read the expression on her face. Had he just seen a flicker of doubt? “I guess we say goodbye here, then.”

After he kissed Nikki, Jonathan tried one last time to discover any hidden emotions behind her eyes. He found it impossible. She was already thousands of miles away.