Читать книгу Adopted Parents - Candy Halliday, Candy Halliday - Страница 11

BY THE TIME she and Nate made it to Dr. Deborah Langston’s office, Hallie had stopped worrying about the psychologist picking up on any underlying tension between them. The heart-to-heart in the bathroom had altered the dynamics of their strained relationship.

But the emotional upheaval had been exhausting.

All Hallie wanted was to go back to Wedge Pond so she could retreat and not have to talk to anyone else for the remainder of the day. Then she’d have time to take stock. Ahn, Nate, and Roberta were the only family she had left. But there were no blood ties to keep them together. Janet and David had been their bond. Without that center pulling them all in, would they keep in touch? Given how Hallie had never really gotten along with Roberta, it was doubtful. And she’d truly be alone.

So if she didn’t want that, it was up to her to strengthen those relationships. How the hell she’d accomplish that baffled her at the moment. And the mere thought of no family to catch her when she fell nearly brought her to her knees.

Hallie took a deep breath when Nate opened the office door. First things first. Get through this interview, then she could figure out how to hold three fiercely independent souls together.

“I hope this won’t take long.” She looked around thinking the reception room was exactly what she expected—a kid-friendly section in one corner, reception-style chairs lining the walls. The pleasant surprise, however, was that no one else was waiting. That gave Hallie hope there would be no delays seeing Dr. Langston.

Nate followed as she walked toward the closed glass window where an older woman with frosted hair and dark-rimmed glasses was sitting talking on the phone. The woman ignored them completely until she finally ended the call. She slid the glass window open without saying a word, the bored expression on her face broadcasting how much she hated her job.

“Hallie Weston and Nate Brock to see Dr. Langston,” Hallie told her. “We have a ten-o’clock appointment.”

She picked up a clipboard and shoved it through the window at Hallie. “Take a seat and fill this out.”

Hallie refused to take it. “We’re only here to talk to Dr. Langston about one of her patients.”

“I still need your insurance information to bill for the consult fee.”

“I don’t intend to file the consult on my insurance,” Hallie told her. “I’ll pay cash for the consult fee.”

She gave Hallie a condescending look. “I still need your information in order to give you a receipt. Take a seat and fill out the form.”

Nate finally reached out and took the clipboard.

The woman slammed the window with a bang.

“I wasn’t trying to be difficult,” Hallie whispered as Nate led her to a group of chairs as far from the window as possible. “But there was no excuse for her being so rude.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said as they both sat. “I can fill out the information.”

Hallie was too tired to argue with him.

She watched as Nate opened the clip to remove the pen and began filling out the form. She really didn’t know why she’d been so confrontational a few minutes ago, other than the woman’s outright rudeness.

Maybe it was being out in the public for the first time in weeks. Having to actually deal with people when all she wanted to do was climb into bed, pull the covers over her head and shut the world out completely.

Or maybe she was losing it.

She sure felt as though she could snap at any minute. And if something as simple as filling out a form took her to the edge, what little thing would actually push her over?

Hallie’s grim thoughts were interrupted by a drop-dead gorgeous blonde calling out their names. Nate was on his feet so fast he almost dropped the clipboard.

Not that Hallie could blame him. The blonde’s hair fell soft around her shoulders, and her clothes certainly weren’t hanging off her—glued to her was more like it. Her short white skirt hit her well above the knee, and her low-cut turquoise blouse showed off a healthy cleavage.

Dr. Langston obviously needed a few tips on hiring a professional staff. She had a witch for a receptionist and a call girl look-alike for an assistant.

“This way, please.” The blonde flashed Nate a bleached-white smile when he handed over the clipboard and then sashayed down the hallway ahead of them. For Nate’s benefit, of course. A woman didn’t walk that way unless she knew a man was watching.

And Hallie should know. She’d done it too many times to count.

“Here we are.” The blonde motioned them inside an open office door to the two chairs facing a desk with Dr. Langston’s nameplate. Hallie was about to ask how long they’d have to wait for the doctor when the blonde sat across the desk.

Hallie amended her earlier assessment of the business lessons Dr. Langston needed. Someone should instruct her on appropriate attire and remind her that her clients were not a dating pool she could dip into whenever she wanted. Hallie caught another blinding smile the doctor sent toward Nate, who seemed to be having a typically male reaction to a blatant come-hither. Oh, for crying out loud. This was ludi—

She stopped the mental tirade, shocked at not only the vehemence of her thoughts, but also the decidedly jealous tone. What was that about? Yes, she would always be attracted to Nate, but she had no intentions of acting on those feelings. They’d just reached a truce that she needed to build on so that she still had some thing that looked like a family. So what did it matter that a short skirt and a bit of cleavage turned him into a teenage boy? That was right. It didn’t matter. None of her business.

Thoughts firmly on track, she turned her attention from Nate to Dr. Langston.

“First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss,” the doctor said, glancing briefly at Hallie, but talking directly to Nate. “David and Janet were beautiful people.”

“Thank you,” Nate said.

Hallie mumbled her thanks, too.

“Greg wanted me to meet with you because he knows what a difficult situation you’re in. He felt my insight could help you with your parent selection as you go through the readoption process.”

“Thank you, Dr. Langston,” Nate said. “We need all the help we can get.”

Hallie almost kicked him.

Amazing, how chatty Nate had suddenly become.

What happened to brooding and silent?

“Please,” she said. “Call me Deb. And if it’s okay, I prefer to use your first names, too. I find the less formality between us, the better.”

Hallie fought back a gag.

“How involved have you been in Ahn’s life since the adoption, Nate?”

“I’m afraid not at all,” Nate admitted. “I flew home for Ahn’s christening. But I’ve been out of the country since then.”

“And you, Hallie?” Deb asked, looking directly at Hallie for the first time.

It hurt Hallie to admit that before the accident she’d only seen Ahn four times. At the airport when Janet and David first brought her home. At Ahn’s christening. The one weekend she had made time in her busy schedule to stay with Janet and Ahn while David was out of town. And at Ahn’s second birthday party—the weekend before the accident on May 2. The last time Hallie had seen Janet and David alive.

“My contact with Ahn has been limited,” Hallie said, though she couldn’t keep from adding, “but if I remember correctly, that was partially due to advice Janet and David received from you.” Down went the gauntlet. She was not going to let this woman push her around.

“That’s true,” Deb said, apparently unruffled by the challenge. “During the first two months after the adoption it was important for Ahn to have time alone with Janet and David in order for them to bond as a family. But I apologize if the question sounded more like an accusation. I was only trying to gauge how much time each of you had been able to spend with Ahn.”

Now she was trying to make Hallie look like a bitch.

And okay, she was being a bitch. But she was an honest bitch.

“And I apologize for being defensive,” Hallie said. “But we all have our regrets. And my regret will always be that I didn’t spend more time with my sister and Ahn when Janet was alive.”

“And how is Ahn?”

Hallie and Nate looked at each other.

It took Hallie a second to realize Nate was waiting for her to answer the question. As if she could. She was no more qualified to answer the question than Nate.

“Since the accident, my stepmother has been staying at Janet and David’s and taking care of Ahn. Nate and I are staying there, too,” Hallie added quickly. “But…well, under the circumstances…”

“I understand completely,” Deb said. “But I’m pleased to hear Ahn isn’t being bounced around from one family member to another while you and Nate are trying to recover. It’s very important that she stays in her own home where she feels safe. She’s too young to understand what’s happened, of course, but you should be prepared for drastic mood swings while she’s trying to cope with Janet and David’s sudden absence from her life.”

Hallie nodded that she understood.

And okay, maybe she’d been too quick to judge.

“And is your stepmother going to stay and help you take care of Ahn until you find new parents?”

“No,” Hallie said, shuddering at the thought. She loved Roberta. And she was going to make an effort to get along with her better. But Roberta’s overbearing personality had always driven Hallie up the wall. “We’re beginning interviews for a full-time nanny this week.”

Deb looked surprised. “I strongly advise against hiring a nanny.”

Hallie sat straighter in her chair. “Excuse me?”

“I strongly disagree with you leaving Ahn’s care to a nanny,” she repeated. “Ahn is slowly making progress, but she still has a lot to overcome in order to catch up developmentally. Unless you get to know this child, and I’m talking really get to know Ahn’s wants, her needs, her temperament and especially her shortcomings, you’ll struggle to choose the best parents for her.”

The magnitude of what Deb implied momentarily staggered Hallie. She couldn’t take care of Ahn on her own. She didn’t know the first thing about child rearing, especially with a child who’d experienced a lack of early stimulation and now needed particular attention. Deb couldn’t possibly mean that. “So what are you’re suggesting? That I quit my job and take care of Ahn, possibly for months, until we find new parents?”

“If at all possible, yes,” Deb said, as if that were a completely reasonable request. She looked over at Nate. “And, if possible, you should do the same, Nate. As Ahn’s guardians and as the two people who will decide her future, both of you need to take full responsibility as Ahn’s primary caregivers so you will be qualified to make such an important decision.”

Nate looked shocked.

Hallie was speechless.

But she already knew what Nate had to be thinking. Of course it was possible for both of them to put their careers on hold until Ahn was readopted. Janet and David had made it possible.

But money wasn’t the issue here.

The issue for Hallie was becoming a full-time parent. Hallie couldn’t even fathom it. A claustrophobic sensation rose in her. Every day spent locked in a house with her only focus a child with limited communication skills? And she couldn’t fathom someone as restless as Nate being stuck at Wedge Pond and helping her take care of a baby.

“I appreciate the advice, but we will be hiring a nanny,” Hallie told her firmly. She reached into her purse and handed over the form Greg had given them. “Greg said you would help us fill this out for the adoption agency.”

Dr. Langston took the paper but the look she gave Hallie said she wasn’t through. “I’ll be happy to help you. And maybe as we go over the parental requirements Ahn will need, you’ll reconsider your decision about the nanny.”

Don’t count on it.

If Janet and David had thought Hallie and Nate were capable of raising their daughter, they wouldn’t have assigned their siblings the role of guardian with the task of finding new parents. But Janet and David hadn’t and that, to Hallie’s way of thinking, was proof enough that she couldn’t provide the care Ahn required. So Dr. Langston was not going to lay some guilt trip on her sufficient enough to make Hallie embrace a role she knew absolutely zero about. She’d never even been a babysitter as a teenager. Kids had always been Janet’s thing, not hers.

Dr. Langston reached for a pen from the holder on her desk. “I don’t know how much David and Janet shared with you about how Ahn spent the first eighteen months of her life in the orphanage. There were too many children and not enough staff, so only Ahn’s basic needs were met. Human contact was limited to when Ahn was fed or when she was changed. And since babies are immobile, they always get the least attention. Ahn’s days were spent alone in a crib, left to entertain herself.”

She paused. “That was the bad news. The good news is that there is nothing physically wrong with her. David and Janet have had her to the best pediatric specialists available and she’s perfectly healthy. She has a lot of catching up to do developmentally, but she’s a very bright child. With the right parental support she’ll thrive and she’ll be on par with her peers by the time she starts school.”

She checked a box on the form. “I’m recommending a stay-at-home parent on this form. Ahn’s best chance for overcoming her problems is a parent who can give Ahn the attention she needs. And by attention, I mean the daily verbal, cognitive and physical exercises Ahn has been receiving these past six months.”

She opened a desk drawer and pulled out a thick bound notebook that she handed directly to Hallie. “This notebook gives you a concise description of the exercises Janet has been following. Take this copy in case Janet’s has been misplaced.”

Reluctantly, Hallie took it. The size of the book represented a level of responsibility and dedication she had never given another human being. This was where Janet had excelled. She’d been so compassionate and caring, so willing and able to pull people under her wing and foster them until they were strong enough to stand on their own. With her as a mommy, Hallie had no doubt Ahn would have been a match for any kid in her classes.

But that was Janet’s forte, not Hallie’s. Hallie organized action and information. She could pull together all the unruly and disparate pieces that her show required and execute it flawlessly. She dealt in the realm of theory and ideas. People? Not so much.

This book seemed to shout all of her inadequacies loud enough for all to hear. She set it on the floor by her purse, thinking she’d read it later when she wasn’t feeling so overwhelmed.

“Ahn’s daily activities are also why I feel so strongly that one or both of you should fill in as a stay-at-home parent. Since Janet stayed with Ahn, she might connect better with you, Hallie. And while I appreciate that you could hire a female nanny, I fear if Ahn’s care is turned over to someone who has no personal interest in her, she will receive little more than what she received at the orphanage. Only her basic needs will be met. That could result in Ahn regressing instead of moving forward. She needs the support of someone who is fully committed to her improvement. What she doesn’t need is someone who takes care of her only in order to earn a paycheck.”

“Greg mentioned it was possible that Ahn’s delayed speech development could make it more difficult to find parents for her,” Nate said. “Do you agree?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” she said. “But as I mentioned before, Ahn is a very bright child. If you take this opportunity to work closely with her, the speech problem may take care of itself.”

She checked another box. “Again, because of Ahn’s special needs, there should be no other siblings. The parents need to be able to devote their full attention to Ahn without any other distractions. As she gets older, siblings would actually be a benefit to her.”

Deb paused and considered Hallie and Nate. “I’ve been referring to parents in general so far. It’s quite likely you’ll want Ahn’s prospective parents to mirror what she had—a mother who stays at home and a father who works out of the house. If that’s the case, here are some things to look for. The best father for Ahn won’t travel, and will be at home at night. All children need a strong male presence, but Ahn needs consistency. A father she sees only on weekends can’t provide that. Nor can a workaholic father. Ahn needs a father who is willing to be one hundred percent involved in her overall care. And she needs a father who wants a child because he’s ready to be a father, and not because his wife wants to be a mother.”

She paused again. “To put it bluntly, more than half of the adoptive fathers I work with go through the adoption process only to please their wives.” She looked at Nate. “I can assure you, your brother wasn’t one of them. David was one of the most committed fathers I’ve ever worked with. Ahn was shy and withdrawn around him at first, but she quickly became attached. In order to lessen the void Ahn feels in her life right now, it would help if you filled in so she still has that strong male presence and will be better able to bond with her new father.”

“I’m confused,” Hallie said. “How do you expect us to determine whether a man is ready to be a father for the right reasons? It isn’t likely he’s going to admit that to us even if we asked.”

“True,” Deb said. “Hopefully you’ll pick up on any red flags when you meet the applicants face-to-face.”

Hallie had no reply—she was too overwhelmed.

Dammit, where had her mind been? Why hadn’t she realized before now how hard choosing parents for Ahn was going be? How much was at stake?

Of course, Hallie already knew the answer.

Until now she’d seen her role as a supervisory one, directing other people the way she did on the job. But she’d never envisioned herself doing all the tasks Janet had on a daily basis.

“That takes care of most of the form,” Dr. Langston said, checking a few more boxes. “These last four questions are ones the two of you need to answer based on your personal preferences. They have nothing to do with my professional opinion.”

She poised her pen over the paper. “Are you open to older parents? Or do you prefer younger parents?”

“Mid- to late-thirties, I guess,” Nate said, looking over at Hallie. “The same age as David and Janet?”

“I agree,” Hallie said.

“Number of years you feel the couple should be married?”

“At least five years?” Hallie suggested.

Nate nodded.

“The lowest income level you’d consider?”

“No lower than two-fifty a year,” Nate said without even asking Hallie. “Otherwise the new parents won’t be able to provide Ahn with whatever extra help she needs.”

“I agree,” Dr. Langston said. “At this point there’s no way to tell if Ahn is going to need additional counseling and therapy on a long-term basis.”

She looked back down at the form. “Are you open to out-of-state applicants?”

“I’d prefer in-state applicants,” Hallie said. “Or at least applicants who live in and around our neighboring northeastern states. I’m retaining my right to stay in touch with Ahn after the adoption. The less distance between us, the easier that will be.”

Dr. Langston was bold enough to say, “Really? That surprises me since you’re so determined to have a nanny.”

“I may not be the mommy type, but Ahn is my niece. The adoption isn’t going to change that as far as I’m concerned.”

Dr. Langston finished making her notations on the form. “That concludes the questionnaire,” she said, handing the form across the desk. “And for what it’s worth, I think Ahn is a lucky little girl to have you for an aunt, Hallie.”

“Thank you.” Hallie stood and stuck out her hand. “And thanks for your help today.”

Deb stood and shook Hallie’s hand.

Hallie put the form in her purse and stuck the notebook under her arm then followed as Dr. Langston walked them to her office door.

“I’ve made an appointment for Ahn in two weeks,” Deb said. “With the drastic changes going on in her life right now, it’s important that you keep the appointment.”

“She’ll be here,” Nate said.

Hallie knew there were questions she should probably ask—behaviors to watch out for, or strategies to deal with Ahn’s grief—but her mind was spinning from too much information, and her head was pounding from a stress-induced headache. All Hallie wanted was out of here.

And maybe after a few hours of solitude this insane reality she was living would make sense.