Читать книгу Look At Me - Cara Lockwood - Страница 12

“YOU SHOULD COME out with us tonight,” said Ryan on the phone as Chloe glanced down at her just-microwaved burrito. She had her hands-free set tucked in her ear as she sat in her warm kitchen, though it was cooling off now that the sun had set outside and a soothing breeze seeped into her open window. She glanced at her shattered screen. The phone still worked as a phone, but there was no way she’d be able to check text messages or Twitter. It would be one more expense she’d need to make when she got her next check. She’d just have to wait until then. It didn’t help that most of her social media clients of late were nonprofits who took a long time paying their bills. She’d worked most of the afternoon with a nonprofit group called Our Home, which tried to help low-income families stay in neighborhoods that were slowly being gentrified.

She’d uploaded some photos of their work. Much of what they did resembled Habitat for Humanity projects, except they repaired damaged buildings and pressured local aldermen not to green-light commercial real estate that could threaten low-income housing. Of course, if Chloe didn’t get paid soon, she’d have to move herself to the category of low income. Her laptop remained open on the dining room table, proof she had been working some today. She was still wearing the outfit she’d flashed her new neighbor in (her pajama tank and shorts, having not bothered to change since she’d been chained to her laptop most of the day). Owning her own consulting business meant she got to work from home, but it also meant that work never stopped, either. Not if she wanted her business to survive. She’d just gotten a notice in her mailbox, too, something about a new owner of the building. She hoped that didn’t mean a rent hike when her lease was up in a few months, but she knew it might.

“Ryan, I don’t know...” I’d have to shower. Change. It seems like such a production. Or she could sit and eat her burrito, binge-watch Game of Thrones, and call it a night. The latter seemed so much simpler.

“Brendan says if you don’t get out of the house once this week, we’re officially holding an intervention.” Chloe grinned. She loved Ryan and Brendan—she’d stood up in their wedding the summer before. She’d been friends with Ryan since college and had been thrilled when he’d met Brendan—the two were great together: both dark-haired and lean, both rabid outdoorsmen, with a bent toward mountain climbing. Whenever Chloe thought love might not be in the cards for her, she looked at them and thought that if they could find their soul mates, then probably so could she. She would’ve been nauseated by their sickly sweet Facebook posts, except that she loved them both to death.

“Seriously, Chlo, how many days in a row have you worn the outfit you’re wearing right now?”

“One,” she said. Then she wondered if that was true. Had she changed yesterday? Now she couldn’t quite remember, though she had to admit, the thought had crossed her mind to just head to bed in the same pajamas. Would that be a new low? Not showering and not changing two days in a row. Hell, but wasn’t this one of the major perks of working at home?

“I think you’re lying.”

Chloe had to laugh. “I’ll catch you guys next time, okay?”

Ryan sighed. “Okay, but you’re starting to turn into some weird hermit, you know that? You need to get out. Socialize with people. You do social media all day, but you never talk to anyone anymore. Like when was your last human interaction?”

“That’s not necessary for my job,” she pointed out.

“No, but it is for your mental health. Since the breakup...”

“Don’t even mention his name.” Kevin. The investment banker who’d made fun of her consulting business, who often told her she should “get a real job” and endlessly made jokes about how work done in her pajamas was no work at all. But Chloe was proud of her accomplishments, proud of being her own boss. But because she didn’t have a traditional job, Kevin thought she was somehow less important. He saw a girlfriend mostly as an accessory and not a person, which was why he called her by the wrong name in bed...a name she discovered from a series of lurid text messages on his phone belonged to his coworker, a woman he’d been sleeping with on the side.

“You’ve been hiding, Chlo. Time to break free and get out there,” Ryan said.

She knew he was right, but she didn’t feel like getting out there. As awful as Kevin had been to her, she’d gotten to the point where she had really started to think they might get married. He’d told her as much. The fact that he’d been cheating was a blow she still felt six months later. It was because Chloe knew she wanted more. She was closing in on thirty, and her biological clock had kicked into overdrive. She wanted a baby, a family, a husband, and she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to find any of those things going out to a bar with Ryan.

“I will—eventually,” she said, and glanced at her cooling burrito on her plate, thinking about how unappetizing it looked. “I just need some time. Besides, I’ve got a new neighbor who just moved in. Totally ripped. And loaded, too.”

“Oh! A Christian Grey!”

“Uh...well, if Christian Grey wore shorts and had tattoos.” She took a bite of the burrito and nearly scalded her tongue. She dropped the too-hot microwaved dinner.

“Ooooh. A bad boy. A rich bad boy. I like it.”

Chloe laughed. “Don’t tell Brendan. He’ll get jealous.”

“He might. You should go for that. Ride that bike if you know what I mean.”

“I think he might be gay. I mean, he’s got a six-pack.” Chloe bit her lip as she wandered to her window and glanced at her new neighbor’s darkened third floor. She’d watched all afternoon but hadn’t seen Jackson again. Instead, an army of assistants had come and unpacked him entirely. She’d never seen such efficiency before, but in a matter of hours, they’d unpacked his kitchen, set up his bed, even hung art on the walls. It must be nice to be rich, she’d thought, as she’d watched his minions do all the grunt work.

Ryan considered this. “You’re right. Six-pack abs—they are rampant in the gay community,” he deadpanned.

Just then, the neighbor’s light flickered on. Chloe backed away from her window. “Uh...gotta go, okay? I’ll call you later.”

“Just remember what I said. Don’t be a hermit!”

“Love you!” she called, and then clicked off. She told herself she shouldn’t spy on her neighbor, and besides, it was probably one of his assistants anyway. But as she hovered near the curtains, she watched Jackson enter the third floor from the open stairway at the back of the living room. He immediately tugged off his shirt.

Oh, my. That was a view she could get used to: well-toned pecs, rippled abs, broad, muscled shoulders. She wondered again what he did for a living. Model? Action hero? Jackson could be either. He disappeared into the far right room, his bedroom, as she’d watched his home-decor minions set up his bed, and carry in armful after armful of expensive suits. She didn’t see a kitchen, so it had to be on one of the two floors below. She couldn’t imagine what, exactly, he was doing with all that space. For all she knew, the first floor could be an indoor basketball court. Or filled with trampolines. She had no idea how the über-rich lived.

Maybe he was just going to bed, she thought, and then went back to her burrito. She took a bite that was still part frozen. How was one end on fire and the other an ice cube? Ugh. She put it down, suddenly not feeling like eating it. She clicked off the overhead kitchen light, the oven light the only thing illuminating her small kitchen. She glanced up and saw Jackson emerging from his bedroom wearing only mesh shorts, slung low on his hips, and still no shirt. He sank down on his plush leather couch and put his feet up. His phone must’ve sounded because he picked it up and pressed it to his ear. Then, a second later, he tapped the screen. He laid back on the couch, his eyes on the staircase. Suddenly, a woman clad only in the shortest silk jumper Chloe had ever seen appeared on the stairwell in strappy stiletto heels and too much makeup, her auburn bob cut at chin length. She was gorgeous. She sauntered over to the couch, a pouty expression on her face, and he sat there, watching her.

Was that his girlfriend? She felt a hardened pit at the center of her stomach.

But she didn’t greet him like a girlfriend. They didn’t hug or kiss. Instead, she began to slip out of her little shorts romper, the silk sleeves fluttering downward, revealing the fact that she wore no bra. She was all business, this one. No warm fuzzies. He watched the show appreciatively as she kicked out of the one-piece, now wearing only stilettos, her bare, toned body in front of him.

Well, he’s definitely not gay.

Chloe knew she needed to stop watching. But she couldn’t. She clutched at the curtain, half-hidden, mesmerized by the action unfolding in front of her. It was a billion times more interesting than her abandoned burrito. Her bad-boy neighbor stood then, and the woman knelt in front of him. She jerked down his shorts as he grabbed a handful of her hair and gave it a playful tug.

I can’t watch this, her mind screamed, and yet she couldn’t look away. The woman freed him, and Chloe nearly gasped...he was bigger than Kevin. Much bigger. She didn’t even know they came that big, even while the woman worked at it with both hands, and he stiffened beneath her touch. He watched her intently as she took part of him in her mouth, the tip. God, did they not know the windows were wide-open? Did they not know she could see...everything?

This was taking the invisible fourth floor to an entirely different level.

Yet part of her realized neither one of them cared. They were intent on sex, only on the sex. After a minute, he pulled her to her feet and whirled her around, completely in command as he bent her across the arm of his couch. Jackson reached his fingers down to her inner thigh, stroking her, then disappearing inside her. She moaned, throwing her head back. Then he had a condom package in his mouth and ripped it open, rolling the latex down his now-ready self. Then he entered her: strong, possessive, decisive.

I shouldn’t watch this. Yet she couldn’t turn away, either.

Chloe felt her whole body run hot. For a second, she imagined herself there, over that couch, him taking her from behind like an animal, him filling her up. She watched his abs tighten as he worked himself in and out, the woman’s face showing joy and want, as she took the whole thick length of him again and again. Chloe watched, transfixed, unable to turn away. She’d never had a man that big before. What would that feel like? The strange woman in his living room gripped the sofa cushions, her knuckles white as she seemed to cry out. Was she climaxing? Her whole body vibrated...and Chloe shivered. God, she felt a stab of jealousy. She wanted to climax just like that, feeling Jackson deep inside her.

Instantly, her body came alive, her belly feeling warm and tingling, her pajama shorts suddenly sticky between her legs. What am I doing? I’m a Peeping Tom. It’s wrong... And yet all she wanted to do was slip her hands down the waistband of her own shorts, to touch herself. She could feel a beat of a pulse between her legs, feel the want there, the need.

Wasn’t this illegal? Snooping in people’s windows?

I need to turn away. Close my blinds. But she kept watching, mesmerized and focusing on his magnificent body, his strong hands holding her hips, as he explored her deepest places. Her nipples stood at attention, her small, firm breasts bouncing with his every move. She rocked against him, too, grinding upward, arching her back, enjoying every inch of him.

Chloe bit her lip, feeling her nipples strain against her own shirt, and suddenly her body was overcome by want, like a fever. She wanted to be on the other side of that glass window. She wanted to feel the man’s hands on her. Those thoughts consumed her as she stood half-hidden by her curtain.

She was almost tempted to touch herself then, scratch the itch building deep within her. But no. That would be wrong. Wouldn’t it?

Chloe watched him, his eyes on the woman’s body, his face serious. Then, as if he could sense her watching, he glanced up, and for a heart-stopping second, he saw her.

She froze. Ice-cold fear ran down her spine. He saw her! She’d been caught spying!

Yet she couldn’t break his gaze, his blue-eyed stare. Her heart pounded in her chest. She was caught.

He’s going to be mad. He could even call the police...

Then, the smallest hint of a smile quirked his lip. He almost looked...amused. He kept eye contact with her and he thrust even deeper into his prize.

Her mouth dropped open. His gaze felt like a tractor beam, holding her in place. He gave her the littlest of nods. Go on, his eyes seemed to dare her, watch me. The woman before him had her eyes closed, obviously enjoying the feel of him inside her, but suddenly it didn’t even matter he was having sex with another woman. As Jackson watched Chloe, it felt like the two of them were the only people in the world. It felt strangely intimate, somehow. Chloe was watching the man at his most vulnerable, and Jackson was letting her.

Something about that was so wrong...so naughty...yet she couldn’t break his gaze, couldn’t turn from the window. How could he watch her when he was inside someone else? And yet, he seemed to...want her to watch.

Could that be?

And was it her imagination or was he turned on by it? Yes, she realized. He was. Excited by her. By her watching. She felt strangely powerful then. She wasn’t a third wheel; she was affecting what she saw.

He leaned over, nuzzling the woman’s neck and cupping her firm breast, tweaking the woman’s pink nipple, but his eyes never left hers all the while, as if somehow, he was offering to do this to her. Heat burned in her belly.

Yes. Just like that. Touch her.

Touch me.

Instinctively, Chloe’s hand covered her own breast as she felt her desire grow. The weight of her own hand against her chest felt like his then. She imagined what it would feel like for him to nuzzle her neck, even as he pushed ever deeper inside her.

Jackson straightened again, grabbing the woman’s hips, moving her slightly so she could see him from the side, see the very thick length of him move in...and out. God, he was huge, so hard for her. How did she even take that much?

Yes, Jackson. Just like that, she thought. That’s how I’d want it.

Fast.

Hard.

Deep.

He picked up his pace, as if he could hear her own thoughts. He was all animal, all want. Slickness ran between her legs as she gawked, unable—and unwilling—to look away. All the while, he stared up at her, sharp blue eyes never leaving her face.

She wanted to see him come, wanted to see him pour himself into this woman, because that was what she’d want. All of him. All that he could give her.

Then, after several furious thrusts, he came: his face overcome with the pleasure of pure relief. Jackson briefly closed his eyes as he’d found his release. She knew then she’d helped him. She’d excited him, pushed him over the edge. She felt the thudding pulse between her own legs and knew he’d had the same effect on her. Her body had come alive with need and want, as both flooded the blood in her veins, pumped by her fast-beating heart. What she’d give at that moment to be able to feel him inside her. God, she wanted him.

Then the woman before him opened her eyes, and the spell was broken. Suddenly, the intimate little bubble she’d occupied with Jackson was burst. Chloe ducked behind her curtains, fearful the woman would see. She pressed her back against the brick wall, heart pounding in her ears.

What had just happened?

It was wrong what had just happened. So very wrong. How would she feel if someone had watched her and her...boyfriend? Yet she’d never been that brazen. She would’ve never done it with the blinds up like that. She remembered the confident smirk of the woman as she’d stepped out of her jumper. Chloe doubted the woman would even care if she’d been seen. Hell, she was the one who had sex in front of the windows at night, with the blinds up.

She clicked off her foyer light, her own apartment now dark. She felt the cloak of darkness like a cover of protection. Could she ever even look at Jackson again? She frantically shut her own curtains.

No. It had been wrong. She shouldn’t have watched. Yet she liked it. She liked it even more when he’d caught her watching. When he’d shown her how much he’d enjoyed it. Those stark blue eyes watching her, excited by her watching... She’d never forget the look on his face when he’d come.

Heat built between her legs as she slipped her hand down the waistband of her shorts. She found herself so very wet, so very wanting. She touched her most delicate center and shivered, knowing this was what she’d badly wanted to do while she watched Jackson, and now she could hold back no longer. She thought about his hands, his eyes, how he’d feel inside her, filling her...and then, before she knew it, Chloe came in a heated rush, so fast, so hard, a quick explosion of need.

God, she’d never done that before: made herself come in just a matter of seconds. But she knew why this time had been different. It had been Jackson. All Jackson.

What would he do if he knew she’d...just done this? For him?

The thought danced in her mind. So wrong. Yet right.

She felt like she’d been there with him. And...her. Her heart settled a bit, her breathing slowed, and she wondered if her neighbor had gotten dressed. If he and that woman were cuddling, kissing now. The thought made her feel a flare of jealousy. Why? I’m not his girlfriend. I’m just the neighbor who flashed him...and watched him come. How she wished she could see that look of pure pleasure on his face again, but this time, with him deep, deep inside her.

She slumped down at her kitchen table and stared at her drawn curtains. Should she take another peek? Would she dare? No. She fought herself. I’ve invaded the man’s privacy enough. I’ve broken enough laws.

What if Jackson called the police?

She shook her head. No. She remembered the pleasure on his face as he glanced up and saw her. No. He liked it. He liked it when she watched.

But who was that woman? Girlfriend? Escort? She wasn’t sure which would be worse. She didn’t like the idea of him having a girlfriend, an intimate, loving relationship, but she also didn’t like the idea of him paying for sex, either. She heard a door slam in the alley and curiosity got the better of her. She jostled the curtain a centimeter and peered down. The woman he’d just had sex with slipped into an Uber waiting in the alley.

Definitely not a girlfriend, she thought. Then...what?

Chloe thought about the man in his big three-story building all by himself, sated now, maybe even still naked. Maybe rinsing off in the shower. For a split second, a crazy thought ran through her head...what if I went over? Rang his doorbell?

Instantly, she dismissed the thought. Really? She was going to...what? Tell him she was sorry for spying? Or ask him to do exactly what he’d just done to that woman to her?

Her inner thighs tingled at the thought. Heat rose in her abdomen again. She’d only just taken care of that. Hadn’t she? Yet, was she wanting this again? So soon? Just the thought of seeing Jackson made her wet.

No. He’d think she was crazy. Wouldn’t he?

After she watched the Uber drive away, she glanced back up at the new neighbor’s windows. She didn’t see him, and figured he’d moved to his room, though his blinds were still wide-open. Maybe he’d forget about the whole thing. Maybe he’d pretend it never happened. Maybe that was what she should do as well.

Then she saw him return with a bar of white soap in his hand and a small bowl of water. What was he...? She hid once more as he came to the windows. The idea of him seeing her spying more made her face flame with embarrassment. She waited for a few minutes, breathing hard.

Go to bed, Chloe, she told herself. What are you even doing?

She waited a few more moments that felt like hours. Should she look? Once more? What was he doing with that bar of soap?

Chloe peeked around the curtain, leaving just enough space for one eye. The living room was now empty. No sign of Jackson.

But he’d used the soap to write a message on his window. It was big enough for her to read.

Next time, want to do more than watch?