Читать книгу Marry Me Tomorrow: The perfect, feel-good read to curl up with in 2017! - Carla Burgess - Страница 13

CHAPTER FIVE

The journey to Manchester was awkward and silent. Determined to prove myself a good driver, I concentrated completely on the road ahead while Sam clutched the seat with white-knuckled hands. What was his problem? His tension made me jittery, and the closer we got to Manchester, the more nervous I became. Would Sam behave himself? Would Mum like him? Would Len? I hardly knew my new stepfather. I couldn’t decide if he would like Sam or not. One thing was certain, however – I could do without Sam muttering about my taste in music as he tried to Bluetooth it from my phone to the car stereo. By the time I’d parked the car and found the arrivals lounge, I was so tense I wanted to kick something. Preferably Sam.

My knee jumped rhythmically as I sat, gazing up at the arrivals board, too agitated to read what it actually said. In contrast, now that he was out of the car, Sam looked relaxed and unconcerned. He sat well back, legs extended in front of him, hands deep in the pockets of his new coat, seemingly oblivious to my mood.

‘You all right?’ he said, his voice unconcerned.

It was no good. I was going to have to say something.

‘Not really!’ I snapped. ‘Do you know how stressful it is to drive a car with someone criticising your every move?’ His expression changed instantly to one of alarm and he sat up straighter. ‘Do you know how much you’ve pissed me off today? I am so angry right now, I want to hit you.’

‘Now, hold on a minute! I didn’t make any women driver comments on the way here. The only time I said anything was when you took the wrong turning at the roundabout. In fact, I thought you did very well.’

‘There you go again, patronising me. Being a woman does not affect how I drive, nor does it affect my taste in music.’

Sam’s eyes seemed to grow and grow with alarm. ‘I was only joking! Jeez, calm down, will you?’

‘You were not joking!’ To my embarrassment, tears of frustrated anger started to run down my cheeks and I swiped them away angrily with my hands.

‘Oh my God, are you crying? Please stop now! I’m sorry, all right? I didn’t realise I was offending you.’ He reached for my hand but I slapped him away, lifting my bag up onto my lap and rummaging inside for a tissue.

‘Oh you didn’t, did you? Well maybe you should think before you speak in future.’

‘Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ He leaned forward, horrified, but I turned away from him, blowing my nose angrily into a tissue. I couldn’t believe I was crying and felt so angry with myself for being so weak. I drew in a deep shuddering breath as I pulled a clean tissue from the pack.

‘You’re like the world’s worst passenger; do you know that?’

‘I’m sorry, I just like to be in control.’

‘Oh well that’s ironic seeing as your life is totally out of control,’ I snapped.

‘True.’ Sam went very still and I immediately felt like a complete bitch. I stayed with my back to him, picking at the tissue with my fingers.

‘What do you want me to do?’ Sam asked, at last.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Do you want me to go?’

‘Of course not.’ I turned around slowly to look at him. ‘I just want you to stop commenting on my driving.’

‘Okay.’ He nodded. ‘I could drive, if you w –?’

‘No.’

‘Okay.’ He raised his hands and turned back to face the front.

‘Is my mascara smudged?’ I blinked at him, running a finger under each eye and sniffing. He shook his head, his eyes wary. I settled back down against the seat and looked away, across the lounge.

‘Are you nervous? About seeing your mum again?’

I shook my head and then shrugged.

Sam watched me. His laid-back stance of just a moment ago had disappeared and now he sat defensively, legs and arms crossed in front of him. ‘What’s she like? Is she scary?’

‘No.’

‘So why are you so wound up?’

‘Because of you! You wound me up!’

He frowned. ‘Oh come on. I think this is about more than just me.’

‘Bloody men! See, things like this are why I don’t have a boyfriend.’

‘Things like what?’

‘You, trying to shirk responsibility for upsetting me. Men never admit fault; it’s always the woman’s hormones or something else that’s stressing her out.’

‘Did I mention hormones?’

‘You didn’t need to. I could see it in your eyes.’

His eyebrows shot up. ‘In my eyes? Wow. You women, you’re so intuitive.’

‘Oh shut up!’

He laughed and nudged me with his elbow. ‘Hey, I said I was sorry, didn’t I? I’m not saying I didn’t upset you, but your stress levels went up as soon as we reached this airport. Why are you so wound up about seeing your mum?’

‘I’m not wound up about seeing her!’

Sam sighed and looked away. ‘I’d give anything to see my mum again.’

I opened my mouth to reply and then shut it again. There wasn’t much I could say to that really. And it was true; I was lucky to still have my mum around, even if she did constantly nag me to find a man.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said at last.

‘You’re sorry, I’m sorry.’ He shook his head and shrugged. ‘So, tell me about your ex-boyfriends then? Were any serious? Did you ever consider marrying any of them?’

‘Not really.’

‘Really?’ Raising an eyebrow, he leaned his head towards me a little. ‘Are you sure you’ve ever had a boyfriend?’

My mouth fell open at the sheer audacity of his questions. He was really pushing his luck tonight. ‘Yes I’ve had boyfriends. God, what is it with you?’

He laughed and shrugged. ‘Just trying to make conversation.’

‘If that’s the best you can do, don’t bother.’ I stared off into the distance and we sat in tense silence.

‘Wow, this is great.’ Sam breathed. ‘It’s uncanny really, you know…’ he leaned forward to try and make me look at him ‘…because this is what marriage is actually like.’

Suppressing a smile, I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and he pressed his arm against mine.

‘I was only joking.’

‘Am I so ugly that you think no one would ever want me?’

‘Of course not! I just meant that you’re obviously a very choosy lady. I mean, you chose me, didn’t you?’ He nudged me with his elbow. ‘Come on. I’m sorry, all right?’

I gave the smallest of shrugs and Sam sighed and leaned forwards, his elbows on his knees.

‘D’you know what?’

‘What?’

‘You’re not wearing a wedding ring. What’s that about then? Were we in too much of a rush to buy one or something? Was I too skint or too tight?’

‘Oh!’ I looked down at my naked finger. ‘I had a plain silver band I was going to put on. If Mum asks, I’ll say I took it off to wash my hands or something.’

‘Silver?’

‘I’ll say it’s white gold.’

Sam sighed. ‘What about this one?’ He held up his little finger and showed me a gold wedding band. Easing it over his knuckle, he passed it to me. ‘See if it fits.’

With shaking fingers, I took the ring from him and slipped it onto the third finger of my left hand. It sat in place, golden and shiny. ‘It fits.’ I frowned at him. ‘Is this your wife’s?’

‘No, it was my mum’s. Mandy wouldn’t wear it so I bought her a different one. You can wear it for now and I’ll have it back when we’re done, okay?’

‘Oh okay.’ I stared down at my hand, not quite believing my eyes. ‘So Mandy was your wife’s name?’

‘Yeah.’ Sam’s voice was flat and his lip curled with distaste.

‘Well, thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’ He looked away and cleared his throat. ‘So, tell me about your mum. She must be pretty terrifying if you feel the need to pretend to be married to get her approval?’

I shook my head. ‘Not really. It was a mistake. The line was really bad and she’d been going on about the fantastic cruise she’d just been on and how my cousin Angela’s expecting twins and how happy she is and then she asked when I was going to meet a nice man so I said I already had. Then she got all excited about it and I said, “Calm down, we didn’t get married,” but the phone went all crackly and she misheard and then she went nuts.’

I shook my head in disbelief at the memory. ‘Then the phone connection failed and after, when I thought about it, I decided to go with it since it made her so happy. I didn’t expect her to come and visit so soon.’ I banged the heel of my boot on the tiled floor. ‘She always makes me feel like I’ve failed in some way, just because I’m not married with kids.’

‘She’s your mum. That’s her job, isn’t it?’

‘I thought it was to love and support me, not make me feel like shit.’ I frowned. ‘She never used to be like this. You know, when I was growing up we were dead close.’ I glanced across at him, aware that he was watching me closely.

‘Maybe she’s just worried you’re lonely.’

‘Well, I’m not lonely.’ I leaned forward, feigning interest in the zip of my boot.

‘Aren’t you? Surely everyone gets lonely sometimes?’

‘This is the second time we’ve had this conversation, and like I said before, I’m not lonely.’ I frowned at him. ‘If you really want to know, I dated a guy last year. Will, his name was. It was more hassle than it was worth. I never really felt comfortable with him and I was relieved when he dumped me and went back to his ex-girlfriend.’

‘You let him dump you?’ Sam tutted. ‘You should have got in there first. Anyway, relationships are more trouble than they’re worth.’

‘Yeah, you’re right there. I always seem to attract the wrong men and end up wishing they would just go away.’

‘Was Will a bit dodgy then?’

‘Well, kind of.’ I wrinkled my nose. ‘He looked the part: handsome, well dressed, nice car, good job.’

‘I hate him already.’

I laughed.

‘So what was up with him? Was it just that he was hung up on his ex?’

‘Well, maybe. I don’t know. But he was a bit…erm…a bit, kinky?’ I blushed, mortified to be discussing this with Sam. His eyebrows shot up with interest.

‘Oh yeah. In what way?’

I shook my head. ‘Just…he made me feel uncomfortable.’

Sam sniffed and looked away. ‘Well, like I said, you’re better off on your own. You won’t catch me getting caught up in all that crap again.’

‘You can’t think like that though.’ I glanced across at him. ‘It might work out better next time. Not every relationship turns bad. You were just unlucky.’

‘Nah.’ He shook his head, resolute. ‘I ain’t never going down that path again. That’s me done now.’

People started to appear through the doors, pushing trolleys loaded with suitcases. ‘This must be Mum’s plane now,’ I said, getting to my feet.

‘Should we be snogging when she first sees us?’ He grinned up at me.

‘Don’t be creepy. Get up, now.’ I grabbed his arm and hauled him up from the seats. ‘Mum and Len will be here any second so behave yourself. Honestly, you’re really doing my head in tonight.’

‘Oh we’re back here, are we?’ Sam gave me an appraising look as he straightened his jacket. ‘And there I was thinking we were past the bad mood. Nice to know we’ve gone full circle.’

Shooting him a murderous look, I turned my back and walked towards the doors, just as Mum appeared through them. She looked small and tired, her brown hair falling in soft waves around her face. The burst of happiness I felt on seeing her took me by surprise, and I ran to her, almost knocking her over as I flung my arms around her.

‘Mum! It’s so good to see you.’

Mum hugged me back, her arms tight around my waist. It took me a few moments before I realised she was crying.

‘It’s good to see you too,’ she said, pulling away from me and wiping her eyes, leaving black mascara trails beneath. ‘Oh, look at you.’ She reached up to touch my face. ‘You’re just as beautiful as ever.’

‘So are you. Where’s Len?’ I looked over her shoulder expecting to see him behind, but there was no one else.

Mum shook her head, her hazel eyes still brimming with tears. ‘It’s just me. I’ve left him.’ My mouth fell open and I stared at her in shock. ‘Come on, I’ll tell you in the car.’ She took hold of her case again before spotting Sam hovering behind me. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Is this Sam?’

‘Yes, this is my…’ I held out my arm, ready to present him as my husband, but I couldn’t quite get the word out. ‘This is Sam. Sam, this my mum, Pamela.’

‘Hello, Sam.’ Mum gave Sam a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. He kissed her back, smiling warmly while I looked on, curious to see how they’d take to each other.

‘Wow! You two are very alike, aren’t you?’ he said, looking between us.

‘I look a right old state,’ she said, pressing her hands to her cheeks. ‘I wish I could have met you under better circumstances, like at your wedding…’ she turned and gave me a pointed look ‘…but, never mind, at least we’ll get to spend some time together now.’ She hooked her arm through Sam’s and started walking, towing her case behind her.

‘Do you want me to get your case, Mum?’

‘No, no it’s fine.’ She waved me away, instead telling Sam about the horrible food she’d had on the flight over. Bizarre. She looked so little compared to Sam. He seemed to tower over her as he smiled down at her, listening to her every word. In fact, she seemed smaller and frailer than the last time I’d seen her. I couldn’t wait to find out why she’d left Len.

We went outside into the darkness and crossed the road to get to the car park.

‘I guess it’s colder than this in New York,’ Sam said, as we all cowered against the wind and the rain in our jackets.

‘Yes. It was snowing when I left.’ I noticed she still had hold of his arm, her tan coat entwined with his black jacket. ‘It’s so nice to finally meet you. You’re never in when I phone. I was starting to think you didn’t exist.’ She glanced over her shoulder at me and smiled.

‘Sorry about that. I worked a lot of evenings and weekends.’ He shot me a look over the top of Mum’s head and raised an eyebrow.

‘Well, I’m glad you do exist. I hate to think of my daughter living all alone all of the time. She must get so lonely.’ She reached across and stroked my arm.

I rolled my eyes and Sam grinned.

For some reason, it seemed even colder inside the car park than outside. Inhaling the smell of cold concrete, exhaust fumes and tyre rubber, I unlocked my car, the lights flashing red in the dim light.

‘New car?’ Mum asked. ‘It’s very nice.’

‘Hm. I’ve had it nearly a year now.’

Sam took Mum’s case and opened the boot while Mum climbed into the front seat.

‘Do you want me to drive?’ Sam’s eyes flashed wickedly as he grinned down at me. Instead of answering, I reached up and slammed the boot. ‘Hey, that could have been my fingers then.’

‘It’ll be your ’nads if you’re not careful.’

Sam laughed so hard he almost bent double.

‘I’m glad you find it so funny.’ I went around to the driver’s door and climbed in. Mum was fixing her eye make-up in the sun visor. The familiar scent of her perfume filled the car, making me ache with nostalgia.

‘You must be exhausted,’ I said taking in the black smudges beneath her eyes, the droop of her mouth. Everything about her seemed sad. ‘Did you get any sleep on the plane?’

‘A little.’ She shut the mirror with a snap and buckled up her seat belt. Sam climbed into the back. I saw that his eyes were still shining with amusement as I reversed out of the space, the parking ticket between my teeth.

‘So, I suppose you want to know about me and Len then,’ Mum said. ‘He was having an affair.’

‘An affair?’ I squeaked, the ticket between my teeth vibrating like a kazoo. I snatched it out of my mouth, skinning my lip as I did so. ‘Ouch! What do you mean, he was having an affair? He was ancient! I mean, no offence, but, really?’

Mum held up her hand to stop me blundering on further.

‘Some woman he worked with.’

‘He still worked? I thought he had retired?’

‘He wasn’t that old, Emily. I do wish you’d stop making out he was in his eighties or something. He was still working as a consultant.’

‘Oh. So he met her through work? How did you find out?’

‘You know, little things. A receipt in his pocket for a fancy restaurant while he was supposed to be working, different perfume on his clothes, lipstick on his collar. All the old clichés.’

I winced. ‘Are you sure? Did he admit to it?’

‘Yes, he admitted to it straight away.’

‘Oh God.’ I wound down my window and slipped the ticket into the machine. The barrier rose and I drove down the ramp and out onto the road. ‘Why didn’t you tell me on the phone?’

‘I didn’t want to worry you. But then I realised on the plane that I should have checked that it’s okay to stay with you.’ She looked up with huge anxious eyes. ‘It is, isn’t it? You have got a spare room, haven’t you?’

‘Yes, of course, that’s fine,’ I said, my voice two octaves higher than usual.

‘Oh thank goodness for that. I really couldn’t face spending Christmas on my own.’

‘You’re always welcome, Mum.’ I reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘Don’t worry about a thing.’

In the rear-view mirror, Sam’s eyes locked onto mine, luminous in the darkness. I held them for a second and then looked away, my heart beating so erratically that it felt like it was trying to escape from my chest.

Mum sat quietly, staring out into the darkness, jaw rigid and fingers knotted together. I tried to make small talk, but it wasn’t easy when Sam and Mum were being monosyllabic. After a while, I gave up and concentrated on the road. The dark night pressed in on my little car and I felt like we were in a bubble, hemmed in together, each of us with our own thoughts and problems, no one speaking. The car seemed full of ghosts, especially for me. Seeing Mum again had stirred up a whole load of unexpected emotions and childhood memories.

The motorway was busy: red tail lights snaking away in front, bright headlights behind. The windscreen wipers slapped from side to side, scraping the glass every now and then, setting my teeth on edge. I watched Sam in the rear-view mirror, his face illuminated by passing traffic. He was looking out of the window, his head resting against the glass, chewing the fleshy bit of his thumb.

‘I thought that he loved me,’ Mum said eventually, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. ‘I’m sorry; I’m such a fool. You’d think I’d know better at my age.’

‘Don’t say that, Mum. He’s the fool, not you.’ I reached over and squeezed her hand while keeping my eyes on the motorway ahead. She turned in her seat to peer into the back.

‘I’m sorry, Sam. What must you think of me? The first time we’ve met and here I am crying and moping. I didn’t even give you much notice. I hope you don’t mind my coming to stay for Christmas, like this?’

‘Of course I don’t mind,’ he said, and I could hear the warmth of a smile in his voice. ‘We’re happy to have you. Aren’t we, Emily?’

‘Of course we are!’ I said. ‘You’ve made our Christmas, coming to visit like this!’

‘Thank you.’ Mum smiled at me and then sniffled into her tissue. ‘I feel like such a silly old bag.’

‘You’re not silly,’ I said.

‘You’re not an old bag, either,’ Sam added.

‘Oh yes, that too.’ I laughed and flicked my indicator to come off at the junction. ‘Sorry.’ Glancing in the mirror, I met his gaze again. I swallowed and forced my attention back to the road ahead.

I wondered what Sam was thinking and whether he was as horrified as I was at the prospect of us sharing a room. My whole body was humming as though an electric current was circling beneath my skin. I focused on the road ahead, grateful for the distraction, squinting at the glare from the oncoming traffic. ‘Nearly home now,’ I said. ‘You’ll be glad of a cup of tea, I expect.’

‘Ooh yes, I will.’

‘So what will you do now, Pamela?’ Sam said. ‘Is it over between you and Len?’