Читать книгу Strangers When We Married - Carla Cassidy - Страница 10

As Meghan left the kitchen, Seth drew a deep breath and sank down at the table. He hadn’t expected the sight of her to affect him, but it had.

The moment she’d gotten out of her car, her red curls bouncing and gleaming in the waning sunlight, his stomach muscles had knotted as memories assailed him. He’d always tangled his hands in her wildly curly hair as they’d made love, loving the way it felt so silky against his fingers.

She’d paled at the sight of him, her freckles appearing to grow darker against the alabaster of her skin. If anyone had told him years ago that at some point in his life an obsessive-compulsive, freckled, red-haired woman would drive him wild, he’d have laughed at them. But that’s exactly what had happened.

He and Meghan had shared a crazy, passionate weeklong courtship, then seven months of marriage before reality had intruded and they’d both realized they’d made a terrible mistake.

How many times had he watched those beautiful green eyes of hers darken with desire, light up with laughter, and then at the end of their relationship, cloud with tears?

He shoved back his chair and stood once again, too restless to sit and irritated with the damnable, unwanted memories.

She was a piece of his past and he wasn’t here to fix or change the choices they’d made, choices that had led to separate lives for each of them.

Pacing back and forth, he could hear the faint sounds of her talking to Kirk. His son. The boy’s little face had been hidden in the curve of Meghan’s neck when she’d first arrived.

As he heard Meghan returning to the kitchen, he found himself eager to see the child that he was almost ashamed to admit, until this moment, had been an abstract in his mind.

For the past fourteen months, since the day of Kirk’s birth, he’d consciously shoved thoughts of the child away. It had been the only way he could deal with the agreement he’d made with Meghan, the painful agreement to stay out of Kirk’s life.

Kirk entered the kitchen first, toddling a bit unsteadily. Automatically, Seth went down on one knee and opened his arms. Kirk stopped at the sight of him. His bottom lip trembled ominously then he turned back toward Meghan.

Meghan scooped him up in her arms and carried him to the nearby high chair where she buckled him in. Seth dropped his hands to his sides and stood once again, oddly disappointed that the little boy hadn’t run to his embrace.

You stupid dolt, he told himself. What did you expect? The kid has no idea who you are. Why would he come to you? He doesn’t know you’re his father. To him you’re nothing but a stranger. Nothing but a stranger…and if Meghan had her way, that’s what he’d remain.

“Seth, it’s just not a good idea for you to stay here,” Meghan said. She walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine. She held it up and he shook his head.

As she poured herself a glass, he focused his attention once again on his son.

Seth sat in the chair next to Kirk’s high chair. His son. He had his mother’s eyes. Brilliant green and at the moment they stared at Seth with both curiosity and wariness. He didn’t have Meghan’s hair. Kirk’s was straight and a dark, rich brown.

My hair, Seth thought, a thrill shooting through him. The child had his hair and his square chin. Kirk had his straight nose and dark brows, yet had Meghan’s full lips and cheekbones.

The little boy was an attractive combination of both mother and father and a swell of emotion shot through Seth as he continued to drink in the sight of the little features.

Father. The title rang in his head. I’m his father. For the first time the relationship struck Seth deep in his heart.

“Seth, did you hear me?”

Meghan’s voice, tense and with an irritated edge, broke through his reverie. “What?” He tore his gaze from Kirk and focused once again on Meghan.

She handed Kirk a cracker, then joined Seth at the table, her glass of wine in hand. “I said I don’t think it’s a good idea that you stay here.”

“You’re right. It probably isn’t a good idea,” he agreed, then hurriedly added, “but I’ve got no place else to go.”

Her eyes were cold, hard behind her wire-rimmed glasses. “Surely you can think of someplace else.”

“If I could, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” He leaned forward and was instantly able to smell her. It was a scent he’d never forgotten, the smell of exotic flowers and mysterious spices. For months after he’d left her, the fragrance had haunted him.

“I need to be someplace where nobody will find me. I need some time to pull myself together, to find Simon. Think about it, Meghan, with the way we parted, nobody would ever think of looking for me here.” He smiled dryly. “In fact, this is the last place on earth anyone would look for me.”

She frowned and took a sip of her wine. The hard glitter in her eyes had been replaced with uncertainty. She looked at Kirk, then back at Seth.

Seth pressed his case. “Please, Meghan. We’re just talking about a couple of days. It shouldn’t take you longer than that to find the information I need. I’ll sleep on the sofa. You won’t even know I’m here.”

Kirk banged on his tray, slobbery cracker crumbs decorating his chin. Meghan stared at her son for a long moment, then looked back at Seth. “Three days,” she finally said, then downed the last of her wine as if she needed the strength found in the bottom of the glass.

“Thanks,” he breathed in relief. He hadn’t realized just how important it was to him until this very moment.

“Don’t thank me,” she snapped. “Understand, Seth, nothing has changed. Our agreement still stands. I don’t want you in my life and I certainly don’t want you in Kirk’s life.”

She stood and placed her empty wine glass into the dishwasher.

At that moment the doorbell rang. She whirled around to look at him, her eyes widened in apprehension. “Maybe being here isn’t as safe as you thought,” she said. “Jonah has ears and eyes everywhere. Maybe they already know you’re here.”

“Maybe you should answer the door and see who it is,” he replied calmly.

He was certain that nobody knew he was here. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said the last place anyone from the agency would look for him was here with Meghan. Everyone knew the acrimony that had marked their divorce.

“Yoo-hoo.” The feminine voice rang out, followed by a rapid staccato of knocks. “Meghan, dear.”

Meghan sighed. “It’s my neighbor, Mrs. Columbus.”

Seth relaxed as Meghan left the kitchen to answer the door. He smiled at Kirk, fighting the impulse to gather the little boy up in his arms…smell the scent of innocence, feel the cuddly warmth that only a small child possessed.

Kirk gifted him with a shy grin and Seth realized at that moment that he’d made a horrible mistake when he’d agreed to stay out of his son’s life.

“I just can’t imagine how I managed to run out of sugar,” Mrs. Columbus preceded Meghan into the kitchen, her duster swirling around her thick legs and her broad face beaming at Seth. “I like a cup of tea in the evenings, but I can’t abide the stuff without a spoonful of sugar.”

“It’s no problem, Mrs. Columbus,” Meghan said as she went to the bright red, apple-shaped canisters on the countertop.

Mrs. Columbus plopped down in the chair next to Seth’s. “And there’s my little buttercup,” she exclaimed to Kirk, who gurgled a greeting in response. “Isn’t he just about the sweetest little dumpling you’ve ever seen?”

Seth grinned. He had a feeling the old woman wasn’t here to fawn over Kirk or to borrow sugar. She was on a fishing expedition. “He is an exceptionally handsome child,” Seth agreed.

“We didn’t officially introduce ourselves earlier.” The woman held out her hand to him. “I’m Rose Columbus, and you’re…?”

Seth thought fast. He had a feeling Rose Columbus was not the soul of discretion. He could easily envision her at the butcher shop, haggling over a cut of meat while wagging her tongue over the local gossip. Telling her the truth might jeopardize him. More importantly, telling her the truth might jeopardize Meghan and Kirk.

He took Mrs. Columbus’s hand in his. “I’m Steve,” he improvised. “Meghan’s cousin.”

Rose’s gray eyebrows danced up in surprise as she looked at Meghan. “You naughty girl, you told me you had no family.”

Meghan glared at Seth. “Steve is sort of a black sheep.”

“Indeed.” Rose returned her gaze to Seth and smiled slyly. “Well, he’s a handsome black sheep, if I do say so myself. So, are you staying here long?”

Seth shrugged. “Just for a little while.”

“How nice for Meghan to have family over the holidays. Since her scalawag husband left her, she spends far too much time alone,” Rose said.

Scalawag husband? What exactly had Meghan told Rose Columbus about him? He raised an eyebrow and looked at Meghan.

Meghan’s cheeks were pink as she thrust a plastic bowl of sugar toward Rose. “Here you are, Rose. That should be enough sugar for several cups of tea.”

“Thanks, dear.” Reluctantly, Rose stood.

Seth had the feeling she wished she’d asked to borrow something that took a little longer to prepare, giving her more time to pick and prod for information.

“It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Columbus,” he said.

“Please, call me Rose,” she replied. “Perhaps one evening this week you and Meghan and little Kirk can come over to my place and share a little holiday punch.”

“Great,” Seth agreed easily. “And Meghan can bring some of her caramel coffee cake. She makes a great coffee cake.” He studiously kept his gaze away from Meghan, knowing he was probably irritating the hell out of her.

Rose beamed. “Oh, that would be lovely. I’m quite fond of coffee cake. Well, I guess I’d better get back next door.” With another broad smile at Seth, she turned and left the kitchen with Meghan following in her wake to show her out.

The moment Meghan left the kitchen, Kirk sent up a wail of displeasure. “Hey buddy,” Seth said softly. “It’s all right. She’ll be right back.” He fought the impulse to pick up Kirk, knowing that would probably only make him more afraid.

If nothing else came from this time with Meghan, even if he didn’t discover Simon’s whereabouts, at least he’d have some time with his son.

And he had a feeling, before his time here was finished, he and Meghan were going to renegotiate their agreement that he stay out of his child’s life.

Meghan closed the door behind Rose and drew a deep breath and counted to ten. She was mad…mad at Seth for being here, irritated at him for telling Rose he was her cousin, and especially angry because she felt as if things were spinning out of control.

Hearing Kirk’s laughter, she hurried back into the kitchen. She halted in the doorway, stunned by the vision that greeted her.

Seth—the man who’d always exuded a simmering sense of danger, the man who had been trained to deal with criminals and situations that would give most people nightmares—sat with a napkin covering his head and face.

As Meghan watched, he tore the napkin off and grinned at his son. “Peekaboo,” he exclaimed. Kirk laughed in delight. Peekaboo was his most favorite game.

Meghan wasn’t certain what bothered her more, Kirk’s enchanted laughter or the expression of utter devotion on Seth’s face. Both filled her with a flutter of fear.

“I’d prefer you don’t get him all wound up before dinner,” she said as she entered the kitchen.

Seth quickly folded the napkin and placed it on his lap. “I was just trying to make him happy.”

“He’s a very happy, well-adjusted little boy,” she said defensively. She frowned and went to the oven. “Have you eaten?” she asked as she removed the now-warm tuna casserole.

“Not since this morning,” he replied.

Meghan was perversely pleased that all she had to offer him was the casserole, which he’d always professed to hate when they were married. She placed the dish in the center of the table, then glared at him, challenging him to utter a single complaint.

“Hmm, looks good,” he replied. The twinkle in his eyes let her know he knew she’d been expecting something different from him.

She handed him two plates and silverware and while he set the table she added the corn, a prepackaged salad mix and dressing, and bread and butter. She quickly microwaved a jar of Kirk’s favorite baby food meal…little hot dogs with bits of macaroni, then joined Seth at the table.

They filled their plates in silence, Meghan studiously trying to keep her gaze focused away from Seth. She was chagrined to discover that even after all this time, after all they’d been through, she still found him devastatingly handsome.

“You shouldn’t have told Mrs. Columbus you were my cousin,” she said, knowing subconsciously she was working up a renewed dose of annoyance with him.

He shrugged. “I couldn’t very well tell her the truth. I have the feeling discretion isn’t in Rose Columbus’s vocabulary.”

“I don’t like to lie to my neighbors,” she returned. “And I suppose you thought that bit about the caramel coffee cake was quite amusing.”

He grinned. “Maybe you can fool her like you fooled me…pretend it’s homemade when it’s actually store-bought.”

Meghan frowned, definitely not amused by the memory of the morning after their wedding. Seth had told her his favorite breakfast was homemade, fresh-from-the-oven caramel coffee cake.

Meghan, who couldn’t cook at all, had snuck out of bed at the crack of dawn and raced down to a nearby market to buy the treat for her new husband. She would have pulled it off without a hitch had she not forgotten to throw away the box it had come in. Seth had teased her unmercifully.

He picked up a piece of bread and slapped butter on it, then looked at her, one brow raised. “Tell me, what exactly have you told your neighbor about your ‘scalawag’ husband?”

“Nothing but the truth,” she replied evasively.

“Your version of the truth or mine?” he asked dryly.

“What difference does it make? You won’t be here long enough for it to matter.” She smiled absently at Kirk as he banged on his tray, demanding attention. He wasn’t accustomed to sharing his mom.

Despite the fact that Seth had always professed to hate her tuna casserole, he ate like a man starved. He attacked most things with the same single-mindedness.

Even his lovemaking had always been breathtakingly intense. He’d always kissed her like it was a new experience, as if he were starved for the taste of her. Each stroke of his fingers across her body, every exploration of hands and lips had been powerful.

When he’d possessed her, she’d had the feeling he was attempting to brand her, to forever mark her as his, making it impossible for her to be intimate with any other man. And in the darkest hours of the night when she was alone in her bed, she was afraid that was exactly what he had done.

Warmth suffused her and she consciously shoved these thoughts away. The last thing she needed to do was remember their lovemaking. It was the only thing they had managed to do right and it certainly hadn’t been enough to sustain a marriage.

“You look good, Meghan,” Seth said softly. He pushed his plate aside, his gaze intent on her.

“What did you expect?” she replied, a blush warming her cheeks. “Did you think when you left I’d just fall apart? Fall into a deep depression? Stop showering?”

He smiled curtly and held up his hands in surrender. “Are you this touchy with everyone?”

“No, only with ex-husbands who show up uninvited on my doorstep.” Meghan stood and carried her plate to the sink, suddenly weary from the sniping.

She’d agreed to use her expertise to help find Simon’s whereabouts and to allow Seth to stay for a few days so there was no use fighting it now.

She turned from the sink in time to see Seth lifting Kirk from the high chair. The tall man with the haunted eyes held the child a moment longer than necessary, then carefully set him on the floor.

When Seth looked at Meghan, it was impossible for her to read the dark expression in his eyes. All she knew was that at that moment he looked tired…more tired than she’d ever seen him.

“Why don’t you go on in the living room and relax,” she said. He’d told her he’d left the Condor Mountain Resort last night. He wouldn’t have taken a direct route here, which meant he’d had to have traveled for much of the night and day. She knew if he’d been traveling incognito, he’d probably traveled by plane, bus and train to assure nobody could track him.

“I think I will,” he agreed.

She breathed a sigh of relief as he left the room. She gave Kirk a plastic set of measuring spoons to play with, then finished cleaning up the counters.

As she worked, her mind whirled with the challenge of finding Simon. She knew the quicker she could accomplish what Seth needed, the sooner he’d leave her home and her life.

When she had the kitchen spotless once again, she scooped up Kirk in her arms and stepped into the living room. Seth was stretched out on the sofa, sound asleep.

For a moment she simply stood there, staring at him as she hadn’t dared before when he was awake. She didn’t know all the details of the sting in L.A., but even in sleep the failure of that operation showed full on Seth’s features.

His long, thick eyelashes rested on dark circles that discolored the skin beneath his eyes. His features, even in rest, appeared taut, as if even sleep couldn’t ease the tension within him.

As she watched, his arm jerked, an involuntary twitch that let her know his rest wasn’t peaceful. More than ever before, he looked like the man on the edge of both physical and mental exhaustion.

Exactly what had happened during the raid? She knew they’d lost men, knew Simon had escaped, but Seth had been part of unsuccessful operations before. What had been so different about this one? What had caused the haunted darkness she’d seen flash in the depths of his green eyes several times during dinner?

She frowned and hugged Kirk closer to her chest. She didn’t care. She refused to care. She couldn’t afford to care about Seth ever again.

He’d turned her upside down, twisted her inside out when he’d left her, and she would never, ever give him that power over her again. And she would never allow him to hurt Kirk as he had hurt her.

Shifting Kirk from one hip to the other, she walked down the long hallway to the closet at the end. She grabbed a set of sheets and a thick blanket, then returned to the living room.

Careful not to awaken him, she set the bedding on the arm of the sofa where he would see them when he woke up. If she had a heart, she would have offered him the bed in the spare room instead of the sofa. But having him set up residency in the spare room felt far too permanent.

Besides, she didn’t have a heart. Seth had stolen her heart when he’d met her, and he’d broken her heart when he’d left, leaving her nothing but loneliness and broken dreams.