Читать книгу The Life You Left - Carmel Harrington - Страница 9

‘OK kids, bedtime,’ Sarah said to her children. ‘You’ve already had an extra five minutes, Tommy, so don’t even think about asking for any more!’

Tommy made a face; he had just been about to ask for more time, how did his mother do that? She always seemed to know what he was about to say before he opened his mouth. At 8 years old, Tommy was already a heartbreaker; big brown eyes with a mop of brown curly hair. He was the image of his Daddy, getting more like him every day. Her son was a bundle of mischief, with unlimited energy that always amazed his parents. He never sat still for even a second. Lately though, he was a lot quieter than normal. Sarah knew that he missed having his Daddy around; she could see the effect of Paul’s absence on Tommy’s face more than with her two girls.

Ruffling his hair, she gently guided him to the door where Katie was already waiting for them, a mock stern frown on her little face as she confronted her big brother.

‘Come on Tommy. We did promise Mammy we’d go to bed in five minutes.’ This was said in a voice that sounded very like her own, Sarah realised with a smile. Her little girl had always been her shadow, mimicking her. She sometimes felt sorry for Tommy as he often had two Mammy’s to deal with, but he seemed amused rather than irritated by his sisters stance. At seven, one year younger than Tommy, Sarah marvelled at how grown up her little girl had become. If Tommy was the image of his Daddy, then Katie was a miniature version of her. Both Sarah and Katie had straight, thick sandy blonde hair, blue eyes and sallow skin. Sarah said a quick prayer that Katie wouldn’t inherit her big hips and thighs too. She’d always hoped that Paul’s fast metabolism and ability to never to put on an ounce of fat would be bestowed on all of her children, rather than her own ‘glance at an éclair and go up 2lbs’ one. Time would tell.

‘Teeth, face, hands, you know the drill,’ Sarah said gently to them both as they walked up to their bedroom. ‘I’ll be there in five minutes to read your bedtime story.’

While Tommy and Katie got ready for bed, Sarah went to check on Ella, her eight month old baby daughter. She felt her heart contract with emotion as she gazed down at her little angel fast asleep. As normal, she had managed to do a full 180 degree spin and was at the bottom of the cot pressed right to the edge. Sarah gently moved her back to the middle, caressing her baby’s cheek as she whispered to her, ‘Mammy loves you Ella, always remember that.’ Ella was dark and looked just like Tommy did at that age, already with masses of dark curly hair framing perfect round little cheeks and a rose bud mouth. Not for the first time Sarah wondered how on earth Paul could stay away from his children? Surely, no matter what was going on with him, being with his family, his children should be the best place to be? How could he just leave this life behind? Creeping away carefully avoiding the creaky floorboard in the middle of the floor, she walked next door to read the children their bed time story.

‘Right, where are we kids? Did we stop on Chapter five last night?’ Sarah asked picking up the storybook.

‘Yes, Chapter five Mammy! Start it quickly!’ Katie squealed, excitement flushing her face. Sarah was reading the Roald Dahl classic Charlie and the Chocolate Factory every night. She would read them one chapter per night and on a Saturday and Sunday night they got two chapters. It was one of the first books that Sarah had read as a child by herself and she loved reliving the excitement of Charlie Bucket and Willie Wonka with her own children now. The chocolate factory and the golden ticket had been an escape for Sarah as a child, when things were out of control and scary. Her parents disapproving faces flashed into her mind, but she quickly pushed that image away and started to read.

‘“You mean people are actually going to be allowed inside the factory? Cried Grandpa Joe”’, Sarah began. She looked at her children, their eyes wide with wonder at the words Roald Dahl had created. She knew that both Tommy and Katie were wishing they were Charlie Bucket, just as millions of other children had done for decades before them, Sarah herself included. Ten minutes later she finished the chapter and smiled as she noted the children’s eyes heavy with sleep.

‘See you in my dreams, my darlings.’ Sarah said to them both. ‘Where will we meet tonight?’

‘Chocolate Land,’ Katie said excitedly.

‘You want to go there every night.’ Tommy said disdainfully.

‘Please,’ Katie begged. ‘And you love Chocolate Land!’

‘OK, Chocolate Land again.’ Tommy said quickly, giving in with a grin.

Smiling at them both, Sarah said, ‘Ok, Chocolate Land it is. I’ll meet you by the big Toblerone oak tree!’

‘And we’ll go swimming in the Dairy Milk pool!’ Katie added.

‘And eat the marshmallow clouds!’ Tommy piped in.

‘And pick Jelly Tot flowers!’ Sarah said smiling as she turned to go. ‘Night night both of you. Close your eyes and get dreaming. We’ve lots of chocolate to eat in our dreams tonight!’

Sarah walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine, her favourite Pinot Noir. It was only €4.99 and really pretty decent for that price. ‘Thank God for German retailers and their cheap wine’, she thought to herself. She rarely had a drink anymore, as she couldn’t justify the cost. But tonight, dwindling bank account or not, she needed something to help take the edge off. Glancing at her kitchen clock she realised James would be here any minute and right on cue, the doorbell rang. Opening the door, she looked at him and felt her lip begin to quiver, tears about to fall, so he pulled her tightly into his arms.

‘I’m so glad you came.’ Sarah said to him relief enveloping her immediately as she relaxed into his embrace. She always felt safe when James was with her.

‘Of course I came.’ James said tenderly. He loved her so much it was agony to see her so upset. He pulled back and looked at her closely.

‘OK, shoot. When did Edward come back?’

Sarah looked at her twin brother and wondered where to start. At first she thought it was her imagination that someone was watching her. But the sense had gotten stronger this past week.

‘It started after Paul left.’ Sarah said. ‘You know that feeling like someone has walked over your grave?’

James nodded, shuddering despite himself.

‘Well it’s kind of like that. I knew I was being watched but no matter how quickly I’d turn to check, there was never anyone there.’

‘You’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. Between money worries, being on your own with three kids and working crazy hours, it’s enough to put anyone on their last nerve.’ James said.

Sarah acknowledged this with a nod. ‘It’s more than that though. It’s such a strange feeling, it’s not too bad when I’m working, or when the kids are with me. But when they are all asleep and I’m in this house on my own, well it can get a bit scary….’

‘When did you suspect it was Edward?’ James asked, feeling a little ashamed that he’d nearly switched his phone off earlier.

‘It’s weird, I’ve had a sense of déjà vu for weeks, but I couldn’t quite place why. Now I can’t believe that Edward didn’t cross my mind. How stupid was I not to even think of him? But what with everything going on these past few weeks, I’ve not been sleeping well.’

James looked closely at her and could see fear etched on her face. The last time Edward was around resulted in Sarah being committed to a psych ward and James had to watch, helpless as his sister was dragged away from him kicking and screaming. There was no way on this earth he was going to let that happen again. He hadn’t heard Sarah mention Edward’s name in nearly two decades. But the impact he had made on both their lives ensured he’d never forgotten him and although Sarah didn’t talk about that time anymore, he would have bet his house that she remembered every detail of that time clearly too.

‘I’m not crazy, James.’ Sarah said suddenly with tears in her eyes. ‘I wasn’t then and I’m not now.’

‘I know that. You don’t need to say that to me Saz; I never believed you were crazy back then and you are one of the sanest people I know today.’

‘You haven’t called me Saz since we were kids.’ Sarah said smiling at her brother.

‘Ah, you’ll always be Saz to me.’ He said affectionately.

Sarah sighed and continued. ‘But Mam and Dad thought I was crazy didn’t they? They had me committed. They still look at me like I’m a raving lunatic even now. Like I’m going to have a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest episode any minute. I always feel that Mam would use any excuse to get her hands on the kids. She has something negative to say every single time she comes into this house.’

Sarah looked around her living room. It was lived in but pretty tidy, considering she had three children. ‘I don’t know how she does it, but she always seems to arrive on the one day that the house is messy and I’ve no food in! If she thought I was having one of my ‘episodes’ again as she called them, that would be it, she’d be onto Child Protection and looking for custody!’

‘That would be over my dead body, Sarah. You’re a fantastic mother and even Mam and Dad would have to agree to that. Forget about the folks for now, they are not important. Sure, how often do they visit, once or twice a year? Get back to Edward.’ James reassured her quickly.

She took a large gulp of her wine; the alcohol helped to relax her.

‘When the kids went to bed last night I was tidying up the sitting room. I was putting their toys away in the toy box and I had that feeling again. I looked up, but this time somebody was there, standing in the corner of the room. Over there.’ Sarah pointed to the area.

James looked, half expecting to see Edward there right now. ‘It was him.’ Sarah said. ‘The craziest thing though, he hasn’t changed in the slightest. Three decades later, I’m unrecognisable, but him, he’s the same.’

‘You must have gotten such a fright. What did he say?’ James replied.

‘Nothing at all, at least he said nothing last night. He just smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile and I got lost in it for a few minutes. I’d forgotten how his smile could make me feel like I was a child again. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, he was gone. It all happened so quickly, I actually thought I’d imagined the whole thing.’

This time it was James who took a large gulp of wine. They sat in silence. Each in their own thoughts.

‘You said he didn’t say anything last night; can I assume he’s been back again?’ James eventually asked.

‘Yep, he was here this morning, after the kids went to school. Ella was having her nap. And when I came downstairs from her room, he was sitting at the kitchen table.’

‘Cosy.’ James said wryly. ‘What does he want, why come back after all this time?’

‘Exactly what I thought. Why now? I mean life couldn’t be more hectic for me; I haven’t time to wash my hair some days, never mind deal with all this. These days I’m running around so much I swear one day I’ll meet myself coming backwards!’

They both smiled at that. Gathering herself, Sarah continued. ‘At first he just sat there. I joined him and he smiled at me again. It was very peaceful, very quiet just sitting there together. I felt like in that moment we were both reconnecting, catching up with each other, without the need for words. Oh, it’s hard to explain.’ Sarah ended with a sigh.

James reached over and grabbed his sister’s hand. As hard as it was for Sarah to explain, it was very hard for him to take in too. Somehow it had been easier to understand Sarah and Edward when he was a child.

‘Eventually he spoke and he simply said “It’s time.”’ Sarah said.

‘It’s time for what?’ James spluttered.

‘He said that he knew that seeing him again after all this time was a shock. He knew I’d need to adjust to having him around again, but I need to believe in myself and acknowledge my gift. And after I acknowledged it I need to start using it!’

Sarah glanced at James. He looked a bit shell-shocked. He was the one person who had always believed in her, but she knew he was struggling to take all this in right now. Taking a deep breath she continued. ‘He just kept saying over and over that I’ve been ignoring this gift for far too long and now the time has come for me to step forward and start helping others.’

‘What gift is he talking about?’

‘Oh you haven’t heard the best bit. It gets better.’ Sarah said with a sigh. ‘He told me that there was a young girl who needed my help. That she’d been murdered … And that I could help bring her murderer to justice.’ Sarah shivered at just the thought.

‘For feck’s sake Sarah.’ James replied.

‘Pretty much my reaction too.’ Sarah replied. ‘I’m no Sherlock Holmes; I’m a shop assistant for heaven’s sake! If anyone around here is going to solve a murder that would be you.’

‘Thankfully not many murders around here for me or anyone else to solve,’ James replied. As a private investigator, with his own business, he did a lot of freelance work for insurance agencies, sifting out the fraudsters looking for big claims. Not to mention the considerable amount of clients who booked him to investigate their spouses and see if they were having an affair. All pretty mundane stuff.

‘Well I hope Edward has gotten it wrong.’ Sarah said. ‘The thought of me even being slightly involved in a murder makes me feel sick.’

James topped her glass up with some more wine as he couldn’t think of anything useful to say.

‘Apparently I’m to go see a woman who lives in Arklow and have a chat with her. He told me to write down her name and address.’ She continued, as she showed the piece of paper to James where she had written her name down.

‘Mary Donegan. 5 Riverside Apartments, Arklow.’ James read. ‘Why do you have to go there? Some random woman you have to go knock on the door to, will she be expecting us? Is she even real?’

‘I know it sounds crazy, doesn’t it?’ Sarah answered. ‘But I’ve looked her up online. She lives there alright. She exists.’

Her head was banging with a growing headache that felt like it was about to explode. Over the years she had thought about Edward and the impact he had on her life when she was a child. Life was so hectic with the kids, she just didn’t have time to worry about something that had happened nearly thirty years ago and, as far as she knew, would never happen again.

She glanced at James who was frowning. She’d had a few hours to digest the news that Edward was back; James had just had a few minutes. Plus, to be fair to her brother, James had never actually met Edward; he only ever had her word that he even existed. The fact that he always believed her left her in grateful awe. Sarah knew that it was extremely difficult for most people to understand and believe in something that they couldn’t see or touch. That was why she had kept Edward’s existence a secret for so long, not even sharing with Paul. Would he have believed her? Her instinct was no. He would have reacted the same way as her parents. They all thought she was crazy, and if she was honest who could really blame them? How could you expect people to believe that your best friend was in fact, a guardian angel?