Читать книгу Oklahoma Bride - Carol Finch - Страница 11

T he next morning Rafe dragged himself off the floor, worked the kinks from his back and heaved a tired sigh. He was definitely going to need more padding for his pallet, he decided.

Glancing sideways, he noticed Micah was up and gone. The sound of a trumpet splitting the still morning air prompted Rafe to grab his clothes and dress hurriedly. Never once had he been late for assembly, which commenced a little after five in the morning. He was always there to take roll call then lead the way to the stables to groom and care for the horses.

Lickety-split, Rafe burst out the door, fastening the buttons of his shirt as he went. He reached the parade grounds just as his men gathered in front of him.

She had done this to him, Rafe mused sourly. Thoughts of that spitfire had kept him tossing and turning instead of enjoying much-needed rest. He could only hope he didn’t look as frazzled as he felt.

Assuming his customary position beside Micah, Rafe drew himself up to dignified stature to begin roll call. A few minutes later he strode toward the stable, with Micah hot on his heels.

“You look like hell,” Micah murmured. “I doubt the rest of the men noticed since they’re still half-asleep. Bad dreams, my friend?”

“Worst nightmare,” Rafe grumbled.

And that’s exactly what Karissa Baxter was, Rafe mused as he tended then saddled Sergeant. She had tempted him, tormented him and deprived him of sleep. If he didn’t believe it was necessary to adhere to the rules of the Run, he’d set her free just to get her out from underfoot. But she had broken the rules and she would suffer the consequences.

At six o’clock, Rafe ambled into the mess hall and plunked down in his chair at the officers’ table. He nearly choked on his coffee when Micah escorted Karissa into the room. All conversation dried up when the men noticed the fetching new arrival.

As for Rafe, he wasn’t sure what he expected the first time he saw Karissa dressed as a respectable lady, but the sight of her would have knocked him off his feet if he hadn’t been sitting down.

All those shapely feminine curves that had been downplayed by her baggy men’s clothes were advantageously displayed in the pale green gown. He, like every other man in the mess hall, became distracted by the scooped-neck dress that showcased the full swells of her breasts.

She had twisted that thick mass of wild red hair atop her head, calling attention to the swanlike column of her neck. The trim-fitting gown accentuated her tiny waist and the seductive flare of her hips. In short, she was breathtakingly attractive, even with that smattering of freckles on her upturned nose.

To make matters worse, Karissa flashed a smile around the room and a collective sigh of masculine appreciation sent a draft of air rushing past Rafe.

Damn, beauty, brains and irrepressible spirit all rolled into one. Much too pretty a package to be such an aggravating misfit, he found himself thinking. He had never considered a woman dangerous before, but that was the first word that sprang to mind when he thought of Karissa. Men naturally assumed that such a dainty-looking, petite female who barely stood five feet two inches and couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds wouldn’t be a force to reckon with.

Rafe knew better.

“Good morning, General,” Karissa greeted him, all smiles and good humor.

While she gracefully seated herself between Micah and Rafe, he noticed that speculative glances were bouncing across the mess hall. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what his men were thinking, as it pertained to his connection to Karissa.

When Rafe flung Micah a why-in-the-hell-did-you-bring-her-to-breakfast glare, Micah shrugged. “She was getting bored again. I was concerned about your room. I don’t want to bunk together indefinitely.”

Karissa laid her hand on Rafe’s arm and turned such a sticky sweet smile on him that he nearly lost his appetite. “Micah is such a thoughtful and considerate gentleman,” she cooed pretentiously. “You should take your cue from him, General. His charm brings out the best in me.”

Knowing all eyes were on him, he flashed her a smile he didn’t feel. Rafe leaned sideways and whispered, “Do not cross me, woman. You will not win.”

She graced the mess hall full of men with another dazzling smile. “You don’t frighten me in the least,” she murmured confidentially. “Last night we discovered who was afraid of whom.”

His fists curled on his thighs, wishing he could strangle her. “I have the authority to see you deported. One word from me and you won’t be permitted to make the Run. You better remember that.”

When her smile faded and her lower lip trembled, as if she was about to burst into tears, Rafe silently scowled. His men stared at him as if he had committed the unpardonable sin of upsetting her. She was staging an act for their benefit and threatening his credibility with his men. Even Micah, and the officers’ wives gathered at the table, looked at him as if he had committed a breach of gentlemanly etiquette.

Hell and damnation! Was there no way to gain the upper hand with her? First off, she had cleverly countered his every threat. Secondly, she stuck in his mind like a flaming arrow, even after he had vowed not to give her another thought. Rafe decided, there and then, that as long as Karissa Baxter was running around the garrison, his routine would be turned upside down.

A wise commander knew when to charge and when to retreat. He had little choice but to take a company of his men and spend the day scouting for squatters. The less he saw of Karissa the better.

Bearing that in mind, Rafe wolfed down his meal then left Micah with the task of introducing Karissa to her posted guard.

Rafe swore he heard Karissa laughing triumphantly when he turned tail and all but ran from the mess hall.

Karissa’s first impression of Harlan Billings, the corporal who had been assigned to keep watch on her while she tended her laundress chores, was not good. After Micah had made the introductions then walked off to assume his duties, Harlan had leered at her. It annoyed her that he kept finding excuses to place his hand at the small of her back to guide her through doorways and to grasp her elbow as they ascended steps.

His beady black eyes, pointy nose and thin tuft of brown hair reminded her of a rat dressed in a uniform, and each fleeting touch of his hand made her wince. Having this man following like her shadow was quickly spoiling her mood.

While Harlan propped his thin-bladed shoulder against the wall in the washroom, Karissa set to work scrubbing clothes and tried to ignore his unwanted presence. By the time he escorted her to the mess hall for lunch she decided she preferred matching wits with Rafe rather than being subjected to Harlan’s lecherous stares and innuendos. It was obvious this skinny weasel of a man wanted something from her—the same thing that he presumed she had given to Rafe.

Judging from the snide comments Harlan made about Rafe, she surmised that her guard suffered from a severe case of professional jealousy. Obviously Harlan coveted Rafe’s position of authority and had convinced himself that the commander held a personal grudge against him.

When the two other laundresses carried off their baskets of clean clothes, leaving Karissa alone with Harlan, he stepped closer and devoured her with another of those insulting stares that visually undressed her.

“So, is the commander’s mistress also available to enlisted men or is he the only one allowed to sample your charms?” Harlan asked rudely.

Karissa tossed the underwear she was cleaning into the soap-filled tub then rounded on the smirking guard. “I am no man’s mistress,” she informed him sharply. “I am under house arrest, same as the men in the stockade.”

Harlan smiled sarcastically. “Of course, and that explains why you’re staying in Commander Hunter’s living quarters and dining beside him in the mess hall. Come now, sweetheart, everyone at this post knows that rank has privileges. But you should know that the commander is betrothed already. If you’re scheming to become more than his mistress I suggest you think again. The high-and-mighty commander is marrying into another well-known family of military echelon. You’ll never be more to him than the time he’s killing before the wedding.”

Karissa didn’t know why that information sent her stomach on a downward spiral. Rafe Hunter was betrothed to one of his own kind? She shouldn’t be the least bit surprised…or hurt by the news.

It wasn’t as if she wanted Rafe for herself, for she had vowed years earlier that she would never care so much for a man that he could wield the power to destroy her. She had watched her father reduce himself to gambling and drinking when her mother died unexpectedly. She would never let herself become that dependent on anyone.

Looking out for her younger brother fulfilled her need to be useful and needed, and she had no intention of finding herself at the mercy of any man. She had been independent and self-reliant too many years to sit still for that!

She knew Rafe Hunter was far above her station in life, that he was devoted to his military position, that he would—and should—marry someone of equal social prominence. Yet…

And yet nothing, Karissa scolded herself as she went back to work. Yes, Rafe Hunter was attractive and his dynamic presence demanded her attention. Yes, he was sharp minded and she enjoyed the challenge of matching wits with him. Yes, he appealed to her physically and he stirred something deep inside her the way no other man ever had.

But nothing would ever come of it, she reminded herself sensibly. She refused to let it. She enjoyed playing the role of his antagonist until he released her, because ruffling his military feathers provided mentally stimulating amusement.

Harlan nodded toward the soapy tub where Karissa vigorously scrubbed dirty clothes. “There’s an easier and more pleasurable way to earn extra money,” he insisted. “Although the soldiers don’t mind riding into the nearby community to take a tumble with the prostitutes, I’ve no doubt that I could make arrangements for you to visit the men in their barracks. For a cut of the profit, of course.”

Karissa glared at Harlan. It didn’t take long to realize that Harlan was an opportunist who constantly looked for ways to make quick and easy money to supplement his army salary.

“Do you also steal from the post’s commissary and turn the goods to would-be settlers for a profit, Harlan?” she asked perceptively.

She could tell by the look on his face that her presumption was right on the mark. He jerked upright and stared her down. “Just because you’re the commander’s whore doesn’t mean you can use the power of your new position to hurl false accusations to get me demoted or court-martialed.” He stalked over to wag a bony finger in her face and, when he sneered at her, his thin lips all but disappeared. “If you get me in trouble with Rafe Hunter I swear you will regret it.”

Karissa flung wet underwear at his chest before hurriedly brushing past him. “Excuse me, I need to see to my needs, Corporal Billings. No need to follow me to the latrine. I was told that you know exactly where it is since you’re the one who dug it.”

Leaving Harlan sputtering and swearing, Karissa strode across the compound. If nothing else, she needed a mental break from her annoying guard. She was sure she could have handled that weasel better if he hadn’t blindsided her with the announcement that Rafe was betrothed.

The news had caught her off balance, was all. It explained why Rafe was reluctant to come near her, why he had been taken aback by her request to exchange intimate favors for her freedom. He was obviously in love with his fiancée and intended to remain faithful to her.

Damn, she certainly had come off looking and sounding like a trollop, she mused, disgruntled. She had completely misunderstood Rafe’s intentions of putting her up in his room, and she had tried to turn the situation to her advantage. All she had accomplished was leaving him with the wrong impression of her.

Yes, she had stretched the limits of the law along the way—in the name of caring and providing for her younger brother. She had relied on her wits to obtain funds to support herself and Clint. Never once had she resorted to offering sexual favors for money. She was not about to start now. All she had was her pride. If she ever lost that then she would be poor and pathetic indeed.

Karissa took a deep, cathartic breath to regain her composure. For certain, she wasn’t going to let Harlan Billings rattle her. She was stuck with him—at least until Micah returned and she could request another guard who was less offensive.

When she walked across the parade grounds, she noticed Harlan leaning casually against the washroom wall, smiling that nasty little smile that made her want to double her fist and clobber him. The man was a menace to this army post. She could understand why he had been demoted, why Rafe and Micah chose to leave him behind while they scouted for squatters.

No doubt, Rafe had selected Harlan as her guard to punish her for antagonizing him. Well, it had worked. Karissa couldn’t wait to deliver the clothes she had washed and return to her room. Being alone was far better than spending time with the likes of Harlan Billings.

Micah frowned curiously when Rafe led the patrol in the same direction they had taken the previous evening. “We’re backtracking?”

Rafe nodded. Although the patrol had reconnoitered a different area during the day he wanted to check that no other squatters had pitched camp on the land that Karissa wanted for her own. For the life of him he didn’t know why he was granting her that favor. Nonetheless, he wanted to see to it that this plot of ground remained unclaimed until the day of the Run. She would have a fair chance to obtain the property without some Sooner staking it illegally.

A few moments later he heard Micah chuckling behind him. “Ah, now I understand. Very gallant of you, Rafe. You want the witch, as you refer to her, to have an opportunity to acquire a deed to the property she has her heart set on.”

“Clam up,” Rafe muttered when Micah snickered again.

His thoughts scattered when he noticed movement in the dense trees that shaded the creek where he had first spotted Karissa. He motioned for the patrol to encircle the area so they could swarm down from all directions at once.

Alarmed shouts followed the thundering hoofbeats as the mounted patrol converged. Rafe cursed sourly when three of the eight men bounded into their saddles and raced down the winding stream, eluding the patrol.

Well, no matter, he consoled himself. He would be back the next day, and the next. He wouldn’t allow illegal squatters to return and set up camp on this particular plot of land.

It was nearly dusk by the time the patrol, with ten male prisoners in custody, returned to the fort. As much as he hated to admit it, Rafe found himself looking forward to seeing how Karissa had fared during the day. If nothing else, he kept his wits sharpened by associating with her. Just so long as he didn’t get lost in the hypnotic depth of those mesmerizing green eyes and allowed his attention to drift to the lush curve of her lips.

Desire slammed into him and Rafe cursed his lack of self-control. Never had the mere thought of a woman left him aching and aroused. This had to stop! He would not fantasize about that intriguing misfit. He was engaged to a perfectly acceptable woman and he would carry through with the arrangements his parents had made.

Until now, the thought of marrying Vanessa hadn’t disturbed him in the least. He had planned to honor his family’s request and share his life with Vanessa. But he also planned to devote most of his time and energy to serving his command post to the best of his ability.

“You looked pained,” Micah observed as they approached the fort. “Something wrong?”

“I’m fine,” Rafe mumbled as he nudged his mount into a trot. “Nothing supper won’t cure.”

“The appetite is a very demanding thing,” Micah said wryly. “When a man starts craving something in particular it’s difficult to get past it.”

Rafe shot Micah a scathing glance. “I asked you to clam up. Now I’m making it an order.”

“Yes, sir,” Micah said with a snappy salute. “If I had known how easily you could be offended today I would have kept my observations to myself.”

“See that you do so in the future,” Rafe suggested.

Micah’s teasing taunts drifted away like a breeze when Rafe rode into the post and saw Karissa headed for the mess hall with Harlan on her heels. Like some foolish schoolboy, his pulse beat accelerated and he found himself overanxious to unsaddle Sergeant, wash up and race over to the mess hall.

Despite Micah’s amused glances, Rafe saw to his mount then scrubbed up without appearing to be in an all-fired rush. Although he hadn’t expected his men to avoid Karissa like the plague, he was surprised to see so many of them clustered around her in the mess hall.

Rafe felt left out and deprived when Karissa voiced some witty comment that caused an eruption of laugher among his men. He refused to approach Karissa, even if he felt drawn to the sight of that curly red head in the center of the circle.

When some of the men noticed his presence, they bowed politely to Karissa then went to take their places in the mess line. When Karissa pivoted toward him, awareness slammed into him. Rafe tried very hard not to stare in masculine appreciation as she sauntered toward him, smiling impishly.

“Did you catch a few dozen Sooners today?” she asked as she veered around the table to take her seat.

“Only a short dozen,” he reported. Reflexively, he pulled out the chair for her then sank down beside her. “Did you scrub your fingers to the bone while I was gone?”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Considering the long days I was accustomed to working before venturing south from Kansas, this was a snap.” She grinned playfully at him. “I decided to add starch to the military drawers that I washed and dried. I think some of them were yours. At least I can only hope.”

Rafe tried not to return her smile, but it was contagious. “I wondered how you would retaliate. Leave it to you to be inventive.”

“I do what I can so that you know I’m not taking my captivity sitting down.” Her eyes sparkled with deviltry. “I wonder how easy it will be for you to sit down in those stiff drawers. But they should suit you perfectly.”

He presumed she was referring to his personality, but it wasn’t the only thing about him that was stiff at the moment. Rafe sighed. He really should release her, if only to avoid the frustrating attraction he didn’t want to deal with and could do nothing about.

“On a more serious note—” Karissa clamped her mouth shut when one of the soldiers reached around her shoulder to place a plate of food on the table.

“You were saying?” Rafe prompted Karissa after the private moved on to serve the officers.

“How was your day?” Micah interjected as he took the empty seat beside Karissa.

Disgusted, Rafe watched her turn a beaming smile on Micah. “I’m sure my day wasn’t as eventful as yours. I spent most of my time staring at the inside of a washtub and doing battle against dirty floors. The General tells me that you apprehended more squatters.”

Micah nodded his thanks when the private served his meal. “I swear they’re multiplying overnight.” When Karissa frowned glumly, he hastily added, “But not to fret, pretty lady. Rafe circled back to chase down the Sooners who infiltrated the property you picked out.”

Karissa turned her astonished gaze on Rafe, who shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “You did? And here I thought you didn’t have a single saving grace. My apologies, General. I’m grateful for that, at least. Of course, other squatters are probably making camp on my prospective homestead as we speak.”

“That’s why we patrol the area continuously,” Rafe replied between bites of his meal. “I want this Land Run to be fair for all.”

“Being a woman, I’ll start the race with a distinct disadvantage,” she grumbled.

“I doubt it,” Rafe said. “I have yet to see you at a disadvantage, distinct or otherwise.”

Karissa wasn’t allowed the opportunity to request another guard for the following day. She glanced up to see one of the soldiers, who had introduced himself earlier, standing directly in front of her. He, like many of the men she had met, had been exceptionally respectful and polite to her. It seemed to her that the soldiers were pleased to be in the presence of a single woman and she hadn’t felt threatened by any of them. Except, of course, for Corporal Billings.

“I was hoping you might find time to sew new buttons on my dress uniform.” The soldier offered her the neatly folded garment then placed a coin on the table. “I’ll be back to fetch them in a few days.”

The soldier stepped aside and Karissa was greeted by another one, and then another. The stack of coins on the table increased as the men pointed out torn shoulder seams, frayed hems on trousers and holes in their shirts.

Well, one good thing about this, she decided, was that she would earn more money and she’d have something to relieve the boredom of sitting alone in her room all evening.

Karissa excused herself from the table and scooped up the tall stack of garments. Rafe came to his feet beside her.

“I’ll walk you back to officers’ quarters,” he volunteered.

Karissa was so aware of his presence beside her that she forgot to ask for a change of guard. It was all she could do to concentrate on keeping the riot of butterflies in her stomach from bursting loose. Damnation, why she allowed this man to affect her was beyond comprehension. She had no trouble dealing with the other soldiers.

“I thought perhaps I could accompany you on a walk around the garrison after I file my daily reports,” Rafe said.

“I’m allowed another breath of fresh air before I bed down for the night?” she asked, striving for a flippant tone of voice that would disguise her nervous flutters.

Rafe halted in front of his private quarters and lifted a dark brow. “Is that a yes or a no?”

“A walk around the post will suit me fine,” she replied. What better way to acquaint herself with the layout of the fort after dark? When she made her getaway—and it was only a matter of time before she did—she needed to know the best place to go over the wall.

He bowed ever so slightly then opened the door. “I trust you will be anxiously awaiting my return then?”

“Oh, absolutely, General,” she said breezily. “I think I would even offer to polish your boots if it would get me out of solitary confinement.” She knelt down to brush her finger over the toe of his boot. “Good heavens! Is that a speck of dust? Isn’t that against regulations? You could go on report!”

“Very funny,” he muttered. “Try not to climb the walls before I get back. It would be a pity if you fell and broke your neck.”

Karissa arched a brow. “Do I detect a warped sense of humor? Send it over to the washroom and I’ll have it starched and pressed in no time at all.”

When she turned toward the room, his muscled arm shot out to block her path. “I’m not the stuffed shirt you think I am,” he murmured as he leaned toward her.

His face was so close to hers that breathing was next to impossible. Her traitorous gaze focused on the sensuous curve of his mouth and her heart commenced pounding so hard that she swore it was about to beat her to death. He was so large and powerful that she felt dwarfed by his massive presence.

Ordinarily, Karissa balked and rebelled when she felt intimidated by a man. Yet, the feelings Rafe aroused inside her went beyond the norm. This ill-fated and unprecedented attraction made her feel more vulnerable than she ever had before. This was worse than physical vulnerability; it was emotional suicide. A woman who lived by her wits couldn’t afford to permit emotions to influence her ability to reason.

Desperate to put some distance between them, she ducked under his arm and darted into the room. She stood there, clutching the garments to her chest, as if the uniforms could protect her from these sensations that rippled through her body.

He stared at her for a long moment and she stared back at him. Then, without another word, he closed and locked the door. Karissa half collapsed on the end of the bed and dragged in a shaky breath. The man had an incredibly potent effect on her. She’d tried to alienate him, to irritate him, but she could still feel sparks flying when they were alone.

Flustered and desperate, Karissa snatched up her clean breeches, jacket and shirt. It would be better if she was garbed in men’s clothes on her walk with Rafe. She didn’t want to risk looking like a woman—for fear she would start behaving like a woman and end up doing something totally inappropriate.

Like kiss him. No, better to behave like the tomboy that life had forced her to become, she decided.

Being detained by the army was trouble enough. Yielding to the temptation of kissing a betrothed man, just to see if he tasted as scrumptious as he looked, would be more than trouble. It would be a disaster.

Rafe completed his reports then raked his hand through his hair. Why had he offered to spring Karissa from confinement to take her for a walk? In the dark? Hell!

He dragged in a determined breath. He could do this. He could keep a respectful distance, chitchat for a quarter of an hour then return her to the room. Certainly he had encountered more difficult situations than accompanying a woman for a stroll around the post. And she was just a woman, after all.

Resolutely Rafe stood up and exited his office. He crossed the compound in brisk strides. When he reached his quarters he rapped on the door. It opened immediately. To his surprise, he encountered the scruffy urchin, not the curvaceous beauty he had dined with an hour earlier.

“Going somewhere?” he asked. “Like on a fast getaway?”

She sashayed past him to exit the building. “Nope, just slipped into more comfortable and familiar clothing. And by the way, I’d like to shoot the imbecile who decreed that women should wear hampering dresses. It was, no doubt, the inspiration of a man who wanted quick and easy access to a woman when he wanted to appease his lusty craving…what’s the purpose of that building?” she asked in the same breath.

Rafe glanced in the direction she indicated. “That’s the weapons and ammunition depot. Be careful about shooting off your mouth around it. I wouldn’t want you, or it, to blow sky-high.”

“Point noted, General,” she said. “And what’s the purpose of that building?”

“Temporary storage for the mess hall and infirmary. The stockade fence will be dismantled and the post will be expanded after the Run. We are cramped for space.”

Rafe answered all of her questions—until she asked how many guards were posted in the two guard towers on opposite corners of the enclosed garrison. “Why do you want to know that?” he asked suspiciously.

She lifted her shoulder in a shrug. “Simple curiosity.”

He smirked. “There’s nothing simple about you. Without a doubt, you’re the most complicated woman I have ever encountered.”

“Bothers you, doesn’t it?” She halted to stare impishly at him. “Well, if it makes you feel better, General, you’re the most frustrating man I have ever met.”

The angled light cast by a lantern beamed across her enchanting face, compelling Rafe closer. He couldn’t remember wanting to kiss a woman quite as much as he wanted to capture Karissa’s lush, sensuous lips. While it was true that her sassy mouth was twice as big as she was, he was still intrigued by it, compelled to taste her thoroughly.

Karissa forgot to breathe when she noticed the flicker of awareness in his pewter-colored eyes. When he leaned toward her, suffocating her with his nearness—without actually touching her—unfamiliar sensations coiled in the pit of her stomach. He looked as if he was contemplating kissing her, and conflicting emotions roiled inside her. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know how it felt to be wrapped in his sinewy arms and feel his full lips moving upon hers.

She was afraid she might like it too much. Yet, that didn’t stop her traitorous body from gravitating ever closer to him, leaving the narrow space between them to crackle with sensual speculation.

“Rafe—?” Her voice faltered. She wasn’t sure if she was asking him to move closer or back away.

“Karissa—?” Rafe stood there, savoring her unique scent, lost in the fathomless depths of her shimmering green eyes. He was torn between reckless desire and ruthless self-denial, unwillingly drawn to her and helpless in his inability to control the aching need that prowled through him.

Just when he felt himself give in to the overwhelming need to draw her into his arms and taste her, a voice called out, “Ah, there you are, Major.”

Rafe shook himself from the bedeviling trance and stepped back. He would gladly have promoted Lieutenant Johnson on the spot, for his timely interruption. A few more moments and Rafe would have pulled Karissa into his arms, sampled the sweet nectar of those full lips and abandoned the good sense he’d spent years accumulating.

“What’s the problem, Lieutenant?” Rafe asked. His voice sounded as if it had rusted.

“One of our men was suddenly taken ill. The post surgeon wants to speak to you about relieving him of his duties until he’s back on his feet,” Lieutenant Johnson reported.

“Tell Doc Winston I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Rafe took Karissa’s arm and steered her back to officers’ quarters. “I’m sorry to cut your walk short,” he said very formally.

“Just as well. I have a stack of mending to tend. But thank you for the grand tour.”

She didn’t protest when he practically shoveled her into the room then secured the door for the night. Rafe leaned against the wall and inhaled a steadying breath. Willfully he forced all thoughts of Karissa from his mind. It wasn’t easy, but he was the commandant of this post and his duties always came first.

He wondered why he’d had so much trouble remembering that the past two days.