Читать книгу An Unwilling Desire - Кэрол Мортимер, Carole Mortimer - Страница 5

HOLLY had sat in horrified silence as Maxine challenged James's disability in that cruel way. Although Maxine was often absent from the house she had never heard the other couple be so hurtful to each other before. It wasn't—–

‘Stay where you are.’

She hadn't even been aware of standing up, just as she had forgotten the presence of Zack Benedict in the dining-room with her. She resented being told what to do by him or anyone else when they had no right to do so! ‘I beg your pardon?’ She looked down at him icily.

‘Leave them alone,’ he advised gently. ‘From the look of them this argument has been a very long time coming.’

‘But—–’

‘I said leave them, Holly.’ He smiled to take the edge off his words. ‘After all, there's no reason for us to miss our dinner too. James and Maxine's marital problems will have to be worked out between them. So sit down and we'll eat.’

‘I—–’

‘I could make you,’ he warned softly.

She knew he could too. Most of the time he was lazily relaxed, almost indolent, and yet beneath the superb cut of his dinner jacket and silk shirt she was aware of the powerful shoulders and arms, had more than once been a witness to the steelier side of his nature, a side he took pains to hide most of the time.

She sank slowly back into her chair, beginning to eat her meal in silence. He might have ‘persuaded’ her to sit down with him, but she didn't have to give him the satisfaction of actually talking to him too.

She should have known the irrepressible Zack Benedict wouldn't be put off so easily. ‘You never did say whether or not you can sing,’ he prompted as they stood up to take their coffee through to the lounge.

‘Not a note,’ she answered absently, wondering if James was all right.

‘Have you ever tried?’

‘No, and I don't want to either! What are you, some sort of pimp for showgirls?’ She made her tone as insulting as possible, still very resentful of his autocratic behaviour earlier.

He smiled his amusement, not at all put out by her insult. ‘Actually, I'm a record producer. Disappointed?’ he mocked close to her ear, sitting annoyingly close to her on the sofa.

‘Not at all,’ she told him abruptly, moving away from him so that the length of his thigh no longer touched hers. ‘I'm sure you get just as much opportunity to show off your prowess there.’

He didn't rise to the taunt as she expected him to, but gave her a considering look. ‘Why is it you don't like me, Holly?’

‘Do I have to?’ She deliberately didn't look at him, aware that he had shifted slightly, that he was too close to her once again, and her hands were beginning to shake because of it.

He shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘You don't have to …’

‘You just aren't accustomed to the novelty of a woman actually disliking you,’ she scorned.

‘Maybe later,’ he drawled. ‘But not usually on sight.’

She didn't need to ask what he meant by ‘later'. His hard good looks and lighthearted flirting might not appeal to her, but she could imagine a lot of women would be reluctant to give him up once they had known him. ‘I must just be the exception,’ she dismissed, standing up to put some distance between them.

‘And maybe you aren't.’ Zack stood up too. ‘Let's see, shall we?’ He moved purposefully towards her.

Her eyes widened in panic, and she stepped back to avoid him. ‘No …!’

‘Yes.’ His smile was confident as he continued to advance. ‘Relax, Holly, most woman enjoy it.’

His hands came out to prevent her moving any further, his head bending, and cool demanding lips took possession of hers. Her panic increased by the second, and she felt as if she were sinking, falling, her nails digging into his arms as she tried to cling on to reality.

‘Hey,’ he chided, raising his head slightly, ‘I'm not into masochism!’

‘Please …’

‘Okay, Holly,’ he shrugged, smiling wolfishly. ‘Whatever you like.’ He lowered his head once again.

She protested even as his mouth moved over hers once again, but even to her own ears it sounded weakly unconvincing. She thought she would faint as his mouth moved down to her throat, her breath coming in short gasps, only aware of his mouth and hands; his identity was no longer important to her, just that he should stop what he was doing. She reacted instinctively, bringing her knee up with all the force she could, hearing his groan of agony, as his hands fell away from her body.

It took several minutes for her to be under control enough to open her eyes, the only sounds in the room her own sobbing breaths and Zack's ragged ones. As she looked at him he was bent over double, obviously in a lot of pain, his face pale, a fine sheen of perspiration to his brow.

The full horror of what she had just done suddenly hit her. ‘Are you—all right?’ she choked, concern etched into her pale face.

He still couldn't straighten fully, and his eyes glittered with fury as he glared up at her. ‘If I am it will be no thanks to you,’ he rasped. ‘What the hell were you trying to do?’ he grimaced. ‘Emasculate me for life?’

She watched helplessly as he collapsed down on to the sofa. ‘Can I—get you anything? Do anything?’ she queried.

He looked at her with jaundiced eyes. ‘Haven't you done enough?’

She swallowed hard. ‘I—–’

‘Brandy,’ he changed his mind wth grim impatience. ‘Get me some brandy—please,’ he added dryly.

Holly hurried over to the drinks cabinet to pour him out a tumblerful, handing it to him with a shaking hand, taking care that they didn't touch again, seeing the derision on Zack's face as he noticed her evasion. ‘Are you really all right?’ she asked after his first gulp of the fiery liquid, noticing that he didn't even wince as it passed down his throat and hit his stomach.

He scowled up at her. ‘I think I will be. God, woman, you could have damaged me for life doing something like that!’

She flinched. ‘I—I'm sorry.’

‘Sorry!’ he repeated disgustedly. ‘Believe me, if I thought I was going to be permanently injured I'd make you more than sorry. Who the hell taught you to do that to a man?’ He took another swallow of his brandy. ‘Your brother's idea of a joke or Daddy's sure-fire way of protecting his little girl's innocence? This isn't the Victorian age, you know! And I was only kissing you, damn it.’ He emptied the glass, scowling heavily.

‘I don't have a brother, and my father is dead,’ Holly told him quietly. ‘He has been for years. I was taught self-defence during my last year at school.’

Zack's brows rose. ‘Even the girls?’

‘It was all girls,’ she revealed dully, knowing what he would make of that.

‘Now I begin to understand.’ His mouth twisted derisively.

Holly blushed at the knowing look in his eyes. ‘I'm not some repressed prude who despises men,’ she flashed resentfully. ‘You were kissing me against my will, I was perfectly within my rights to protect myself.’

‘Oh, you did that all right,’ he grimaced. ‘I suppose you have a few other little tricks like that up your sleeve?’

‘A few,’ she nodded.

‘Well, don't try them out on me. God,’ he groaned his pain as he attempted to move, ‘you certainly know how to put a man out of action!’

‘Yes.’

He gave her an irritated look. ‘You don't have to sound so proud of it. One little kiss,’ he muttered to himself. ‘Just one little kiss!’

‘Against my will,’ she reminded him tightly.

‘You only had to say no—–’

‘I did!’

He sighed. ‘Not very convincingly.’

‘How convincing did I have to be?’ Holly choked her disbelief at his arrogance.

‘Okay, okay,’ he dismissed impatiently. ‘So you did say no. But how was I supposed to know it wasn't just a token resistance?’

‘Do your women usually dig their nails into you?’ she scorned.

A devilish glint entered his eyes. ‘Sometimes.’ His smile was mocking.

Her mouth tightened. ‘On such short acquaintance?’

‘Sometimes.’ His brows rose in challenge.

Holly whirled away from him, knowing by his mocking humour that he was starting to feel better.

‘Hey, where are you going?’ he called crossly. ‘I'm not sure I'll ever be able to walk again, and you just walk away! You might at least help me stand up!’ He struggled to get to his feet.

Contrition for his obvious discomfort made her cross the room to his side, letting him lean against her while he gained his balance. ‘I really am sorry,’ she murmured as she saw he was still in a lot of pain.

‘I'll bet,’ he muttered.

‘But I am!’

Zack gave her a sceptical look, straightening with a heavy sigh. ‘Tell me something, Holly,’ he gave her a sideways glance. ‘Would James have got the same reaction if he'd been the one to try and kiss you?’

She blanched at the suggestion. ‘Don't be ridiculous!’

Emerald eyes narrowed on her speculatively. ‘What's so ridiculous about it? Or does the fact that he's in a wheelchair set him apart from other men?’

‘The fact that he's married does that!’

‘But unhappily, you have to agree,’ he taunted.

‘James is my employer—–’

‘And you think you're in love with him,’ Zack stated bluntly.

‘No—–’

‘Oh yes, Holly,’ he derided mockingly. ‘Maybe you see yourself as his confidante, his friend. Or maybe it's just his helplessness that appeals to you; whatever the reason, you imagine yourself in love with my brother.’

‘That isn't true!’ Her voice rose angrily. ‘You're wrong,’ she shook her head. ‘Just because I didn't like you kissing me it doesn't mean I'm in love with another man.’

‘Not just any man—James.’

‘No—–’

‘Yes, Holly,’ he insisted. ‘Believe me, if I can see it then so can other people, maybe even James himself.’

‘No …’ Her denial was a choked plea this time.

‘Yes,’ Zack's voice was gentle. ‘And you'll end up being hurt. James and Maxine may be a little mixed up at the moment, but they really love each other very much. You'll be the one left out in the cold in the end.’

‘You're wrong about me.’ She shook her head, backing away from him and making a desperate grab for the doorhandle, all the time shaking her head in sharp denial. ‘You're only saying these things because of your own affair with Maxine. You—–’

‘My what?’ he burst out grimly. ‘Oh, I know you jumped to that conclusion this afternoon, and because your assumption amused me at the time I let you go on thinking it, but you can't seriously still believe it's true,’ he dismissed scathingly.

She had the door open now, poised to take flight at a second's notice. ‘Why not?’ she challenged defensively.

‘James is my brother!’

‘And you obviously feel nothing but contempt for him,’ she accused heatedly. ‘You've mocked his profession, his inability to walk, why not add injury to insult and take his wife from him?’

He was breathing raggedly in an effort to hold on to his own temper, the steely side of his nature much in evidence now, his eyes glacial, his mouth a thin straight line above his clenched jaw. ‘You can really ask me that in all seriousness?’ he finally ground out.

Her chin went up defiantly. ‘Yes.’

‘Get out of here, Holly,’ he told her in a rigidly controlled voice. ‘While you still can,’ he added, dangerously soft, as she made no effort to move.

Some of her confidence deserted her, and for a brief moment she wondered if she could have been wrong about him and Maxine. Then she remembered their closeness tonight, their intimacy with each other. No, she hadn't been wrong about them. But Zack was wrong about her, she didn't love James; she cared for him, yes, but she didn't love any man.

‘I'm going,’ she told him calmly. ‘But don't think I've believed a word you've said. And if Maxine chooses you she's chosen the lesser man,’ she added insultingly.

‘Maxine made her choice years ago,’ Zack bit out. ‘She chose the right man for her.’ He turned away, his earlier injury forgotten. ‘Go to bed, Holly. I think you've pulled enough skeletons out of the cupboard for one night.’

With one last uncertain glance at the rigidity of his back and shoulders as he stared sightlessly out of the window she did as he suggested, closing the door softly behind her. Zack's last words seemed to indicate that there had indeed once been rivalry between the two brothers and that Maxine had chosen James. Or had she? Zack only said she had chosen the right man for her, that didn't necessarily mean James. Could it possibly be that Zack was so derogatory about his brother's disability because it kept the woman he loved tied to her husband?

She sat down shakily on her bed, remembering what else Zack had said. Could she really be in love with James? She hadn't thought she was. She cared what happened to him, was concerned for him, but was that love? She knew so little about the emotion between a man and a woman, although she knew her mother and father had loved each other very much. She herself had stayed away from emotional involvement with men since—since—God, she could still barely stand to think of his name, let alone the man himself!

Alex … Alex Chance. He had hurt her more than any man had the right to hurt any human being, let alone one he professed to love. He was the reason she found it hard to love any man. She doubted if she would ever allow herself to feel those emotions again.

Neither James or Maxine came down to breakfast the next morning, although it was a Saturday, so perhaps that was understandable; James rarely worked on a Saturday, and Maxine was never an early riser. Zack Benedict didn't look as if he was normally the latter either, yawning tiredly as he came into the dining-room shortly after Holly.

She kept her lashes downcast, her gaze fixed on the cup of coffee she held in both hands, although she had noticed everything about him from the brief glance she had given him as he entered the room. He was dressed much the same as he had been when they met yesterday, tight faded denims and a casual shirt, the latter bottle green today, buttoned partly up his chest, the last three buttons left unfastened, as if he had been in too much of a hurry to bother with the rest. In fact he looked as if he had been in too much of a hurry to bother much with his appearance at all this morning, with his golden hair brushed casually back from his face.

‘Damned razor,’ he muttered as he seated himself opposite her.

‘Hm—–?’ Holly understood as she looked up; she had missed the piece of tissue sticking to an obvious cut on his chin the first time she looked at him. Although she shouldn't have done, it was large enough!

After the stilted way they had parted the night before she had been a little wary of how they were going to meet with any politeness today, but at the sight of the bloodied piece of ragged tissue sticking to his chin she had no hesitation in bursting out laughing. She had never imagined she could ever find anything about this man remotely funny, and yet the sight of him showing such a human weakness as cutting himself shaving sent her into uncontrollable laughter.

Green eyes darkened appreciatively as Zack watched her with an emotion akin to amazement. ‘Do you have any idea what a difference it makes?’ he asked at last.

‘Sorry?’ She still smiled.

‘When you laugh it's as if the sun had just come out,’ Zack told her softly. ‘Beautiful.’

She flushed at the unexpected compliment. ‘Do you have any idea how funny you look?’ she brought the subject straight back to him.

He shrugged. ‘Would you rather I'd subjected you to the sight of just the horrific gash and my life's blood slowly seeping away? Forget I asked that,’ he grimaced. ‘You'd probably stand by and cheer!’

Holly sobered completely now. ‘Mr Benedict—–’

‘Let's not start that again,’ he sighed.

‘All right,’ she nodded. ‘Look, I know we got off to a bad start, but if you really are going to stay here for any length of time we can't continue to argue like this.’ She had thought this all out last night before she went to sleep, and if she were to continue in the employment of James's secretary she couldn't continue to be at loggerheads with his brother—even if he did antagonise her until she had to retaliate. Much as she disliked having to be the one to apologise, she knew she couldn't let things remain strained between herself and this arrogantly mocking man. ‘I'm sorry I was rude to you last night. I—It was all a bit of a shock, James and Maxine's argument—–’

‘And then our own,’ he drawled.

She flushed at the taunt. ‘And then ours,’ she acknowledged huskily.

‘Why did you stop?’

‘Stop what?’ She gave him a puzzled frown.

‘Laughing.’ His gaze was intent on her face. ‘It was as if all the lights went out.’ He relaxed back in his chair, the delicate wood creaking under his heavy frame. ‘You're right, Holly, we can't keep arguing all the time,’ he said slowly. ‘So what do you suggest we do, become friends?’

She swallowed hard at the husky implication behind his words. ‘I was thinking more of acquaintances,’ she amended.

Zack grinned. ‘I've never been acquaintances with a woman, it might be quite interesting at that.’ He sipped his coffee, giving her a sideways glance. ‘Don't acquaintances ask after your health?’

This time the colour flooded her cheeks, and she almost choked over the toast she was eating. ‘Are you—all right?’ she asked as soon as she had her voice under control.

‘I believe I'll have to take things easy for a few days,’ he answered with innocent casualness. ‘But after that I should be fine.’

His answer was so blandly given that it was all she could do not to laugh again. Zack Benedict really was the most extraordinary man …!

‘Tell me, Holly?’ he leant towards her with a serious expression, ‘do you think I've stopped bleeding to death now?’

Her lips twitched with amusement, but she gave the question serious consideration. ‘Yes, I think so,’ she nodded. ‘Are you usually this forgiving?’ She referred to his calm dismissal of the injury she had inflicted on him the evening before.

‘Only with women who have Elizabeth Taylor eyes,’ he flirted wickedly. ‘Be a good girl and take this tissue off for me. If it looks like bleeding again stick it back on quick; this is my second clean shirt today, I got blood all over the first one.’

With any other man Holly would have shied away from this intimacy, but after last night she knew he would have second thoughts about attempting to kiss her again, possibly even third and fourth ones!

‘What are you thinking?’ He was watching her with narrowed eyes.

‘Nothing very important,’ she dismissed coolly.

‘I'll bet.’ He sat forward so that his chin was easily accessible. ‘Those violet eyes hide a multitude of sins!’

Holly met his gaze steadily. ‘Not as many as yours, I'm sure,’ she replied tartly.

Zack gave a deep throaty laugh of pure enjoyment. ‘I'm sure too,’ he grinned. ‘So how about taking off the tissue?’

His jaw felt firm beneath her touch, the skin rough from the beard that grew there. It was years since she had touched a man in any way, and she removed the tissue as quickly as possible.

‘Tell me the bad news,’ he grimaced, looking at her expectantly.

There was quite a deep groove in his chin, the skin looked red and sore. ‘That's quite a nasty cut,’ she told him softly.

‘Mm,’ he pulled a face, rubbing his jaw ruefully. ‘For some reason I didn't have my mind on what I was doing this morning.’

The way he was looking at her seemed to imply that she was partly, if not all, the reason for his lack of concentration. Holly flushed, attempting to move away from him. But not quite soon enough! The door suddenly opened behind them, the soft whirring sound of James's chair announcing his arrival before he spoke. Holly sprang away from Zack Benedict as if he burnt her, aware by the narrowing of James's eyes that he saw the movement as one of guilt, looking questioning at his brother, his mouth firm with disapproval.

‘James,’ Zack stood up lithely. ‘How is Maxine this morning?’

Holly watched as James's face darkened, wondering why Zack Benedict felt it necessary to instantly antagonise his brother. The question about Maxine was inflammatory, and she felt sure the man seated opposite her at the table was well aware of it.

‘I have no idea,’ James snapped. ‘As usual I doubt if we'll be honoured with her presence until lunchtime. I came to see if you would mind working this morning, Holly?’ he looked at her.

‘I—–’

‘On a Saturday, James?’ the other man taunted. ‘Give the poor girl a break!’

‘Holly?’ James demanded stiffly, ignoring his brother.

He was no less strained today, in fact if anything he looked worse. Obviously he and Maxine were still at odds with each other. Holly often worked with James on a Saturday, although with his wife back she hadn't expected to do so today.

‘Why don't you have some breakfast first?’ Zack suggested before she could make any reply. ‘Relax a little,’ he encouraged.

Hazel eyes were coldly angry as James looked at his brother. ‘I relaxed yesterday, now it's time to get back to work. Holly?’ He gave her a hard stare.

She pushed back her chair and stood up. ‘I'm ready whenever you are.’

‘Now,’ he rasped, turning his chair to leave the room, clearly expecting her to follow him.

Holly watched his departure with hurt in her wide violet eyes. James had never spoken to her like this before, although she realised Zack Benedict's taunts hadn't helped to improve the other man's already volcanic mood.

‘I shouldn't keep him waiting,’ Zack murmured mockingly. ‘He's likely to explode!’

She gave him a resentful look for his amusement. ‘You didn't exactly help the situation!’

His brows rose. ‘Was I supposed to?’

‘James is your brother—–’

‘And yesterday and today are the first times I've seen him show any real damned emotion in the years since his accident!’ he rasped. ‘I'll do anything in my power to make that continue.’

‘Even if you hurt him in the process?’

‘Yes,’ his eyes glittered, ‘even if I hurt him. At least that way I know he's alive!’

‘Zack …?’ She looked at him with puzzled eyes, not understanding his vehemence.

‘Go and do your work, Holly, and don't worry about my goading James; I know what I'm doing.’

She left him with a worried frown and went slowly down to James's study, moving quickly and quietly behind the desk she used when in there as he looked up with a scowl. ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled as he made no effort to speak.

‘For what?’ he bit out.

‘I—Well, for—I'm not too sure,’ she finished awkwardly. ‘You seem angry about something.’

James gave a heavy sigh, relaxing a little. ‘Just how friendly have you and Zack become since he arrived yesterday?’

‘I—I beg your pardon?’ She gave a deep frown.

He seemed to be avoiding looking at her directly. ‘I happen to care a great deal for Zack—–’

‘He cares for you too.’ She had no doubt about that now, was convinced he covered that caring with taunts and jibes that would bring about a reaction in James—any reaction. She didn't understand such caring herself, but James and Zack seemed to understand each other very well.

‘Yes,’ James acknowledged with impatience. ‘And it isn't just because we're brothers; we genuinely care for each other. It's because I know Zack so well that I also know you shouldn't become involved with him.’

‘But I—–’

‘Zack changes his women so often I think sometimes even he gets them confused,’ James continued grimly. ‘He's a flirtatious charmer, and if you become involved with him he'd only succeed in hurting you.’

‘But I'm not in the least interested in him!’ she at last managed to say exasperatedly.

He shook his head. ‘I saw how close the two of you were just now, and I'm sure Zack didn't waste his time alone with you last night.’

‘You know Maxine left straight after you did?’ Her eyes were wide.

‘Yes,’ he nodded grimly. ‘She came to my room in the hope of having a slanging match; I refused to assist her. Surely you've realised my marriage is falling apart, Holly?’

‘I'm sure that if the two of you talked—–’

‘We would get nowhere,’ he finished firmly. ‘Maxine is no longer the type of wife I need, and we both know it. It's only a question of time before we separate for good.’

‘I—I'm sorry,’ she said in a pained voice, knowing how much this irrevocable breakdown must be hurting him. ‘If there's anything I can do—–’

‘Stay with me, Holly.’ His expression was intent, one of his hands coming out to grasp hers firmly. ‘Stay with me,’ he repeated softly. ‘I need you.’

She didn't know how to answer him, wasn't able to, as she saw a slight movement out of the corner of her eye, suddenly seeing Zack Benedict as he strolled casually through the garden. The french doors from this room opened out into the garden, and they were open now. How much of the conversation had Zack Benedict heard? If he had heard any of it at all he must find it very amusing, each brother now having warned her about the other. Although it looked as if his warning about James wasn't altogether unwarranted. The question was, what was she going to do about it!

‘I'll be your secretary for as long as you want me to,’ she was deliberately naïve. ‘You know I enjoy working here.’

‘That wasn't quite what I meant,’ James scowled his impatience. ‘I want—–’

‘Sorry to interrupt you, James,’ Zack spoke in a voice that said he wasn't sorry at all, as he walked in from the sunlit garden, ‘but I just thought I should let you know that I'm driving Maxine into town for an hour; she needs to buy some things she forgot in London. I didn't interrupt you—working, did I?’ He raised blond brows at Holly's hand still clasped in his brother's.

Holly removed her hand with a guilty blush, knowing by the mockery in the dark green eyes that he had chosen to misunderstand the situation. He had no reason to condemn her on so little, not when he was so obviously more than a brother-in-law to the beautiful Maxine! She noticed the green eyes narrow slightly, almost as if he had been able to read her thoughts. Well, she didn't care if he had, she had been doing nothing wrong when he came into the room.

‘Maxine is up, then?’ James didn't bother to answer his brother's question, asking one of his own.

‘Well, I could hardly be taking her into town if she weren't,’ Zack baited.

James's scowl deepened. ‘Why doesn't she drive herself? You aren't a taxi service.’

‘It just so happens that I offered to drive her,’ the other man told him sharply. ‘It is her first day here,’ he added abruptly. ‘I thought she could do with the company. Unless you …?’

‘No,’ James rasped. ‘Holly and I have some work to do.’

Mocking green eyes raked over her assessingly, almost as if Zack Benedict were accusing her of something. It wasn't too difficult to imagine what, not after what he had seen and heard! How could she possibly claim her innocence after this?

He nodded slightly. ‘I'll leave you to it, then. Don't work too hard.’ He left the same way he had entered, leaving an awkward silence behind him.

Holly didn't know whether to be grateful or angry at his interruption, knowing by his attitude that he had chosen to misunderstand what he had heard.

‘Where were we?’ asked James with impatience.

‘We were going to do some work on the book,’ she said briskly, wanting to divert his attention away from what they had really been discussing. She stood up. ‘I have the research notes you wanted in my desk, I'll go and get them.’

‘Holly—–’

‘Yes?’ She turned at the door, willing him not to tell her again how much he needed her.

He seemed to hesitate, then he nodded. ‘Go and get the notes,’ he said gruffly.

She escaped the room with relief, leaning back against the door for several seconds, then moving quickly to her office as she realised James would become concerned with the passing of time.

She had unlocked her desk and taken the papers out of the drawer when her office door opened without warning. Zack Benedict entered the room, closing the door to lean back against it, his arms folded in front of his chest.

Holly straightened at the blatant mockery in his face. ‘What can I do for you, Mr Benedict?’ she enquired coolly.

‘You can tell me what you intend to do now that it appears my brother thinks he's in love with you too.’ His eyes were as hard as the emeralds they resembled.