Читать книгу Uncertain Destiny - Кэрол Мортимер, Carole Mortimer - Страница 5

CAROLINE awoke with a groan, pushing the hair out of her face as she rolled over to look at the bedside clock. Nine-thirty; Justin would already have left for the day.

She sat up in the bed, staring down at her still-flat stomach, already feeling an affinity with the child that nestled inside her.

How could Justin deny that child, refuse to even acknowledge its existence other than as an unwelcome intrusion into their marriage?

When she had pressed him last night to explain exactly what he meant by his remark about ‘not wanting children’, he had told her he thought it would be better if they slept on it and came to a decision in the morning. She hadn’t wanted to wait until then, had demanded he answer her. He had completely withdrawn from her then, leaving her standing beside the table that was still set for their celebration, and when she had desperately followed him up the stairs it was to find the spare bedroom door locked against her.

He couldn’t mean for her to choose between him or their baby, could he? Even if he didn’t believe it was his child, he couldn’t really expect her to—no! She wouldn’t even acknowledge him demanding that possibility. To her it wasn’t a possibility.

She had to persuade him to see another doctor, knowing beyond a shadow of doubt that the child she carried was Justin’s. There had been no one else for her, not before or since him. How could there have been, when he fulfilled her completely, possessed her like a drug that made her body feverish and her senses so attuned to him that the mere sight of him drove her wild with need?

Their first night together, here in this very house, she had submitted herself to a far greater power than any she possessed, had known herself lost from Justin’s first caress …

Even Caroline hadn’t been prepared for his call the night they met. She was on the point of going to bed shortly after Tony had left when the telephone began to ring. Envisaging another unexpected night on duty when one of the night-staff had let them down, she picked the receiver up with a groan.

‘So you and Shepherd don’t sleep together,’ came the husky greeting.

Caroline stiffened, instantly alert, moistening suddenly dry lips. ‘Justin?’ she said uncertainly.

‘Unless some other man questioned you tonight about your relationship with Shepherd,’ he acknowledged drily.

She gave an irritated frown; she had expected to hear from him, but this! ‘I don’t know anyone else that arrogant,’ she admitted abruptly, somehow knowing that amusement had darkened his gaze. ‘How did you get my number?’ she prompted waspishly.

‘I telephoned Paula first and asked her,’ he revealed calmly.

‘You—–’ She gasped, closing her eyes as she imagined what the other woman had made of that, the answer not a pleasant one.

‘Would you like to add “bastard” after the “arrogant"?’ he mused.

‘Yes!’ she snapped. ‘And how do you know Tony isn’t waiting in the bedroom for me right now?’ she demanded angrily.

‘Paula was only too eager to tell me that you and her brother don’t sleep together,’ Justin mocked. ‘I believe she imagined it would deter my interest.’

Caroline gripped the receiver tightly, ashamed of how much she hoped that hadn’t happened. ‘And did it?’ She waited breathlessly for his answer.

‘Not in the least,’ he answered confidently. ‘I like a woman who can be a little choosy about who she goes to bed with.’

Did he also like a woman who hadn’t been to bed with anyone? she wondered a little dazedly. Really, the man had no scruples at all, telephoning her in this way!

‘How do you know that choice will include you?’ she snapped, annoyed at the awkward situation he had put her in with Tony and his sister.

‘Are you saying it doesn’t?’ His voice had gone huskily soft.

She didn’t even know why she was having this conversation with him! He wasn’t her type at all, was too worldly, too sophisticated, too experienced when it came to women. He had known exactly how to pique her interest tonight, to keep her dangling there until he decided to draw her into his web of sensuality.

‘Caro?’ he prompted gruffly.

Oh, God, just the sound of her name on his lips caused a shiver of awareness down her spine!

‘All right,’ he chuckled softly at her dazed silence. ‘I don’t find making love over the telephone very satisfying either. Dinner tomorrow?’

By tacit agreement she and Tony hadn’t seen anyone but each other the last eight months, and no words of a permanent relationship had been mentioned between them, yet she knew it was an accepted thing between them.

She wasn’t about to jeopardise her relationship with Tony just because of a mad attraction for Justin de Wolfe!

‘I’ll only keep asking, Caroline.’ Justin seemed to realise she was about to say no; his voice was hard. ‘And if Tony told you anything about me at all you have to know I never give up when I want something as badly as I seem to want you.’

Tony hadn’t exactly said that, but he had told her this man never lost, which amounted to the same thing!

‘Look, Caroline, if my honesty in admitting I want to make love to you is too much for you to accept, then I’m sorry,’ he said impatiently at her continued silence. ‘But I stopped going out on platonic dates years ago. And if you think I make a habit of picking up women at parties you would be wrong about that, too,’ he added in a hard voice. ‘My libido is as strong as any other man’s,’ he admitted derisively, ‘but I rarely have the time to indulge it. Now will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?’

She had a feeling that when this man did rouse himself enough to show a preference for a particular woman he never received a lukewarm response, let alone faced the possibility of being turned down. As he was about to be!

‘I’m busy tomorrow night,’ she told him dismissively.

‘Caro—–’

‘I said no, Mr de Wolfe,’ she refused firmly as the silky caress of his voice threatened to once again seduce her.

‘I meant it when I said I would keep asking, Caroline,’ he warned grimly. ‘I can’t take no for an answer from you.’

Her hand shook as she slowly replaced the receiver, half expecting him to ring straight back, but realising when he didn’t do so that he was wise enough to know that would just make her even angrier.

When she met Tony the next night she knew Paula had lost no time in telling her brother of Justin’s interest. It didn’t seem to matter to Tony that she had refused to see the other man. He was furious that Justin de Wolfe had asked her out at all, seemed to think she must have encouraged the other man in some way—Justin de Wolfe, reputedly not a man to exert himself for any woman.

But he seemed determined to do so for her, turning up at the most unexpected times during the next three weeks, meeting her as she came off duty, calling around at the flat, and always with the purpose of repeating his dinner invitation.

Much as she hated to admit it, this show of attention from a man who rarely bothered with women at all began to affect her, and in a strange way she began to look forward to seeing him, the sexual tension between them building each time she did so. Ultimately it affected her relationship with Tony; she was no longer at ease in his company as he seemed to regard her suspiciously. Finally he lost his temper completely and told her he thought they should stop seeing each other, that she should go out with Justin de Wolfe and see how fascinating she found him when he left her after a few dates!

She hadn’t thought Tony could mean what he had said, expecting him to come round and apologise, but after three days of waiting she realised he had meant every word. Her hurt turned to anger, and the next time Justin asked her out she accepted.

When she opened the door to him at seven-thirty that evening she knew she had made a mistake. Tonight even the veneer of civilisation had been stripped from him, the black evening suit and snowy white shirt doing nothing to disguise his primitive savagery. Any idea she might have had about just being another conquest to him was wiped out as she met the blazing desire in his gaze; Justin was a man who usually held himself in cool control, and he no more welcomed this feeling of helplessness to desire than she did. He just knew it was useless to fight the inevitable.

Being taken into his arms was inevitable, too. Her throat arched as Justin’s mouth came down firmly on hers, both of them exploding with a need that had barely been held in check since the moment their gazes first met.

She could taste him, feel him along every nerve-ending in her body, knew that Justin’s veneer of sophistication had slipped because he was just as unnerved by this desire.

He kissed her deeply, hotly, his hands moving over her body with fevered insistence, cupping one pert breast to caress the pulsing nub with fiery rhythm.

Her hands were tangled in the dark thickness of his hair as she clung to him, her body on fire, knowing that if he hadn’t held her so tightly she would have fallen to the carpeted floor.

Finally he drew back with a ragged sigh, resting his forehead on hers. ‘Hello,’ he greeted her belatedly.

She gave a shaky laugh, her hands still clinging to his broad shoulders. ‘I dread to think what you could do with “Hello, darling"!’

He shook his head to clear it of the sexual haze. ‘I have no doubt we’ll find out,’ he said gruffly. ‘Are you ready to go?’

The question held much more than its surface significance, at least, for her, but one look into his arrogantly assured face when he arrived and she had known she was more than ready, that she had probably been waiting for tonight all her life. Her relief that she had waited, and not fallen into that trap a lot of her friends had by sleeping with men they were merely fond of, was immense. She knew with certainty that somehow during the last three weeks—probably instantly she saw him—she had fallen in love with this enigmatic man, that she had been fighting a losing battle.

‘I’m ready,’ she nodded, smiling shyly, knowing her mouth had to be bare of lipgloss by now, and not really caring. Justin was looking at her as if he would like to eat her, and her mouth felt swollen and red enough without the aid of artifice.

Later they were alone in his apartment, although Caroline doubted he had actually cooked the delicious meal they served up together. No doubt he had someone that came in to cook and clean for him, her presence unobtrusive in the extreme; Justin didn’t give the impression of a man who hurried home at the end of the day to spend time cooking.

The food was deliciously prepared and cooked, smelt wonderful, too, and yet neither of them did justice to it. Caroline couldn’t keep her eyes off Justin for more than a few seconds at a time, her anticipation high, and he seemed to be lost in brooding silence as he absently pushed the food around on his plate.

‘I can’t wait any longer!’ He suddenly threw his fork down, pushing his plate away to stand up. ‘Caro, I need to make love to you. Very badly.’

She could see just how badly by the fevered glitter of his gaze, his hands clenched at his sides. And if she were honest—and that seemed to be what Justin demanded of her—she couldn’t wait any longer, either.

She stood up, too, her legs a little shaky, and then they were in each others arms, and it was just as if there had been no break from their earlier impassioned kisses, Justin’s mouth wide and moist against hers, his tongue moving into her fiercely at the same time as he pulled her thighs high against him.

He was hard and pulsating against her, groaning low in his throat at the satiny feel of her thighs, his kisses becoming even fiercer, devouring, filled with hunger as he began to pull off her clothes.

Caroline felt a shiver as the cool air caressed her body as her gown fell at her feet, the feel of Justin’s dinner jacket abrasive against her naked breasts, rubbing against the tips, filling her lower body with a warm ache that flamed moistly as Justin touched her there.

He suckled on her breast, drawing it hungrily into his mouth, the pleasure-pain causing her to whimper low in her throat, breathing shakily, her back arched as she pushed herself against him.

He drew just as fiercely on the other nipple while his hand cupped and caressed the breast he had abandoned, holding her up against him as if she weighed nothing at all.

She couldn’t stand it any more, needing more, needing it all, pushing frantically at his jacket, their mouths fused together as Justin helped her with the removal of his clothes, sinking down on to the floor with her, lying between her parted thighs as he moved restlessly against her.

She cradled either side of his face as their kisses went on and on, moist and hungry, fevered, Caroline arching against him as he continued to caress her aching breasts.

His legs felt abrasive against her as he moved above her, increasing her passion, the ache between her thighs becoming almost a pain.

And then he came into her, slowly, not forcefully, easing her sudden tension, gently penetrating the barrier that parted and finally moved aside altogether. There should have been pain, but there wasn’t, only an unfamiliar feeling of fullness, a slight discomfort that made her muscles contract at the intrusion.

And then Justin began to move within her, gently stroking her, the heat instantly returning, consuming, until her breath was coming in strangled gasps, her head thrashing from side to side as she knew she was about to shatter, to be devoured by the burning ache that filled her whole body now.

Suddenly her back arched, her thighs thrust fiercely against Justin, her eyes wide with wonder on Justin’s face as the pleasure exploded, imploding in a million different places in her body.

Justin continued to thrust against her, and as one wave of pleasure ended another began, until she felt it would never stop, awestruck as she watched the savage beauty of Justin’s face as he grimaced as though in pain, groaning loudly, suddenly even more fierce against her, driving her over the edge again as she felt his own fevered release.

He gently lowered his weight against her, burying his face in her perfumed hair, his breath deep and rasping. ‘It was more,’ he finally groaned, ‘so much more than I even imagined!’

She could never have imagined anything as devastatingly shattering as the passion they had just shared. She didn’t need to be experienced to know that it had been something special. She hadn’t known whether she would be able to feel pleasure at all the first time they made love, but it had been never-ending, and even now she wanted him again. As she felt him stir against her she knew that it was what he wanted, to.

He looked down at her questioningly as his passion rekindled. ‘Are you all right?’ His voice was husky.

A delicate blush darkened her cheeks. ‘I don’t hurt at all,’ she assured him softly, finding her shyness utterly ridiculous considering the intimacy of their positions.

He frowned. ‘You’ll probably be a little sore tomorrow,’ he warned sympathetically. ‘But as long as you feel OK now?’ Still he hesitated about repeating that fiery splendour.

‘I feel fine,’ she said gruffly. ‘I feel better than fine,’ she added determinedly. ‘And I want you again, too.’

He smiled his satisfaction with her answer, and it made him look more rakish than ever, his hair tousled, the eye-patch giving him a devilish look.

She tentatively touched his cheek near the black patch. ‘What happened?’ She frowned her concern.

‘A dissatisfied client,’ he dismissed shruggingly, bending to move his lips against her throat.

Her frown deepened, even though his lips sent a delicious thrill down the length of her spine. ‘I thought you always won?’

‘Not my dissatisfied client,’ Justin gently mocked. ‘I made sure he was put away.’

Her fingers stilled against his cheek. ‘But if he was put in prison …’

‘They all get out eventually,’ Justin explained tautly. ‘I do my job, Caroline,’ he added softly as she shivered in reaction. ‘This man just happened to believe there was something personal in my prosecution of him. When he got out of prison he paid me a little visit.’ He frowned.

She was still trembling. ‘Where is he now?’

Justin’s mouth twisted. ‘Back in prison, for attacking me this time.’ He shrugged dismissively. ‘It really isn’t important.’

‘But he—he blinded you in one eye!’ she gasped.

He nodded. ‘And it isn’t a pretty sight. But then knife wounds never are,’ he murmured almost to himself. ‘But let’s not talk about that now, Caroline.’ His gaze moved over her hungrily. ‘I want to make love to you again. And this time we might even make it as far as the bedroom,’ he added self-derisively.

Caroline blushed as she looked around them and realised they were still in the dining-room.

Justin’s mouth quirked. ‘Don’t look so embarrassed, Caro,’ he teased throatily. ‘At least it wasn’t on the table!’

He carried her through to his bedroom, beginning to make love to her again, more slowly this time as neither of them were so feveredly desperate, but it was just as intense, just as shattering, the two of them lying damply together as their hands still moved caressingly over each other, unable to stop the touching.

As the night passed swiftly by, Justin was indefatigable, making love to her again and again, groaning his protest when she had to leave him in the morning to go to work.

He watched her as she dressed in the gown that seemed so out of place in the brightness of the sunny Sunday morning. After the intimacies they had shared it was a little ridiculous to feel shy in front of him, but the way he watched her so steadily unnerved her, and she heaved a silent sigh of relief as she zipped up the back of her gown.

‘Can you be available on Thursday?’ He sat back against the coffee-coloured pillows, his chest bare as the matching sheet lay draped across his thighs. He was so completely male, his body all hard muscle, and he knew how to use that body to the satisfaction of both of them. ‘If not next Thursday—–’ he frowned at her silence ‘—it will have to wait a couple of weeks; I’m going to be very busy until then.’

Caroline suddenly realised what he had said, shaking her head to clear it of the sensual spell this man seemed to exert over her without even trying.

What did he mean, could she be available next Thursday, if not it would have to wait a couple of weeks? She knew she had behaved like a wanton the night before, but she had thought the passion more than returned; she didn’t expect him to try and fit her in among all of his other social engagements now that he had taken what he seemed to want!

Her face paled as she realised what a fool she had been to imagine that what was between them was special. How many other women had told themselves the same thing, only to realise that what was love on their side was merely lust on the side of the man?

She was twenty-three years old and had received more than her fair share of sexual proposals over the years, mainly from medical students who believed a nurse was fair game, but she had behaved like a fool last night, had become totally infatuated with a man who saw taking a woman to bed as no more than another conquest he had to make.

A sob caught in her throat as she turned away to search for her shoes where she had placed them on the floor, tears blinding her. She stiffened as she felt Justin’s nakedness behind her as he pulled her back against him.

‘Don’t you want to marry me?’ His voice was silkily soft against her ear.

Marry? She turned slowly to face him, her eyes wide, searching the derisive amusement of his face. His derision seemed to be self-directed, as if he, too, found the prospect of marriage surprising, even if he were resigned to it.

‘Destiny played a dirty trick on me three weeks ago,’ he drawled ruefully. ‘The moment I saw you I wanted you,’ he told her calmly. ‘And after only one night with you I know that no other woman has ever matched me in passion the way you do.’

She blinked, still dazed that he had meant he wanted to marry her next Thursday. ‘You want to marry me because—because we make love well together?’ she said disbelievingly, the tender ache in her body reminding her of the night that had just passed, of just how well they made love.

‘Not the sort of marriage proposal you were ever expecting to hear, was it?’ he mocked, cupping her chin to caress her cheek lightly with the pad of his thumb. ‘But it isn’t just how well your body fits to mine,’ he said ruefully. ‘It’s because I know, realised as I waited for you the last three weeks, that I don’t ever want any other man to have you. Even less so now.’ His smile was gentle at her self-conscious blush at his reference to her virginity. ‘No, I’m not in love with you,’ he seemed to read the uncertain question in her eyes, ‘I’ve already told you my opinion of that emotion,’ he scorned. ‘But I do know this wanting isn’t going to go away in a hurry, that it probably never will, and that I want my claim on you to be a public one. Is that going to be enough for you?’ He looked down at her steadily, his gaze narrowed to a silver slit.

Because she was too much in love with him to say no, it had to be enough.

They had been married four days later, Justin having no family of his own to invite, only her parents, her brother and sister—Simon and Sonia—and a couple of her friends in attendance. Until he met her Justin really had been a wolf that preferred to walk completely alone.

Almost seven weeks of marriage hadn’t seen too many changes in her husband. When they made love they were completely attuned, but the rest of the time Justin chose to hold himself aloof, rarely talking about his work to her, only agreeing to socialise with her family because he knew she expected it of him.

And now he seemed to think she had conducted some sort of experiment with Tony in between his proposal and their wedding, to see if she and Justin really were so unique in their passion for each other, and that the baby she carried was the result of that experiment. She hadn’t needed to make love with another man to be sure of that!

The baby she carried was Justin’s, no matter what he believed about his being sterile. My God, why hadn’t he told her he believed he could never give her children? It wouldn’t have changed her decision to marry him, but he should have told her, damn it! What sort of man married a woman without telling her something as important as that? A man like Justin, she acknowledged dully. He didn’t want children; why should he bother to explain that he could never give her any?

Dear God, where did they go from here? What were they going to ‘decide’ about the baby today?

She sat up straight against the pillows as a soft knock sounded on the door, and forced a tight smile to her lips as Mrs Avery put her head around the door, before entering with a bright smile as she saw Caroline was awake.

‘Mr de Wolfe told me to let you sleep this morning.’ She put a tray of coffee down on the bedside table. ‘But I thought I heard you moving around a few minutes ago.’

Justin’s ‘unobtrusive’ housekeeper had turned out to be this friendly little woman with warm blue eyes. She had confided in Caroline shortly after she moved in as Justin’s wife that the Mrs part of her name was merely a cursory title, that she had never married but felt it was necessary to be a Mrs in the job she chose to do. Mrs Avery was almost sixty, and Caroline sincerely doubted that Justin would ever feel the inclination to chase her around the apartment, but if the other woman felt happier being thought a married woman then she wasn’t about to spoil that for her. The two of them had become firm friends over the weeks, Mrs Avery treating Caroline just like the daughter she had never had. She had no doubt the housekeeper was going to be thrilled when she was told about the baby. But she dared not tell anyone about that yet, not until she had sorted things out with Justin. He had to be convinced that the baby was his!

‘I have to be on duty in just over an hour.’ She accepted the coffee gratefully.

Justin had been very amenable about her continuing with her career, although she had cut down on her hours slightly, knowing Justin wouldn’t appreciate her working late into the evening or during the night. She couldn’t help wondering now, a little bitterly, if he hadn’t encouraged her to continue with her career because he had known she would never have children to occupy her time. Children of his, that was.

Bitter reproach on her part wasn’t going to help this situation, she inwardly reproved. She had to try and look at this from Justin’s point of view. For years he had believed himself sterile, had probably come to terms with that fact; of course he was going to find it difficult to believe now that she was carrying his child. Perhaps the hours he had spent alone in bed last night, the first time they had slept apart since their marriage, had given him a chance to think, to realise that a mistake just could have been made.

Yes, she was sure that by the time he got home this evening he would have realised she could never have made love with any other man but him, that the child had to be his. His decision that he didn’t want children had probably been a defence mechanism because he didn’t believe he could ever have any. By the time he got home this evening they would be able to discuss all this rationally.

Some of the despair left her as she went to work on that happier note, putting her troubles from her mind as for the rest of the day she concentrated on her patients.

She was going to miss her work on the wards once she had the baby. Being a nurse had been the only thing she had ever wanted to do, all her educational qualifications gained for just that reason. It had been a wonderful five years, but no doubt the baby would help compensate for what she lost. She wanted this baby so much, wanted to give Justin the son he had thought never to have.