Читать книгу Bound By Their Babies - Caroline Anderson - Страница 14
ОглавлениеBEN DIDN’T SAY NO—well, not a flat-out no, at any rate, and maybe even tending towards a yes.
He was on call that weekend and already at the hospital when Jake sent him a text at six-thirty saying he needed to talk. He rang straight back, and didn’t turn a hair when Jake suggested they meet on the benches outside the Park Café before eight on a dewy April morning. He didn’t even mind that Matilda was with him, sitting on the damp bench between them eating a little muffin from the café for her breakfast. He listened carefully without interrupting until Jake ground to a halt, then pulled a sort of ‘maybe’ face and nodded slowly.
‘Would you consider taking on a bit more? Because we could really do with a female consultant, but we also need more consultant time in general and getting someone for just one or two days a week is impossible. If you could manage another two or three sessions between you and a share of weekend and night cover, the Trust might look on it very favourably, especially if I lean on them,’ he added with a grin. ‘You’d end up overlapping for a day, but you’d probably want to anyway for continuity. The only real difficulty I can see is the night cover when you’re on call. How will you deal with that?’
‘No problem. We’ll be living together, which makes us much more flexible.’
Ben frowned, his face concerned. ‘When you say living together...?’
‘Not like that, we’re just friends,’ he said hastily.
Ben’s eyebrow quirked sceptically. ‘You’d have to be very good friends to make that work. Are you sure you know each other well enough? It’s a lot to take on, Jake, and if this job share relies on your domestic situation and it breaks down—’
‘It won’t break down,’ he said firmly. ‘We’ve house-shared before. I’ve known her for over twenty years and I can’t think of anyone else I’d contemplate doing it with. Let’s face it, we both have a very strong vested interest in making it work. And if it really got on our nerves, we could divide the house into two flats. Heaven knows it’s big enough.’
‘Well, that’s true,’ Ben said with a wry smile. ‘And how long are you thinking this would last? A year? Two? Ten? Because there are implications for your future, for your pension, for your career progression. It’s not trivial.’
‘I know. I realise that, so does Emily, but to be frank, Ben, we’d don’t have a lot of options and this is far and away the best idea we’ve come up with for either of us. Can I talk to her about the extra sessions and come back to you?’
‘Of course. What sort of start date were you thinking of?’
‘As soon as possible. I can’t mess about like this for ever, it’s not fair on you or Matilda or my patients, and Em needs an answer, too, because she’s coming to the end of her mat leave and she needs to get a job sorted soon.’
Ben gave a wry smile. ‘Good, because juggling the rota is frying my brains. Look, go and talk to her and let me know what she thinks. Obviously you’ll have to jump through all the official hoops, but nobody’s in the business of making this any more complicated than it has to be and if you want to go ahead I’ll do everything I can.’
He nodded. ‘And until then? Because yesterday was a really tough day for Emily and the kids, but I’m so conscious of letting you down if I take more time off and I’m just torn in two.’
‘Of course you are,’ Ben said quietly. ‘Anyone would be, and I do understand, but don’t worry about it. We all need this sorted out one way or another very quickly, but I’m sure it can be done, subject of course to interview and your joint proposal ticking all the necessary boxes. We’d need to be sure it would work before we could agree to it.’
He closed his eyes briefly, felt some of the tension leak away and gave a quiet laugh. ‘Of course. And thanks for being so reasonable. I’m really sorry about this.’
‘Don’t be. Stuff happens, Jake, it’s all part of life’s rich pattern. The trick is to learn to roll with the punches. Go on, take Matilda home, talk to Emily and get back to me.’
* * *
Her phone rang while she was swiping porridge from every accessible part of Zach’s high chair.
Jake. Of course.
‘You have a gift for calling me when I’m covered in gloop,’ she said drily. ‘How did it go?’
‘Well, I think. He’s going to talk to the Trust. We’re just on our way home. I’ll tell you more then.’
So it could be happening. She put the phone down and carried on wet-wiping, a funny little hitch in her chest. And not in a good way.
Ridiculous, because she had to work, she wanted to work, and this whole thing had been her idea, so from that point of view it was good, but he’d been right about her house. She already missed it, missed having her familiar things around her like a security blanket, even if she’d denied it yesterday. It wasn’t for ever, though, just until the children were a little older so they could go into full-time childcare without being irreparably damaged.
And that time would come. She couldn’t imagine Jake wanting to work part time for ever. He was too much of a career doctor to want to take a back seat, and then she could go back to her own house, or sell it and move on. There was no hurry now, though. She could let the house in the meantime and see how it went. She didn’t have to sell it and burn all her boats.
Not yet.
* * *
They took the children to the park and pushed them side by side in the baby swings while she listened to what Ben had said.
‘There’s a lot of official stuff. We’ll have to submit a joint application for the job share, outlining how we’d split the workload, and we’d both have to be interviewed so they can be sure we’ve thought it through, but in the meantime Ben’s going to run it by them because it’s an opportunity to gain a few more sessions of consultant cover each week, so actually he’s really on board with it, especially as you’re a woman. And it means we’d both earn more if we did the extra hours. Would you be up for that?’
‘Yes, I don’t see why not. It all sounds really positive,’ she said. ‘And in the meantime I can look after the children so you can get back to work at least most of the time, and we’ll just have to rub along somehow. It’ll give them time to settle into a routine, and you’ll know Tilly’s safe even if she’s not overjoyed with the situation.’
‘And if the Trust says no?’
She shrugged. ‘Then I’ll have to look for another job or go back to my old one, and you’ll have to put Tilly into childcare, but let’s just hope it doesn’t happen.’
There was a long silence, punctuated by the creak of the swings, and then he said, ‘Are you absolutely sure you want to do this, Em? Because I don’t want to set this all up and then you change your mind because it’s too big a commitment or you want your own space back—or even your old job, because it’ll be gone, so it has massive implications, especially for you. If we can do this, it’ll be great, but I want you to be absolutely sure before it goes any further because there’s no way back to where we are now, for either of us.’
She met his eyes, read the conflicting emotions of hope and concern, and shut the lid on her doubts.
‘I am sure,’ she said, to convince herself as much as him. She owed Jake so much, and if she could do this for him and make it work, it would go at least some way towards repaying him. She wouldn’t even think about failing, because it wasn’t an option. It couldn’t be.
His eyes held hers. ‘Honestly?’
‘Honestly,’ she said, her voice firmer now. ‘If the Trust says yes, I’ll move in with you properly and let my house, but in the meantime Zach will have a chance to get used to you before I need to leave him. Don’t worry, Jake. We’ll get there.’
‘We could split the house, if you’d rather. It’s easy with the bathrooms, I’ll just use the shower room, but if you want your own floor, or a separate sitting room—’
‘I don’t. If you do, just say the word and we can sort it out, but as I’ve told you, I like the company.’ She smiled at him. ‘And sure, you’ve got a few irritating habits, but I’ll just have to turn a blind eye to those.’
‘Irritating habits?’
His voice was indignant, but his eyes were smiling, and she stretched up and kissed his cheek and felt it dimple under her lips. He smelt of soap and Jake with a hint of chocolate muffin, and there was something vaguely disturbing about it.
‘Don’t worry. I’ll soon get you trained,’ she quipped, and gave Zach’s swing another little push while she tried to work out why her heart was beating just that little bit faster.
* * *
He downloaded the job-share protocol and applications forms from the Trust intranet once the children were in bed, and after they’d finished eating they sat at the dining table scrolling through all the endless pages.
‘I hate this kind of stuff,’ he muttered, as if she was having such a great time.
‘Whereas I just love it,’ she mocked, rolling her eyes. ‘Do you have a copy of your timetable?’
‘Yeah, I’ll print it and we can squabble over who does what. And don’t even think about dumping me with all the routine gynae.’
‘It says in the protocol—’ she began, but he threw a pen at her and disappeared to the study, leaving her grinning. She’d forgotten what fun he was to be around, even when he was grumpy. Forgotten what fun was, even, but her enduring memory of their time at uni had been laughter, and Jake had been at the centre of that, always.
It seemed so long ago now...
She was just reading through Points to consider when becoming a job-sharer when he came back, dropped three copies of the timetable and a packet of highlighter pens down in front of her and opened the fridge.
‘This calls for wine,’ he said, and sat down again with two glasses, the bottle they’d started last night and a giant packet of hand-fried crisps.
‘Right. Let’s do this.’
* * *
Three hours, the entire packet of crisps and most of the bottle of wine later, they’d thrashed out a workable timetable that gave both of them what they wanted, shared out the tasks equally and wouldn’t let any of the patients down, and they’d built in capacity for another three sessions.
He sat back, let his breath out in a whoosh and gave her a high five.
‘Sorted. Now all we have to do is write a load of appropriate twaddle about how well we’ve thought it through and what makes us think it’s not going to crash and burn.’
She chuckled and stood up. ‘Not tonight. Come on, let’s watch a bit of mindless TV and go to bed. It’ll still be there tomorrow and we won’t sleep if we don’t have a break from it.’
She was talking sense, but a huge part of him wanted to sort it now, because he knew it wasn’t twaddle and Ben had made it perfectly clear how important it was.
‘I bought chocolate earlier,’ she taunted, heading for the sitting room.
‘As if we haven’t just eaten enough rubbish. What sort?’
‘Oh, it’s healthy. Fruit and nut. Two of your five a day—and it’s dark chocolate, which is positively good for you,’ she said over her shoulder, and he dropped his pen, stood up and followed her.
‘There could be disadvantages to working with someone who knows me quite so well,’ he growled, plopping down onto the sofa beside her and picking up the TV remote. ‘Hand it over, then.’
* * *
He was up at five to fill in the application form, putting his case for wanting to job share and how he saw it working for the patients in his care, and he heard the stairs creak and Emily walked in in her pyjamas, hair tousled, one cheek rosy from having slept on it.
And looking as sexy as hell.
‘Tea?’ she asked, and he nodded, his head draining of coherent thought.
‘Please. With caffeine. Why are you up?’
‘To help you? I heard you go downstairs, and I had an idea you’d be doing this while the children are still asleep.’
He gave a wry grunt. ‘Absolutely. If we can, I want to give it to Ben today for his thoughts so we’ve got time to tweak it before he puts it to the Board tomorrow. Are you OK for me to go to work tomorrow, by the way?’
‘Of course I am. I have to be. It’s the new reality, Jake.’
She filled the kettle and came and sat down next to him, the drift of warm, Emily-scented air and the crazy pyjamas doing nothing for his concentration.
‘I’m a bit worried we might have a timing problem. I have to give eight weeks’ notice if I’m not going back to my old job after mat leave, which means by the end of next week, but if I hand in my notice there and they say no to the job share here, I could end up with a break in my continuous NHS employment and have to give back my maternity pay, and I just don’t have the money.’
He stopped thinking about her pyjamas and let his breath out on a long, low whistle.
‘I hadn’t realised you were so near the end of mat leave, but you’re right, that could be tight. I’ll make sure Ben knows, but as we don’t have a female consultant or anyone wanting to do more sessions, it’s a golden opportunity for them and they’d be mad to turn us down because some women really need a female doctor. It’ll take the pressure off our female registrars, and I can think of at least one patient I’ve seen in the last week who I’d want to hand over to you for just that reason and I’m sure there are others. We just have to sound convincing.’
He sat back and stretched out his shoulders. ‘Has that kettle boiled yet? This is making my head hurt.’
* * *
He went off to see Ben later that morning, armed with their draft proposal and suggested timetable split, and she girded her loins to deal with another joyous day of tantrums from Matilda, but there were none—or at least not on the scale of her previous efforts.
Instead she ate her breakfast nicely, then lay on the floor with Zach and built a tower of cups for him to knock down, and built it again, and again, and again, and every time he knocked it down she giggled, and so did he.
Emily was stunned, and when Jake rang in the middle of it, she held the phone out so he could hear.
‘Is that Zach laughing?’
‘It’s both of them. It’s delicious. I don’t know what’s got into them, but I’m all in favour of it. Have you spoken to Ben?’
‘Yes. He’s taken it all away to read through a bit more thoroughly, but he seems more than happy. He was talking about the Board contacting your referees before they interview you, so you might want to OK that with them before tomorrow.’
‘I’ve done it—or at least the ones I could get hold of. I’ve emailed the CEO but my clinical lead’s going to have a word. He was brilliant, so supportive. They’ve been amazing to me, and I feel bad about not going back, but—I just feel this is right for both of us.’
‘You and Zach, you mean?’
‘No! You and me. Well, and the children, on current form, but I won’t hold my breath,’ she said with a laugh. ‘Any ideas what I should do with them next when this all falls apart?’
‘Matilda likes cooking. We make rock buns sometimes. It’s hard to ruin them.’
She chuckled. ‘What, even for you?’ she teased.
‘Very funny. I’m on my way, but you’ll find everything you need in the cupboard next to the fridge. Don’t eat them all before I get home.’
‘You know what? It’s a gorgeous day. Why don’t I make a picnic instead and we could go to the beach? They’d love that, and maybe what we all need is some time together just having fun.’
‘That’s a brilliant idea. Want me to pick anything up?’
‘Sandwiches? I think we’ve got everything else.’
‘OK. I’ll see you shortly.’
* * *
She was right, the children had a wonderful time on the beach, and so did they.
They found a nice flat area in the shelter of a breakwater and had their picnic, then they built a sandcastle just below the high-water mark where the sand was still damp enough to stick together.
‘It needs a moat,’ Emily insisted.
‘Of course it does, why wouldn’t it?’ he said wryly, knowing what was coming, so he rolled up his jeans as high as he could and took a bucket down to the sea and got predictably drenched by a freak wave.
‘It’s not funny,’ he told her, trying not to laugh, but Matilda thought it was hilarious and little Zach joined in, and then when they’d all finished laughing at him they decided—they being Em, of course—that it would be fun to bury him in the sand.
‘Really?’
‘Really. Lie down and stop fussing. You know you want to.’
So he dug out a hollow and lay down in it obediently and let them cover him in sand. It was damper than he’d realised, though, and by the time he broke free and stood up, he was plastered in it.
‘It’ll fall off when it dries,’ Em said cheerfully, and handed him a bucket. ‘Why don’t you go and rinse your hands and feet and bring some water up so we can rinse our hands, too, and then I think it might be time to go. They’re getting tired.’
‘I’m not surprised. They’ve shifted about a ton of sand between them.’
‘They had help.’
‘I noticed,’ he said drily, but he went and fetched water, more cautiously this time, and then they cleared up all the toys and the remains of the picnic and set off.
* * *
The children were both fractious by then, so they decided to go for a walk to let them sleep in the buggy.
Zach was gone in moments and it didn’t take Matilda long to join him, so they went round the point past the sea defences and followed the sea wall along to the harbour, falling into step as they strolled along.
The sea was quiet, the silence broken only by the sound of their footsteps and the soft slap of the waves on the shingle, the stones settling with a little whisper as the waves receded. Out at sea some gulls were wheeling over a fishing boat, and they could hear the faint putter of its engine in the distance.
‘Gosh, it’s beautiful. I can see why you love it here,’ Emily said with a sigh, and he grunted softly.
‘Jo couldn’t. She flatly refused to live here with me, even though she hadn’t said anything negative when the job came up and I started looking at houses, and then of course it was too late, I was committed to the move and there was nothing I could do about it.’
She turned her head so she could see his face. ‘Do you think she really hated it and didn’t want to live here, or didn’t want to live with you because she’d realised she didn’t love you? You’re old enough to be pragmatic, but she’s not, she’s still young enough to be dreaming of a happy ever after, which is probably why she’s gone off chasing rainbows with the dude in the campervan. And maybe you moving here just gave her an out?’
He sighed and scrubbed a hand through his hair, dislodging the sand that had finally dried in it. ‘I have no idea. Maybe. I knew she was a bit of a hippy at heart, but I wouldn’t have said she was manipulative so I think you could be right. She was probably just out of her depth. You know she nearly didn’t have Matilda? She said at the time she wasn’t ready to be a mother, and judging by the way she walked off last week and left Tilly without a backward glance, she was right.’
‘So, what did your parents say about that?’ Em asked curiously. ‘I take it you’ve told them.’
He laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humour in it. ‘Nothing new. My mother told me it was no more than I deserved, and my father gave me another lecture on contraception and what he called my indiscriminate sexual habits—What?’ he asked, shooting her a dirty look when she laughed.
She tried to straighten her face. ‘Well, it was high time someone said it,’ she pointed out. ‘You’re a bit of an alley cat, Jake.’
‘I am not!’ Her eyebrows shot up, and he frowned. ‘Seriously, Em, I’m not, at least not anymore, and I have no idea how she got pregnant.’
‘You need me to explain?’ she said, and then stopped walking, mostly because she was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe.
‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ he growled.
‘So what did you mean?’ she asked when she could speak. ‘Because you can’t have been that careful or she wouldn’t have got pregnant. Was she on the Pill?’
‘No, and we were careful! We used a condom every single time, and as far as I know none of them failed—not that it’s any of your business,’ he added, glowering at her and trying not to laugh.
She wasn’t even trying. ‘Well, clearly one of them failed—or else she sabotaged you.’
‘Why would she do that?’
She fell into step beside him again, giving him a disbelieving look. ‘Oh, come on, Jake. You’re a good catch.’
‘So why didn’t she catch me? Why not insist that I marry her? God knows I offered.’
‘She didn’t need to. You were supporting her anyway, and maybe by then she’d realised she didn’t love you.’
He shook his head. ‘No, she’s not like that. She’s not organised enough to be premeditated.’
She stopped walking again and turned to look at him, thoughtful now. ‘I don’t know, Jake. She stole your money and defaulted on her rent, so she obviously planned that. And if she said it was an accident when she got pregnant, you’d believe her. Accidents happen all the time, and people get carried away in the heat of the moment and fall into bed without thinking. It has been known, and it wouldn’t be the first time you’d done it.’
She knew that all too well. She vividly remembered the time they’d come really, really close to making love...
‘Can we please stop discussing my sex life?’ he muttered, and she wondered if he was actually blushing or if it was just that he’d caught the sun.
‘Well, at least you have one. I can’t even remember what it was like,’ she said with painful honesty.
‘Ah, come on, Em, you and Pete were married for years!’
‘And most of the time he was too busy trying not to die,’ she pointed out.
All trace of laughter was gone from her voice now, and Jake stopped walking and pulled her into his arms with a ragged sigh, resting his cheek against her hair.
‘Ah, hell, I’m sorry, Em,’ he murmured apologetically. ‘I shouldn’t have said that, it’s none of my business. It must have been so tough for you both, living on a knife-edge throughout the whole of your marriage.’
She eased away from him and started walking again, somehow uncomfortable talking about Pete while she was standing in Jake’s arms. ‘Not all of it. Some of it was OK, especially after he got the all-clear, but I always knew in my bones it couldn’t last.’
‘So why did you decide to have a baby if you thought he was going to die?’ he asked, finally asking the question that must have been bugging him ever since she’d told him she was pregnant and Pete was dying.
She sighed, her shoulders lifting in a little shrug. ‘Because I thought he would live to see it. Pete had always wanted children, so had I, and my clock was ticking. He’d banked some sperm as soon as he was diagnosed, before he had the first chemo, so it was sitting there waiting, and I felt if we didn’t get on with it I’d have left it too late and missed my chance, but I never dreamt it would be over so soon for him. That was a real shock, when he went downhill so fast and I realised we’d left it too late.’
‘It must have been. Do you regret it?’
‘What, marrying Pete, or having Zach?’
‘I meant having Zach,’ he said, although he must have wondered if she’d regretted her marriage to a man she’d known was probably dying, but maybe he felt he’d been intrusive enough.
She smiled down at the sleeping baby snuggled up in the buggy, her heart filling. ‘Not for a single second. It hasn’t been easy, and I’ve often been scared that I couldn’t cope, but no, I’ve never regretted it. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Well, apart from you, of course, but that’s different.’
She flashed him a smile, and he reached out and took her hand and squeezed it, but he didn’t let go, just kept her hand there in his as they strolled along side by side, their fingers loosely linked.
It was only when the path narrowed again that he slipped his hand out of hers to go on ahead with the buggy, and she curled her fingers tightly into her palm and felt oddly bereft.
* * *
Jake rang her on Tuesday morning to say he’d had an email inviting him for interview at nine-thirty on Thursday.
‘Gosh, that was quick.’
‘It was. Ben promised he’d hustle it. Check your emails,’ he said, but she was already doing it and her heart was racing.
‘Yes, they want to see me at ten-fifteen. And they said allow until one. Ouch.’
‘Mmm. I think that’s because they want us one at a time, and then together.’
‘Can you get the time off?’ she asked, hooking Zach out of the bottom pan drawer and sliding it shut with her leg. ‘Because taking these two to an interview could be interesting, although we’ll need cover for the joint interview anyway. What are we going to do about that?’
‘I’ll sort it with Ben—he’ll need cover, too, and I’ll talk to the nursery,’ he promised. ‘I spoke to them about Matilda the other day, and they had some capacity then, so hopefully they can squeeze them in. Right, got to go, I’m due in Theatre. In fact, why don’t you come up here and talk to the staff at the nursery anyway, because this is for Zach, too, and it might give the children a chance to get familiarised before we have to leave them there—assuming they still have space.’
‘And failing that?’
She could almost see him shrug. ‘Then I’ll ask Ben’s wife Daisy if she can help out for the interviews as a one-off. She’s lovely and Tils knows her, but in the long term we may have to find somewhere else.’
‘OK. I’ll take them up there now and see. I’ll text you the answer.’
* * *
She spent the next hour at the nursery, and although Matilda dragged her everywhere she wanted to go, she did at least explore the garden and have a go on the play equipment, and Zach seemed happy in the sandpit so long as Emily sat on the edge. Then she found the water trough, and that was it.
‘Right, Tilly, we need to go now and see the ducks,’ she said, and to her amazement Matilda shook her head.
‘No. I playing.’
She was pouring water from one container to another and getting utterly drenched, but she seemed totally content, and Emily pulled out her phone and took a picture and sent it to Jake.
Hallelujah! he texted back, and she smiled.
Hallelujah, indeed. For now, at least.
* * *
Predictably Jake rang her in his lunch break to find out more.
‘It was great,’ she told him. ‘I saw Caitlin, she said you’d spoken to her, which was really useful because I didn’t have to explain anything in front of the children.’
‘How about security?’
‘It’s excellent, and they seem to have wonderful facilities. And they have space, which is a miracle, apparently, but someone’s just left so we got lucky.’
‘What did Matilda make of it at first?’
‘She was a bit wary, but after she’d found her feet a little she loved it, and so did Jake. We played for ages, and the other children seemed happy, which was good to see. I’ve been quite worried about it because I’ve never left Zach with anyone except Pete’s parents, and that’s only been for an hour or so to have my hair cut or go to the dentist, but I don’t think I need to worry about him at all or you about Matilda.’
‘No, thanks for sending me that photo, it’s delicious.’
‘It is, but I had to drag them away. Neither of them wanted to leave. I had to bribe them with feeding the ducks.’
He chuckled. ‘Yeah, the ducks can be quite handy. Well, that’s brilliant. Thanks. So are we all set for Thursday?’
‘Yes—except I need to go home this evening and grab something to wear for my interview that might not be a total disgrace. I can do that after you get home once they’re in bed.’
‘OK. I’ll try not to be late.’
* * *
It was only a flying visit to collect some clothes, because all she’d brought with her was a few pairs of jeans and an armful of tops, and that wasn’t going to impress anyone. Not that she had much at home to choose from that would still fit her since she’d had Zach, but there had to be something.
She parked on the drive, went in and shut the front door, and then stood for a second while the silence closed in around her. She realised it was the first time she’d been alone in the house since Zach was born, and it felt odd. Odd, and strangely unsettling. And, to her surprise, although the house she’d shared with Pete for so long was familiar, it didn’t feel like home. It just felt wrong somehow, so she raided her wardrobe and left without lingering.
‘That was quick. Did you find what you wanted?’ Jake asked her when she got home—home?—and she nodded, going into the sitting room and perching on the arm of the sofa.
‘Yes, I suppose so. It’ll do.’ She frowned at the television. ‘Are you seriously watching Titanic?’
‘Oh, I was just killing time till you got back, really. There’s not much on.’
‘Titanic made you cry.’
‘It made you cry, too, if I remember rightly,’ he reminded her drily.
‘Surely not.’ She peered at the bag beside him. ‘Is that popcorn?’
‘It might be.’
She felt her mouth twitch and bit her lips to trap the smart retort. ‘What flavour?’
‘Wasabi and ginger.’
Her mouth dropped open. ‘You’re kidding,’ she said, and his eyes crinkled.
‘I’m not, they do make it, but it’s salted caramel.’
She couldn’t help the laugh. ‘I knew you wouldn’t eat anything that weird. Give me five seconds to change and I’ll be back. I’ll have tea, please—and don’t finish the popcorn!’
She ran upstairs, grinning and ignoring the muttering she left behind, and by the time she was back in her PJs there were two mugs of tea steaming on the coffee table, Titanic paused on the television and Jake with his hand back in the bag of popcorn.
‘Hey, get out of that, we’re sharing, remember?’ she said, dropping down on the sofa beside him and reaching for the bag.
‘Say please.’ He held it out of reach, laughing, and she lunged across him, trying to make a grab for it and digging her elbow into his ribs by accident.
‘Ouch! Get off me!’ He laughed, holding the bag further out of reach, but she made another lunge for it and grabbed it victoriously, and their eyes met and something weird happened.
They froze, eyes locked, and for a paralysing second she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he removed his hand from the bag and looked away, and she retreated hastily into the corner with the popcorn, wondering if her cheeks were as red as they felt, and he picked up the remote without a word and restarted the movie.
* * *
‘Popcorn?’
What, and risk another highly charged wrestling match? He’d only just got his body back under control. But the bag was just there, so he dug into it and took a handful.
‘I hate this bit,’ she said, when the ship started to list and fill with water, and she wriggled up against his side, her hand tucked through his arm as if nothing had happened.
Another layer of torment? He could still feel the warm softness of her body under his hands, feel the silk of her skin, smell the scent of her as she’d squirmed giggling against him.
How was he supposed to feel? To act? She might be just a friend, but she was a beautiful woman. Of course he’d noticed, but apart from that embarrassing blip fifteen years ago he’d spent twenty years ignoring it, keeping the lid firmly on the box.
And she’d either done the same, which he doubted because she frankly wasn’t that good at hiding her feelings, or she’d genuinely felt nothing more for him than friendship. Well, not in that way, anyhow, and even if she did there was no way he was ripping the lid off the box at this point in their relationship, not with so much riding on it.
He felt her head settle on his shoulder, then after a few minutes, as the story came to its inescapable and heartrending end, her grip on his arm tightened reflexively and he heard a tiny, stifled sniff.
‘You’re a softie, do you know that?’ he said, resting his head against hers, and she pulled away and sniffed harder, grabbing the remote from the table and turning the television off.
‘You’re such a hypocrite. You snivelled just as much as me in the cinema.’
‘I was nineteen, and anyway, it’s sad!’
‘You were a softie,’ she told him, swivelling round to look at him. ‘And you still are!’
‘I am not!’
‘So what’s this?’ she asked victoriously, lifting her hand and touching a finger to the outer corner of his eye. She lifted it to her lips, flicking her tongue out to taste it, and he stifled a groan. ‘Tears, Stratton! Actual, real tears! So don’t you go giving me grief!’
She was just there, mere inches away, hands on her hips and laughing at him while her eyes still sparkled with her own tears, and the urge to lean in and kiss that sassy smile off her face nearly finished him.
But not quite.
He took her by the shoulders, eased her away from him and stood up, sending a shower of popcorn crumbs onto the carpet. ‘Right, enough nonsense, it’s time for bed,’ he said briskly. ‘I’ve got a long day tomorrow, and we need to rehearse our interview technique in the evening.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah, really. Come on. Bedtime.’
He reached out a hand and hauled her to her feet, then just because he couldn’t help himself he reeled her in and hugged her.
Just briefly, just enough to mess with his dreams, but they were probably going to be X-rated anyway after that wrestling match over the popcorn. Dammit. He let her go, screwed up the empty bag and picked up the mugs as she headed for the stairs.
‘I’ll see you in the morning,’ he said, and flicked off the light and went into the kitchen for a quiet moment alone to gather his ragged composure and have a stern word with his heart, because the tears she’d seen in his eyes had had nothing to do with the film and everything to do with his feelings for a woman he couldn’t allow himself to love.
Not if this job share was going to stand the slightest chance of working.
