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COMFORTABLE CHAOS. Forget “balance” and make career and family choices that works for you
Introduction: Chatting Across the Driveway
1. Comfortable Chaos: It’s So Much More Than “Just Saying No” The Pursuit of “Balance”
Life As a White-Water Raft Trip
The First I — Individual
The Second I — Imperfect
The Third I — Inter-Related
2. Your Coefficient for Chaos
Determining How You Are Spending Your Time
Exercise 1: Where Does My Time Go?
Aligning Your Time with Your Treasures
Exercise 2: My Current Priorities
Your Coefficient for Chaos
Exercise 3: Determining Your Coefficient for Chaos
The high CFC style
The mid-range CFC style
The low CFC style
Is Your Chaos Working for You or Against You?
Tipping Out of the Raft
Recognizing the Warning Signs before Capsizing
3. Taking Charge in a High-Speed “Suck You Dry” World
Controlling the Corporate Beast
Worrying about the Beast, Not the Economy
Seven Keys to Controlling the Beast
Give up Perfectionism
Remember Your Priorities
Know Your Worth
Operate in Your “Want and Can” Area
Figure 1: Determining Your “Want and Can” Area
Figure 2: What Mike Wants to Control
Figure 3: What Paula Can Control
Exercise 4: Determining Your “Want and Can” Area
Learn How to Let Some Balls Drop
Eliminate it
Redefine done
Delegate it
Create (and Keep) Your Boundaries
Get out of the passive/victim mentality
Diffuse the emotion
Follow the pain to the problem
Decide on a “trial boundary”
Create a boundary support system
Implement the “trial boundary” and then evaluate it in 30 days
Know How to Get Results
4. The View from the Middle
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
Why Self-Care Needs a Place on Your To-Do List
You will get more done
You will be around longer for your family
You will be modeling life-enhancing behavior for your children
Exercise 5: My Self-Care Habit
Using Transitions to Create Pools of Calm Water
Handling Anticipated Transitions
Envision the other side
Be conscious of the “one more thing syndrome”
Design the improved transition
Handling Unanticipated Transitions
Exercise 6: Handling Your Worst Transition
Comfortable Chaos: A Noble and Pioneering Effort
Not All Pioneers Travel the Same Road
5. Reclaiming, or Changing, Your Choice
Determining What’s Working and What Isn’t
Exercise 7: Determining What’s Working and What Isn’t
The Envy Decoder
Exercise 8: Decoding Your Envy
Which Direction Are You Moving In?
Exercise 9: Determining Your Direction
Where to Next?
6. Fulfilled by Full Time: How to Make It Manageable and Protect Your Priorities
Take a Dual-Centric Approach
Change Your Assignment
Change Your Alignment
Change Your Abutment
Moving Your CFC Along the Continuum
Maintain Your Boundaries
Ten Tips for Getting It All Done
Decide on your top priority projects
Use the 80/20 rule and plan
Use the “project of the week” concept
Get over the guilt of e-mail
Develop the need for speed
Avoid any meeting that doesn’t help you with one of your critical projects
Learn the tools that are pertinent for your job
Be highly organized and work “lean”
Think before you say “yes”
Surround yourself with capable and positive people
7. Flextime, Compressed Workweeks, and Telecommuting: Three Wonderful Ways to Distribute Full-Time Work
Flextime: Working When It Works for You
How much of my time is spent in cross-functional collaboration?
How will I accommodate communication among my direct reporting relationships?
Can I honestly sustain the schedule I am proposing?
Compressed Workweeks: How to Not Shove Ten Pounds in a Five-Pound Sack
Do I have the physical and mental stamina for a longer day?
Does my job realistically lend itself to my absence one day per week or every other week?
How will the work be covered on the days I am not in the office?
How will I communicate my schedule to others in order to reduce any possible resentment?
Telecommuting: Getting Beyond the Image of Working in Your Pajamas
How will my manager and I measure my deliverables?
How, and how often, will I communicate?
What equipment is needed and who will purchase it?
Does my work have confidentiality or security issues?
Am I clear on professional standards for telephone and e-mail etiquette?
What will I do to keep feeling like “part of the team”?
Will I feel isolated if I am working at home by myself?
Am I the type of person who procrastinates?
Do I have a workable child-care plan?
Telecommuting Light
The Common Elements of Three Wonderful Ways to Distribute Full-Time Work
Your Schedule As Part of the Bigger Picture
8. Working Independently: How Freelancing or Consulting Could Be Right for You
Work Schedules and Boundaries
Where Is Your Chair? Working from Home, the Client’s Office, or the Coffee Shop
Assessing If This Lifestyle Is a Good Fit for You
Are you willing to find work by networking, marketing, and selling?
Are you able to establish boundaries that fit your working style and support your goals?
Are you able to accurately assess potential clients and avoid potential problem clients?
Are you able to build positive relationships and develop client-specific networks?
Can you work independently and manage to a deadline?
Can you give up the traditional rewards of working in a corporate setting?
Can you cope financially and emotionally during the times you don’t have work?
Staffing Agencies: Friend or Foe?
How staffing agencies bill
Co-employment and length of assignment
Choosing a staffing agency
The three phases of an assignment
Checklist 1: Evaluating a Staffing Company
A New Model: Using a Mixture of Different Employment Arrangements
Getting Started As an Independent Worker
Independent Workers: The Future of White-Collar Work?
9. Staying Home Full Time: Embracing the Nebulous Nature of It All
Staying at Home Is Highly Individual
Staying at Home Is Definitely Imperfect
Staying at Home Is Intensely Inter-Related
Handling the Nebulous Nature of the Job
Design and create your own structure
Surrender to the fact that the work is never done and set boundaries
Recognize and embrace your many daily transitions in new ways
Creating a Sense of Accomplishment and Positive Feedback
Start viewing your home as your workplace
Put small, trivial-seeming tasks on your to-do list and check them off
Delegate even though you don’t have employees
Give yourself a performance evaluation
Dealing with the 24/7 Experience
Look at what you’re trying to control and why
Plan when to sit down and when to get out
Create that Friday feeling
Overcoming the Isolation
Hang out with “your people”
Make yourself do something stimulating or out of the box
Adjusting to the Lack of Pay and the Drop in Status
Work on your sense of intrinsic value and create your own rewards
Manage the money
Do some advocating
Allowing Time for the Transition
10. Part Time: Not Just for Retail Anymore
Meet Some Part-Timers
Nice Work If You Can Get It
Use your current employer
Create your own part-time work
Job hunt for part-time work
Do You Have the Right Personality for Part-Time Work?
Selecting the Right Ingredients for Success
Selecting the right type of assignment
Selecting the right type of boss
Selecting the right work environment
Successfully Managing Relationships
Productivity Power: You May Actually Get More Done in Less Time
Managing Your Time Off: How to Avoid “Full Time Creep”
“She Just Works Part Time” and Other Potential Perceptions
You still have a career and a real job
Flexibility about the exact schedule
The reality of occasional work on your days off
The financial balance of power
Managing expectations about your stay-at-home days
11. Job Sharing: The Power of a Partnership Has Endless Possibilities
The Unique Benefits of Job Sharing
The Downside of Job Sharing
Is Job Sharing Right for You?
Schedules and Structure
Could Your Job Be Shared?
Can the work be divided or can an effective plan for managing the work be created?
Does the job have complex communication requirements?
Does the job require heavy travel?
If the job includes supervising people, can you develop a realistic plan for sharing management responsibilities?
Are there quantifiable benefits to sell to management?
Assessing Your Company’s Culture
Assessing Your Manager
Finding and Selecting the Right Partner
Which Job to Share?
The importance of Being Seamless
Getting Started
12. The All-Important Affordability Question: Can Your Finances Support Your Dreams?
Gathering Your Financial Facts: The Critical First Step
Track your spending
Exercise 10: Tracking Your Spending
Document your net worth
Exercise 11: Documenting Your Net Worth
Assessing the Short- and Long-Term Impacts of Change
Meet current expenses
Meet future expenses
Medical and dental insurance
Life insurance and other company-provided benefits
Pension plans
401K plans
Stock options and bonuses
Social security
Creating a Financial Plan
Casting Your Votes Differently
Spending Plans: One Piece of the Financial Plan
Getting Professional Help
Financial planner
Investment manager
Stockbrokers
Personal bookkeepers
It’s Worth the Effort
13. Creative Child-Care Solutions: How to Create the Support You Need
Five Keys to Finding Creative Child Care
Networking, networking, networking
Get creative about your advertising sources
Don’t be afraid to combine options
Know yourself and your children, and trust your instincts
Always be thinking about your next phase
Eleven Creative Child-Care Solutions
Daycare centers (full time)
Daycare centers (part time)
In-home daycare providers (full time)
In-home daycare providers (part time)
Nannies (full time)
Nannies (part time)
Nanny share
Relatives or family friends
Other parents
Babysitting co-ops
Coworkers with opposite schedules
Why Finding Great Child Care Is Only the Beginning
14. Strategies for Re-Entry: How to Return to the Workforce after a Break
Strategies for Returning to the Paid Workforce
Find the right volunteer position
Network with both new and former contacts
Find a full-time professional who is interested in job sharing
Take a class in your field or do something else to keep current
Read industry and general business/economic publications
Participate in professional associations
Evaluate your former industry and consider a new industry if the pace of change requires up-to-the-minute skills
Consider going back full time even if your preference is part time
View your transition as a time to reinvent yourself by finding your passion and identifying your skills
Combining Strategies
Résumé and Interview Tips
Make sure your prior work experience is strategically placed on your résumé and is specific and quantifiable
Don’t try to hide your time out of the paid workforce
During the interview be the consummate professional
Avoid talking about your children unless specifically asked
Demonstrate your up-to-date knowledge of the industry
15. Creating an Alternative Work Schedule: How to Think Like an Employer and Pitch Your Proposal Like a Pro
Ten Elements of a Comprehensive Proposal
Introductory statement and needs analysis
Job title
Schedule specifics
Benefits to the company
Benefits for the employees in the job share
Cost benefit analysis
Successful precedents
Strategy for managing/allocating responsibilities
Detailed communication plan
Potential issues and solutions
Getting the Right Equation
Preparing for Possible Objections
Making the Presentation
16. Your Ever-Changing Journey
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Notice to Readers
Self-Counsel Press thanks you for purchasing this ebook
Contents
Eight years ago, I moved with my husband and two-year-old son to a bigger home in the suburbs. I first met Carolyn when she was pulling into her driveway next door. We introduced ourselves and Carolyn welcomed me to the neighborhood. A few more impromptu chats and waves across the driveway, and we were getting together with our husbands for appetizers and wine.
Later that year Carolyn excitedly told me she was pregnant. It was such a huge relief after years of stressful infertility treatments. Carolyn and her husband, Dave, were thrilled that they would soon be parents. After a few weeks, I shared my good news that I was expecting my second child. Carolyn gave me a hug and we sympathized with each other about our ever-expanding bodies and constant backaches. Our spur of the moment get togethers continued, including one memorable gathering around Christmas when we were both hugely pregnant and snowed in on our little cul-de-sac for several days (snow is an anomaly in Seattle so we don’t quite know how to deal with it, especially on giant hills)!
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a) enjoy the freedom of being spontaneous
b) feel best when you have a plan for your day and follow it
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