Читать книгу The Tender Stranger - Carolyn Davidson, Carolyn Davidson - Страница 11

Quinn’s hands were gentle, promising kindness, as did the warm glow of his eyes. Against her chilled flesh his fingers soothed, kneading the muscles of her calves as cramps beset her. His gaze comforted her, though how she sensed the compassion Erin could not have said. Yet there was, within his dark eyes, a generosity of spirit, a silent bathing of her pain, as if he would take it as his own.

And at the same time he was forthright, willing her with his soft-spoken encouragement to be at ease with his presence. For surely he sensed that she was totally unused to being viewed and handled in such a familiar manner by a man. Certainly not a man whose acquaintance she had made only several days ago.

“I’d say this is one hell of a time to get charley horses, ma’am,” he muttered, his hands working-to ease her pain. And as he spoke, he cast her a grin that could only be described as impertinent.

Erin bit at her lip, torn between embarrassment and gratitude. That this man would accept the task of delivering her child was more than she could imagine If he’d hightailed it down the mountain and left her to fend for herself, she would not have blamed him.

Indeed, she’d been stunned speechless when Quinn had taken it upon himself to ready her as best he could for the imminent birth of her babe. He’d lifted her from the bed to deposit her in the rocking chair while he spread a piece of canvas from the shed over her mattress, then covered it with the sheet.

She’d watched, her body convulsing twice in the throes of labor before he finished his task. Quinn’s eyes had watched her closely as she rubbed her belly and moaned at the peak of each throbbing pain. Then, with care, he had held her arm and lifted her from the rocking chair as she made her way back to the bed.

Giving birth was a messy business, she’d already discovered. Her water had broken midway across the floor, and only Quinn’s easy manner had allowed her any degree of calm.

“Happens every time one of God’s creatures gets ready to deliver its burden,” he’d said cheerfully. Then as he cleaned up both her and the floor he’d told her about the various animals he’d helped into the world.

The cramps in her legs had begun soon afterward, and she shivered within the folds of her last clean nightgown.

“You’ve not delivered a child, have you?” Erin managed to ask, trying not to notice as his hands massaged her thigh, where another knotted muscle made her cry out.

“Would you feel better if I told you a tall tale?” he asked, and then smiled as she hesitated to answer.

“I’ve hauled calves and colts into this world. I’ve watched cats and dogs deliver more blind little creatures than you can shake a stick at. And in every case, things worked out as they were supposed to.”

He eased his body straighter, tugging her gown down to cover her knees. “There, that seems to have done the trick.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, feeling the flush creep up from her breasts to bring heat to her face. “I don’t mean to be ungrateful. I’m just not used to.”

Quinn smiled again, and his eyes were crinkled at the corners. “We’re in this together, honey. I can’t say it’s what I’d have chosen, but I’m sure as hell glad I’m here. You’d be in sad shape if you were facing this alone.”

Erin nodded. “I know that.” And then she drew up her legs, turning her head aside as another pain began its assault. Again the tension mounted, and once more the muscles of her belly and back rebelled as her womb drew in upon itself. Erin closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall, her fingers widespread against the hard surface of her abdomen.

“Try to relax,” Quinn said, his own big hands covering hers, as if he would lend his strength to her endeavor.

She nodded, inhaling sharply as the pain reached a pinnacle. It began a downward slide, and she counted the throbbing beats of her heart as her body softened and relaxed against the sheet beneath her.

It was the middle of the night before the pain took a new twist, and Erin cried out for the first time as she was caught up in the vise that gripped her. Barely had she caught her breath when the onslaught began anew.

“Don’t fight against your body,” Quinn murmured, his fingers offering hers a place to grip. She clutched at him, abandoning all pretense of dignity as she was engulfed by the white-hot torture her body could only accept.

Whether it lasted for minutes or hours, she could not have judged. Only the blurred edges of Quinn Yarborough’s face remained in her line of vision, and she squinted her eyes as she sought some measure of reassurance there. If his smile was strained, she ignored it. If his brow was furrowed, she was too intent on her own suffering to pay it any mind.

Survival was the issue, and Erin was determined to find ease from the agony of this night. If that meant using her muscles to push the baby into the cruel realities of the world, then she would do as this man asked and push with all of her strength.

“That’s the way,” Quinn said, his voice coming to her in the mist of her misery. “Push, Erin. Push hard.”

She heard her wail of despair as if it came from another’s mouth, and cringed at the message it delivered.

“I can’t. I can’t do this anymore!” Surely that wasn’t her speaking those words of surrender. Her breath rasped loudly as she inhaled and concentrated on the words Quinn spoke once more.

“Yes, you can! Listen to me, Erin. Take a deep breath again. Now, push. Hear me? Push!” His tone was filled with command now. He’d done with being kind, she decided, and almost laughed at the thought. As if a laugh could have been formed from her throat. As if she could think of anything but the rending of her body.

And then there was a silence that threatened to swallow her whole, perhaps lasting for only a moment after all, ending with the fragile wail of her child. Her mind welcomed it as she was swallowed up by the bed beneath her.

Just so quickly, every bone in her body relaxed from the strain of the battle fought and won. Just so brutally, she felt an overwhelming weariness seize her, and she could only reach a hand to the man who held her babe.

“Let me see.” Erin’s words whispered from between dry lips. She blinked, willing her vision to clear, only vaguely aware that tears flowed in a steady stream. And then she saw the tiny, wizened face of a being so minute, so infinitely precious, it came near to halting the beat of her heart.

“I’m going to put him on your stomach, honey,” Quinn said quietly. “I’ll clean you up a little here and then tend to him.”

Erin felt a new series of tugging pains, felt Quinn’s hands against her flesh, but knew only the joy of watching the movements of her child. Quinn had wrapped him in a length of flannel from her belongings, and only the tiny face was visible to her. But his body trembled beneath the covering and she felt an urgency to hold him.

“Give him to me,” she whispered, holding up her arms, fearful of snatching him up from his precarious resting place, lest she drop him.

Quinn stood erect, his stance weary, and shot her a glance that pierced her to the depths. “Let me get rid of this first,” he said, wrapping a bundle and depositing it near the door. He turned back, and she felt a moment’s dread as he hesitated.

“What is it?” she asked hoarsely, lifting herself to her elbows to better see the mite of a babe.

“I fear he’s not big enough, Erin. He’s trying hard, but his breathing isn’t too good.” Quinn stepped quickly to where she lay and picked up the small bundle, cradling it in his two hands. He bent over her and she turned to her side, the better to hold his offering against her breast.

“He’ll be fine,” she said quickly. “Look, he’s moving his mouth.”

Quinn sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over her, one big hand against her back, giving welcome support. “I see him, honey.”

It was almost more than he could stand, watching this valiant woman cradling the poor little scrap of humanity against her bosom, as if she could pour strength into the baby she held. With blue lips parted, the child struggled to inhale, his efforts bringing harsh reality to the forefront.

“Erin…I’m afraid for him,” Quinn said, bending low to turn the baby to his back. He leaned to touch the blue lips with his own and blew his own breath in tiny puffs of air within the boy’s mouth. He watched as the miniature nostrils pinched in an effort to inhale.

Once more Quinn attempted to instill his own life force in the babe. And again he watched as the struggle worsened.

Erin’s eyes widened, pinning Quinn in place with her gaze. Her hands loosened their hold and she gave full access to the baby he’d delivered. As if she placed her trust in his knowledge, she joined his vigil, inhaling as he did, breathing small bits of air in time with his.

The small body they watched shivered, and Erin cried out, a wordless agony of sound. Again the soft bundle convulsed, and Erin’s cry was softer, desolate, as she sensed the end of the short, futile battle.

Quinn shook his head. “I don’t think we can help him. He’s so little, Erin. He didn’t have long enough to gain strength for this world.”

She was silent now, as if she accepted his words, and he shifted his attention to the pale oval of her face. Her eyes were no longer wet with tears, her lips barely trembled, as if she faced and accepted the pain of her loss.

“Poor little mite,” she crooned, gathering the still, silent bundle to her breast. She bent her head low, her mouth touching the soft, dark down upon bis head.

Quinn felt the tightening of his muscles, long misused in the hours of bending over the bed, his back and legs taut with pain of their own. Yet his would ease with movement. His would be forgotten by tomorrow.

That Erin’s hours of suffering should produce only more pain to come for this small, brave woman seemed hardly fair. And yet, during the years of his childhood, his mother had told him in no uncertain terms that no one had ever been guaranteed equality, that fair was a relevant word, that he could count on only whatever the Fates decreed.

He rose to his feet and backed to the rocking chair. If, for these few moments, Erin Wentworth needed to bid farewell to the babe she’d delivered, he could only grant her that. He’d spent the whole night waiting and watching. A few more minutes weren’t going to make much difference now.

Quinn wasn’t nearly so stoic in the light of day as he swung a pick and shovel at the hard side of the mountain. Such a tiny grave would have been simple to dig back in New York State. Here, the very roots of the trees wove together to thwart his efforts, and he began to reconsider his choice of a burial spot for Erin’s child.

And then the pick broke through the root he had been chopping at, and he found the going easier. Even the harsh cold surrounding him could not touch him this morning, it seemed. The day was dreary, the sun hiding above the low-hanging clouds, but he felt the chill wind as if it mattered little. He was already cold to his depths, dealing with the sense of defeat he’d carried with him since before dawn, when the baby had struggled for his last breath and lain peacefully at last in his mother’s arms.

Erin hadn’t cried since. She, who had borne pain and suffering to a degree he wouldn’t have believed had he not seen it himself, had seemed to wither like a flower without rain. She’d tucked that small body against her heart as if she could warm its fast-cooling flesh with her own.

Even when he bent to take the tiny mite from her hold, placing it in a wooden box he’d put together with a few nails, she’d shown no emotion. Only lifted sad eyes to his and watched as he wrapped a second piece of blanket about the still form.

“What will you name him?” he asked, fitting the lid to the box. No bigger than a shoe box, he held it in one hand, tucked against his side as he awaited her reply.

“Name him?” Her voice was thin, her eyes dark pools of pain.

“I’ll baptize him, if you like, Erin.” He’d never done such a thing, didn’t even know if it was proper, but if saying words over the boy would comfort her, he’d sing hymns and recite a hundred prayers.

“Call him John,” she said after a moment. “It was my father’s name. I think his soul must already be in heaven, but I doubt saying the words over him would hurt anything.”

Quinn nodded, silently agreeing.

“Quinn! Let me go with you,” she cried, suddenly a bundle of motion as she threw back the covers. Her feet touched the floor before he could gain her side, and with one hand he reached for her, his fingers spread wide across her chest.

Beneath his palm her heart beat rapidly, and for that he was thankful. She was stronger than he’d thought, sturdier than he’d given her credit for. Her breasts rose and fell beneath his hand and he held her thus, shaking his head.

“No. It’s too damn cold out there for you, Erin. I don’t war r to have to dig another grave.” His words sounded harsh to his own ears, and he hesitated a moment. “I don’t mean to be cruel, but I don’t think you can make it, honey. It’s bitter cold and coming up snow again.

Her protest was almost mute, only a small, wounded sound that might have been acquiescence as she crumpled beneath his touch.

He relented. “I’ll pull the chair over to the window. You can watch from there,” he told her, waiting until she nodded agreement. Placing the small box…at the end of Erin’s bed, Quinn pulled the rocker the short distance to the window and then returned for the woman who waited.

He lifted her, wrapped in a quilt, and placed her in the chair, tucking the warm covering in place. From the window, the spot he’d chosen was visible, though snow was now beginning to fall steadily.

“Will you name him? Or shall I?” he asked, returning to her side.

“You.” The one syllable, harsh and borne on a breath that touched his hand with its warmth, answered him as she bent low oyer the box he held.

He lifted the lid and then placed his hand against the window, where moisture dampened the glass. He transferred the bit of water, touching the downy head with two fingers.

“I baptize you John Wentworth, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.”

Within his chest Quinn felt pain of his own, that he should be the one to bury not only the babe, but the hopes and dreams of its mother, in that hole he’d dug. His gaze swept over Erin, pausing on the tender bend of her neck, her dark hair haloed in the light from the lamp on the table.

She pressed her index finger against her mouth and transferred the caress to her child’s forehead, then sat erect once more.

“I’ll not be long,” Quinn told her, easing the lid back over the still form. Four nails were in his pocket, the hammer on the table, and he snatched it up as he moved to the door.

“Quinn.” Her voice halted him and he turned back.

“Thank you.” Her lips barely moved as she spoke the words. Her eyes held immense sorrow, but no tears, and he nodded, closing the door behind him.

Strangely, he’d feel better about the whole thing if she’d weep, he thought, trudging across the small clearing. But from the looks of her, she’d shed tears enough, at least for today.

The snow fell heavily for two days, and then the sun came out, rising like a pale golden ball in the east. Quinn peered from the window, still tousled from sleep, his bare feet-feeling half-frozen. His gaze turned to the small mound, covered with snow, just across the clearing. And behind him he heard the rustle of bedcoverings as Erin roused from sleep.

“Quinn?” She spoke his name with a distinct lack of emotion in her voice, and his eyes closed as his head bowed, forehead touching the damp window glass.

“You’re awake.” He turned, his gaze seeking hers, scanning her wan features. She hadn’t eaten enough in the past two days to keep her alive. He’d vowed to him-self that today would be the turning point. Today he’d sit beside her until she finished breakfast, or at least made a good attempt.

There wasn’t enough flesh on her bones to draw from. Either she began to gain back some strength or he would fear for her health.

“Are you hungry? We’ve got eggs up the gump stump, honey. I thought we could scramble up a panful for breakfast.”

Erin watched him, her mouth pinched as if she held back words that bore a tart taste in her mouth. And then she smiled, a wan little grimace, but better than the solemn look he’d dealt with for two long days. “I’ll try, Quinn. I don’t want you to worry about me. Except.”

He stirred, reaching for his heavy shirt, and buttoned it as he walked toward the bed. “Except what, Erin? What’s wrong?”

She flushed, the pink tinge of her skin changing the look of her, and her gaze dropped from his face to where her fingers tangled in her lap. “I think there’s something wrong with me,” she said finally. “My chest.” Her hands rose to spread across the fullness of her breasts and she hesitated, biting at her lip.

“Do you feel congested, like a bad cold or pneumonia, maybe?” Quinn asked harshly. God above knew he wasn’t ready for this fragile woman to fall sick on him.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t mean inside my chest, Quinn. I mean here.” She touched her breasts and winced as she pressed gently against her gown. “I feel swollen and hot. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

He wanted to unbutton the front of that sedate flannel gown. He ached with the urge to lay his hands on the fevered flesh beneath it, and his heartbeat increased as he considered that thought.

It was not a good idea. Even for a valid reason such as this, Erin’s bosom was out-of-bounds for him. Even though her body had been exposed to his eyes, this was a different kettle of fish.

“Quinn? I wonder if. Do you think maybe it’s because I had the baby, and now I’m filling up with milk?”

Of course! Why hadn’t he thought of that? The most natural thing in the world. He’d seen newborn calves and colts nurse and thought nothing of it. It only made sense that a woman would have the same function, the same milk forming in her body as any other creature.

He’d just never had access to a nursing mother, or any other mother, for that matter.

“I’d say you hit the nail on the head,” he told her. “The problem is, I’m not sure what to do about it.”

She shrugged. “Maybe if we just wait, it’ll be all right. Maybe, since I’m not.” Her hands reached out in mute appeal. “You know what I mean. I don’t have a baby to nurse, so maybe it will go away.”

She sounded so hopeful, he could scarcely bear it. He shook his head slowly. “I don’t think there’s much chance of that, Erin. But I have to admit I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe.” His mind searched for an answer.

“How about putting cold cloths on you, maybe make you feel better?” It was a very poor solution, to his way of thinking, but taking care of a new mother was a far cry from his usual line of work.

She looked doubtful. “If you think it will help, I’ll do it, Quinn.”

“It sure can’t hurt anything,” he said quickly. “Let me get some snow in here and I’ll pack a towel with it.”

It was cold, that was for sure, Erin decided a few minutes later. She held the makeshift compress to her breasts, welcoming the numbing chill against her skin.

At the stove, Quinn broke eggs into her iron skillet and stirred them as they cooked, intent on fixing breakfast. He opened the oven, stabbing the toasted bread with her long fork and dropping it onto a plate. His expertise was not in the kitchen, she decided, her mouth curling in the barest trace of a smile.

For this man she would do most anything right now, Erin thought, straightening in the rocking chair. Even if it meant gulping down eggs and gnawing on a piece of stale bread turned to dry toast. And from the looks of things, that was about all they were going to have for breakfast. She hadn’t baked in three days and she doubted Quinn Yarborough was handy with bread dough.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said, casting a quick look at her. “Maybe I should go down to town and talk to the doctor, see if there’s something you should be doing to help with your.” His hand waved at her, as if he hesitated to name the cause of her problem.

Again Erin came close to smiling, her eyes catching sight of the faint color that rode his cheekbones. Bless his heart, the man was embarrassed. After all he’d done for her.

“What do you think, honey?” he asked, lifting the skillet to turn a mound of eggs out onto her plate.

“Yes, all right,” she answered, agreeable to anything that would relieve the tight throbbing in her breasts.

Quinn carried her plate to where she sat in the rocking chair. “Here, I’ll trade you,” he said, reaching for her wet towel. “Eat first, then we’ll try this some more.”

She nodded, willing herself to eat every bit of the food he offered. She’d lost any appetite she’d ever had, but if Quinn was good enough to cook for her, eating was the least she could do.

His gaze was hopeful as he crouched beside her chair. “If you eat every bite I’ll feel better about leaving you for the day,” he told her. “If I set out now, I stand a good chance of making it back by nightfall.”

She placed the fork carefully on her plate. “I hate for you to put yourself in danger for my sake, Quinn. But I know I need to get back on my feet. Maybe if I feel better while you’re gone I can set a batch of bread to rise.”

His hand covered hers and he squeezed, getting her attention. “Not on your life, girl. I don’t want to have visions of you falling against that stove while I’m riding down the mountain. You just rest until the fire gets low. You’ll have to put in a chunk of that firewood, but other than that, you park your little carcass on that bed and stay warm. You hear?”

She nodded, a bit reluctantly, aware that he deserved her obedience in this, yet unwilling to give up her independence. “I’ll mind, this time,” she said with a smile.

“Promise?”

“Yes…promise.” Her gaze was held by the determination she read in his face, his eyes dark and piercing as he watched her. Then he nodded, as if to underscore her words.