Читать книгу Wrangling The Cowboy's Heart - Carolyne Aarsen - Страница 11
ОглавлениеKeith’s funeral service was harder to deal with than Finn had expected it would be.
Though Finn came to church every Sunday, the atmosphere there today and at the graveyard afterward reminded him of his fiancée’s funeral four years ago. Except then the church had been packed and the people surrounding the grave spilled over into the parking lot—all grieving with Finn over a life taken so young.
As he’d followed Denise’s casket out of the church that sad day, Finn thought he would never love anyone again, never find anyone as sweet and caring as Denise.
And he hadn’t, though lately a loneliness had begun to affect him. Loneliness and a growing dissatisfaction with his life.
It didn’t help that, after popping erratically in and out of his life over the past thirteen years, his mother had contacted him again a couple weeks ago. After Denise had died, the only thing he’d got from his mom had been a card with the words I’m sorry scrawled inside. He was thankful he’d had the support of the Moore family and Keith during that time.
Finn shook off the heavy emotions as he looked down at the memorial card the funeral director had handed him when he came into the church. Keith’s stern face with his distinctive handlebar mustache stared back at him, his eyes distant. The picture was an older one Finn had taken when he and Keith had spent more time together. Was it his imagination or did he see the loneliness the man had endured over the years?
Remorse washed over Finn again as he thought of how he had neglected him recently.
At one time, Finn had spent all his extra hours at Keith’s ranch, helping him with his horses while he learned farrier work. After Finn’s own father died and his mother had abandoned him, Keith had been like a father to him.
But the past few years Keith had pulled away. Hadn’t returned Finn’s calls, wouldn’t come to church. Finn had been grieving the loss of Denise, lost in his own sorrow.
He smoothed his hand over his tie, blinked back the fatigue that pulled at him after a long shift and forced a sympathetic smile to his face as the line moved on.
Lauren, one of the twins, was the first person he saw, her face drawn, her long blond hair and dark dress a sharp contrast to her younger sister’s dark hair and red dress. The only similarity was the narrowness of their features. Like their mother, Finn thought, remembering a family photo he had seen the first time he’d visited the ranch.
Finn was surprised that Erin, Lauren’s twin sister, was absent. Of all the girls she seemed to love being at the ranch every summer the most.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Finn said to Lauren when he stepped up to her.
“Thanks for coming, Finn. My father thought a lot of you.” She gave him a weary smile. “I’m sure you’ll miss him.”
“I will. He was good to me.”
He moved on to Jodie, surprised once more at how easily his own memories and emotions returned.
“Hello again, Jodie. Long time.”
“That it is.” She glanced up at him, and once again he felt the impact of her unsettling gaze, the contrast of her almost black hair and her intensely blue eyes. She had been pretty when she was younger. Now she was stunning, and as he shook her hand, the loneliness that lingered since Denise’s death made him hold it longer than was proper.
“Glad you could make the funeral on time,” he said.
Her mouth curved in a faint smile and the ghost of a dimple appeared in one cheek.
“All thanks to you,” she said. “I appreciate getting out of the ticket.”
He frowned, glancing around. “Don’t say that too loud. I have a reputation to uphold.”
Jodie laughed, catching the attention of a few people. “Well, according to Shakespeare, reputation is a burden, got without merit and lost without deserving...or something like that.”
That made Finn smile. “Did you remember that or did you make that up?”
“Google it and find out.”
He held her eyes a moment, surprised at how easy it was to fall back into the give-and-take that had attracted him the first time he talked to her. Then he caught himself. He was at a funeral, and this was Jodie. A girl more like his absent mother than his beloved fiancée. How could he forget that?
“I also want to give you condolences from Sheriff Donnelly,” Finn continued, finally pulling his hand away. “He would have come but he was busy, so he asked me to represent him, as well. Donnelly always said your father was a good sheriff. Tough, but fair.”
Jodie’s smiled faded. “Yes. That was Dad. Keeping the world safe for carbon-based life forms.”
Finn wanted to smile at her quip, which was the same thing Keith McCauley had always said, but the bitterness in her voice quenched that. He didn’t know what to make of it.
“Anyway, I’m sure you and your sisters will have lots to deal with in the next few days,” he continued. “Will you be staying at the Rocking M, I mean your father’s ranch?”
“I will be for a couple of days. Hopefully we can get everything sorted out by then and I’ll be on my way,” Jodie said. She shifted her weight, as if moving away from him, and Finn got the hint. She hadn’t changed, he told himself. Jodie McCauley, on the move.
Ever since he’d watched her drive away a few hours ago, he’d found himself thinking of their past, of how Jodie had meant something to him.
When he was eighteen, it had taken him weeks to work up enough courage to ask out the daughter of his mentor, the sheriff.
He finally had and to his surprise she had accepted. They’d had a good time. He’d thought they’d connected. But she’d always insisted on meeting in Mercy, a small town thirty miles down the valley. Finn hadn’t liked sneaking around, but she’d been insistent.
On their dates they would talk about their plans for the future—he wanted to start his own ranch, she wanted to play piano professionally. They would share jokes, laugh and make other plans to meet.
He’d thought things were getting serious, but then she’d stood him up one night.
The next day he’d been shocked to see her in town. She was supposed to have been leaving for Maryland that morning for an audition for the Peabody Institute, a music conservatory. Instead, she’d been hanging on the arm of Jaden Woytuk, local bad boy, laughing about the bandage on her hand that kept slipping off.
Later Finn had found out she’d gone to a party at Jaden’s place the night of their date. She’d stood him up to hang out with that rough crowd.
The rest of the summer Jodie’s reputation as a wild girl just got worse. And when she’d left to go home to Knoxville, that was the last he’d seen of her.
Until today.
She stood by her sister now, talking with Monty and Ellen, from Refuge Ranch. Her smile softened her features and then, to his surprise, she glanced his way. Their eyes met and he felt again that old quiver of attraction.
“Finn Hicks. I need to talk to you.”
Finn dragged his attention away from Jodie to the man standing in front of him, a mug of coffee in one hand, a chocolate brownie in the other. Vic Moore was easily as tall as Finn, but blond where he was dark, his shoulders broader. And his face was the kind that Finn knew women found attractive, with slashing eyebrows framing deep-set eyes, full lips and a strong chin. Good thing he was like a brother to Finn or he might not like him as much as he did.
“Hey, Moore.” Finn poured himself some coffee, then grabbed a brownie, which would have to do until he could get a decent meal. “What can I do for you?”
“First off, good eulogy.”
“Thanks, though it didn’t seem to say enough. I’ll always be grateful for the support and guidance Keith gave me.”
“You had a good relationship with him.”
“I did. I’ll miss the guy.” Finn felt a touch of guilt. The past few years, he and Keith had drifted apart. Finn had gotten busier with his job as sheriff’s deputy and his growing business as a farrier and horse trainer.
“Do you have time to come over tomorrow and help me round up the horses I have pastured at Keith’s ranch?” Vic asked.
“Donnelly has me on a light schedule this week but I’ll figure it out.” For Finn, any time spent with horses was a good day.
“Dean and I hoped to do some riding,” Vic continued. “My brother needs some distraction, and the physiotherapist cleared him to ride. But I first have to get the horses together. I figured it would be best, now that Keith is gone, to get my horses off the ranch.”
“I’ll make it work.” Because he was still establishing his farrier and training business, Finn tried to fit in any potential job.
Suddenly he heard a burst of laughter, which was odd considering the circumstances, and sought out the source. Jodie stood beside Drake Neubauer, Keith’s lawyer, smiling at something he had just said.
“She’s even prettier than when she lived here, isn’t she?” Vic said.
Finn startled, feeling as if he’d been caught doing something illegal. “What do you mean?”
“Keith’s girl. Lauren.”
Guess Vic was too busy scoping out the older sister to notice Finn doing the same with Jodie.
“Yeah. She is,” he conceded. With her blond hair and blue eyes, Lauren reminded him of Denise, but the comparison ended with the stern lines on her face. Truth to tell, of the three sisters, Jodie had always intrigued him the most. The combination of her smart mouth and her troubled expression when he’d stopped her car today created a disconnect with the Jodie from his past, one that piqued his curiosity. She looked as if life had thrown her some hard curves since she’d left Saddlebank.
“Funny how those girls can be sisters, but each be so different,” Vic said, taking another sip of his coffee. “Jodie still seems to have that reckless air.”
“She was a pistol,” Finn agreed.
“That girl could outdrive, outride most of the guys in the county that last summer she was here. It was just ’cause Donnelly and Keith were buddies that Jodie managed to duck as many charges she did.”
Finn’s cheeks flushed as he thought of how he had let her off a speeding ticket himself a few hours ago.
He tried to convince himself it was merely common courtesy and had nothing to do with anything Jodie said or did.
And nothing to do with those striking blue eyes and glossy dark hair.
“You gonna ask her out again?” Vic gave him a nudge with his elbow. “Not too many single girls that good-looking come through Saddlebank. I’m sure she’s settled down some since she was younger.”
“I doubt I’ll be asking,” Finn said, remembering too well a girl who’d spent most of that last summer she was here partying, drinking and challenging her father at every opportunity. “I don’t think I’m interested.”
“Jodie’s no Denise, that’s for sure,” Vic continued. “But she is single. I think you should give her another chance. Maybe this time she won’t stand you up.”
“You’re joking, right?” Finn asked.
“Of course I am. Wouldn’t want to mess up your ten-year plan,” Vic said, laughing, then sauntered out of the hall without a backward glance.
Finn shook his head at his friend’s comment. He had to have a plan, he reminded himself. Changing plans and ditching people was his mother’s MO. There was no way he was going to live that kind of life.
As for Jodie, his reaction to her had more to do with her past than her present. He needed to forget it. Move on.
He downed the last of his coffee. He had a few things to do at work before he headed to the Grill and Chill to grab a bite to eat. Then he’d get back to his ranch to work with a horse he was training.
But before he left he allowed himself another glance Jodie’s way.
Only to find her looking at him, a peculiar expression on her face.
* * *
“So what can we do about this?”
Jodie held up the letter their father’s lawyer had just given them, the noise of the Grill and Chill diner a counterpoint to the frustration simmering in her.
After the funeral, she and Lauren had met with Drake Neubauer, their father’s lawyer, at his office to go over the will.
For the most part, it was straightforward. He had bequeathed half the cash in his account to the church. The rest was for any unexpected expenses incurred by his death. The ranch, horses, equipment and any remaining assets were to be split equally among the three girls.
But this letter was a complication that seemed typical of their father’s need for control.
“Read it again,” Lauren said wearily. She leaned back against the booth, dragging her hands over her gaunt cheeks. Jodie guessed the weariness pulling at her sister had as much to do with her humiliation over being left at the altar eighteen months ago as Erin’s puzzling and disturbing no-show at the funeral. Their sister’s only contact with them the past six months had been brief text messages that communicated nothing more than basic information. Lauren and Jodie were both concerned.
“‘I know that I haven’t been the best father.’” Jodie stifled a sigh at that particular understatement as she continued reading the letter aloud. “‘I know you girls never wanted to leave Knoxville and come to the ranch every summer after your mother died. I know you only came because your grandmother insisted.’” Jodie shook her head after she read that. “I don’t know why that bothers me,” she said. “It’s not as though he wanted us there, either.”
“No editorializing,” Lauren said with a wave of her hand.
Jodie cleared her throat and continued.
“‘But it was your first home. That’s why you’re getting it when I die. This cancer is gonna kill me one way or the other. And I know you’re gonna sell the ranch as soon as you get it. But before you can sell it, I want each of you to spend two months on the ranch. I talked to Drake Neubauer, and he said I should change my will officially, but until I do that, consider this a condition of inheriting the ranch. You girls never appreciated it like I knew you should. So this is what I want you to do before you can sell the place. If you don’t want to stay, you lose your part of the inheritance. If none of you want to stay, then I made other plans. Drake will let you know what happens if that’s the case. Dad.’”
Jodie clutched the paper, stifling her annoyance. “This is so typical of Dad. Has he ever given us anything without a proviso attached? It seems as if every job or chore he wanted us to do was issued as a nonnegotiable decree.”
“You might be reading more into this than meets the eye,” Lauren replied, ever the peacemaker. “You and Dad always had a volatile relationship.”
Lauren knew only the half of it. When she and Erin turned eighteen, they’d stopped coming to the ranch. Both had gone to college and took on summer jobs, leaving Jodie to spend two more summers alone with their father. They’d fought at every turn, Jodie often on the receiving end of his anger.
She tamped down the memories, as she always did when they threatened.
And how are you going to keep them at bay for two months if you stay?
“I always figured Dad and I never got along because I was the only one who got to see the big fight that changed everything,” Jodie said, fingering one edge of the letter.
Jodie had been in the barn loft, playing with kittens, when she’d heard her parents’ raised voices below her. She’d come down to see her father yelling at their mother to leave the ranch and take her daughters with her. Jodie, shocked and defensive of her mom, had yelled at him not to talk to her that way. But he’d ignored her, walking away. Her mother and sisters had left the ranch the next day and Jodie had never forgiven him. She was only seven at the time.
“It didn’t help that you always egged him on,” Lauren continued.
“It also didn’t help that he never believed me when I told him I’d just been out with friends, and not partying like he always accused me of.”
“Well, you were partying, toward the end.”
“Only because I figured I may as well do what he always accused me of, and have fun.”
“Was it fun?”
Jodie caught the unspoken reprimand in her sister’s tone and looked down at the letter.
It was an echo of the one she’d voiced whenever Jodie had tried to tell her sisters about what had really happened those summers alone on the ranch. They’d often questioned her, citing the steady antagonism between Jodie and her father as the reason. So she’d kept her mouth shut, endured her father’s alternating stony silences and spewing anger.
And, increasingly, his physical punishment.
“So what do we do about this?” Jodie said, resting her elbows on the scarred Formica table.
“I’m too busy to take two months away from work,” Lauren said, clutching her coffee mug. “Things are too iffy with my job. Would it stand up in court if we don’t agree to the terms of the letter? Could we still sell the ranch and get the money?”
“This document was verified by the lawyer...” Jodie let the sentence fade away as she skimmed the letter again. Her father’s distinct scrawl covered the page, and below that was a note from Drake Neubauer proving this was indeed Keith McCauley’s handwriting and that this was a legal and binding document. “I can see why Dad wanted us to read this after the funeral. I’m sure if I heard it before, I would have had a hard time concentrating on the service.”
Not that Finn’s presence had made it easier.
“What do you suppose the ranch is worth?” Lauren asked.
“Enough to help us out in our own ventures, I would guess,” Jodie said. “Might be something you’d want to look into before you decide you can’t do this.”
“And you?”
Jodie shrugged. “Money’s never been that important to me.”
Lauren looked as if she was about to say something more when their waitress brought a bowl of soup and a salad for Lauren, pizza and onion rings for Jodie.
“That is the most unhealthy combination of foods I can imagine,” Lauren sniffed as the waitress left.
“It feeds my soul as well as my stomach,” Jodie said, grabbing the bottle of ketchup to douse her onion rings. “Comfort food.”
“I guess we could both use some of that.” Lauren gave her a rueful smile, then bowed her head.
With a guilty start Jodie realized her sister was praying a silent blessing over her food. Belatedly she followed suit.
Forgive me, Lord, she prayed. I haven’t talked a lot to You lately. I’m sorry. I haven’t felt as if I have the right. My life’s been a mess, so I guess I could use some help there. Regret and remorse rose up again as the memories surfaced. But she caught herself in time. The past was done, even though the pain and repercussions lingered.
She finished her prayer with a thank-you for her food.
“So tell me about this music gig you’ll be doing?” Lauren asked. “Any future in it?”
Trust her to cut to the chase. Ever the older sister, Lauren had always been after Jodie to find something that gave her a career.
“It’s not a huge job and there’s no guarantee,” Jodie said. “But if it goes well, there’s a good chance that the band will open for this new breakout group. We might be touring with them.”
“Might be.”
Jodie waved off Lauren’s comment. “Everything in this business is hearsay or odds. Besides, I’ll find work waitressing if I need to fill in any gaps.”
“And what about your composing? Would you be able to keep doing that?”
“I don’t know if I’d have the time,” Jodie said, feeling a vague pang. “If this gig doesn’t happen, I’ll work enough to save up for a trip to Thailand. Maybe write some music there.”
“Running again?”
Jodie felt a flare of indignation at the censure in her sister’s voice. “It’s called traveling. Expanding your horizons. You should try it sometime instead of tying yourself to your job.”
“My job gives me security. Something you don’t seem to have. Besides, I don’t know how you can afford all these trips.”
“Simple. No obligations. Nothing pinning me down. Free as a bird.” Jodie waved her hand as if underlining her mantra. “Driving an old car and taking in tips help.”
“You’ll never settle down, living the life you do. You’ll never find anyone.”
“Don’t need anyone. Not after Lane.”
“Lane was a mistake. I don’t think the two of you were suited to each other.”
Though she knew Lauren was right, her sister’s comment struck at Jodie’s latent insecurities. It had taken her almost a year to get past the anger and pain she felt when her former fiancé had broken up with her.
He had asked for his ring back after he saw a stranger flirting with Jodie while she worked her second job, playing piano at a bar.
Lane had always wanted her to quit that job. He’d felt that, as the son of a US senator, he had a reputation to uphold.
But Jodie knew she had no other marketable skills. She valued her independence and the money she made, so she’d stayed with it. Then one night one of her regular patrons had sat down beside her, put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek just as Lane had come in. Jodie had denied there was anything going on between them, but Lane had chosen not to believe her and had asked for his ring back.
Two weeks later she’d found out he was dating the daughter of a minister. A much more suitable woman for someone like him.
Jodie hadn’t been in a serious relationship since.
“You deserve someone who accepts you for who you are,” Lauren continued.
“Doesn’t matter.” She shrugged off her sister’s protests. “Since I haven’t found anyone who interests me enough to think of settling down, I prefer to be the one in charge. Be the one walking away.”
As soon as the words left her lips, she realized how they might sound to her sister, whose fiancé had walked away from her the morning of their wedding.
“Sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Lauren muttered, but Jodie could see from the tightness around her lips that it did. Jodie had been with her sister when she’d gotten the news. Lauren had been just about to put on her wedding dress. Instead, her normally composed sister had kicked it aside, tossed her bouquet down and stormed out of the room, leaving Erin and Jodie to take care of all the details.
“Anyway, I don’t want to be tied down.”
“Well, with the life you live, you don’t have time to give anyone else a chance,” Lauren said, lifting her head. “Maybe staying in one place for two months might be just what you need.”
Much as Jodie trumpeted her freedom, the idea of being at the ranch held a reluctant allure. The past couple years she’d had a curious yearning, the strange feeling that she’d been missing something. The trips, the traveling, the work—nothing satisfied her as it used to. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why.
“And maybe, if you stay in one place, you might have time to spend with Finn again,” Lauren continued.
Jodie started. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw how you watched him at the funeral service, and then the reception after,” Lauren said, giving her sister a vague smile.
“I was thinking about how he stopped me for speeding.”
“Oh, c’mon. He was just doing his job. And look how sweet he is, chatting up the locals over at the other table.”
Finn was here? Jodie couldn’t resist a glance over her shoulder.
Deputy Hicks stood by a table, talking with a group of older women. He seemed to dominate the space, his back ramrod straight, his white shirt and blue jeans softening his military stance. It shouldn’t surprise her that Finn had ended up in law enforcement. The man had made no secret of his admiration for her father.
“A little too ‘serve and protect’ for my liking. Like Dad. No, thanks,” she said, with what she hoped was a dismissive tone.
Then Finn turned around and looked her way. Their eyes met across the distance and his expression altered. In that moment Jodie felt a whisper of the old attraction.
No. Not for you, she told herself. You and guys equal disaster. Especially someone like Finn.
She dragged her eyes away, focusing on her onion rings. Then felt Lauren’s foot nudging her under the table. “He’s coming this way,” she hissed. “Fix your lipstick.”
Jodie gave her sister the evil eye, hoping she got the message—Not Interested.
“Afternoon, ladies,” Finn said, looking from Jodie to Lauren. “I thought I would come by to say hello again. Hope this day wasn’t too difficult for you. I know it didn’t start off the best.”
He caught Jodie’s eye and she knew he referred to their interaction this morning. She blushed, thinking of her smart remarks, but brushed the memory aside.
“We’ll get through it.” She gave him a polite smile.
“I didn’t have time to tell you after the funeral, but I wanted to say how thankful I always was for your father’s support. He was a good man. He missed you girls a lot. He often spoke about you and how he wished you could visit more often.”
Jodie took a moment to respond to that, then felt another nudge from her sister’s toe.
“I’m sure he did,” she finally replied. “It’s been difficult to find time to come.”
Her empty words sounded shallow, even to her. She’d managed to find time to go to Asia, India and Paris, but not a trip to Saddlebank? But she wasn’t about to apologize for her lack of filial duty.
“I also thought I should let you know that Vic and I will be coming to your place tomorrow. Your dad let Vic pasture a bunch of his horses there, and we want to sort them out of your father’s herd. I wanted to give you a heads up in case you’re wondering what’s going on.”
“Thanks for telling us,” Lauren said. “Jodie will be staying at the ranch, so if you need anything you can ask her.”
Jodie pushed her sister’s foot this time, but Lauren smiled, ignoring her.
“I think we’ll be okay. And I wish you girls the best,” he said, looking from one to the other. “Hope settling the estate won’t be too painful and you manage to find some happier memories.” Just before he left, his eyes met Jodie’s.
And for a heartbeat their gazes locked and she wondered if he was referring to their shared past.
Then he put his hat back on his head and left. The moment was gone.
Jodie grabbed an onion ring and swiped it through the pile of ketchup on her plate, surprised at the emotions churning through her where Finn was concerned.
Lauren leaned forward, her eyes glinting with amusement. “I think he still likes you. I saw how he stared at you now.”
“You saw what you wanted to see. I saw a man who thinks we’re lousy daughters who didn’t visit a man he thought the sun rose and set on.”
“He was just making conversation. He still seems interested in you.”
“Maybe it was you he was interested in,” Jodie countered. “I was the one that stood him up, remember? Besides, he’s a deputy now. Not the kind of guy I’d be attracted to. Been there, done that.”
“Not all men are like Dad, you know,” Lauren said. “And not all men are like Lane. Once upon a time you were attracted to Finn.”
Jodie’s only answer was to take a bite of her pizza. Her sister was right, but she wasn’t about to let someone like Finn into her life again.
He was too much a reminder of all that she had lost. All that her father had taken away. And she couldn’t let herself feel that vulnerable again.
