Читать книгу Idol - Carrie Duffy - Страница 13

‘Ryan?’ asked Jenna.

She settled back comfortably into the vast seats of his Range Rover, watching the bright lights of London flash by. It was drizzling lightly outside, and Jenna’s breath on the window caused it to steam up, obstructing her view. She shivered slightly, realizing with a stab of annoyance that she’d left her jacket in the studio.

‘Yeah?’ asked Ryan. Following his GPS he signalled right, turning from the main street with its parade of shops into a wealthy-looking residential area, lined with beautiful white stucco-fronted houses.

Jenna hesitated. ‘Why does Zac dislike me so much?’ she finally asked.

Ryan’s hands tightened slightly on the steering wheel, and he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the road ahead. ‘He does like you Jenna,’ he began uncertainly, his words lacking sincerity. ‘It’s just that … oh, I don’t know. He does like you Jenna, don’t worry about it,’ he reiterated.

‘Oh come on, Ryan,’ shot back Jenna, her voice rising slightly as she felt herself beginning to get upset. ‘You’ve seen what he’s like with me – he can’t stand me. He won’t talk to me, he barely looks at me …’

‘Hey, it’s not that bad,’ Ryan insisted, worriedly glancing across at her. ‘He’s having a little trouble adjusting after working with Josh, but he doesn’t hate you Jenna.’

‘I don’t know what else I can do,’ she continued desperately, as though he hadn’t spoken. ‘I’ve tried to make him like me, I really have. I so want this to work. And now it’s causing a problem with the band, and Don’s getting pissed off with me …’ Jenna trailed off, her breath coming fast.

‘Don’s not pissed off with you,’ reassured Ryan, sounding surprised. ‘Why do you think that?’

‘Next street on the left,’ snuffled Jenna, trying to keep her voice steady as she felt the tears gathering in her eyes. She almost wished she hadn’t started the conversation, knowing that if she began to cry she wouldn’t stop. But she had to know. The situation was depressing her, stifling her enjoyment of what should have been one of the most exciting and creative periods of her career.

‘Look, don’t take any notice of Zac,’ said Ryan dismissively, trying to keep his tone light. ‘That’s just what he’s like.’

‘No, he’s not,’ Jenna protested. ‘Everyone who’s worked with him says he’s the sweetest guy, and I’ve seen what he’s like with everyone else. He gets on fine with them, and they all love him. It’s just me he’s got a problem with.’

‘Jenna, sweetheart, please don’t beat yourself up about this,’ Ryan implored, wishing there was something he could say to make her feel better. It was heartbreaking listening to how upset and vulnerable she sounded. ‘Zac’s obviously got some problems at the moment – he is being a little different, yeah. But we’re all feeling the brunt of it too.’

Jenna bit her lip, looking unconvinced.

Ryan sighed. ‘I promise you, Jenna, it’s got nothing to do with you,’ he insisted, not knowing if it was true or not, but feeling that it was the right thing to say.

‘There’s parking just here on the right,’ Jenna told him with a sniff. ‘He’s said he thinks I’m lazy, but I swear I’m not, Ryan,’ she insisted, her eyes shining wet with tears.

‘Jenna, don’t get upset,’ pleaded Ryan, his brow creasing in worry as he swung into the parking spot and turned off the ignition.

‘I’m working so hard to please everyone, and he just doesn’t care!’ The tears began to flow and Jenna let them run freely.

‘Jenna …’ began Ryan, reaching across the seat towards her. He held her awkwardly and she clung to him, her body wracked with sobs. Ryan took a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts. He wished he knew what to say to her; he felt so useless and awkward, unaccustomed to dealing with such emotional outbursts. His hands felt large and protective as he held her tiny frame, breathing in the faint smell of her perfume.

‘Jenna,’ Ryan began, as he sat up and disentangled himself from her. Gently, he brushed her hair away from her face. ‘I think you should head on in and get yourself a good night’s sleep. It’s been a stressful night, and I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow. Get a big glass of juice or something, help you sober up.’ The words came out clumsily, reflecting Ryan’s discomfort. He was tired and he wanted to get home to his wife and kids – Kelly would probably be waiting up for him, he realized.

‘Oh shit, I’m so sorry Ryan,’ Jenna apologized, embarrassed as she wiped her eyes. ‘I’m just being silly – you’ve been so good to put up with me.’

‘No problem,’ Ryan mumbled.

Neither of them spoke for a few moments as Jenna rubbed her eyes tiredly, running a finger underneath her eyelashes to try and wipe off the smudged mascara. Finally, she spoke. ‘I hate to ask after all this, but could you do me one favour?’

‘I guess,’ Ryan shrugged.

‘I really don’t like getting in by myself – the house is so big and quiet. It was stupid of me to buy it really,’ she smiled. ‘It’s far too big for one person, and I sometimes get a little freaked out. Tonight especially, I’m feeling so on edge. Would you come in with me, just for a few minutes until I’m settled?’ Ryan paused and Jenna forced a smile. ‘You’ll get a free cup of coffee out of it.’

‘I don’t know …’ he began slowly. ‘I should be heading back. Kelly’s expecting me, and I don’t want to be too late.’

‘But it would only be for a few minutes …’ Jenna saw Ryan hesitate and felt her cheeks grow hot as the anger rose in her chest. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t his fault, but she desperately needed someone to lash out at. ‘Okay, fine. Forget it,’ she snapped furiously, her eyes blazing. ‘None of you like me, do you? We should just call this whole thing off right now because it’s obviously not going to work. Apologize to the rest of the guys for me, would you – that’s if they even care!’

Jenna jumped down from the car and slammed the door.

‘Shit,’ swore Ryan, leaping out of the Range Rover. ‘Jenna! Jenna, wait,’ he yelled, running after her across the street. ‘Jenna,’ he shouted, grabbing her by the shoulder.

She had reached the doorstep of her house and swung round to face him. It was raining harder now, and her hair streamed out wildly behind her, her face accusing and streaked with mascara.

‘Jenna, I’m so sorry,’ Ryan apologized. He looked at her worriedly, aware of the commotion they were making in the quiet street. There didn’t seem to be anyone around, but the last thing he wanted was to draw attention to the pair of them. ‘Look, I’ll come in with you and we’ll get you a drink, get you sorted out, and it’ll all be okay. Come on,’ he added, resting a hand on her back as he led her into the house.

‘I’m just going to go and freshen up a little,’ said Jenna as they stepped into the entrance hall, feeling embarrassed about the way she must look.

‘Okay.’ Ryan stood awkwardly in the corridor, not sure where to go as she disappeared upstairs. ‘Can I make you a drink?’ he yelled after her.

‘Sure, coffee would be great,’ Jenna shouted back.

Ryan looked around him, trying to work out which direction the kitchen was in. The Holland Park house was undeniably gorgeous. Designed by the Candy brothers, the interior was modern and dramatic, all sleek furniture and a neutral colour scheme broken up by stunning statement pieces. The contemporary style belied the ‘Old England’ appearance of the exterior, with its white stone walls, wrought-iron balconies and potted bay trees either side of the heavy black door.

Inside it was very tidy and somewhat devoid of personal items – Ryan got the impression that Jenna probably didn’t spend a lot of time there. I can sympathize with that, he thought, remembering how in the early days when the band were trying to break through, they’d toured incessantly, spending months on end away from home. He’d married young and started a family almost immediately but, despite the pressure, he and Kelly had got through it. Not everyone had been quite so lucky, he realized, thinking of Zac and his ex-wife Jessica.

Having located the kitchen, the kettle had just boiled when Jenna walked in. Her face was clean of make-up, but her eyes were still puffy and her cheeks were more flushed than normal, betraying her earlier outburst.

‘You shouldn’t drink coffee at this time of night. I made you some tea instead,’ Ryan said, pouring out the water. ‘I’ve been in England for a few days now so I think I’ve got the hang of it,’ he grinned.

‘Thanks,’ smiled Jenna. Their fingers brushed as she took the mug from him.

‘Careful. It’s hot,’ warned Ryan.

‘I’ll be careful,’ Jenna teased, blowing gently across the top of the mug. She realized Ryan was watching her and wiped her eyes self-consciously.

‘I hate the way I look when I cry,’ Jenna explained shyly. ‘My eyes swell up and I look like a pig.’

Ryan laughed. ‘Well, you’d have to be the cutest pig I’ve ever seen,’ he answered clumsily.

‘Gee, thanks,’ Jenna replied, but she was laughing as she led the way through to the magnificent living room. It was located at the back of the house, a huge, high-ceilinged room with long, full-length windows looking out onto an impressive expanse of garden. The lounge was largely minimalist, with buttercream walls and pale furniture; only the ostentatious gold and crystal chandelier, and the gilt candlesticks over the fireplace, added a touch of drama to the otherwise muted room. Jenna plopped down on one of the squashy cream sofas, and Ryan joined her.

‘God, I’m so tired,’ Jenna yawned, resting her head against the soft fabric.

‘It must be the stress,’ commented Ryan, taking a sip of his tea. ‘You’ve had a hard day.’

‘Yeah, I’ll say,’ agreed Jenna. She paused, listening to the rain falling against the windows. ‘Am I just being stupid, Ryan? I mean, am I completely overreacting to everything, and just annoying the hell out of the rest of you?’

She looked so earnest, her beautiful green eyes open wide in anguish, that Ryan smiled.

‘Of course not,’ he reassured her. ‘We’ll get there. It’s new to us all, and it’s just going to take time. Zac’s having a harder time adjusting than we are, that’s all. It’s nothing personal.’

Jenna smiled gratefully. ‘Thanks.’

‘And I’d think the attention Nick gives you more than makes up for it.’

Jenna grinned, squirming with embarrassment. ‘He’s terrible, isn’t he? I bet he’s like that with everyone,’ she commented carefully, feeling her heart begin to race a little.

‘Hell, I don’t know really,’ Ryan lied, trying to avoid the subject. ‘He’s always had quite an eye for the ladies. But I’d say he really likes you,’ he added quickly, as Jenna’s face fell.

‘It’s okay, I know what he’s like,’ she admitted. ‘I know it’s just fun, and I enjoy it. It’s such a dream even working with you guys.’

‘We’re not that special,’ Ryan shook his head.

‘Millions of fans can’t be wrong,’ Jenna grinned, as she lay down on the couch and closed her eyes. Neither of them spoke as Ryan drained his tea.

‘You really like him, don’t you?’ he asked Jenna gently. ‘Nick, I mean.’

‘I don’t know. Well … yeah,’ she admitted drowsily. ‘Don’t tell him though, will you? He’s big-headed enough already.’

‘I won’t,’ Ryan promised.

There was a long pause as Jenna snuggled down on the sofa. Eventually, she spoke, her voice sounding slow and distant. ‘Yeah, I do like him,’ she confessed sleepily.

‘Just be careful, yeah?’ Ryan urged. But Jenna didn’t respond. Her breathing was regular and slow, and Ryan realized she was asleep. He checked his watch – just after midnight. Carefully, so as not to wake her, Ryan climbed off the sofa. When he reached the door he paused for a few moments, thinking how beautiful she looked – so innocent and vulnerable, almost childlike, with her long, blonde hair tumbling over her face, and her skin cleansed of make-up. Then he turned and hurried back down the corridor, noiselessly opening the front door and letting himself out. The silent street appeared deserted as he climbed back into the Range Rover and drove off.

Jenna woke groggily from a deep sleep, wondering why her limbs ached so badly. Sunlight streamed in through the high arched windows and, as Jenna slowly opened her eyes, she was shocked to realize she’d slept all night on the sofa.

Blearily, she glanced up at the wall clock: 9.50 a.m.

‘Shit,’ she swore, wondering what time she was due in the studio that day. Oh well, she shrugged, deciding she didn’t care. They could damn well wait for her. Let Ryan explain why she might be a little late, Jenna thought drowsily, as the events of last night began to come back to her.

Last night. What had happened exactly? Oh God, groaned Jenna, as she rolled over and buried her head in the cushions. Had she made a complete fool of herself? She remembered flirting outrageously with Nick, and then Ryan had brought her home … Oh no, she’d been really upset – she remembered yelling at him in the street. Shit, how embarrassing.

Ryan had been sweet though. He was such a nice guy, and hopefully he wouldn’t hold her behaviour against her. She just hoped it didn’t get back to Zac – he already thought she was acting like a diva, and she didn’t want him to know that he had upset her so badly.

I’ll show him, Jenna insisted, pushing last night’s feelings of insecurity out of her mind. Letting her emotions run out of control was not the way she had got to the top, Jenna reminded herself. Today, she would be completely in command.

She stretched luxuriously in an effort to shake some of the heaviness from her limbs. She needed to start getting a handle on her life. She had been so stressed and tired last night that she hadn’t even made it to bed – hell, her standards were really slipping. Thank God she’d taken off her make-up when she got in, Jenna thought, reaching up to touch her face. It felt soft and smooth, and Jenna sighed with relief; the last thing she needed was a break-out on top of everything else.

Sitting up carefully, Jenna swung her long legs over the end of the sofa and paused. She needed a glass of water – or maybe some coffee; rocket fuel would certainly get her going. Picking up the empty tea mugs, Jenna padded through to the kitchen. While she was waiting for the kettle to boil, she flicked on her laptop.

‘Oh fuck, no. Oh Jesus!’ swore Jenna as she logged on to TMZ and saw the lead story.