Читать книгу Baby, I'm Yours - Carrie Weaver - Страница 9

RICK GLANCED UP from a sheaf of rental agreements in time to see Becca enter the small reception area. The support staff and rental agents crowded around her, offering hugs of encouragement.

It had been a week since Gabe’s funeral and Rick was still in shock. Saying a final goodbye to his friend had been wrenching. Almost as wrenching was his own behavior afterward.

Becca glanced in his direction and their gazes connected through the glass. He nodded. She waved hesitantly and turned away. It was one of the few times he’d noticed Becca being reserved. She usually had an open, girl-next-door quality that drew people to her.

Releasing a sigh of relief, Rick hoped she would leave without coming to see him. He had no idea what he would say to her. Should he apologize? Ask if she was okay? Pretending it never happened wasn’t an option. He only wished his own emotions weren’t so confused. Guilt was at the top of the list, along with a slightly foolish feeling for losing it that way. He’d crossed a line.

His hopes of avoiding a confrontation were dashed a few minutes later when Becca tapped on his door and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.

A part of him was afraid she might want a repeat performance. But, having analyzed the situation from every possible angle, he found that unlikely.

“I thought we should talk about what happened after the wake,” she said.

“Becca, I—”

She raised her hand to stop him. “I’m so sorry, Rick. I put you in a horrible position, took advantage of our friendship…dishonored my husband.” The catch in her voice made him wince, as did her remorse.

Rick stood up, uncertain whether or not to go to her. “I’m as much to blame as you.”

She gave him a warning look. “No, you’re not. I threw myself at you…I don’t know what came over me. But I apologize and hope we can work together without this affecting the business.”

He admired the way she stood straight and accepted responsibility. He’d known Becca for more than ten years, though, so her attitude shouldn’t have surprised him. Her integrity was rock solid. Being seduced by her a few hours after her husband’s funeral didn’t erase that knowledge.

“You were out of your mind with grief. I…should have reacted better.”

Her eyes blazed. “You reacted exactly how I needed you to react. I nearly begged you, remember?”

“That part’s a little hazy. I just remember it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

Maybe that was a simplified version, but it was better than nothing. In those moments on the kitchen floor with her, all he’d known was that he needed what she’d offered and she’d obviously needed him. Not for physical release. But to connect with another living, breathing being when so much had been taken from them.

Becca stepped closer to his desk, leaning forward, her blond hair falling to her shoulders. Her voice was soft when she said, “We can’t go back and undo it, no matter how badly we may want to.”

“Yeah.”

“And I know we can never totally act as if it never happened.”

Rick knew he would never, ever forget Becca holding him as if he was the center of her universe. “No, probably not.”

“But I need to ask a favor.”

“Anything.” It was an automatic gut response.

“Have you told anyone?”

“Of course not.”

“I didn’t think so, but I had to check.”

“And this favor?”

“It would hurt innocent people if this got out. My children, my in-laws. They might think it was some reflection on my feelings for Gabe. I loved my husband with my whole heart. Please don’t tell anyone what happened.” Her voice was husky, reminding him of the way she’d murmured in his ear as she’d made love with him. Even then, he’d understood that Becca was Gabe’s forever. What Rick had experienced with her had been an aberration.

An intense aberration he couldn’t quite get off his mind. But that was his problem, not hers.

“I won’t tell anyone, Becca.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

BECCA SIGHED with relief when she settled herself in the driver’s seat of the minivan, hoping she could avoid Akron rush hour. Her conversation with Rick had been tense, but she’d deserved every second of discomfort. He’d been gracious, all things considered.

Stopping at the neighborhood grocery store on her way home, she intended to run in, get a few things and leave. But she saw several people she knew, and the condolences, though thoughtful, seemed to go on forever. Still, she considered herself lucky to have so many people who cared about her.

It was nearly two o’clock when Becca walked through the door at home. The kids would be there in two hours and the house would erupt in controlled chaos.

“I was starting to worry,” Irene said. “I thought you were only going to the salon for a half day.”

Becca kissed her mother-in-law on the cheek and placed the bags on the counter. “I’m fine. I had a few things I needed to clear up at the rental agency after work. And I stopped at the grocery store.”

“Surely we’ve got enough meals in the freezer to last a month. Or years.”

“Yes.” Becca smiled. The way the condolence casseroles seemed to multiply in the freezer was an ongoing joke. “But we still use toilet tissue, soap and other things.”

“Let me get my purse.”

She hugged the older woman. “Hang on to your cash. It’s all stuff I would have had to buy anyway.”

Irene frowned. “We need to pay our way. It’s not easy expanding your family by two and we don’t ever want to be a burden. We promised five years ago to contribute.”

“You’re never a burden. You contribute by paying the electric and water bills. And by being here for the kids after school. That helps more than you will ever know.”

“I wish you’d let us do more. Especially now…with Gabe…gone.” Her eyes clouded. “Jim and I should probably be looking into other arrangements. Maybe a retirement village.”

“Nonsense. You’re still an important part of this family. It wouldn’t be the same around here without you.”

Irene cupped Becca’s cheek with her hand. “You’re a good girl. I’m so happy Gabe found you. You made a perfect couple.”

“Yes, we did.” Her voice wavered. She tried to avoid the sense of hopelessness that seemed to always be hovering close by these days. “I only wish I’d had one last chance to tell him how much I loved him.”

“He knew. You were the world to him.”

Becca was at risk of losing her composure if they discussed Gabe a moment longer. Trying to change the subject, she said, “Hey, you and Jim provided him with an example of the perfect marriage.”

“That takes work as you well know. Speaking of work, I better call Jim in from the workshop so he can help bring in the groceries.”

“Let him continue with his project. I only had these two bags.”

“It’s good for him to feel needed.”

Becca patted Irene’s arm. “I know. That’s why I’m grateful for his help. But today it’s not necessary.”

“Don’t feel you have to do everything yourself. Accept help when people offer.”

Becca turned away and pretended to check the contents of the grocery sack. “I do.”

“Only when you feel you have no other choice.”

Glancing up, she found Irene watching her. “It’s…hard. Gabe and I were a team, a unit. Now, I’m not sure what I am.”

“You’re a woman who has had a terrible loss. A woman who works hard to keep it together on her own. Sometimes, accepting help is the greatest gift you can give someone you love.”

Becca would have agreed with her, as long as it was someone else on the receiving end. Helping Gabe’s parents was as much a part of her as taking care of her children. And she would do the same thing for her father and his wife when they weren’t able to live alone anymore.

But asking for help was one thing Becca couldn’t seem to do. Except for asking—no, demanding—that Rick make it all go away for a few moments the night of Gabe’s funeral.

Becca’s gaze was drawn to the tiled floor where she’d made love to Rick. Her stomach protested.

“Are you okay, dear?” Irene asked.

“Yes. I was just thinking…” And hoping guilt wasn’t written all over her face, like a scarlet A. She knew Irene would be horrified if she ever found out. The thought of losing her respect made Becca’s heart ache.

But no one would ever know. Rick had promised.

Becca would be left to wrestle with her conscience alone. In this very kitchen, she’d managed to betray not only Gabe, but Rick. How would she ever forgive herself for such a huge abuse of trust?

When she contemplated what Rick probably thought of her, Becca inwardly cringed.

It didn’t matter.

Who was she kidding? It mattered a great deal. She didn’t want to lose his friendship over a moment of insanity. It was almost a compulsion these days to keep the people who’d known and loved Gabe as close as possible. As if, in some way, it kept Gabe close, too.

A WEEK LATER, Rick waited in the booth at Coco’s Restaurant. His reason for inviting Becca had been purely practical. They needed to discuss business in a neutral setting. The office was out, because he didn’t want to spook the employees if anyone heard about belt-tightening. And Becca’s house was definitely not a good idea.

He stood as she approached the table, admiring the vibrant swing of her blond hair, her confident stride and ready smile. The lines of strain were barely noticeable. But the fact that she’d lost weight was readily evident and he worried.

That was the other reason for inviting her to lunch. At least he was sure she’d eat one good meal today instead of forgetting to take care of herself while she looked after everyone else.

Rick grasped her hands and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “Hi. No problem with traffic?”

“Not a bit. This was a great idea.” Her eyes held a trace of wariness, though.

He wondered if she would think it was such a good idea when he was finished imparting his news.

“How are the kids doing?” he asked as they sat down.

“It depends on the hour. They seem to take turns having meltdowns in their own way. It’s exhausting trying to gauge who’s having a hard time and what I should do to make it right.”

“Not a whole lot you can do. Except listen and let them know you’re there.”

“But I’m their mother. I should be able to offer words of wisdom that make their pain bearable. I’ve spouted the ‘we’re in this together’ stuff until they’re tired of hearing it. And to be honest, grief is a pretty solitary pursuit. No matter how badly I want to be there for them, a lot of it they’re going to have to work out in their own time in their own way.”

Rick nodded. “Same goes for you.”

“The children have to be my focus right now. I don’t have the luxury of falling to pieces.”

“I remember when Kayla was a teen. It made me feel so helpless when I realized that she would ultimately have to find her own way. My ex-wife and I just stood there with our hearts on our sleeves, hoping like crazy she’d ask us for guidance. And when she didn’t, providing it anyway.”

“You and Valerie did a good job. Kayla seemed like a nice girl the few times she’s come to the office to visit.”

“Yes, I don’t see her nearly often enough. But she’s got her own life. I guess I should be grateful she got a job in Akron after she graduated from NYU.”

Becca reached across the table and touched his arm. “I’m sorry. I seem to have lost every ounce of tact I once had. She’s just doing the usual separation thing, trying to be an adult.”

Awareness rippled through him, reminding him she had once touched him in a more intimate way.

As if sensing his thoughts, Becca quickly withdrew her hand.

The waitress arrived and took their order and the awkward moment passed.

“Tell me the real reason for the lunch invitation.”

Rick cleared his throat. “There are some changes around the office I need to discuss with you.”

“Changes?”

“Personnel. I brought the books for you to take home and look at this evening. Gabe’s only been gone two weeks and I’m swamped. We’re going to lose customers if our service suffers—you know how competitive the rental business is.”

“I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. Can we hire someone to…fill Gabe’s position?”

“We can’t afford two salaries for one position.”

Becca paled. “You’ve continued to pay his salary to us. I have to admit, I didn’t stop to think what that would mean.”

“Believe me, I’d like to keep on paying his salary indefinitely. If business were booming, we could. But you know we’re putting most of our profit back into the agency.”

“You have to do what’s best for the company. Hire someone to take Gabe’s place. We’ll…manage somehow.”

He could tell from the panic in her eyes that she had no idea how her family would manage.

“What about Gabe’s life insurance? Will that tide you over until we can pay you a dividend?”

“He let the policy lapse.”

Rick swore under his breath. How could Gabe have been so careless?

Simple. Gabe hadn’t intended to drop dead at forty-two.

There was no way Rick could pull the rug from beneath Becca. He’d simply have to continue with eighty-hour workweeks and hope for the best. “Forget I said anything. Maybe I can delegate some of Gabe’s duties.”

“What about me? Why don’t I pick up some of the slack?”

“Becca, you’ve got a full-time job of your own at the salon, plus the agency’s accounts receivable and three kids who are grieving for their father. With elderly in-laws, your plate is already too full.”

He didn’t add that it would be nearly impossible to work that closely with her and not be reminded of what they’d shared. And what he feared they’d lost.

Their meals arrived, giving them a moment of respite from the heavy topic.

“This business meant the world to Gabe,” she said. “He wouldn’t want it jeopardized.”

“He wouldn’t want his family jeopardized, either.”

“Then why did he let the policy lapse?” Becca’s confusion and frustration were evident in her voice.

“You meant the world to him, Becca.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? If I meant the world to him he wouldn’t have left me.”

“He didn—”

“Logically, I know he didn’t choose to leave us. I know he never intended to need that policy, either. But he did. And I can’t help but feel a little…shell-shocked.” Blinking away tears, she said, “Things were so good between us. I can’t believe he’s gone, Rick.”

He patted her hand. His voice was rough when he said, “I know. Neither can I.”

“You know what scares me most? That I might give up. That I’ll curl up in a ball and give up. What will my children do then?”

Rick rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. His eyes were warm with concern. “Becca, I can’t begin to imagine how hard it is for you. But I’ve known you during good times and bad, and the one thing I can tell you is that you’re strong. You’ll get through this.”

“I’m a fake, Rick. Inside, I’m just a scared little girl who wants Gabe to come home and make it all right.” She glanced away. “But even if by some miracle he did, I’d never be able to look him in the eye. Because of what I did.”

“What we did.”

Becca wiped her eyes. “I blame myself. The guilt wakes me up in the middle of the night.”

“Becca, listen to me. The guilt will eat you alive if you don’t acknowledge that, technically, we did nothing wrong.”

“Oh, please. Technically, my husband was barely in the grave and I seduced his best friend.”

“Shh.” Rick glanced around. “Calm down.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m very calm. You seem to be in the unenviable position of being the one person with whom I can be honest. The one person who has seen me at my worst during this crisis and still manages not to hate me as much as I hate myself.” She stood. “I’m going to leave before I unload more on you than either of us is comfortable with. Give me the books and I’ll return them tomorrow.”

Rick complied, watching helplessly as she stalked out of the restaurant. Her half-eaten meal seemed to mock him.

And her parting shots replayed in his mind. Why on earth had she chosen to trust him? He had the feeling she didn’t know the answer any better than he did.

Rick also wondered what she could have possibly unloaded that would have shocked him more than being seduced by her in such a direct, no-holds-barred manner.

He tossed some bills on the table and went after her. Not to confront her, but to make sure she was okay.