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APPLES

by John Retallack

Apples was first performed at The Empire, Middlesbrough on 2 June 2010.

This monologue is entitled ‘CLAIRE’S SOLUTION’. CLAIRE is 15 years old and was raped at a party by a boy from school after she had passed out from a cocktail of alcohol and drugs. She became pregnant and now has a baby boy, whom she isn’t able to name. Her life has been turned upside down by the baby and she is no longer able to go out with her friends or even get Gary’s attention: she still feels some connection to him despite the rape. CLAIRE has heard that her friend Eve recently slept with Gary but, in fact, Gary raped Eve as well. Eve and Debbie are on holiday in Majorca and CLAIRE feels jealous and resentful of her friends. It seems the only way out is to get rid of the baby. She speaks directly to the audience, except for the line in speech marks.

CLAIRE

We cried into each other’s faces

at least there was no one around to see me bawling

Five minutes later we reached the beck again

we stood at the side of the bridge

The water rose and surged like a black brick road

I thought of Eve and Debbie in Majorca

sunning themselves

not giving a care about the people back home

I imagined them banging a bunch of Spanish hunks

I was fucking jealous

Eve probably didn’t even care about Gary

she had that special way of using people

and getting whatever she wanted

To baby boy

‘What are we gonna do with you?’

He didn’t seem to know

His tantrums started all over again

the noise was incredible

What an ugly idiot he was

My brain was overflowing with babies, boys and bitches

it fucking knacked

I told Eve it was Gary’s baby

she still went and shagged him

I cuddled the little knobhead in my arms for a minute

The crying was unbearable

I really wanted to strangle it

It struck me for the rest of my life

I’d only have the Baby Boy for company

so far he hadn’t been much of a mate

I stood him on top of the bridge railing

we had a dance as the wind eased up a bit

I made a little prayer

scrunched my eyes

and accidentally on purpose threw him off the rail

There was a big plop in the water

and a bit of red where he must’ve smacked off the bottom

I faked a look of horror

Gary’s jaw and my hair colour and cheekbones

washing down the dirty stream

I felt a bit sick, but at least I’d got it over with

I pushed my lips together and charged down the road again

the breeze still going but nothing holding me back

I felt like all the estate’s eyes were on me

but killing the baby was just a silly mistake

We’ve all been there

When I got in

I made sure to phone 999 straight away

I waited for them to come round

I had a story in my head

I stared at the windows

I felt alright

The sky wasn’t exactly glowing but all the black clouds

they were diamonds