Читать книгу Lord Sin - Catherine Archer - Страница 8

The wind tugged the hair loose from Mary Fulton’s bun and whipped it across her pale face. She did not even bother to reach up and push it from her eyes. Mary was too intent on holding tightly to the straw bonnet she clutched over her slender midriff. It was as if that plain straw hat could hold her misery inside her, keep it from rising up to completely overwhelm her. She didn’t notice the way the long, wide blue ribbon that was meant to tie the bonnet atop her head fluttered across the front of her lighter blue print dress as she walked, though she once came near to treading upon it.

Nor did she clearly see the heather, asphodel, campion and spotted orchids that bloomed amongst the short, coarse grass of the moorland. She had no appreciation for them, or the sun that occasionally peeked from the gray haze of clouds overhead, or anything else, for that matter. Nothing could get past the swelling ache of emptiness in her heart.

The two weeks that had passed since her father’s funeral had done little to ease her sorrow. In this, the last year of her father’s illness, she had known the end would come, had even realized it would be a release for him. Knowing this truth had not lessened the devastation of losing him. From the time of her mother’s death when she was five, Mary had taken over the care of her absentminded but brilliant parent.

Not that Robert Fulton had completely neglected his only child. The vicar had given unstintingly of himself and his time as far as her education was concerned. The simple truth was that he had had little thought for the ordinary things such as meals and clean clothing, of offering a hug when she fell down. It had been left to Mary to direct the series of housekeepers in their duties and help them with whatever needed doing, to dust off her own scraped knees.

Robert Fulton had spent his time in the pursuit of learning and knowledge. The bond between father and daughter had been forged on that path. Reverend Fulton had been proud of his Mary’s quick mind, gladly teaching his daughter about any subject she seemed to take an interest in. He was a learned, broad-thinking and patient man, which stood him in good stead as a teacher.

Her father’s abilities as a teacher had led Mary to meet Victoria Thorn, whose kind offer of a home had now brought her to her present state of indecision. Her uncertainty had sent her out onto the moor, for it had always had a soothing effect on her. But she found no comfort here.

Victoria was her dearest friend. Not long after the reverend had taken up the position of minister to the local church, Victoria’s father, the Duke of Carlisle, had asked him to see to his daughter’s education. He’d said he was impressed with Mary’s knowledge. The moment Victoria had taken her place next to Mary in the book-filled study at the vicarage, Victoria’s gray eyes had met Mary’s golden brown ones. Victoria’s gaze had been direct and curiously assessing without any of the condescension the minister’s daughter had expected from the offspring of a duke. Mary had found herself smiling, and neither of the girls had ever wavered from the friendship begun on that day.

Unconsciously, Mary sighed, lifting her eyes to the grayness of the sky overhead. Somehow, something held her back from saying yes to Victoria’s invitation. She was infinitely aware of her friend’s own situation, the troubles she had so recently overcome.

In spite of her vast wealth and social position, life had been difficult for Victoria. Her father and mother had died several years ago and, along with their wealth, all their responsibilities had passed to their young daughter. Mary had done what she could to help Victoria through that horrible time. And now Victoria and her husband, Jedidiah, were trying to do what they could to help Mary.

They had invited her to come and live with them at Briarwood, their enormous mansion. Though Mary knew the offer was made from the kindest of intentions, she was not sure she could say yes—in fact, did not see how she could do so.

Victoria and Jedidiah had been married only nine short months and were even now expecting their first child. Mary did not want to intrude on this special time between them. When the two of them had come to the vicarage yesterday afternoon to tell Mary of their invitation to live with them, she had seen the way they touched one another on the least excuse, the way their eyes met and held every few moments, the depth of passion neither could hide.

She did not wish to intrude on that. And a further truth was that their shared intimacy served only to make her own loneliness all the more obvious and painful.

Yet what was she to do? The new vicar and his family of six had lived in a rented house in the village since their arrival in Carlisle over a year ago. The family had a right to move into the comfortable two-story house next to the church. It was a measure of his kindness that Reverend Diller had insisted Robert Fulton stay in his own home through his illness.

Mary knew she absolutely must vacate the rectory as soon as she could. For the hundredth time she asked herself where else she could go if she did not say yes to Victoria. She raised a trembling hand to wipe it across her forehead, unable to think of any answer to her dilemma when her heart was so heavy.

She walked on, putting one foot in front of the other, forcing herself forward over the uneven ground, forcing herself not to look back. Yet she gained no insight, lost none of her sense of confusion.

Lifting her eyes heavenward, she whispered, “Please, God, send me a sign? Help me to know what I should do.”

As if through a haze, the sound of galloping hooves penetrated her reverie. She looked up, her gaze scanning the moor. She saw a black stallion approaching at breakneck speed, its mane and tale flowing wildly in the wind. On its back was a man in dark clothing, bent low over the muscular neck, his lean thighs pressed tightly to his mount’s sides.

Mary stopped still, in unconscious appreciation of the untamed beauty of man and beast. Yet as she watched, her appreciation changed to uncertainty, then apprehension. Her eyes grew round and her heart rose in her throat as the horse and rider continued to bear down upon her.

She felt frozen, incapable of moving. Something, perhaps the excesses of emotion she had experienced in the past weeks, kept her immobile, and she could only stare in growing fear. Only at the last minute did the man pull the horse up short, causing it to rear high in the air just scant feet from her. Released from her fixed state, Mary took a step backward with an involuntary gasp.

The horse spun around in what certainly must have been a dizzying arch. To her surprise she heard what sounded like a husky and decidedly irreverent laugh escape the rider.

Drawing herself up to her full five feet four inches, Mary put her hands on her hips. What sort of lunatic laughed at nearly running down a defenseless woman? She was just getting set to unleash her tongue on this madman when he brought the stallion around and turned to face her.

All the things she had been going to say flew from her mind, like leaves in a breeze. A pair of dark, dark eyes surrounded by a thick fringe of black lashes focused on her in open appreciation. Her heart stopped, then started again with a lurch as he smiled, his white teeth even and strong in his lean-jawed, tanned face. He lifted a hand to rake a tousled dark brown forelock from his eyes as he said, “A good day to you, Miss…?” There was a flirtatious charm in his voice that she could not help but hear.

Mary continued to stare up at him, wondering where this amazingly devastating man had come from, and if indeed he was some figment of her mind. For even in her distressed state Mary knew that physically this overconfident male was exactly what her fertile imagination would conjure in a man if it could do so.

“Miss…?” he prodded.

Suddenly Mary realized she was standing there staring like a fool. Giving herself a mental shake, she pulled the ragged ends of her dignity together. She raised her chin as she told herself that handsome features did not make a man, even while her rapidly beating pulse refused to quiet. Because of her lack of command over her own reactions, Mary spoke with more heat than she had meant to. “And why, may I ask, should I tell you who I am, sir? You have clearly displayed the fact that you are of questionable character by the way you nearly ran me down.”

A look of complete dismay crossed his handsome face. “I? Dear lady, let me assure you that I would not have you think such a thing of me.” He ran a caressing hand over the stallion’s neck. “Balthazar is the most surefooted of mounts. He responds perfectly to the merest touch on the reins. He would never have touched you.” He arched a contrite brow, seeming suddenly more schoolboy than man, as he said, “But I must beg your forgiveness if I caused you even a moment’s concern for your safety. Please, do say you will forgive me?” The brilliant white smile he added was shocking in its power to catch her breath.

Mary recovered herself quickly and looked at him closely, not quite sure why. but having the definite feeling that he was somehow making sport of her. Yet she could see no proof of this in either his expression or tone. She pushed the thought away, having been taught that she must believe the best of people unless they showed her otherwise. “Very well, sir. I accept your apology. I only hope you have more care in the future.”

To her surprise he smiled again, leaning low over the horse’s back, his gaze even with her own. “You have not told me your name.”

She swallowed, feeling warm for no apparent reason at all. “I…Mary Fulton is my name.” She raised her chin, irritated at her own hesitation. “Though it is not as if I owe you the courtesy of introducing myself when you have not done so. I would greatly appreciate it if you would be so good as to tell me to whom am I speaking, sir?”

He laughed, and the sound slipped down her spine like a trickle of warm oil. “I am Ian Sinclair, little spitfire, on my way to Briarwood Manor.”

She gave a start. “Lord Ian Sinclair.” This must be the Ian Sinclair. The one Victoria had told her about several months ago. The one they called “Lord Sin.” The one who had asked Victoria to marry him. Victoria had in fact come very close to doing so, believing that Jedidiah did not want her. But they had worked out their differences and Victoria had rejected Sinclair’s proposal.

So what, then, was he doing at Carlisle now?

He must have gained quite a bit of information from her reaction, for he seemed to scowl with chagrin for a moment before that expression of studied charm and unconcern masked the more vulnerable expression. “You seem to have me at a disadvantage, Miss Fulton. Am I to take your reaction as indication that you know of me?”

She nodded slowly, wondering why she felt even more drawn to him after having seen that momentary glimpse of vulnerability beneath the surface of his charm. “I am well acquainted with Lady Victoria. She has mentioned you in passing,” she told him carefully. It was not precisely the truth, but for some reason Mary felt uncomfortable with having Ian Sinclair know she knew so much of his private affairs.

An inner voice told her that the more distance she kept between herself and this man, the better.

Blessedly unaware of her thoughts, he nodded, settling back on his horse. “Then I shall surely be seeing more of you this week while I am at Briarwood, Miss Fulton.” Again there was that oddly intimate inflection in his voice that she could not fully define. It was also apparent in his mysterious dark eyes.

Self-consciously, she stepped backward and shrugged noncommittally. “Perhaps. Please, don’t let me keep you. I’m sure they are expecting you.”

Ian Sinclair looked down at her, the expression in his eyes now more clear as his admiring gaze moved slowly over her. Raising a dark brow, he indicated the empty space on the saddle before him. “I am not in such a great hurry.

I would be happy to take you wherever you might be going.”

Unaccustomed to such attention and unsure as to how to react, Mary was unable to meet that appreciative gaze. She flushed and ran unaccountably trembling fingers over the skirt of her blue cotton dress. “No, really, I have not finished my walk.” She waved a hand to indicate the open moor before her.

He looked at her closely. “Are you sure? You would be no trouble to me—no trouble whatsoever.” Again she heard that unexplainable something in his voice, a quality that made her think of summer nights that were too hot to lie beneath the covers.

For a breathless moment his eyes met hers and the world tilted. Now to that image of a hot night was added an unexpected vision of his face leaning over hers, his dark eyes seeming to see right into her soul. Mary took in a breath of shock.

He smiled, a dark, knowing smile that made her flush deepen as she blinked with disbelief at her own thoughts. “Well?” he prompted.

Quickly she answered, refusing to acknowledge any of what was happening. “I am quite sure that I have no need of your assistance. I do very well on my own.”

A dark brow arched high. “Do you, now? But just imagine how very well you might do with someone else.”

She did not want to even try to contemplate why he was persisting in talking this way. But Mary had had quite enough. “Really, sir, I do not think it very good of you to make sport of me.”

He sobered abruptly, putting a hand over his heart. “I assure you, Mary, I have no desire to make sport of you. At least, not with words.”

She frowned, feeling more and more out of her depth, and not liking that in the least. But she tried her best to hold her own, dismissing him with as much disdain as she could muster. “That would be Miss Fulton, please. Now, good day, sir.”

Ian Sinclair smiled again, seemingly unaffected by her hauteur. “As you wish, Miss Mary Fulton. Until we meet again.” With that he spun his mount around and galloped off, the horse’s hooves flashing.

She watched him, shaking her head. They would not be meeting again. She would make sure of that. He could not be up to any good with his lingering looks and innuendo that she could not quite understand. Men like Ian Sinclair, who she knew was the heir to an earldom, could only mean disaster to a young woman like her with no dowry and no prospects to recommend them for marriage.

Not that she wanted anything to do with the blackguard. He was not the kind of man one could depend on, with his flirtatious ways. And no one would deny that he was far too handsome for his own good.

Heaven help her, if a miracle did occur and Mary someday met a suitable man and fell in love, he must certainly be a gentleman to depend on. Someone who would be a partner and soul mate. He would not be a man who would shed the light of his charm on every woman he met.

Squaring her shoulders, Mary set off across the moor once again, realizing as she did so that for the few moments he had been there, Ian Sinclair had made her forget the problems confronting her. With a sigh, Mary cast one last glance in the direction he had gone.

Ian barely felt the wind tugging at his hair as he rode away from the little country beauty. With her gold hair, and eyes that seemed to look right inside him, she had been enough to warm any man’s blood. There had been no quaint demureness in her manner, stirring Ian’s interest even further.

He was not at all surprised to learn that she was acquainted with Victoria Thorn. That lady was not one to simper and flutter her lashes like a schoolgirl. Lady Victoria faced a man directly, as had Miss Fulton—Mary. He laughed aloud at recalling her insistence on his using the formal address.

Mary. The name suited her, being somehow soft and strong at the same time, as he suspected its bearer was. For some reason he felt a growing curiosity about the young woman he had left behind him on the moors. She was not dressed at all fashionably, with her golden hair whipped to a wild disarray. Her plain straw bonnet could do little to protect that creamy complexion from the sun, clutched in her hand the way it had been. No hoops had shaped the skirt of her pale blue dress, and the wind had molded it quite distractingly to a slender and delicate but pleasingly rounded form.

Perhaps Victoria would be more willing to quench his curiosity about Miss Fulton than she herself had been. He spurred his mount forward.

Some time later Ian was riding down the well-tended, tree-lined drive. In the distance, through the veils of new leaves, he could see the enormous sandstone manor house where lived his host and hostess, the recently wedded Victoria and Jedidiah Thorn-McBride.

Ian had asked Victoria to marry him just under a year ago, and for a short while it had looked as if she might say yes. But it had been Jedidiah McBride whom she had loved. Jedidiah had been posing as her cousin from America at the time, though Ian had ultimately sensed there was something more than family devotion between the two. At the wedding, Victoria had admitted there was no family connection, only that they had agreed to do a favor for the other, and had ended up falling in love. He’d be lying if he said his heart was broken by her refusal, but he was disappointed, having felt they would deal very well together.

Having become even more friendly with the couple when they were in London right before Jedidiah’s trip to America, Ian was content that Victoria had made the right choice for herself. It was more than obvious that the newlyweds were completely devoted to one another. How could he begrudge them such happiness?

As he came closer to the house, Ian could not help comparing it with his own family estate, a place he had not visited in two years. Briarwood was pale and bright, while Sinclair Hall seemed dark and austere in contrast. It was as if the exterior of his ancestral home reflected the stilted emotions and lack of forgiveness in the hearts of those inside.

Ian did not want to think about that. He had spent the eleven years since he was seventeen doing everything he could to keep himself from thinking about it. A fact that had left him with a less than savory reputation.

He drew his horse to a halt at the bottom of the wide steps. A liveried manservant came out to take his horse as soon as his feet touched the ground.

When he entered the high-ceilinged foyer, Victoria was coming across the marble floor, her hands outstretched. She smiled, and Ian could not help seeing what a beautiful woman she was in spite of her advancing pregnancy. Her creamy skin was touched by a delicate flush of health and her dark locks gleamed, as did her gray eyes. Victoria was favored with spirit and intelligence as well as beauty. It was with only the slightest twinge of regret that Ian told himself again that Jedidiah McBride was a very fortunate man.

For some reason he had a brief image of Mary Fulton’s eyes, her wind-tousled golden hair. When Victoria took his hands and spoke, it disappeared. “We were surprised and so happy to receive your letter saying you would be in the district. It is good of you to come and visit us.”

Ian smiled at her, kissing her offered cheek in a brotherly fashion. Usually with this woman, if no other, he felt completely at ease, with no need to play intricate sensual games. It was what had drawn him to her in the first place. Yet at this moment he had need to call upon his skills at acting.

Jedidiah had been the one to contact him, having decided to purchase one of Ian’s finest mares as a birthday surprise for his wife. The mare was tied behind the carriage that was some hours behind him. Ian was not about to give away the secret. “How could I stay away?” he told her with exaggerated clutching at his chest. “You know you have stolen my heart, Lady Victoria.”

She gave him a mocking reprimand. “Do please discontinue this kind of talk. Your heart is safely locked in your chest, where I believe it will continue to reside, Ian.”

At his pained expression and declaration of “Now you’ve mortally wounded me,” she laughed, as he had meant her to.

After taking his coat with a quelling glance, Victoria handed it to another footman. She said, “John, please have Mrs. Everard send tea into the sitting room.”

“Very well, my lady.” The young, dark-haired serving man bowed to each of them respectfully and moved off across the marble floor.

Victoria then linked her arm through Ian’s and led him forward. “Now come into the sitting room and we’ll have tea. Jedidiah is off showing one of the tenants how to set up an irrigation system. He should be back shortly.”

As they moved across the foyer Ian could not help thinking again what a charming home Briarwood Manor was. In spite of its size and grandeur, it reverberated a feeling of comfort and warmth. Through the open doorways on either side of them he could see into rooms where the drapes had been drawn back to let in the light. He gained the impression of a pleasant mix of pale and vibrant colors that made each chamber seem to beckon a welcome.

Once more Ian could not help comparing it to Sinclair Hall. He tried not to acknowledge the melancholy that tugged at his heart on doing so. His own ancestral home he found lacking on every score. The rooms of that great house were kept dark and closed off, a fitting home for the ghosts that roamed its halls. And there were ghosts—not only the ghost of his mother, who had died giving birth to him, but also that of his brother, Malcolm.

The thought of his brother made his heart ache with loss. Ian had loved Malcolm with a devotion that was akin to hero-worship. Even Ian’s very early understanding that his father’s love for himself would never come close to that of his older son had not changed Ian’s feelings for Malcolm. He had been intelligent, loving and so full of life. How could anyone begrudge him anything, least of all Ian? Malcolm had been the sun they all orbited around. That was why his father had never been able to forgive Ian when he believed his younger son had caused Malcolm’s death.

It was a death that he had, in fact, not been responsible for.

Ian’s lips thinned as he pushed the painful thoughts away. It was surprising how difficult this was to do, especially when he had worked so diligently to forget in the intervening years. Nothing—not drink, not women, not horse racing—had made him forget for more than brief hours. Realizing that living as Lord Sin was not making him forget had made Ian wish to change his life. He had thought Victoria would be part of that new life, but that had not come to pass.

Victoria led him into the sitting room, where they seated themselves on a pale green settee. Immediately Ian turned to her, needing to concentrate on something beyond his hurtful thoughts. “It seems Jed is keeping himself busy with the duties of running the estates.”

She rested a hand on the swell of her stomach. Contentment and pride were clear in her tone and shining gray eyes. “Yes, he is. He never seems to resent the burdens marrying me has laid at his feet. He does in fact seem to thrive on the work and responsibility of looking after the welfare of so many.” She smiled ruefully. “And I am grateful for him for more reasons than I can say. Not the least of which is that his care for our lands has freed me to be a mother to my child.”

Ian heard her speak of Jedidiah’s pleasure in his duties as overlord with a trace of regret. He would not be averse to taking up the duties of running the Sinclair estates. He did in fact wish that his father had ever seemed the least bit interested in having him do so. The one thing he appeared to expect from his son was an heir, and on that score he had been quite blunt. When last they’d spoken, the elder man had reiterated his desire for Ian to wed his cousin Barbara and get her with child. Ian had no intention of falling in with his father’s wishes. He was not in the least attracted to Barbara, and would not have married her if he was. He would not allow the older man to rule his life. As long as he was earl Malcolm Sinclair had the power to keep Ian from having any say in how the estates were run. But he could not control the way Ian lived his own life.

As he replied, Ian could not help the unrest in his tone. “I’m sure the duties your husband performs offer more satisfaction than you know, Victoria. Seeing your own ideas implemented, improving conditions for the people who depend upon you. Those things would be reward enough to content any self-respecting man.”

Having confided more of his unhappiness to Victoria than anyone else, Ian was not surprised when she laid a hand on his arm. “Ian, perhaps someday your father will allow you to take up your own rightful position as his heir. I know it is what you desire most.”

Though he had told Victoria of his troubles with his father, Ian found he was somewhat uncomfortable with her concern. He gave a falsely bright smile. “I doubt the old fellow has any plans to do anything of the kind, but I shall not be losing any sleep over the matter. As you know, I have my horses and will continue to find satisfaction in that, for it does not look like I will inherit for many years to come. Not that I wish the earl any ill fortune. In spite of everything, he is my father.”

“Are things no better between you?” she asked, cutting through his attempted facade easily. It was a knack she had possessed since the very beginning of their acquaintance.

Unable to keep up any pretext with this woman, who seemed to read him as if she had known him all his life, Ian shook his head, allowing the smile to fade. “No, I am afraid not. He has remained unceasing in his insistence that I marry. His every letter is a diatribe on the subject. He did in fact come up to London some months ago to reiterate his demands in person.”

“Then why do you not marry, if only to make peace with him? You were prepared to do so some months ago.”

He could not explain to her his own continued reticence, and so replied dramatically, “The woman I wished to wed has taken another.” Ian cast a mock tragic glance her way.

Her only answer was a delicately arched brow.

He grew more serious. “In all honesty I have met no one else whom I would seriously consider spending the rest of my life with. And I have no intention of doing as he wishes by marrying my cousin Barbara. It is unthinkable.”

“If you made a real attempt, you might find someone of your own choosing,” she told him stubbornly.

Ian shrugged. “You know how I feel about the young debs who are paraded before the bachelors of London society. They dance and flutter their eyelashes well enough, but not a thought about anything more interesting than how many dresses they own or how many servants a prospective bridegroom might provide passes through their minds. To marry one of them would be to condemn oneself to a life of abject boredom.”

“Surely that is not true of all the young women you’ve met?” she said dryly.

Unexpectedly a vision crept into his mind. The vision had long golden hair and a pair of bewitchingly gold eyes, eyes like a hawk’s. “I did meet a woman today not far from Carlisle,” he told her with more uncertainty than he would have thought clouding his teasing tone. “She was…well…different.”

Victoria leaned closer to him, her gray eyes sparkling with interest. “Different. And not far from Carlisle. This is quite exciting. Ian, you must tell me all. What is her name?”

He was surprised at his own reluctance to talk about the woman he’d met. He pushed it aside. This conversation was after all occurring only for amusement’s sake. “I really know very little of her. The young woman seemed stimulatingly contrary and addressed me quite deprecatingly, in the manner of one quite accustomed to great deference. Though from her dress and the simple miss she attached to her name, she was certainly not of the nobility.”

So occupied was he in remembering how much he had enjoyed the exchange that Ian did not notice how very quiet Victoria had become. “She was quite beautiful and I must admit that I would not be averse to getting to know her better, possibly much better.” He glanced at Victoria then as he ended and found her biting her lip as she gazed down at her hands.

He finished with a dawning sense that something was wrong. “By the way, she said she knew you, and that her name was Mary Fulton.”

Victoria sat back abruptly, her whole body stiff, one hand going to the mound of her stomach. “Mary? I had feared as much.”

He scowled at her obviously unfavorable reaction. “I resent your use of the term fear.”

She looked at him then, her gray eyes grown grave with warning. “You must not speak of Mary that way, even in jest. I do in fact know her, and well. She is my dearest friend and has just lost her beloved father. He was the reverend of the church in Carlisle from the time I was quite small. Mary is in no way equal to your game, Ian.”

He felt as if she had slapped him, and a tightness gripped his chest as he looked away from her. So she thought he was not a suitable companion for her friend. His voice took on a condescending tone to cover his hurt. “I do hope I have misunderstood what you are trying to say. Are you implying that I would seduce your little friend? I had no such intention. Now that you have told me of your association, I shall put her from my mind.”

Victoria was completely frank with him. “Ian…forgive me, but you as well as anyone know of your reputation. You have never pretended otherwise, even when you were courting me.”

He continued to hold himself stiffly. “And I also recall telling you that I had had enough of living up to my own reputation as Lord Sin. I meant it.”

A look of chagrin came over her fine-featured face. She spoke softly. “When you said you would like to know her better…I simply assumed…” She drew herself up. “You know your father would never approve of your attachment to a simple vicar’s daughter. And I love her so, as if she was my own sister. I could not bear to see her hurt in any way, even if it was inadvertent on your part. Jedidiah and I have asked her to come and live with us, though she has not said yes.” Victoria paused before going on. “I will accept your assurances that she is in no danger from you.”

He glanced over to see that she was biting her lip again. Ian shook his head, meeting her eyes earnestly. “I told you when I asked you to marry me, Victoria. I am done with all that. I have no desire to seduce young innocents. And any that I might have gotten the credit for leading astray in the past were not as innocent as their families might have believed. Besides, you give me far too much credit.” He gave a forced laugh. “There is no reason to believe the young woman would succumb even if I was to press her.”

She shrugged with a rueful smile. “Do not underestimate yourself, Ian. Because your heart is so carefully guarded it is difficult for you to see that others are not so adept at protecting their own.”

He felt he must defend himself here. “I was willing to love you.”

She shook her head sagely. “No, Ian, you were prepared to like me, even to respect me. That is not love. Love is the total giving of yourself into another’s keeping. You did not love me.”

When he scowled, ready to deny what she had said, she held up her hand. “But enough of such talk. Forgive me. I believe you will act honorably. As I said, I spoke only out of my love for Mary and concern for the sadness and vulnerability she is feeling right now.”

Ian nodded. He was no more interested in carrying on this conversation than she. He had no wish to examine the discomfort he felt at hearing her say he had locked his heart away. He knew he had learned to avoid thinking about how deeply his father’s rejection of him hurt. That did not mean he could not love.

Just then the door opened and the maid entered with tea, effectively preventing any more such talk. And Ian was relieved. But as he watched the maid set the heavy tray down on the low table before them, Ian had a thought pass through his mind without his having called it forth.

He heard Victoria’s voice telling him that his father would not approve of Mary Fulton. Indeed, Ian thought as he nodded for three sugars, Malcolm Sinclair would likely very much disapprove of the young woman, Mary Fulton. And not only because she was a minister’s daughter. There had been an obvious measure of strength and determination in those direct golden eyes. She was quite unlikely to be led about by the nose. Which Ian believed was his father’s major reason for approving of Barbara.

Ian and Barbara had been thrown together on every possible occasion since Ian was twenty. It seemed she had been a guest at Sinclair Hall on each of his infrequent visits. Barbara, being only four years his junior, could not have been anything but aware of what was happening, especially after his father had gone so far as to move her into Sinclair Hall just over a year ago. Though she had never actually expressed any desire to marry Ian, she seemed willing to go along with their parents’ plans. Ian was not.

Again he saw Mary Fulton’s face in his mind. Ian now knew what had caused that trace of sadness in her golden eyes. He was assaulted by unexpected feelings of protectiveness.

He gave himself a mental shake. Ian knew he must put these unwanted thoughts of Mary Fulton from his mind. He had given his promise not to seduce her. And he really could not offer marriage to a vicar’s daughter even if he wanted to. It would be too far to go in his defiance of his father.

Any sense of protectiveness he was experiencing was brought on solely by his lack of compassion when he met her. It was regretful, really, that he had not known of her father’s death.