Читать книгу A Home Of Her Own - Cathleen Connors - Страница 11

Buck looked handsome in a Western-cut black suit that emphasized his lean muscularity and made him look rather like the CEO of an up-and-coming company on the verge of a hostile takeover. Ever the gentleman, he opened the passenger door of his pickup for Melodie and helped her in.

Feeling suddenly awkward in anything other than a comfortable pair of cowboy boots, Melodie struggled to gain her seat without revealing any more of her legs than necessary to the man, who even in this moment of deep apprehension, made her so totally aware of her long-forgotten womanly allure. Tensing beneath the tawny scrutiny of his eyes, she still felt his helping touch. Had he noticed how bow-legged she had become from living in a saddle?

Buck wasn’t aware of any such imperfections as he allowed his gaze to trace the lines of the slender legs in question. Despite her efforts to make herself look plain, Melodie was as pretty and fragile as a china doll. Unadorned with anything other than naturally long lashes, her eyes appeared so large and luminous that a man could fall into their vulnerable depths and never find his way out. A sudden longing to free a single blond tendril from the captivity of that tight bun startled Buck. For the briefest fraction of a second, he considered reaching out to take the hands folded so demurely in Melodie’s lap and offering her the solace of human touch on this sad day.

The thin gold band she still wore on her finger was an effective deterrent to that foolish impulse.

It rankled him to see her still wearing that ring.

Over the years Buck had come to conclude that the only thing that milksop Randall had over him was money and breeding. The money part didn’t bother him much, but he was mighty sensitive about the fact that his mother had abandoned him as easily as she might have dumped a stray off at a shelter.

Thinking Melodie had jilted him for status and money, over the years Buck had taken perverse comfort in casting her motives in a bad light. That she continued to wear her dead husband’s ring indicated that she might have actually loved him. He wondered if that disagreeable taste in his mouth wasn’t the lingering extract of jealousy.

Grace hadn’t expounded about her son-in-law’s untimely death when she informed him that Melodie was quitting her job managing that fancy dude ranch and finally coming home. They’d had a long, unspoken agreement never to mention Randall’s name in each other’s presence, and Grace wasn’t one to break it—even if the fellow in question was dead. Buck was left, however, with the definite impression that Grace would not grieve his passing one iota more than he himself did.

A thin drizzle of rain spit against the windshield as Buck drove the short distance to the church where Grace had spent every Sunday morning since he had known her. And where he had accompanied her for the better part of the last two years. To his surprise, he found more peace within that humble little church than he had in all the years of trying to prove himself to a world he once thought completely against him. Framed against the backdrop of the majestic Pinnacle Mountains, the white chapel took on the modesty and serenity of a nun. Though Buck would have preferred mingling Grace’s ashes with the loam of her beloved mountains rather than boxing her into a formal ceremony constrained by four walls, he knew that the community needed the chance to publicly mourn the passing of one of their most faithful members.

He intentionally arrived early so that both he and Melodie could say their private farewells to the woman who meant so much to each of them.

Once inside, Melodie drew a sharp breath at the sight of the coffin positioned at the front of the church where she had been both baptized and confirmed. Inexplicably exhausted by the miles she had traveled, she had been in no shape to stop by the funeral home to pay her respects yesterday.

Buck squeezed her shoulder in sympathy. “You okay?”

Eyes wide with pain bespoke Melodie’s trepidation at the task before her. Though Buck’s presence beside her was reassuring, she nonetheless flinched at his touch. How could he be so kind to her in light of the way she had treated him?

The flash of hurt in his chiseled features indicated that her aversion to his touch did not go unnoticed.

“I’ll give you a moment alone,” he murmured, turning away before she could stop him.

For the sake of her sanity, Melodie concentrated on details of her surroundings as his footsteps faded away. Gathering clouds outside let little light through the stained-glass windows, lending gloominess to an already dismal day. She noticed that a soft green Berber had replaced the ugly gold shag carpet she remembered so well. Compelling herself up the center aisle one step at a time, she stood at last before the open coffin.

A suffocating sense of déjà vu grabbed her by the throat. Other than the fact that Randall’s casket had been closed because of the manner in which he’d chosen to die, the scene itself was horribly familiar. Peering timidly over the side of the casket, Melodie struggled to keep from screaming, What have you done with my mother?

The withered body lying before her bore little resemblance to the vibrant woman Melodie remembered. She reached out to touch those loving hands folded so peacefully as if in prayer. And instantly recoiled from the icy contact with death.

How sad it was that she had nothing to give this woman who had given so much of herself. Not even her tears. Years of stoically keeping her feelings to herself had dried up any public display of emotion. Had she any faith left in God, Melodie could have offered her mother a prayer, but she knew only too well there was nothing she could do now to make up for the pain she had caused this dear woman.

No amount of pleading over a dead body would buy her the forgiveness Melodie was seeking.

Staring at her mother’s age-blemished hands, it occurred to her that she did have a token to offer Grace after all. Years ago, her mother had expressed the desire to be buried with her wedding ring. Even in this small request it seemed circumstances had conspired against her. Ultimately the ring had been pawned to pay bills. With a sudden ferocity of intent, Melodie wrenched the gold band from her own finger and slipped beneath the hollow of her mother’s folded hands the only thing of value Randall had left her.

“Rest in peace, Mamma,” she whispered. “Nobody deserves it more than you.”

The ceremony was brief and poignant, the small church filled to overflowing. A carry-in sponsored by the local church ladies followed in the basement that was as dark and drafty as Melodie remembered. Apparently recent attempts to raise money for a new parish hall had been met with complaints about the economy and flagging cattle prices. The good news was they had enough money in the fund last fall to do the groundwork and pour the foundation. Concerned members left the rest in God’s hands. The condition of her surroundings mattered little to Melodie who was anxious to express her appreciation to those present for taking the time to pay their respects. Despite the sad circumstances of her homecoming, it was good to be back in the tight-knit community where she had been raised, and she was looking forward to reestablishing ties with old neighbors and friends.

Extending a hand to the woman who had been her mother’s closest neighbor—a mere three miles down the lane—Melodie tried to keep her emotions in check. “It was very kind of you to come, Mrs. Linn.”

As if fearing she would somehow be contaminated by Melodie’s touch, the old woman pulled her hand away.

“I’m surprised you could be bothered to come home for your mother’s funeral,” she rasped. “I never held out any hope you’d get back here before they laid poor Gracie in the ground. As far as I’m concerned if you hadn’t treated her so abysmally, your mother would have likely found the will to outlive us all.”

Too stunned to respond, Melodie gasped at the outrageousness of the accusation. She fought the impulse to bend over double from the impact of the blow. How could a professed Christian be so cruel?

As Cora Linn limped away, Melodie felt other angry eyes upon her. Did everyone present interpret her extended absence as intentional neglect? Could she expect that her lack of tears would brand her an unfeeling monster as well? Her mother had always maintained that just because there weren’t any teardrops on the outside didn’t mean it wasn’t pouring on the inside. Whatever her personal demons, Melodie wasn’t about to display them publicly. She supposed that after so much time away she shouldn’t have expected to be accepted back into this community as anything other than an outsider.

Cora’s verdict that she was a negligent daughter wasn’t anything Melodie hadn’t already labeled herself. Like the virulent Mrs. Linn, she too suspected that had she only been there to offer support, her mother might still be alive today. Nonetheless the thought of Grace actually confiding her disappointment in her daughter to her outspoken neighbor made Melodie bite her lip so hard it caused a drop of blood to appear.

Buck didn’t know what Cora Linn said to upset Melodie, but from her reaction he guessed it shied away from being charitable. The instant the cantankerous old biddy turned away, he saw the slump of Melodie’s shoulders as she wavered by the dessert table. Unexpected feelings of protectiveness knifed him. Cursing himself as the world’s greatest masochist, he crossed the small reception area in a few long strides and slipped an arm around Melodie’s waist.

She heard someone behind them gasp.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Melodie demanded through clenched teeth.

“You look like you’re about to faint. Why don’t you let me help you to a chair?”

As compliant as a block of marble, she whispered bitterly, “You’d better be careful what you do. It might be socially precarious to be seen with me.”

Precarious indeed!

Buck had felt temporarily safe in Melodie’s presence only as long as there was some distance between them. The instant his arm went around her slender waist, he could no longer allow himself to pretend that he was anywhere near being over this woman.

Faking an imperturbability he did not feel, he asked, “What did old lady Linn have to say?”

“Nothing I haven’t thought myself.”

Though her face remained a perfect mask of composure, Buck could feel Melodie tremble. The piercing look he gave her coaxed an abbreviated explanation from her.

“Let’s just say she wasn’t glad to see me.”

The good manners Grace had taught him did not desert Buck now. It hadn’t been all that long ago when the fine folk of this town had ostracized him. He recalled how Grace and Melodie had both stood beside him, stubbornly refusing to listen to the rumors people circulated about him. Labeled a born troublemaker, he remembered only too well how it felt to be treated like an outsider. It had taken three full winters of shoveling Cora Linn’s sidewalk for free before she finally accepted that he wasn’t going to slit Grace’s throat in her sleep and run off with all her valuables. Not that she had any.

“I’ve charted these waters before,” Buck told Melodie with a wry smile as he scanned the room for approaching sharks. “Why don’t you let me help you navigate them today?”

Stiffening against Buck’s touch, Melodie kept her back ramrod straight and fought the urge to lean against him for support. How strange that those same neighbors who once labeled him trash were now trying to protect him from her! The hard glances directed at her from among those gathered today were clearly as much for Buck’s benefit as for the deceased. Perhaps they thought by casting stones at her, they were showing support for the man she had jilted so long ago.

The irony was laughable. Melodie remembered how long it had taken Buck to penetrate the conservative, cautious nature of those ranchers who clung as tenaciously to their land as to their values. That he had somehow been elevated to a high rank within the church that had made her feel treasured in her youth came as quite a surprise. As she recalled, Buck used to feel about organized religion the same way she had come to regard it. Years of self-inflicted heartache pointed to the likelihood that God was an invention of a patriarchal society designed to keep their members alternately lashing themselves with whips of guilt and shame.

Everyone who came to the services made a point of stopping by to offer Buck their condolences. While many expressed sympathy for Melodie, others used the opportunity to reveal their contempt by ignoring her completely or giving her scornful looks that said they were swayed neither by the fancy talk nor big dollars that had once wooed her away. They did, however, seemed impressed with the man Buck had become. A staunch friend to each and every one of them in an emergency. The son poor Grace never had.

“You sure couldn’t tell that blood’s thicker than water by the shameful way that girl treated her mother,” pronounced Phyllis Brockridge as she added yet another cookie to the neat pile on her plate. Although directed at her equally chubby sister, the comment was loud enough for Melodie to overhear.

Buck knew it wasn’t deliberate. Mrs. Brockridge was hard of hearing and thought no one could hear her unless they were standing right beside her. Acknowledging her with a neighborly nod of his head, Buck called the old woman over.

“It was awful nice of you to come today, Phyllis. You were a good friend to Grace, and I know she would appreciate any kindness you could show to her daughter while she’s here. You do remember Melodie, don’t you?”

A flush of crimson climbed over the woman’s white collar at the subtle reproof. “Yes, of course,” she said, balancing her plate with one hand and extending the other to Melodie. “So nice to have you home—at last.”

Melodie thanked the woman for coming. Perhaps being seen talking politely to one of the town’s most influential citizens would take some of the chill out of the room. She knew only too well that many people had taken offense at the perception that she had tossed Buck over for a big-shot engineer who whisked her out of state just as fast as he could after their justice of the peace ceremony. When Grace became ill and her only daughter didn’t come rushing home for so much as a holiday visit, their disapproval hardened to rocklike condemnation. The judgmental souls who populated the Friendly Valley of Warm Winds would not easily forgive such disloyalty.

That Buck would so chivalrously come to stand beside this traitor in their midst was a surprise to everyone.

Especially him.

Melodie was sure Buck’s actions merely confirmed to the churchgoers among the group what an upstanding Christian he had become despite all the many obstacles life had put in his way.

“Lean on me if you’re feeling faint,” Buck instructed, his voice a sultry command that sapped Melodie of the remaining strength she had intended to use to walk out of this rattlesnake pit. She was secretly longing to take refuge in those strong arms, and her knees wobbled beneath that tempting suggestion.

Pride was all that kept her standing on her own two feet.

“The absolute last thing I want from you is pity, Buck Foster,” she whispered angrily,

“That’s not what I’m feeling right now,” he murmured into her ear.

The warmth of his breath against her neck raised goose bumps beneath the sleeves of her black satin dress.

“Revenge, then?” she guessed warily.

Buck’s eyes revealed neither pity nor revenge. Instead what Melodie glimpsed within their golden depths left her quaking beneath the hitherto unthinkable possibility of restoring a relationship with the man she had never been able to stop loving. It was akin to straddling a fault line and hearing the ground rumble beneath her feet. On second thought, being swallowed whole into the bowels of the earth was less frightening than what Melodie was feeling at the moment.

She had to stop looking in his eyes. She had to remember where she was and for what purpose.

Melodie strove to remind him thickly, “This is neither the proper time nor place to—”

“Relax, Mel. Relying on me for a few minutes during a stressful time shouldn’t compromise you much.”

The hint of a smile toyed with the corners of her mouth. “I suppose you’re right. And I obviously don’t have to worry about compromising my reputation with any of the good folk here either.”

Buck raised a wicked eyebrow. “We could always give them something to talk about.”

“Haven’t we given them enough in the past?”

Buck’s teasing left Melodie feeling no longer chilled. If this unexpected flurry of brash attention was intended as a diversion to help her get through the next hour of agony, it was working wonderfully. Even in somber garb, devoid of makeup, and wearing her hair in a style befitting a spinster, Melodie felt more aware of her femininity than she had in all five years of her marriage. That she could feel anything but numb at such a sorrowful time was shocking.

It occurred to her that Buck might just be setting her up for some kind of public humiliation. Surely it was too much to expect forgiveness from one whom she had hurt so badly. To simply wish away one’s mistakes. To imagine something beautiful coming from the smoldering ashes of their love.

Pulling her eyes away from his, Melodie forced herself to think rationally. For heaven’s sake, if a single, respectful arm around her waist provoked such feelings, what would happen if she actually succumbed to the urge to tuck his other arm securely around her, lean up against that granite-hard body and allow another human being to be strong for her for a change?

Like forsaking all reason and attempting to fly off a cliff by simply flapping one’s arms, she figured.

Melodie decided that she liked it better when Buck was mean to her. At least then she knew what to expect of him—and of herself.

“I don’t know about you,” Buck drawled softly into her ear, “but I’ve had just about enough of polite society as I can stand for one day. What do you say I go get the vehicle and pick you up out front?”

Gratitude flowed from every pore of Melodie’s body. “I’d be eternally grateful. It shouldn’t take me too long to say my final goodbyes.”

Without Buck at her side, Melodie suddenly felt as vulnerable as Lady Godiva. Instead of covering up, however, she lifted her chin proudly in the air and stood her ground as he made his way out the door. Hurt by the reaction of those she’d long considered her friends, Melodie decided if anyone wanted to talk to her, they could darn well take the initiative to approach her.

She didn’t recognize the tailored, painstakingly coiffed woman making a beeline straight for her. Perhaps they had gone to school together. The passage of time certainly hadn’t helped her limited ability to remember names and faces any.

The lovely redhead confirmed her suspicions. “You don’t know me,” she said in a polite, tight voice. “But I think I should introduce myself.”

“Were you a friend of my mother?” Melodie asked.

“No.”

That single word hung between them, flapping like a red flag hung out to dry on a blustery day. Melodie raised an eyebrow in confusion. Why would someone who knew neither her nor her mother attend the funeral? Intuition kept her from extending the woman her hand. She had a funny feeling she might just withdraw with a bloody stump if she did.

“I’m Judy Roes,” the lady stated with a smile that went no deeper than her lipstick. Green eyes glittered with disdain as they perused Melodie from head to toe.

Melodie shook her head apologetically. “Sorry. The name doesn’t ring a bell.”

Pushing a manicured hand through her hair, the woman responded in a voice so sweet one could have glazed a Christmas ham with it. “I don’t believe for a minute that Buck hasn’t mentioned me.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Melodie explained, “We really haven’t had much time to visit.”

As Judy Roes chewed on this bit of information, Melodie came to realize that they were the focal point of everyone’s attention. It seemed every eye in the room was staring at them. She apparently was the only one in the dark as to this woman’s identity and purpose.

“Look,” Melodie said, jumping to the first reasonable explanation that popped into her head. “If you’re interested in buying my mother’s estate, I’m not selling. And certainly not today.”

It was hard to imagine the gall of some people. She liked to think that decency would keep the buzzards from circling for at least a couple of days.

Judy threw her head back as if Melodie had slapped her. Her eyes narrowed into thin cat slits as she hissed, “I’m not interested in buying anything. I’m Buck’s fiancée!”