Читать книгу The Kicking the Bucket List - Cathy Hopkins - Страница 13

Saturday 3 October

Two envelopes arrived in the morning post.

Train tickets to Somerset from Mr Richardson, with an address and instruction to pack a case for Friday and Saturday, 9 and 10 October, and to meet our list organizer, Daniel Scott, on Saturday morning at nine a.m.

I looked up the address and sighed with relief. Greyshott Manor Hotel and Spa just outside Taunton. Dear Mum. She’d arranged a weekend of pampering, I thought. Why did I ever doubt her? What a sweetheart. And sensible. If Fleur, Rose and I could relax in each other’s company, maybe we could begin to mend some bridges.

The other envelope contained an official looking letter:

Dear Ms McDonald,

Regarding the matter of my late mother’s house, as you know, I have given the estate agent the go-ahead to start marketing. If there is any change in your circumstances and you find yourself in a position to proceed, please let me know as soon as possible. I respect that you were a good tenant for my mother for many years, so you have until the end of the month to give me your decision,

Regards,

Michael Harris

At least he was proposing to give me more time. Maybe a miracle would happen. I texted him back: I will be in touch after this weekend. A If I was right about the kind of man he was, the smiley would annoy him. Good, I thought.

Friday 9 October

I had an easy train journey, read a book and arrived at the hotel early Friday evening. It looked lovely. An old manor house set in acres of parkland.

Inside was a wide reception hall with oak floors, wood-panelled walls, tasteful antiques and the scent of lavender beeswax polish in the air. I was shown to the first floor by a well-spoken young woman with a ponytail called Felicity, who was eager to let me know all about the facilities of the hotel. When I saw the beautiful room with heavy drapes and king-size bed with velvet and brocade cushions, and the enormous bunch of country garden flowers, I felt myself tearing up at the idea of Mum having arranged such a treat for us. I hadn’t had a spa weekend in years, and was really looking forward to whatever treatments Mum had planned.

‘Have my sisters arrived?’ I asked. ‘Rose Edwards and Fleur Parker?’

‘Ms Edwards has arrived. I believe she’s having supper in her room,’ said Felicity. ‘And Ms Parker called this afternoon to say that she would be checking in later and didn’t require dinner.’

Fine, if that’s how you want to play it, I thought after Felicity had left me alone. I was glad to have some time to enjoy where I was. I ran a bath in the marble bathroom, poured in all the Molton Brown white sandalwood products from the shelves, then lay in it for half an hour, inhaling the woody scent and feeling utterly spoilt. After my bath, I put on the enormous fluffy white courtesy robe, ordered a chicken Caesar salad and a half-bottle of Sancerre. Bliss, I thought as I sank back into the plump cushions on the bed. All I need now is a handsome hunk with a thing about older women to share it all with. Maybe not. I’d feel self-conscious after so long. Maybe a long-sighted hunk? And can I really be bothered? It’s been a long time, years, since I’ve had a lover. I’m not sure I remember what goes where any more. I flicked on the telly. A romantic comedy was starting. Before Sunset.

If a man was with me, I thought, the channel would be changed and football put on. The duvet would be nicked in the night; I’d be kept awake by his snoring. No thanks. Sometimes it’s good to be single. I can watch what I want, sleep spread-eagled across the bed with no one to consider and no one to try and please.

Fleur

Friday 9 October, 11 a.m.

I called Rose’s house to suggest we drive down to the hotel together. I thought it would be a good chance to re-establish contact, find out how she’s doing. No one home. Left a message. Am packed and ready and looking forward to the weekend. Perhaps we could all have supper together this evening, break the ice, start things on a positive note.

1 p.m.: Texted Rose’s mobile. No answer.

5 p.m.: Tried Rose’s landline again. Still no one home. Might as well set off.

6 p.m.: Rose replied to my text. She’s already at the hotel. The mean cow. It clearly didn’t even occur to her that we could drive together. That’s how much she wants my company. So much for a cosy pre-programme supper – no way that’s going to happen now. Let it go, Fleur, let it go. Oh well, I don’t have to be there until the morning so I’ll get there in my own time when I’m good and ready and I’ll go straight to my room. Bugger the pair of them.

Dee

Saturday 10 October

Rose and Fleur were already in the lobby, seated at a low table, when I came down in the morning. Rose was dressed in her preppy casual look – jeans, a white shirt and pearls; Fleur, in pale pink cashmere and white jeans, looked as feminine as ever. I was in grey leggings and a loose T-shirt. We were at a spa, after all, and here to relax: who cared what we looked like? Not me. I’d had a good night’s sleep, a delicious room-service breakfast of scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and soda bread, and felt in a positive mood, looking forward to whatever Mum had planned for us. Maybe an aromatherapy massage? A facial? Reflexology?

‘I’ve already googled him,’ said Fleur, looking at her phone.

‘Who?’ I asked.

‘Daniel Scott,’ she replied and held up her phone screen for Rose and me. It showed a man with silver grey hair and smiling eyes, possibly in his fifties.

The photo looked like a professional PR shot but the man in it looked interesting. Damn, I thought. And I look like a bag lady. I was just wondering whether to run upstairs and change when the real-life Daniel appeared. He clocked immediately that Fleur had his face on her phone.

‘Been checking me out?’ His eyes twinkled. So did Fleur’s. Not mine, though, when he glanced at me. I felt myself sag inside. I felt sixteen again. Sixteen and I’d met a boy I liked, then along would come my younger sister and I’d become invisible. Game over. A memory from that time came to mind. I’d had a crush on a boy called Jimmy Nash and had gone to a local sport’s club with Fleur to watch him play football. The pitch was full of boys; as soon as they spotted Fleur, I’d watched with dismay as a ripple of male nostrils, Jim’s included, rose and fell like a Mexican wave in recognition of the scent of fresh and beautiful bait. My sister. She always had that effect on men.

‘Of course,’ said Fleur. ‘We want to know what we’re in for.’ She flicked a lock of hair and gave him a cheeky smile.

‘Good for you,’ said Daniel as he pulled up a chair to sit with us. ‘Always best to do your research.’

‘Exactly,’ said Fleur. When he turned away, she looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. She wanted us to be teens checking out the talent again, but I didn’t feel like playing along. Decades on, it would still be game over.

Rose looked less impressed. ‘I agree too. Who are you and what qualifies you for this job?’

Daniel appeared unfazed by her hostile tone. ‘Why don’t we go into the library area, then I can answer all your questions,’ he replied, then turned to me. ‘And you must be Daisy.’

‘Dee. Only my mother called me Daisy.’ I smiled at him. I wanted him to know that – unlike Rose – I was friendly; a friendly, saggy bag lady.

He led us into a snug room at the back of the hotel. It smelt of a peat fire, had old leather gentlemen’s armchairs and walls lined with books, the kind of place you could curl up and spend hours reading. Rose, Fleur and I sat around a coffee table in front of the fireplace.

Daniel closed the double doors and came to sit with us. ‘We shan’t be disturbed in here. So. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Daniel Scott and—’

‘How do you – or rather did you – know our mother?’ asked Rose.

‘Rose, I take it,’ said Daniel, then looked at Fleur, ‘and you must be Fleur.’

Fleur nodded. ‘Yes. Sorry, how rude of us,’ she gave Rose an accusing look. ‘Rose, Daisy … Dee, and Fleur. Daughters of Iris.’

‘She named us all after flowers,’ I said, then cursed myself for saying something so obvious.

‘Iris did tell me. I think that’s charming. Now, I know you must be wondering what you’re in for. It must be strange to be in your situation and wondering who the hell I am. Your mother got in touch with me last year to ask if I would meet with you all when the time came …’

As he spoke, I had a chance to appraise him properly. He looked fit, not rugby fit, more yoga fit, lean and long limbed, and he had an elegance about him as he sat back in his chair, at ease with us and with the world. A man with nothing to prove. White hair slightly longer than in his PR photo, a pale blue linen shirt, jeans, three rubber bracelets on his right wrist, orange, yellow and green – the kind that say you support a charity, a woven-thread Indian bracelet on the other wrist. His face showed his age and was slightly craggy, lived in, but not in a weary way; he had laughter lines around blue eyes that looked intelligent. He also looked amused by what was happening. But is that by us or by the situation he’s in with us? I wondered. Whichever, I decided, Daniel Scott is a very attractive and charismatic man.

‘So you met our mother?’ asked Rose.

‘I did,’ said Daniel. ‘On several occasions. She came to one of the meditation centres I oversee. She studied with the swami at the centre for many months about eight years ago and then again in her last year.’

‘Swami Muktanand. I remember her telling me about him,’ I said.

Daniel nodded. ‘That’s right. She was a true seeker, your mother, very open minded. We kept in touch.’

‘Did you visit her at the home?’ asked Fleur.

‘I did.’

‘Did she contact you or you her?’ asked Rose.

‘She contacted me.’

‘When?’

‘March or April this year – yes, late March I think it was. She said she’d been thinking a lot about her life, what she’d achieved and what she hadn’t.’ He stopped for a moment and regarded us all, each in turn. ‘She cared deeply that you should all be happy in your lives, and she regretted that you are no longer close.’

‘Yes, yes, we know all this. We’ve had the letter,’ said Rose.

‘Rose, no need to be abrupt,’ said Fleur. ‘Let the man speak.’

‘I just want to get on with it, whatever it is,’ said Rose.

Daniel nodded. ‘I understand. I also understand that this must be unusual for you all – not what you expected.’

‘You can say that again,’ said Rose.

Daniel gave her a brief nod. ‘I’ll do my best not to waste your time. In short, she devised a list of activities for the year. She did it with her friends, Jean and Martha,’ he looked at Rose again, ‘but I expect you know that much. She asked that I bring it to life, like an events manager – that’s my part. No more. I’m not here to comment or prove anything to you or to advise, merely to put her programme in place. Whatever else happens is strictly between you and your late mother.’

‘So what’s first?’ asked Rose.

Daniel reached into his briefcase and pulled out an Apple MacBook Air, which he placed on the table in front of us. ‘A recording from your mother.’

There was an audible gasp from all of us. ‘What! From Mum?’ I asked, ‘I mean with Mum in it?’

Daniel smiled and nodded. He really did have a nice smile. I smiled back.

‘That’s wonderful,’ I said.

Rose let out a breath. ‘Let’s hear what she has to say first.’

‘I think it’s wonderful too,’ said Fleur. ‘We never thought we’d hear her voice again.’

‘It’s not just her, Martha and Jean have taken part too,’ said Daniel. ‘Shall I turn it on?’

‘Please,’ said Rose, as if giving a command to a waiter.

I wished she’d lighten up a bit. Don’t shoot the messenger, I thought.

‘OK. Here we go. Don’t shoot the messenger,’ said Daniel as he pressed his keyboard and found a folder.

‘I was just thinking that,’ I said and laughed.

Fleur rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah sure.’

‘I was.’

Any further conversation was cut short when an image of Mum appeared on the laptop. My eyes welled up with tears at the sight of her. A little bird, she’d become so frail in her last year, her white hair tied up in some sort of red polka-dot turban. She was sitting on a sofa in her living room at the bungalow at the retirement village, and by her side were Jean and Martha. Three little birds. They were all grinning like kids who were bursting with a secret to tell.

‘Is it on?’ Mum said to someone off screen. Daniel, I assumed. ‘Yes. Right.’ She turned, looked directly into the camera and beamed at us. I couldn’t help but beam back. I was so pleased to see her. ‘Hello dollies,’ she said, using her old term of endearment. ‘Met Daniel have you? Don’t shoot the messenger, especially you Rose. Don’t give him a hard time. He’s only doing his job.’

I glanced at Daniel and our eyes met. Twinkle. Acknowledgement. Nice. Take that Fleur, I thought as I turned back to the screen. I looked closer and saw that the three of them had knotted their scarves on top of their heads, like housewives from the 1950s. Mum had a mop in her hand, Jean had a duster, and Martha a can of furniture polish. They held their items up near their faces in the manner of women in post-Second World War advertisements, then they all did a cheesy smile.

I laughed. Fleur gave me a look as if to say, what the …?

‘So, our outfits,’ said Mum as she looked back to the camera. ‘I’ll get to that in a moment. By now, you’ll have had my letter from Mr Richardson and know that I want you to follow my list for a year. Oh, I do hope you’re all there and one of you isn’t being awkward. It might seem a bit odd, but I am doing this for you, really I am.’

‘We want to pass on a wee bit of what we’ve learnt in our lives,’ said Jean.

‘Our very long lives,’ Mum added.

‘Yes, true,’ said Martha. ‘We’re all in our eighties now. None of us knows who will go first, but one knows that it’s inevitable that it might be soon. As the saying goes, nothing more certain than death, nothing more uncertain than the hour.’

‘Wuhooooo,’ said Jean, and lifted her hands up into the air as if mimicking a spirit rising.

‘Cheerful,’ said Mum.

‘I know, that’s me,’ said Martha with a smile, ‘but it’s a fact. Anyway, as you probably know from Iris, we’ve all been reading up about the afterlife and what’s next—’

To her side, Jean slashed at her neck with the tips of her fingers, acting out having her throat cut, then she shut her eyes, let her head loll to one side and stuck her tongue out.

Fleur and I burst out laughing, and even Daniel chuckled. Jean was always mucking about when we were growing up. It was good to see she hadn’t changed in her later years.

‘But I felt more concerned about this life,’ Mum interrupted. ‘I want no regrets when I go, and my major regret is you three not getting on. And I wonder if you’re all happy with the choices you’ve made. I know the world news is grim at the moment, it breaks my heart to hear what man is doing to man, and I worry how my girls are going to survive through it all, the anger and hatred you see every time you turn on the TV. That’s partly why I want you to follow my list. Sometimes you have to work hard to rise above the sorrows of the day, with what’s happening to you as individuals, but also what’s happening on a grander scale in the world at large. What I propose in the programme we have devised is my true legacy – not the money, though you will get that later, but ultimately it can’t buy what I want for you.’

‘It can pay the heating and health bills, though, so we’re not knocking it,’ said Jean.

‘Happiness doesn’t come from possessions or the material. One has to go deeper,’ added Martha.

I glanced over at Fleur and wondered how she felt about what they were saying. Her face gave nothing away. Rose’s left foot was twitching as it always did when she was uncomfortable.

‘I’m leaving this list so that you can explore, to a small degree, where happiness lies. To go forward with hope in your heart. Hah. If I was in better voice, I’d cue to a song right now.’

‘Dance on through the din, dance on through the pain—’ Jean sang blissfully out of tune.

Martha crossed her eyes and pulled a horrified face.

‘Wrong lyrics, Jean,’ said Mum. ‘But you know what we’re saying. Listen to songs that lift your heart, be with people who inspire you, go to places where you feel peace, cherish the ones you love.’

‘Indeed. Choice not chance determines destiny,’ said Martha. ‘And if you’re in a good frame of mind, if you’re happy, then it is easier to react to whatever life throws at you.’

‘So choose happiness when you can,’ continued Mum, ‘and I hope the methods we’ve arranged for you to look at in the coming months will go some way to help you do that.’

‘I’ve known you all your lives,’ said Jean, ‘since you were wee girls. What we want to say to you is: don’t waste your time with arguments, don’t miss out on the friendship of sisterhood because of petty disagreements or distance or whatever it is you tell yourselves to keep you all apart. I remember you when you were close when you were younger, even if you don’t. Give yourselves a chance to be close again.’

Mum nodded. ‘And follow your dreams. Make time for them.’

‘Do any of you have dreams, goals, things you’d still like to do?’ asked Jean. ‘Regrets about things you never did or said? Make time while you still have your health and movement. You don’t appreciate it until it’s gone. To have a healthy body means that you are free. Don’t underestimate that freedom.’

All three of them nodded at that. I thought about my dream – to be a successful and respected artist. I’d started out with such enthusiasm, but in recent years settled for just getting by.

‘The list looks at some of the different approaches to finding happiness,’ said Martha. ‘Of course, that happiness can be random, just comes across you some days out of the blue—’

‘Days of grace,’ Jean interrupted. ‘That’s what I used to call those times.’

‘But there are times when one needs a helping hand,’ Martha continued.

‘Yes,’ said Mum. ‘Like Rose: you work so hard, but I wonder if you ever get to enjoy the lifestyle you’ve worked to create. Kick back, baby girl, don’t always feel you have to be in charge. Enjoy time with Hugh and your children and let some of your feelings out before they make you ill. You know the saying – disease is really dis-ease. Learn to be at ease, Rose. And you Dee, you keep so much of what you’re feeling inside. You were always the peacemaker, but at what price? You’ve hidden away much of your true potential. Be the expressive soul you were meant to be. Bugger what the others think. Fleur, you took flight so early into a bad marriage and to live abroad. But where are your friends now? I rarely hear you speak of them.’ She looked at Martha and Jean with such tenderness. ‘Friends are priceless; as everything else slips away and no longer seems to matter, your friendships will. Cherish them, nurture them. You three have sisters, find the friendship you had with them again.’

‘No pressure then,’ said Fleur.

‘Shh,’ whispered Rose. I noticed her eyes were shiny, wet with tears, which was unlike Rose who, as Mum had said, was so in control of her emotions as well as everything else.

‘So. Cleaning,’ Mum continued from the screen. She brandished the mop. ‘That’s what this first weekend is about. Don’t worry, you don’t have to do any. It’s about giving the insides a clean, and we thought three different methods would be a good start to kick off with. The three approaches are: the emotional, the physical and the spiritual. First you will be starting with a session with a counsellor to get you all talking to each other. Clean out what you’ve all been holding back.’ She brandished her mop.

Rose and Fleur groaned.

‘No, don’t groan,’ said Mum.

I laughed nervously. This is spooky, I thought, like she’s here in the room.

‘You’ve got a lot to say to each other. You’ve all been bottling it up inside. Get it out, get rid, you’ll feel better for it,’ Mum continued.

‘Session two is colonic irrigation,’ said Jean.

‘What?’ gasped Rose.

‘Martha’s idea,’ said Mum with a chuckle. ‘Clear the crap. Great for the skin apparently.’

‘And lastly, tomorrow,’ said Martha, ‘a meditation session to clear out the negative thoughts, or at least go beyond them to find some peace inside. I found it very helpful when I was younger and living in India.’

‘Me too. But not in India,’ said Mum. ‘I know, this is probably not what you expected, but none of the weekends will be. We’ve tried to make it a varied programme with a few surprises. And the reason we want you to explore the different ways to be happy is simply because we wish you happiness. So. That’s it, I think.’ She looked at her friends. ‘Anything to add?’ They both shook their heads so Mum turned back to the camera. ‘OK. Good. Excellent. See you in a couple of months.’

The three of them went back into their 1950s ad pose, held it for a moment, then the screen went blank.

Daniel turned to Rose, Fleur and me, then handed us each a sheet of paper. ‘Your schedule for this weekend is on there, as well as my mobile number. Please call if you have any further questions. Oh and I must mention that, as well as the weekends, Iris asked me to send you the occasional message—’

‘From you or her?’ asked Rose.

‘From her. You should have already got one – about being a winner not a loser?’

‘I wondered who that was from,’ said Fleur.

‘I thought it was from Anna,’ I said.

‘Rose?’ asked Daniel.

‘I got it. How many will there be? What are they about?’

‘I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to disclose that. Iris wanted them to be a surprise.’

Rose let out a heavy sigh. ‘I hate surprises.’

‘I don’t,’ said Fleur. ‘I love them.’ She looked at Daniel flirtatiously but it was hard to read his reaction.

‘If you could confirm I have the right email addresses too, please. Apart from that, your first session today is at eleven,’ Daniel continued. ‘Second is at two this afternoon. The evening is for relaxation and leisure, and tomorrow the meditation session starts at ten.’ He stood. ‘I know it’s a lot to take in, so I’ll give you some privacy to talk about the recording. Have a nice day and I’ll see you tomorrow morning – and may I say how much I am looking forward to working with you on your mother’s last wishes.’ He picked up his laptop and briefcase and gave us a slight bow. ‘Until later.’

*

‘And may I say how much I am looking forward to working with you,’ said Fleur in a perfect impression of Daniel’s south London accent after the door had closed behind him. She’d always been a good mimic, another talent to add to her already long list.

‘I take it you didn’t like him?’ I asked.

Fleur gave me a look to say, isn’t that obvious? ‘Too silky smooth. I bet you do, though. He’s just your type.’

‘He is not. Why do you say that?’

‘I know you. He’s Mr Touchy-Feely.’ She went into her Daniel impression again. ‘I’m an emotionally intelligent man. Oh, I understand, let me give you some privacy, I am so sympathetic. Your type.’

‘You were the one flirting with him.’

‘It’s always good to keep in practice but, seriously, not interested.’

‘Sounds like the lady doth protest too much.’

‘No, really. I mean, did you see those rubber wristbands? So pretentious. You don’t even have to believe in the cause because your bracelet says it for you. They say I support charities. I support meaningful causes. Right on, brother, and all that.’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘I think the people that really do something don’t flaunt it. They just do it, quietly, sans bracelet, sans advertisement to the world that says they are one of the good guys.’

I didn’t tell her that up until a month ago I’d worn two bracelets from charities I supported. ‘No more than wearing a pink ribbon for breast cancer awareness or a poppy on Remembrance Day.’

‘Oh knock it off you two,’ said Rose. ‘What does it matter if he wears bracelets? As Mum said, don’t shoot the messenger.’

‘What did you think of him, Rose?’ I asked.

‘It doesn’t really matter what I think, does it? We’re doing this for Mum, though I did think he was a bit full of himself. Smug. Probably because he knows what we’re in for.’

‘Your type?’ asked Fleur.

Rose gave her a withering look by way of reply.

‘And what about Mum’s programme of events?’ I asked.

‘Ridiculous. Colonic irrigation as a way to explore happiness? Seriously?’ said Rose. ‘I think perhaps Mum was on some weird medication when she thought this up, because frankly it’s bordering on insane. I mean, come on, a dead woman sends her three daughters to have colonic irrigation as one of the conditions of her will. It’s mad.’

Fleur laughed. ‘I agree, it does sound a bit bonkers when you put it like that. I thought we’d be doing happy things, seeing as it’s supposed to be an exploration of how to be happy.’

‘Like what?’ I asked.

‘What makes anyone happy? Looking at flowers. Skipping in sunlit fields. Eating cupcakes. Drinking champagne. Buying shoes.’

Rose looked at her as if she was deranged. ‘Buying shoes?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, but having a colonic would definitely not be top of my “how to be happy” list.’

‘Maybe she’s punishing us for not seeing each other?’ I suggested.

Fleur suddenly burst out laughing.

Rose turned to her. ‘Why is that funny?’

‘I’ve just realized the inference. Why she’s done it. Mum was saying we’re full of shit.’

Fair point, I thought.

‘In that case, our mother might have been eighty-seven but she was surprisingly immature,’ said Rose. ‘I suppose she thought it was funny too.’

‘She probably did,’ I said.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Fleur. ‘I’ve had colonics. They’re not so bad. Your skin will glow and your eyes will sparkle. Doesn’t hurt. Might even do us some good.’

‘And this is supposed to bring us together how?’ asked Rose.

‘I can see the sense of it, sort of,’ I said. ‘A clear-out is always a good thing. Like clearing the leaves out of drains, get rid of the rubbish and you get to the clear water underneath.’

Rose raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Typical of you to say something like that. Did you hear it at one of your New Age workshops down in Cornwall?’

‘No, but I do tell my art students that when they feel that their work isn’t going well. In any creative venture, you always have to clear the gunk first. Don’t you tell your writers that?’

‘No. I tell them to rewrite.’

‘Same thing, sort of.’

But I’d lost Rose’s attention. As far as she was concerned, she was the only one whose opinion mattered when it came to being creative. She glanced at her watch. ‘There are so many other things I could be doing with this weekend. I’m going to my room. I’ll see you for the first session at eleven.’

With that, she turned and walked off.

Fleur sighed and took the paper from me. ‘Ah. Happy days,’ she said as she glanced at it, then left the room and took off in the direction of the bar.