Читать книгу Hannah's Baby - Cathy Thacker Gillen - Страница 7

Her heart in her throat, Hannah rushed toward the door and flung it open. On the other side of the portal, a Taiwanese nanny stood, with Hannah’s baby in her arms. For a second, Hannah was so overwhelmed with emotion, she could barely breathe. Her daughter was here—at long last.

And the baby was so much smaller than Hannah had expected. Only about fourteen pounds, at ten months of age. She was also absolutely, incredibly beautiful. Dark almond-shaped eyes were framed by long thick lashes and nestled beneath thin expressive brows. Her nose was cute and pert, her bow-shaped lips unexpectedly solemn. Her round little face was fuller than it had been in the photo that had been sent months ago, her bone structure more delicately feminine, and her legs and arms were almost alarmingly limp and thin. Her golden skin was flushed pink and it was easy to see why—her child was way too warmly dressed for a summer day. But this, too, Hannah had learned was typical. The Taiwanese feared children becoming chilled and catching cold. Hence, infants here were always quite warmly dressed, no matter what the season.

“This is Zhu Ming,” the nanny said, as the same scene was repeated at doors up and down the hotel corridor.

“Hello, Isabella Zhu Ming,” Hannah whispered tenderly, holding out her arms. The nanny gently made the transfer. Inundated with the love she’d felt for months, Hannah smoothed a tuft of wispy black hair from her little girl’s cheek and held her close.

In response, wariness gleamed in her daughter’s dark eyes, resistance tautened her body. Her baby wasn’t struggling to get away, but she wasn’t melting into her embrace, either, Hannah noted in disappointment. Rather, she regarded her with a world-weary resignation that went far beyond her age.

It’s going to take time for her to adjust and to trust that you won’t leave her, too, Hannah had been warned.

Intellectually, she’d braced herself for just this situation, many times over. Still, she felt momentarily shaken by her child’s stoic resistance.

The nanny handed over a diaper bag containing formula, rice cereal and half a dozen diapers. “We return at nine in morning, escort you to local court, finalize adoption.” The nanny touched Isabella’s cheek. “Zaijian, Zhu Ming.”

Isabella’s lower lip trembled at the nanny’s soft goodbye. She looked even more frightened and uncertain as the woman walked away and the door shut gently behind her.

Hannah caught a glimpse of Joe’s expression—he seemed as transfixed and in awe as she—then turned her full attention back to the child of her dreams.

“It’s all right, sweetheart,” she soothed, walking slowly toward the windows overlooking the city. She’d hoped the view would soothe the little girl. Instead, the view of the tall, elegant buildings made Isabella Zhu Ming all the more anxious. Tears eked out of the corners of her infant’s eyes. She wasn’t making a sound, but she was clearly very distressed.

And no wonder, she thought, her heart going out to her sweet little baby girl. Isabella Zhu Ming probably hadn’t been out of the orphanage since she was abandoned in a marketplace, the previous autumn. To be dressed in clothes that were way too warm, driven several hours on a bus and then to be promptly handed over to a stranger who didn’t even speak her own language had to be very frightening indeed.

Resolved to make this transition as easy as possible, Hannah continued walking her baby about the hotel room, gently rubbing her back and speaking softly. “We’ve got all the time in the world, my sweet baby girl. Your momma’s here, and I promise from here on out I’ll do everything in my power to protect you so you never feel abandoned ever again.”

JOE’D THOUGHT EVERY OUNCE of overwrought sentimentality had been wrung out of him in the year after his parents’ death. He didn’t cry, period. So it was a shock to feel his throat tightening as he watched Hannah interact with her baby for the very first time.

There was something so tender in the way she held the child.

Something equally moving in the way the child was responding to her.

Which went to show how much a mother’s love could mean.

And Hannah did love this child she had barely met. That was apparent. The two were already bonding, albeit slowly and cautiously on Isabella Zhu Ming’s part.

Noting the way the baby had started chewing and sucking on her tiny fist, Hannah retrieved the bag of essential items the nanny had left. With her free hand, Hannah perused what was inside the canvas knapsack. Still cuddling the baby close to her breasts, she paused to read a typewritten set of instructions.

Wordlessly, Hannah hazarded a glance at Joe, who was trying without much success to get back to work, then frowned as she walked back over to the bed to put the baby down.

As soon as the baby hit the feather comforter, she began to cry.

“Oh, dear.” Hannah immediately picked the infant back up again.

Isabella stopped crying and held on to her for dear life.

Hannah looked at Joe. “I know I promised I wouldn’t ask…”

Uh-oh.

“…but according to the schedule, Isabella is supposed to have a bottle of soy formula at 4 p.m. I need to get the bottle ready and check her diaper and see if it’s wet, and since this is all so new to her…”

Hannah looked so tortured about having to make the request, he let her off the hook with a casual offer of assistance. “You want me to hold her?” he said as if it were no big deal, when it felt like it was going to be a very big deal.

Hannah nodded, looking emotional again. “Would you, please? Just for a moment?” she asked in a low, quavering tone.

He held out his arms.

Isabella went into them with a suspicious look. When Hannah eased away, Isabella continued to glare at him. Surprised at the tenderness welling up inside of him, Joe offered his little finger. Still scowling, the baby stared at it for a long minute, then thrust out her lower lip petulantly and latched on to it with one tiny fist.

Joe looked into eyes that held far too much cynicism for someone so young. He tried—and failed—to coax even a hint of a smile from her. “I don’t think she likes me as much as she likes you,” he teased.

Hannah lifted her brows accepting the lighthearted comment with the sentiment with which it had been made. Turning back to her task, she prepared the bottle with powdered soy formula and boiled water from the thermos that was standard in all Taiwanese hotel rooms. “She probably just hasn’t been around many men. I think all the workers in the orphanages are women.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” Joe regretted his pass on the razor that morning. He lifted Isabella’s tiny hand to his stubble and saw her frown as if perplexed. “You probably think I should have shaved prior to our introduction, huh?”

Isabella stared at Joe, wide-eyed.

At least for the moment, Joe thought, she was distracted from her hunger…

Hannah fastened the nipple onto the mouth of the plastic baby bottle and twisted tight. As she approached them, she grinned and tilted her head a little to one side to survey him better. “You do look a little like a pirate,” she said thoughtfully.

Aware the dramatic repartee was working to entertain the solemn child, Joe pretended to be incensed. “You hear that, Isabella Zhu Ming? I think I’ve just been insulted!”

Isabella turned to Hannah, as if waiting to see her reaction to Joe’s assertion.

Hannah did not disappoint. She made a face that was just as comical—and just as interesting to little Isabella.

“No, you weren’t!” Hannah scoffed, peering at Joe and then Isabella. “Pirates are sexy!”

“Are we talking about me now—or the actors in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies?” He glided closer.

Hannah shook the bottle vigorously, blushing all the while. “Orlando Bloom, of course. I’ve always had a bit of a crush on him and he made an incredible swashbuckler.”

Good to know Hannah hadn’t been hitting on him just now, Joe thought wryly. No sense in setting either of them up for disappointment. Not that he had ever expected anything to come of his association with Hannah, anyway. She was putting down roots in her hometown. He had nowhere to go back to and didn’t really want a home base. Traveling was easier. Roaming around the way he did, there was no expectation of belonging. All that was required was that he fit in temporarily, and then move on, without looking back. He was an ace at that.

Hannah tested the formula on her wrist. “Whoa. They told us to use the boiled water in the hotel thermoses for making formula, but this is going to have to cool off for a minute.”

Too late, Isabella had seen the bottle. Making no bones about how hungry she was, she reached out her hands and when it didn’t come right away, began to cry.

“Hang on, little one, it’s coming,” Hannah soothed, wincing at the sound of the baby’s high-pitched, heartbreaking sobs. She rushed to put the bottle under cool running water. After a minute or so beneath the tap, the formula had cooled enough for her to give Isabella the bottle. Once Joe handed the baby back to her, Isabella took the bottle between her little hands and sucked greedily.

In two minutes flat, the bottle was empty.

Isabella looked back at Hannah, clearly wanting more. Hannah seemed nonplussed. “Should we fix her another bottle?”

She was asking him? What did he know about babies, except how to hold one in an emergency? “Sounds fine to me,” he said, returning the decision to her.

HANNAH DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HAD gotten into her. She had been preparing for this day for months now, yet she was suddenly all flustered. Worse, she knew why. From the moment they’d first met, she’d always been a little too aware of Joe.

And it was more than just his appearance—which was very appealing in itself. But, ultimately it was the sophistication that came from seeing so much of the world. The way he knew when to come a little closer, and when to back off. It was the kindness in his eyes, the gentleness in his touch, and the way Isabella looked up at him, completely spellbound after just a few minutes in his strong arms.

He would have been the perfect father to her baby.

If only he’d been interested in having a family…which he wasn’t.

She needed to remember that. And she needed to stop leaning on him, asking him to help her get Isabella settled in.

“Want me to hold her while you fix another bottle?” Joe asked.

It was now or never. She had told everyone she could do this as a single mother. It was time to prove it. Hannah drew a bolstering breath. “Actually, I think we’re fine. So if you want to do anything else…see the sights, go out to dinner…it’d be fine. We’ll be fine.”

For a second, Joe’s expression didn’t change. Then, ever so subtly, a veil came over his emotions. Once again, he became the Joe who had picked her up two days ago. The Joe who had taken her to the airport and sat in a different section of the airplane. The Joe who was there to escort her to and from Taiwan and nothing more.

“Good idea.” He flashed her a handsome grin that filled her senses. “You two probably want time to settle in.”

Oblivious to her disappointment, he pocketed his electronic room key and gave her a wink. “Don’t wait up.”

IN THE HOURS THAT FOLLOWED, Hannah had plenty of time to regret her decision to send Joe off into the nightlife of Taipei. The first moment came when she realized she only had enough powder for one more bottle, and Isabella didn’t like the taste of the American-made soy formula she had brought with her. Fortunately, one of the other adoptive families on the floor had anticipated this and made a run to the closest grocery for more. They shared their extra with Hannah.

The next problem was not so easily solved.

She was still contemplating what to do about it when Joe returned four hours later. He walked in, saw her sitting in a chair, Isabella cradled in her arms.

He lifted one blond brow. “Still awake?”

Fatigue fighting with the contentment deep inside her, Hannah nodded. “Oh, yeah.”

Joe set his room key, wallet and BlackBerry on top of the bureau. He toed off his loafers, then came over to sit on the side of the bed, opposite her. He braced his elbows on his thighs. Leaning closer, his expression softened as his gaze moved over the fully alert baby snuggled contentedly in her arms. “That’s not a good thing?”

Hannah didn’t have a lot of experience with infants. But…“In the orphanage she would have been asleep two hours ago, or so the schedule says.”

Joe shifted his gaze from Isabella Zhu Ming to Hannah. “Then what happened?”

Hannah flushed at his scrutiny. “I’m not sure.”

He returned his attention to the baby. “What do you know?”

Hannah made a face that mirrored her inner frustration at having apparently failed as a mother so soon. A good mother, she felt, would have been able to take charge immediately, rather than be at the mercy of emotions in her baby she couldn’t quite soothe. She inclined her head at Isabella. “I can’t get her to sleep and I can’t put her down.”

Joe took a moment to consider that. “If you can’t put her down, how do you change her diaper?” he asked eventually.

Despite her efforts to play it cool, ruefulness crept into her tone. “With great difficulty.”

Joe eyed the telltale stains on her white dress. “I see what you mean,” he remarked dryly, knowing as well as Hannah she couldn’t sit there forever. “So what’s the plan?” he asked.

“I was going to try and bathe her in the hopes that the warm water would relax her.”

Joe seemed to concur that it was a good plan. “But…?”

Hannah swallowed, aware she was beginning to feel overwhelmed by all she didn’t know and had yet to experience. “Isabella’s never had an actual bath in a tub or sink. The caretakers wipe them down with washcloths in the orphanage.”

Compassion lit his eyes. “You think she’s going to freak?”

Unfortunately, yes. “It had occurred to me.”

He squinted. “What happened to her hair?”

Hannah looked down at the top of Isabella’s head. “I rubbed baby oil into her scalp, to soften the cradle cap.”

Joe moved to stand beside Hannah. “It looks soft, all right.”

As well as greasy. “Obviously, I need to shampoo that out.”

Looking more man of action than uninvolved bystander, Joe braced his hands on his waist. “Hard to do if you can’t put her down,” he noted.

Hannah didn’t want Isabella screaming in terror before she even got her in the water. Nor could she do everything with one hand, while still holding Isabella with the other. “Exactly.”

Joe sized up the situation. “Want me to help?”

He didn’t know how much. Yet, her conscience prevailed. “I promised you that you wouldn’t have to do this stuff,” Hannah reminded him guiltily.

Joe’s lips tightened with determination. “Let me put it to you this way. If she doesn’t sleep, you don’t sleep. And if neither of you sleep, I won’t sleep…and I like to sleep. So, what do you say we get this show on the road? Where do you want to do this?” he asked.

Hannah sized up the accommodations. The bathtub was way too big and deep for a baby who couldn’t even sit up yet. “How about the sink?”

“Good choice.” Joe cleared the toiletries from the marble counter between the two sinks. “She can look at herself in the mirror.”

Hannah turned the infant so that Isabella could see her reflection. The smile she had hoped to see did not come, but Isabella kept her gaze on the mirror. “If you could hold her, I can get everything ready.”

Joe held out his hands. Their hands and arms touched as they shifted the baby from her embrace to his. Isabella’s brows knit together, but she did not make a sound.

Hannah spread a thick hotel towel on the counter, and draped the baby bath towel on top of that. She brought in a bottle of lavender-scented baby wash and shampoo, a small thin baby washcloth, a clean diaper, undershirt and sleeper. Joe swayed the baby back and forth in his arms until the shallow oval basin was filled with warm water.

Hannah turned to him, aware she was nervous again. Maybe because it had never been more important to her to do something right. “I’ll ease her clothes off while you hold her.”

“Sounds good.”

Gently, she eased the pants and sweater Isabella had been wearing from her body. The diaper, after that. It was the first time Hannah had seen her baby without any clothing. She was shocked by how thin Isabella’s arms were, but relieved to see her torso was nice and sturdy, her ribs barely discernible beneath her delicate golden skin.

Hannah checked Joe to see if he was ready. He looked back at her as if to say, Here goes.

Murmuring soft words of comfort, Hannah eased Isabella Zhu Ming into the warm water. Isabella stiffened, a look of terror on her face, and began to struggle hysterically to get out. Joe produced the yellow rubber ducky. Isabella batted it away, still kicking.

He began speaking in Mandarin Chinese.

Isabella grew very still.

He did a little puppet show. “Huaji rubber ducky. Rubber ducky xihuan, Isabella Zhu Ming…”

He made quacking sounds that had Hannah smiling, Isabella solemn but intent. He had the duck “swim” circles around Isabella and washed the rubber ducky’s beak with the same baby wash Hannah was using on Isabella. By the time Hannah had put the shampoo in Isabella’s hair and tenderly massaged it in, Isabella was less concerned with the newness of her bath, reaching tentatively for the duck. She had it clutched in her hand by the time Hannah rinsed the soap out with a cup of water. Joe and Hannah locked eyes. They shared the triumph of her first bath, which, thanks to his help, had been relatively stress-free.

Isabella was still holding on to the toy when Hannah drew her out and wrapped her in a hooded towel. Soundlessly, Isabella examined every aspect of the duck while Hannah dressed her in a soft pink cotton sleeper. Hannah picked her up and breathed in the soft, clean baby scent of her. Tenderness, unlike anything she had ever felt, filled her heart. And she could have sworn, Joe felt it, too…

JOE HAD HEARD IT COULD TAKE days, weeks…even months for an adoptive mother to bond with an older infant.

Obviously, he noted as Hannah cuddled Isabella Zhu Ming Callahan close to her heart, this was not the case here. There was an unspoken connection between the two that transcended the barrier of so much that was unfamiliar. They communicated with touch and look. The message both were sending out was that they belonged together.

“You look so…wistful,” Hannah remarked, reluctantly handing Isabella back to Joe so she could make another bottle of formula.

“Do I?” He cradled Isabella in his arms and found the experience of holding the sweet and solemn little girl every bit as fulfilling as Hannah evidently had. Was this how it felt to be a parent? Was he giving up something incredible in refusing even to consider the possibility of fathering a child? Or was he being smart, given the kind of life he led, in abandoning the idea of a family of his own?

Finished making the bottle, Hannah retrieved Isabella and sat down in one of the upholstered chairs in front of the windows.

“You do.” She offered the bottle to Isabella. Once again, the baby turned her head away from Hannah to drink it. She stared at Joe instead.

Restless, Joe got up and took one of the chocolates the hotel staff had left on his pillow at turndown. “I was just thinking about how much of the world I have left to see and write about,” he fibbed, sure the unexpected sentiment he felt would disappear the moment they got back to the States and parted company once again.

Hannah shifted so the baby would be situated more comfortably in her arms. “How many books have you done so far?”

Joe picked up the camera she had brought with her and took a couple of photos he knew she would appreciate later. “Ten.”

Hannah smiled as the baby snuggled closer and shut her eyes. “How many do you intend to do?”

He shrugged, intent on capturing that moment of sweet mother-daughter bonding. He knelt and used the zoom function on the lens. “Fifty, if I’m lucky, plus updated versions of all the books I have in print.”

Hannah considered him thoughtfully. “Which means you go back to the countries you’ve already detailed?”

Wishing the two of them were like-minded enough to date, Joe nodded. “Right. I add new places, take out others that have either declined or closed their doors.” Desire welled inside him. He shunted it aside deliberately.

Compassion lit Hannah’s dark-brown eyes. “It must be exciting.”

And lonely, he thought. Especially on nights like this, when he was in an incredible city and had no one special to share it with. He turned the attention back to her once again. “You traveled a lot in your previous job, didn’t you?”

Hannah shifted the baby to her shoulder. “Every week I went somewhere to meet with a customer and help them revise or completely retool the marketing plan for their business.”

“Did you like it?”

Hannah patted Isabella gently on the back. “I liked the challenge of figuring out how to make something better.” She scowled, admitting, “I hated living out of a suitcase in so-so hotel rooms, always getting in late—or having to leave very early—driving rental cars in unfamiliar cities….”

Joe grinned. “I’m getting the sense you didn’t enjoy the traveling part,” he teased.

“You sense right. Although,” she added pensively, “maybe it would have been different if five-star accommodations and chauffeured limos had been part of my expense account.” She sneaked a peek at the infant curled up on her shoulder. “I think she’s finally asleep.”

“Want to try and put her down?”

Hannah nodded.

Joe took the empty baby bottle from her hand, being careful not to touch her in the process. She rose slowly, Isabella still in her arms, glided ever so carefully over to the port-a-crib in the corner, and gingerly eased Isabella down on her back.

To their mutual relief, Isabella slept on.

The picture of maternal tenderness, Hannah took the pink cotton baby quilt with the satin trim and tucked it around her new daughter. Next to her child, she secured the rubber ducky and an infant-size teddy bear, so both would be within reach when Isabella did wake up.

Hannah stepped back, still looking down at her daughter. Joe was so busy admiring her skill as a mother, he didn’t get out of her way fast enough. Their bodies brushed. She tilted her face up to his. Their glances met, and it was all Joe could do to keep from taking her into his arms, lowering his mouth to hers. The rational side of him knew, however, that kissing her now would be out of line. The last thing he wanted to do was take advantage of her, or the situation.

Pushing his own desire aside once again, Joe cleared his throat, stepped back. He wished the situation were different, he were different. Because if he were a stay-in-one-place kind of guy he wouldn’t hesitate to make a move on Hannah, to see if this simmering attraction he’d been feeling led anywhere. But he wasn’t in the market for a wife and kid. And she wasn’t the kind of woman looking to have a fleeting affair. It was best, then, that they stayed friends. And only friends. “Guess we better hit the sack while we can,” he stated affably.

Hannah’s dreamy expression faded. In complete control of her emotions once again, she nodded. “No telling how long she’ll sleep.”

Joe walked over to the bureau where he had stowed his things. On top was his BlackBerry. Before he attached it to the charger, he checked the screen, saw the text message. He exhaled, resigned, and turned back to her. “I have to make a call. I’ll go downstairs.”

“You can do that here,” she offered.

Joe dreaded the upcoming conversation. This was not a part of his life he wished to share, even inadvertently. “I don’t want to chance waking Isabella up.” He pocketed his hotel room key card and warned without inflection, “I may be a while. So don’t feel you have to wait up.”