Читать книгу Nobody’s Son: Part 3 of 3: All Alex ever wanted was a family of his own - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 5

‘What’s that?’ Adrian cried in alarm from the living room.

‘It’s Alex. I’m going to him now.’

I hurried up the stairs to his bedroom as one crash followed another. After giving a perfunctory knock on his door I went in. A toy car zoomed past my head and crashed into the wall behind me.

‘Alex! Put that down,’ I said as he picked up another toy ready to throw. ‘You’ll break it.’

‘Don’t care!’

He threw it. The floor was already littered with items he’d thrown in the short time it had taken me to leave the kitchen and come upstairs: toys, books, his new trainers: in fact, anything that had come to hand.

‘That’s enough!’ I said as he raised his hand again. A box of crayons flew across the room. I went over and, taking him by the arm, drew him away from the toy box.

‘Leave me alone!’ he cried, struggling.

‘No. You’re going to regret breaking your toys. I know you’re angry and upset, but this isn’t the way to show it.’

‘Yes, it is!’ He pulled against me, trying to reach a book, possibly to hit me with.

‘No, Alex. Come and sit down and calm down.’

‘I hate you!’ he cried. He was easily held, he was so small and light.

‘Alex, if you’re angry punch the pillow,’ I said, directing him to the pillow on his bed. ‘It’s better than breaking your toys or hitting me.’ I thumped the pillow hard with my fist to demonstrate. ‘You can hit the pillow as hard as you like.’ I’d encouraged other children I’d fostered to pillow or cushion thump when they needed to let go of their anger. It was one of the techniques I used. ‘Go on. Thump it hard, like I am,’ I said, pummelling the pillow. He followed my example and thumped the pillow a few times, then turned his anger on his soft toys and thumped them too. He immediately regretted it and burst into tears.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, picking up Simba and hugging him. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

I eased him down to sit on the bed and I sat next to him. ‘Simba will be OK,’ I said gently. ‘Lions are very strong.’

Alex buried his face in his soft toy and cried quietly, his anger spent for now. I slipped my arm around his waist. ‘It’s OK,’ I said. ‘You’ll be all right soon.’

Footsteps sounded on the stairs and then Paula appeared at Alex’s bedroom door, looking very worried. I threw her a reassuring smile. ‘You go down with Adrian. Alex and I will be down soon.’ She gave a small nod, turned and went downstairs.

‘We’re all worried about you,’ I said to Alex. ‘Adrian, Paula, me and Debbie.’

‘I’m not going to my review,’ he said through his tears.

‘If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to. You can tell me what you want to say.’ But I knew this wasn’t the only reason for his anger.

He sniffed and drew his hand across his eyes. I reached for a tissue. ‘You can tell them I don’t want to be adopted again,’ he said tightly.

‘OK. But I think Debbie has already told you that she’s looking for a special foster family for you where you will be the youngest or only child.’

‘Because of what happened with James?’ he asked astutely. I wiped his eyes. ‘I tried to get on with him, honest I did.’

‘I know, love. It wasn’t your fault. You need to believe that.’

‘They lie at my reviews,’ Alex said bitterly. ‘At my last one they promised I’d have a forever family. I’m not going to any more reviews because they lie.’

‘I understand it must look that way. But no one knew this would happen. We all thought it would be good for you.’ His little face was so sad and pitiful. I dearly wished I could take his pain away. It was difficult to know what else I could say. We were quiet for a moment. ‘Alex, I know what happened seems dreadful now, and of course you are feeling upset and angry, but I have found in life that often things happen for a reason. Even things that go wrong and seem very bad at the time can turn out for the best in the end. Does that make any sense?’

He shook his head. ‘I wanted a family, but they didn’t want me.’

‘Perhaps that wasn’t the right family for you,’ I suggested.

‘But you all said it was.’

‘I know. We thought so. They seemed right, but perhaps if you’d stayed there you would have been unhappy. We won’t ever know. But what I’m saying is that possibly in the future you may think that what happened was for the best.’ Unlikely though this seemed at present, I had to give him some hope.

Alex didn’t say anything further, and very likely my philosophy was too much for a seven-year-old. We sat together for a while longer, Alex cuddling Simba and me with my arm around him. I was aware that Adrian and Paula were alone downstairs and worried. ‘Do you feel you could come down now?’ I asked. ‘Adrian and Paula will be wondering where you are.’

He nodded, tucked Simba into bed and then we stood, stepping over the thrown toys as we left his room. Downstairs Alex joined Adrian and Paula in the living room and, squatting on the floor, he continued with the puzzle he’d been doing previously. Adrian and Paula glanced at him and then at me. I nodded and they resumed what they were doing. I knew they wouldn’t say anything to Alex about his outburst, for they appreciated that all children get angry and upset sometimes, and no one wants a reminder once they’re over it. Alex would be helping me clear up his room later though, which should make him less likely to throw things in anger again in the future.

If I’m honest the half-term holiday grew more and more fraught, despite the activities I’d arranged. Alex’s behaviour steadily deteriorated. He exploded into anger at the smallest provocation, although he was never cruel or unkind to Adrian and Paula. He was also running away whenever we were out, despite my watching him very carefully. His running off not only caused me a lot of worry but also embarrassment. Losing a child once is forgivable, but losing them regularly isn’t. On Tuesday Alex disappeared while we were at the indoor activity centre, and after a frantic search by me and the staff he was found hiding in the men’s toilets. I told him off and cut half an hour of his television time. Then on Wednesday morning, while we were shopping for some new school trousers for him, I turned to the hangers to select another size and he was gone. Adrian and Paula didn’t see in which direction he’d vanished, and we began calling his name and hunting around the rails of clothes. With no sight of him I became increasingly anxious, and I reported him missing to one of the assistants, who put out a call over the Tannoy system. After another very anxious fifteen minutes he was found – the security guard had stopped him as he was about to leave the store. Reunited, I thanked the guard profusely, told Alex off and warned him of the dangers of running away. I also said that if he didn’t stop running off I wouldn’t be able to take him out again. The thought of what could have happened to him had he left the store tormented me for the rest of the day. That evening I heard Adrian say to Alex, ‘You must stop running away. It makes us all worried and Mum upset.’

‘She’s not my mum,’ Alex replied tellingly.

And of course producing a reaction in us was most likely the reason Alex was running off – if we were worried and upset then it proved we cared. I told him often that we cared, but for a child like Alex who’d been badly let down and was convinced that no one loved him, seeing our concern was far more effective than me telling him: actions speak louder than words. Did he believe I cared? I didn’t know, but on Thursday morning I cut short our trip to the swimming pool, as Alex kept leaving the water and running off into the changing rooms, male and female. I couldn’t leave Adrian and Paula unsupervised in the water, so I had to keep getting everyone out of the pool to go and find him. It was very stressful, so after about thirty minutes of this I apologized to Adrian and Paula and said it was best if we all left.

‘It’s OK, Mum,’ Adrian said amicably. ‘I’ve had a nice swim.’ I knew he would have liked to have stayed longer, so I was touched and grateful that he was being so understanding.

The questionnaires for Alex’s review had arrived in the post on Tuesday morning. One for me and one for him. They were only short – ten or so questions, printed on a form for the carer and a child-friendly booklet for the child. The questions for the carer were around how the child was doing in the placement, while the booklet for the child asked how they felt about being in care and what life was like with their carer. I’d completed my form on Tuesday evening – it had taken about fifteen minutes – but I’d put off giving Alex his as I knew that there were at least two questions he would find upsetting: ‘What has gone well for you since your last review?’ ‘What hasn’t gone well?’

I usually sat with the child while they completed their booklet to help with any questions they couldn’t read or didn’t understand. Both forms would be handed to the independent reviewing officer (IRO) at the start of the review. As the foster carer I was expected to encourage the child to complete the booklet, so after dinner on Thursday, with the review the following morning, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. Once Adrian and Paula were occupied in the living room, I took Alex aside and, handing him the booklet, said we needed to fill it in now and that I’d help him if he wished. He knew what was involved from the reviews he’d attended before.

‘I’m not writing in that,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m not going to my review.’ He passed the booklet back.

‘I think we should try to answer a few questions,’ I said, opening the booklet to show him. The first one is easy: ‘Do you know why you’re in care?’

‘I’m not answering any,’ he said, and turned away.

‘What about if I do the writing and you tell me what to write?’ Which is what I’d done previously with some of the children I’d fostered, especially those with learning difficulties who couldn’t read or write.

‘No. I’m not telling you what to write,’ he said, and his face set. ‘They lie. They don’t care.’

‘They do care and they’d like to know what you think. But if you really don’t want to fill it in, OK.’ I wasn’t going to make an issue of it and I closed the booklet.

‘Can I go now?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

He looked slightly surprised, perhaps thinking I was going to lecture him or stop his television, but managing a child’s behaviour is as much about what you can reasonably let go as what they have to do. So while it was crucial that Alex stopped running away, for his own safety, completing the booklet was desirable but not essential.

That night Alex didn’t have a nightmare as such but did a lot of sleep talking, clearly grappling with the issues he was having to deal with. One time when I went into his room to settle him I had to smile, as he was talking about his social worker being eaten by a lion. Simba? I reassured him there wasn’t a real lion and he went back to sleep. Dreams are nature’s way of cleansing the subconscious.

The following morning, by 10.15, I had the children settled at the table in the kitchen-cum-diner with lots of activities to keep them occupied while the review was taking place in the living room. LAC reviews tend to be formal wherever they are held, and Adrian and Paula knew that once everyone had arrived and the meeting was taking place we weren’t to be disturbed unless there was an emergency. Alex was still refusing to attend his review or speak to anyone who came to it.

Jill arrived first and as I took her coat she asked me how Alex’s behaviour had been since the last time we’d spoken. I said mixed. I’d go into more detail at the review. She looked in on the children to say hello. Adrian and Paula managed a small, shy hello, but Alex kept his head firmly down and, true to his word, said nothing. Debbie arrived next and as I took her coat I told her that Alex was refusing to attend his review and we hadn’t completed his questionnaire. ‘Perhaps he’ll join us later,’ she said. I showed her where the children were and she said, ‘Hi, how are you?’

Alex said nothing, while Adrian and Paula managed another small hello. Debbie joined Jill in the living room and I made them coffee. A few minutes later the independent reviewing officer (IRO), Lorraine, arrived. I hadn’t met her before, although I knew from the paperwork that she had been the reviewing officer at Alex’s previous, more recent reviews.

‘I certainly didn’t expect to be seeing Alex again so soon,’ Lorraine said regretfully.

‘No,’ I agreed. Once a child is adopted they are no longer in care, so no longer have reviews.

I took Lorraine through to Alex and she said hello and received the same response. We both joined Debbie and Jill in the living room. Lorraine didn’t want a coffee. The number of people attending a LAC review varies. There can be a room full, but today there would just be the four of us – five if Alex attended. His teacher would have normally been present, but because it was the half-term holiday she was away. Lin, who’d been present at Alex’s previous review – the last before the introductions to Rosemary and Edward had begun – wouldn’t be coming, as her involvement had finished with the end of the adoption.

I handed Lorraine the questionnaires, explaining that Alex hadn’t wanted to complete his, and sat down. Lorraine opened the meeting by asking us to introduce ourselves, which was usual at the start of all LAC reviews. She made a note of the date and time of the review and the names of those present, then recorded apologies for absence from Miss Cork and also from Shanice, who apparently was a member of the permanency team and had been invited but couldn’t attend. Debbie said she’d include Shanice’s progress in finding Alex a long-term foster family in her report. I felt there was a strange atmosphere as we sat there completing the formalities before the meeting began in earnest, which could best be described as reserved trepidation, perhaps defensiveness, as though we were on guard and bracing ourselves, for this was the first review since the adoption had failed and it wasn’t going to be easy.

‘I understand from Cathy that Alex doesn’t want to join us,’ Lorraine said, addressing us all. ‘I saw him before this meeting and I’ll see him again at the end.’ It was good practice for the IRO to at least see the child as part of the review. She drew a breath. ‘I was very sorry to learn that Alex’s adoption had failed, and so quickly.’ IROs are usually updated prior to a review. ‘I understand a disruption meeting will be held. Has a date been set for that yet?’ she asked Debbie.

‘Not yet, no,’ Debbie said.

‘I think the sooner the better, don’t you?’

‘I’ll speak to Lin and arrange it,’ Debbie said, making a note.

Lorraine now looked at me. ‘Thankfully, Alex was able to return here, or it would have been another new set of foster carers. How is he doing? Is he coping?’

‘Just,’ I said. I stopped, as a worrying thought occurred to me. ‘Sorry,’ I said, standing. ‘I won’t be a minute. I just need to check on something.’ Leaving them looking slightly bemused I went quickly down the hall to the front door where I checked that the latch was on, and then hurried through to the back door to make sure the key was out of reach, which it was. As I passed the children I threw them a smile and then hurried back into the living room.

‘Sorry,’ I said again as I took my seat. ‘I needed to check the doors. Alex has been running away and I now keep the latch down on the front door and the key out of the back door. We can get out in an emergency, but it gives me extra time to stop him if he tries to run away.’

‘Has he been trying to run away much?’ Lorraine asked, concerned.

‘Yes, and it’s on the increase.’ I then related the instances.

‘And he didn’t try to run away when he was here before?’ Lorraine asked.

‘No.’

She made a note and then looked at me again. ‘Please tell us more about Alex.’

When asked about a child I’m fostering I like to start with the positives – their strengths and what is going well for them, although at present for Alex that was going to be difficult. ‘Alex is eating well,’ I said, ‘and he sleeps reasonably well, although he has started having nightmares. He has good self-care skills – he washes and dresses himself, and his play is age-appropriate. He does his homework when asked, although his teacher said he had difficulty concentrating last week. There were also a few incidents at school – Alex became angry and tried to run away.’

‘As I remember he was doing well at school,’ Lorraine said, glancing up from writing to look at Debbie.

‘Yes, he was,’ Debbie said. ‘I have spoken to his teacher and the school is doing all they can to help him settle again.’

‘So this behaviour is a result of what happened with the Andrews?’ Andrews was the family name of Rosemary, Edward and James.

‘Yes,’ Debbie said. ‘It should pass once Alex recovers from his disappointment.’

Lorraine looked at me to continue.

‘I also have concerns that Alex may be depressed,’ I said. ‘Debbie is referring him to CAMHS.’

‘What makes you think he is depressed?’ Lorraine asked.

‘Alex has outbursts of anger, but most of the time he is very quiet and withdrawn. I include him in all activities, but nothing seems to interest him now.’

‘Does he talk to you about how he is feeling?’

‘Only a little. I think he is keeping a lot to himself. He’s obviously devastated by what happened. He was so looking forward to having a family of his own, and of course we told him it would be his last move.’

Lorraine nodded thoughtfully as she wrote and then asked Debbie, ‘Do we have an appointment yet for CAMHS?’

‘No. I’ve made the referral, but it could take two months. There is a waiting list and Alex’s case isn’t classified as urgent.’

Lorraine wrote. ‘This is all so sad,’ she said, voicing her thoughts. ‘It should never have happened.’ Then, looking at me: ‘You have two children. How does Alex get along with them?’

‘When he was here before they all played together nicely, but now he doesn’t want much to do with them. He sits with Adrian and Paula – as they are doing now – but he won’t be playing with them. He doesn’t talk to them much either. He is often in the same room as them but alone, if you know what I mean.’

Lorraine, Jill and Debbie nodded. Jill and Debbie were taking notes too.

‘Have there been any issues between Alex and Adrian?’ Lorraine asked.

‘No. Alex is very good at getting on with other children, or rather he used to be. I think he’s had to fit in with so many foster families that he knows about sharing and taking turns. He’s not a child who squabbles or is always demanding attention. I’m aware that the permanency team is looking for a long-term foster family where there are no siblings of a similar age to Alex, but I really don’t see that as an issue.’

Lorraine nodded as she wrote, and then said, ‘Thank you, Cathy. Is there anything else you would like to tell us about Alex?’

‘He does get angry sometimes, but that’s only to be expected.’ I then outlined the instances of his anger at home and the ones I knew about at school. ‘But that’s not the real Alex,’ I said. ‘He’s upset at present. I’m doing all I can to help him, but it breaks my heart to see him so unhappy.’ Embarrassingly, I teared up.

Lorraine smiled at me kindly. ‘Hopefully the referral to CAMHS will come through before too long.’ I nodded. ‘When I saw Alex at his last review it was clear then that he had all his hopes pinned on his new family,’ Lorraine said. ‘Do you think that finding a suitable long-term foster family will help him? He’s never had a family of his own and he obviously knows he’s only here temporarily.’

‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I suppose it might. I would offer to keep him, but I’m aware of the concern that Adrian is the same age.’

‘Thank you, Cathy,’ Lorraine said noncommittally. ‘And thank you for looking after Alex so well.’

It was Debbie’s turn to speak now. She began by giving an update on what had happened since the last review, including Alex’s first move to me, the introductions to Rosemary, Edward and James (which she said had gone well), Alex’s move to them and then the swift breakdown of the placement, and Alex’s return to me.

‘And their reasons were that Alex and James didn’t get along and that James was happier as an only child?’ Lorraine clarified.

Debbie nodded. ‘Rosemary said they’d made a big mistake in wanting to adopt at all.’

‘Some mistake,’ Lorraine said dryly, making a note. Then she looked up. ‘But sadly this is not the only case I’ve come across recently. Last month I was the reviewing officer for two brothers – aged six and seven – who were placed for adoption and then returned to care after only a week.’