Читать книгу Nobody’s Son: All Alex ever wanted was a family of his own - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 11

‘Did you see them?’ Alex asked, arriving breathless at my side. As soon as his class had come out he’d dashed across the school playground to me.

‘Yes, I spent two hours with your mummy and daddy,’ I said with a big smile. ‘They’re lovely people and are so looking forward to meeting you. They’ve made a special photograph album just for you so you know what they look like.’

‘Can I have it now?’ he asked excitedly.

‘It’s safely at home. I’ll show you and tell you all about it as soon as we get in.’

‘Oh. That’s a long time,’ he moaned.

‘Alex, it’s about forty minutes, less than an hour.’ We left the playground and walked towards the car.

Paula was watching Alex, somewhat bemused. He’d really gained confidence in the last few days and was coming out of his shell.

‘When will I meet them?’ he now asked.

‘Saturday. They’re coming to our house on Saturday and then we go to visit your new home on Sunday. But I’ll explain all about it once we’re home.’ This was all too important to rush through on the school run. I wanted to take time, to sit down with Alex and be able to give him my full attention as I talked him through the photographs and explained the timetable of the introductions and move.

‘I went to my friend’s house today,’ Paula told Alex as we got into the car.

‘That’s nice,’ he said.

‘I went because Mummy had to go to the meeting,’ she said cutely.

‘Did you have a nice time?’ he asked her. How kind of him, I thought. He was bothering to make conversation with her when his mind must have been far away and on all that was happening to him.

‘Yes, I did, thank you,’ she said.

‘Did you meet my brother too?’ Alex now asked me as I started the engine.

‘No. He was at school. We will both meet him on Sunday at your new home.’

‘Why not Saturday?’ Alex asked impatiently.

‘Because that first meeting between you and your mummy and daddy is a special time, just for the three of you. Then on Sunday you’ll meet James and you’ll be able to spend time with him and your mummy and daddy.’ From now on I would always be referring to Rosemary and Edward as Mummy and Daddy to Alex, as it would help cement their role and reinforce the new family unit.

We collected Adrian from school, and once home I made the children a drink and a snack, and then settled Adrian and Paula with some activities at the table, explaining that I had to talk to Alex about something important.

‘It’s about his special photograph albanny,’ Paula said, mispronouncing album.

‘Yes, album,’ I corrected. ‘I’m sure he’ll show you both later.’ The photographs of Alex’s new family were very personal to him, so it was important he saw them first and then he could share them later if he wished.

I took Alex into the living room with the photograph album and we sat together on the sofa. I placed the album on his lap. ‘Alex,’ he read his name from the large, brightly coloured lettering on the front.

‘Yes, it’s yours to keep,’ I said.

He carefully opened the first page and looked at the photograph of the front of their house.

‘Wow. Is that my new home?’ he asked.

‘It is,’ I said.

‘It’s big.’

‘Yes. So there’s lots of space for you and James to play.’

‘Wow,’ he said again. Taking his time, he savoured the picture and then turned the page.

I watched his expression change from awe to intrigue as his gaze fell on the photo of his new family and he ‘met’ them for the first time. It was impossible to know what he was thinking or feeling. Suddenly being presented with your ready-made forever family isn’t something many of us ever experience. Wonder, reverence, elation and trepidation must have been a few of the emotions that ran through him as he sat in silence beside me staring at the photograph. He could have as much time as he needed and I wouldn’t complicate his thoughts with unnecessary words. This was a moment he would remember forever – the first time he saw his family. It was monumental.

‘They look very smart,’ he said quietly after a while.

‘Yes, they do. They wore their best clothes for the photograph and they posed for it in front of a photographer. Like you do for your school photograph each year.’

Alex continued to study the photograph, gazing into the eyes of his family as they smiled back. ‘I think James looks a bit like me,’ he said.

‘Yes, he does a little. He’s only eighteen months older than you and loves to ride his bike, just as you do.’

Alex’s eyes lit up. ‘Have they got a garden? We can ride our bikes in the garden.’

‘Yes, they have, a big garden. There’s a picture of it at the end of the album. The whole family like to go for bike rides. They live in a country village so there are lots of good places to ride.’

‘Wow. I’m looking forward to riding my bike with my family in the country.’ My heart went out to him.

‘They do other things as well,’ I said. ‘They go horse riding, and if you want to learn to ride a horse, your mummy said she will arrange lessons for you.’

‘Horses are very big,’ Alex said, a little concerned. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t have to make a decision now, but not all horses are big. See how you feel once you’ve moved in and have been to the stables and seen the horses. James is also learning to play a musical instrument. You can too if you wish. Your daddy said you could choose an instrument to learn to play and then he’ll arrange lessons for you at home.’

‘Great. Can I learn to play the guitar?’ he asked excitedly.

‘I don’t see why not. You’ll have to ask your mummy and daddy when you see them. I’m sure they’ll be pleased you are interested. James also has a tutor to help him with his school work and he can help you too, although you are doing very well at school.’

He smiled. ‘I like my school.’

Best get this piece of news out of the way, I thought. ‘Alex, you’ll be able to stay at your present school for a few weeks after you move to your family. But then after Easter you will start your new school, which is closer to your home.’

‘Why? I like my school,’ he asked, perturbed. ‘My friends are there.’

‘I know, but it’s an hour in the car each way, which is a long time. I’m sure you’d rather be at home in the evening playing than sitting in a car travelling. You’ll make lots of new friends at your new school and I expect you’ll be able to keep in touch with some of your old friends. It’s the same school James goes to.’ I knew that once Alex was settled with his family the move to his new school wouldn’t seem so daunting, especially as James was there already.

‘When do I move to my new home?’ Alex asked, turning the page of the album.

‘In two weeks’ time. But we’re jumping ahead of ourselves. Let’s finish looking at the photographs first, and then I’ll explain what is going to happen and when.’

As Alex turned the pages I talked about the different rooms, taking my time and waiting until he’d finished studying each photograph before going on to the next. Through the open living-room door I could hear Adrian and Paula doing the activities I’d arranged on the table. Then as Alex neared the end of the album Adrian called out, ‘I’m hungry, Mum. Are you nearly done in there?’

‘I won’t be too long. Good boy.’

Once Alex had finished looking at the last photograph – of the garden – he flipped through the pictures to the one of his family again and studied it thoughtfully. ‘Do you think they will like me?’ he asked at last.

‘Yes. Definitely. And I’m sure you’ll like them. It’s bound to feel a bit strange for you all to begin with until you get to know each other. But before long it will be like you’ve always been there.’

‘And they’ll love me like you love Adrian and Paula?’ he now asked.

My heart clenched. I hadn’t given him a hug yet, respecting his personal space, but instinctively I put my arm around him and hugged him. He didn’t pull away. ‘They will love you lots and lots,’ I said. ‘Like I love Adrian and Paula and they love James.’

He smiled. ‘I’m going to love them lots too. I’m so lucky.’

I swallowed the lump rising in my throat. ‘They’re lucky to have you, Alex. You’re a lovely boy.’ He smiled. ‘So now let me tell you what is going to happen over the next two weeks when you meet your family, and then I’ll make some dinner.’ He straightened and, holding the album to his chest, listened intently as I began by telling him about his parents’ visit to us on Saturday, and then our visit to them on Sunday when he would meet James. I continued outlining the timetable of introductions – the visits and telephone calls, culminating with the Monday he would move. ‘You don’t have to remember all of this,’ I said. ‘I’ll be telling you each day and asking you if you have any questions or worries. I’ve moved children to their forever families before and it all works out perfectly, so don’t worry.’ The timetable of introduction was always similar and worked well. It was designed to give the child and the adoptive family sufficient time to get to know each other without overburdening them – hence the days when they spoke on the telephone but didn’t actually see each other. The pace could be slowed if necessary, but in my experience it was usually speeded up as the adoptive family and the child bonded and were eager to be together permanently.

Alex nodded. ‘Can I show Adrian and Paula my pictures now?’

‘Yes, of course, if you’d like to.’

‘Adrian! Paula!’ Alex cried at the top of his voice. ‘Come and see what I’ve got.’

They didn’t need telling twice. ‘We’re coming!’ Adrian shouted. Two pairs of feet scuttled from the table and into the living room.

I stood. ‘Come and sit beside Alex so you can both see. I’ll go and make dinner.’

They leapt onto the sofa and sat either side of Alex. He waited until they were settled like a teacher waits for a class to silence, before quietly but confidently reading his name from the front. ‘Alex.’ Then he said, ‘This is a book about my family.’

I went to the patio doors and drew the curtains against the cold night sky as Alex opened the album and announced, ‘This is a picture of my house.’

‘Cool,’ Adrian said admiringly.

‘Is that where you are going to live?’ Paula asked.

‘Yes, with my family.’

‘Cool,’ Paula said, copying her brother.

Alex gave them a moment to savour the picture and then turned the page. ‘This is my family,’ he said proudly, pointing. ‘That’s my mummy. That’s my daddy and that’s my brother, James. They’ve got their best clothes on because they had their photograph taken by a photographer, like we do at school.’

I smiled to myself, and I left the room with them huddled around the album.

Alex was inseparable from his photograph album for the rest of that evening. When he wasn’t looking at the actual pictures he was holding the album or had it close by. He brought it to the dinner table with him, where he tucked it under his chair while he ate. It was beside him while he did his homework and then on his lap as he watched television. At bedtime he took it upstairs with him, clutching it protectively to his chest. He did leave it outside the toilet but took it with him into the bathroom, where he placed it in one corner, safely out of reach of any splashes of water. Once in his pyjamas he carried it through to his bedroom and then tucked it under his pillow for the night. ‘It will be safe there,’ he said.

‘Yes, it will.’ I smiled.

‘Have my family got pictures of me?’ he asked as he climbed into bed.

‘They’ll certainly have at least one of you.’ A recent photograph of Alex would have been included in the paperwork for the adoption matching process.

‘Do you think they’re looking at it now?’ he asked.

‘They might be.’

‘I’m going to meet Mummy and Daddy on Saturday and my brother on Sunday.’

‘Yes, that’s right. They’ll come here on Saturday for an hour and then you and I will go there on Sunday.’

He nodded contemplatively and was about to snuggle down when he realized he’d forgotten to choose a soft toy for the night. He climbed out, picked up the polar bear with its gaily striped scarf, then climbed back into bed.

‘Do you think James takes a cuddly to bed with him?’ he asked.

‘Possibly, I don’t know. You could ask him on Sunday.’

‘I might be too shy to ask,’ Alex said, and lay down.

‘James is likely to be shy too to begin with,’ I said. ‘Remember that. But you’ll soon get to know each other and relax.’ I tucked him in. ‘Would you like a goodnight kiss?’ I wondered if he might, as he’d been happy to have a hug earlier.

‘No, thank you,’ he said with a small, embarrassed smile. ‘I’m saving all my kisses for my mummy.’

‘I understand,’ I said, also smiling. ‘Night then, love. Sleep tight.’

He turned onto his side, and with one arm around the polar bear slipped the other under his pillow to rest on the album. With a little sigh of contentment he closed his eyes for sleep.

The following day Alex brought the album down to breakfast and then returned it to under his pillow before he went to school. Many children store their treasured possessions under their pillow; sometimes it’s the only safe place in their house. Jill, Debbie and Lin all telephoned that morning to see how the previous evening had gone, when I’d shown Alex the album and explained the timetable of introduction. I said it had gone very well indeed and that Alex was looking forward to meeting his adoptive family. I told them he treasured the album and had slept with it under his pillow. They were touched and pleased, as this positive start boded well for when they all met, and indeed for when Alex moved in. If a child is ambivalent or even negative towards their adoptive family at the beginning of the process, the parents can face a very unsettled few months when the child moves in, with challenging behaviour designed to test the parents’ love and commitment. Thankfully they are usually prepared for this, and with post-adoption support they can appreciate how difficult it must be for the child, with all the adjustments they have to make.

I telephoned my parents that morning. We usually spoke on the phone a couple of times a week and saw each other on alternate weekends, with either them visiting us or us them. They’re the typical loving grandparents who dote on and spoil their grandchildren. They also welcome any child or children I am fostering. We’d been due to see them this weekend, but I now realized that wasn’t going to be possible. Adrian and Paula were out with their father on Sunday and I would be taking Alex for his first visit to his new home. They could have come on Saturday afternoon, but I felt that would be too much for Alex. He would have met his parents for the first time that morning, and then to have to meet more new people (whom he probably wouldn’t see again) in the afternoon could have been confusing and unsettling. Dad was out, so I explained the situation to Mum. She was understanding and said we’d get together again as soon as possible.

The rest of the day passed much as usual. I did some work, collected Paula from nursery at lunchtime and the boys from school in the afternoon. The evening disappeared as most school-day evenings do with dinner, homework, stories, bath and bed. Alex had checked that his album was still under the pillow when he’d arrived home and had left it there for safe-keeping, periodically popping up to his room to take a peek. At bedtime he asked me to go through the photographs again and also the timetable of the introductions before I said goodnight, which I was happy to do.

The following day was Friday and Adrian was pleased it was the end of the school week and that he would be seeing his father on Sunday. Contact was something we’d all had to adjust to, and it was now working as well as could be expected, although the feeling that none of this should ever have happened in the first place stayed with me. Yes, I blamed John, but I kept it to myself so it didn’t affect the children’s relationship with him. Alex was obviously pleased the weekend was nearly here as he would be meeting his parents. In the post that morning was a letter from Debbie enclosing a copy of the timetable, and I put it with my diary.

Alex was quieter than usual that evening and I thought he was probably a little nervous, which was only natural; he had a lot to think about. I asked him a few times if he was all right and he said he was. As we didn’t have to be up early for school in the morning I let the boys stay up a little later, although I took Paula up at her usual bedtime as she needed more sleep at her age. At 7.30 the boys and I were in the living room playing a game of cards when the house phone rang. Leaving the game, I picked up the handset from the corner table. ‘Hello?’

A half-familiar male voice said, ‘Cathy?’

‘Yes.’

‘I hope I haven’t disturbed you. Is this a good time to speak to Alex? It’s Graham. We were told we should phone at the end of the week.’

‘Yes, of course. Debbie mentioned it. I’ll put him on. How are you?’

‘Fine, thanks. Sandy will speak to him too.’

‘OK. Just a minute.’ Lowering the phone, I said to Alex, ‘It’s Graham, he’d like to say hello.’

Alex was concentrating on the cards he held in his hand and, without looking up, shook his head.

‘Alex, it’s Graham and Sandy, your old foster carers. They’d like to talk to you.’ I saw his face set as he shook his head again. ‘Are you sure?’ He nodded and turned slightly away. ‘All right, I’ll tell him.’

I returned the phone to my ear, but before I spoke Graham said, ‘He doesn’t want to talk to us, does he?’

‘No. Sorry. There’s rather a lot going on for him right now, and he’s in the middle of a game. If he changes his mind we’ll phone you.’

‘OK,’ Graham said easily and, I thought, a little relieved. ‘Tell him good luck with his adoptive family.’

‘I will. Thank you for phoning.’

We said goodbye and I replaced the receiver. ‘Graham said good luck,’ I said to Alex. ‘If you change your mind and want to phone them let me know.’ I doubted he would. He was moving on from the past and looking to a brighter future with his forever family.