Читать книгу A Daughter’s Choice - Cathy Sharp, Cathy Sharp - Страница 5

‘How is your grandmother today, Kathy?’ Bridget Robin son called to me as I was leaving the shop at the corner of Farthing Lane and had paused to greet her. ‘I heard she wasn’t well.’

‘She seems better again now. The doctor thinks it was just a chill, but he says she should take things easier.’

‘Well, I’m glad she’s getting over it, whatever it was. I’ll pop in and see her later if I can manage it.’

‘She would enjoy that …’ I hesitated, then went on in a rush: ‘Gran often talks about you, Bridget. She says things would have been different if Da had married you.’

Bridget gave me an understanding smile and I knew she must have heard the latest tale about my father, but she wouldn’t embarrass me by mentioning it. Bridget’s husband Joe was a rich man these days and owned most of the property in the lane, including the small general store we all used at the corner. Some people were a bit jealous of his success, but most agreed that he was generous in his support of local people, and everyone liked Bridget.

‘She’s just the same as she always was,’ Gran had told me more than once. ‘Ernie Cole was a fool, that’s what I say. He had his chance with her and threw it away – that’s your father all over. Never knows what’s good for him. I warned him when he married that woman – but he wouldn’t listen to me and look what it got him! He’s never been the same since.’

Why did Gran dislike my mother so much? What had she done that caused both Gran and my father to scowl if I mentioned her name?

I often wondered why my mother had run away soon after I was born, but when I asked questions about her Gran shook her head.

‘Best you don’t know child. It wasn’t your fault – and you’ve been a blessin’ to me.’

Jean Cole had been as good as a mother to me, loving me and making sure that I never went without anything if she could help it, though I suspected she sometimes had help with money from a source she wouldn’t reveal.

A Londoner through and through, she had lived in the same house since marrying at the age of seventeen, moving only three houses when she left her home to start her married life. Our lane was just across from the St Katherine’s Docks, which were now a part of the larger London Docks, but when they were first built almost a whole parish, including the old hospital of St. Katherine’s, had been pulled down to make way for them.

‘Well, I must get on,’ Bridget said, her voice breaking into my thoughts. ‘Our Tom is coming for a meal this evening. He’s a doctor with the Army, you know, but they didn’t send him to France with the troops because of that bit of bother he had when he was a lad. Not that it troubles him now. In fact, he thinks he may never have had consumption at all, just an infection of the lungs. He knows all about that sort of thing now, our Tom – and he says the doctors made a lot of mistakes in the early days.’

‘You’ll be glad to see your brother, I expect.’

‘Yes, I shall. Tom is busy so we don’t see him as often as we’d like – but at least he keeps in touch. I haven’t heard from Jamie for ages. He was in America the last time he wrote and doing well, but that was years ago …’

She frowned, her eyes full of shadows as if she were remembering an old sadness. I knew there was some story about Jamie O’Rourke having gone away after his girl was killed in a fire on the eve of their wedding, but I didn’t know the details.

‘Give my best wishes to your grandmother, Kathy love – and if you need anythin’ you know where to come.’

‘Thanks, Bridget,’ I said. ‘I’ll tell Gran you asked after her.’

She smiled, nodded and moved on, seeming to have something on her mind. I thought it might be to do with her elder brother Jamie and wondered if Gran would tell me the whole story if I asked.

I was reflective as I walked on. If my father had married Bridget I would be her daughter and Amy Robinson would have been my younger sister – or perhaps I wouldn’t have been around at all. A sigh escaped me as I thought that I would have liked Bridget as a mother, but it was hard to believe that my father had ever wanted to marry her. He always seemed to dislike her, though it was her husband he really hated.

‘You stay away from that Bridget O’Rourke and her ’usband,’ he’d said to me time and again when I was a child after Bridget had given me a treat of some kind, as she often did. ‘That bleedin’ Joe Robinson is too clever for ’is own good!’

It was odd that he should call Bridget by her maiden name, but then my father was a law unto himself. He hadn’t been so bad when I was a small child. I could remember him taking me up on his shoulders to carry me down the lane when he was in a good mood, and there had been occasional visits to the fair and one never-to-be forgotten trip on the train to Southend as a treat for my tenth birthday. There had always been enough money in the house for food and rent then; it was only since Da’s accident that he’d turned sullen and taken to the drink.

He’d been a driver for Mr Dawson at the brewery, and proud of the wagons he drove with their magnificent horses and shining harness, but he wasn’t capable of loading or unloading the drays now. Mr Dawson had kept him on in the brewery, because with the onset of the war he had been short of men, but of late he had been given only the more menial of jobs to do and was forever complaining about his employer.

‘You mustn’t mind your da, Kathy love,’ Gran had told me when he came home full of the drink, swearing and yelling the house down. ‘He’s in pain from his leg – and he’s a disappointed man. He’s not had a fair deal from life, your da.’

‘What do you mean, Gran?’ I’d asked but she only shook her head as she always did when I asked questions about things she didn’t want to tell me. Her silence only made me more curious.

What had happened to my father to make him so bitter? Was it just that my mother had gone off and left him when I was a baby? Yet it was Gran who had had all the trouble of bringing me up, and she wasn’t bitter.

‘Wait up, Kathy Cole! I want a word with yer …’

I turned as I heard the sound of running feet behind me and hesitated, recognizing at once the man who had called out to me. It was Billy Ryan, Maggie Ryan’s youngest son. He was twenty-six going on seven and I was seventeen, but he’d been after me since I’d left school and started work at the glove factory. Billy had worked there too as a foreman for a while, but he’d joined up as soon as war was declared, one of the first to do so in our street. Before he went away he’d told me to wait for him, because he was going to marry me one day.

‘Oh, so you’re back,’ I said, not smiling at him. I wasn’t at all sure how I felt about Billy Ryan. He had always been a cocky lad and people whispered that he’d been in a bit of trouble a couple of times and was lucky he hadn’t been up in front of the magistrates. ‘Did the Army throw you out then?’

‘You haven’t changed,’ Billy replied and grinned at me. ‘Glad to see me then are yer, Kathy girl?’

‘I’m indifferent either way,’ I said with a shrug of my shoulders and he gave a hoot of laughter.

‘Swallowed a dictionary this mornin’, did yer?’ Billy’s parents were Irish, and still spoke with a soft Irish accent but Billy had lived in London all his life and sounded like a cockney. He wasn’t in the least put out by my manner and despite myself I warmed to him. He had a nice smile and he wasn’t bad looking, his hair dark and wavy and his eyes a melting chocolate brown. He had smartened up and I supposed the Army had done that for him; his boots were polished so fine you could see your face in them. ‘Fancy going to the Pally this evenin’ then?’

I stared at him in silence for a moment or two. My father wouldn’t be pleased if I went out with Billy, but then he didn’t like any of the people in Farthing Lane these days. Gran would encourage me to go. She said I didn’t get out with other young people often enough.

‘I like dancin’,’ I said at last. ‘But I’m not sure I should go with you, Billy Ryan. You might try to take advantage.’

‘God’s honest truth I’d never do that to yer, Kathy,’ Billy said and he sounded sincere. ‘It ain’t just ’cos you’re the prettiest girl in the lanes with that lovely hair o’ yourn and them big eyes. You’re the girl I’m goin’ ter marry one day, and I respect yer. I swear on me ’onour that I won’t put a finger out of place. I won’t even kiss yer unless you agree, lass. Cross me ’eart and ’ope ter die.’

I wasn’t surprised by his answer. Billy had told everyone for years that he was going to marry me one day. It had been a joke amongst my school friends, but looking at him now I almost believed him.

‘I’ll come then,’ I said making up my mind. ‘I’ll meet you outside the brewery at seven.’

‘I was goin’ ter call fer yer proper, Kathy. We might as well start out right.’

‘Me da might not like me going with you,’ I said doubtfully. ‘But perhaps you’re right. Call for me at seven then – that will please Gran anyway. She says no one shows her any respect these days.’

‘I’ve got every respect for Mrs Cole,’ Billy said. ‘She’s been good to you, lass – just the way I shall be when we’re wed.’

‘And who said I was goin’ to marry you? Sayin’ I’ll come to the Pally with you doesn’t mean I’ll marry you, Billy Ryan.’

He grinned at me cheekily. ‘First things first, Kathy. Yer don’t know me yet, but you’ll soon change your mind when yer see how generous I can be. I’ll be there at seven so don’t keep me waitin’!’

I glared at him, almost sorry that I had agreed to go out with him that evening. Just who did he think he was? I nearly told him to forget it but something held me back. I was seventeen and I hadn’t had a regular boyfriend yet. I’d been dancing at the Pally with other girls and their brothers, and a few of my dance partners had made a pass at me. I hadn’t let any of them kiss me. It annoyed me because one or two of them had seemed to imagine that I would be easy and I didn’t see why. I wasn’t a flirt and I had never been out with a man on my own.

Once I’d heard some boys whispering about my mother and laughing in a nasty way, and it had made me wonder. Why should people laugh about Grace Cole in that way – and why did the men sometimes look at me oddly? I wasn’t a tart and I had never given anyone cause to think it.

It was a mystery, and it would never be solved until I could get some answers about my mother – but no one would tell me anything.

I made up my mind to ask Gran about it again when I got home. Surely I had a right to know the whole story?

‘Well, I suppose you are old enough to know the truth,’ Gran said when I took a cup of tea up to her in bed and told her what was on my mind and why. ‘It might be best if you know – especially if you’re goin’ ter start courtin’.’

She had her pink bed shawl about her shoulders, and the patchwork quilt she had made with her own hands as a young woman was pulled up tight about her. Even on a warm day the old house seemed cold and draughty, and in winter we often needed a fire in the bedrooms.

‘I’m only goin’ dancin’ with him, Gran.’

‘Yes – but these things lead to somethin’ more in time,’ Gran said. She was looking tired and I knew her illness had dragged her down, but at least she was beginning to improve. ‘Grace was no better than she ought ter be, Kathy. Yer da wasn’t the first with her by a long way …’ She hesitated as though she wanted to say more and then shook her head. ‘And she went off and left yer as a baby – that’s reason enough fer me to dislike her. Some folks might think you will likely turn out the same way. They don’t know yer the way I do, love.’

‘Is that why …?’ My cheeks were bright with fire as I looked at her. ‘Does Billy Ryan think I’m that way, too? Is that why he wants to take me dancin’?’

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Gran replied. ‘Billy is a bit of a cheeky devil, and he doesn’t always know which is the right side of the law – but he is fond of you, Kathy. Even when you were fifteen he was always ’ere tryin’ ter get yer ter to go out with ’im. If I thought he wouldn’t treat yer right I wouldn’t let yer go.’

‘Do you mind if I go, Gran? Can you manage without me?’

‘Of course I can, Kathy. I’ll be fine tucked up in me bed. Leave yer da a cold supper on the table – though God knows what time ’e’ll get ’ome. Just be sure that Billy brings you ’ome by half past ten – and if he does try anythin’, give him a slap round his ear.’

‘He promised he wouldn’t,’ I said and bent to kiss her cheek, which felt papery soft and dry. The sheets were clean on that day and smelled of soap, as she did herself after I’d helped her to wash. ‘He says he respects me too much.’

‘Then I’m sure ‘e means it,’ Gran said and smiled lovingly as she reached up to touch my cheek. ‘You’re a good girl, Kathy, and bright. You did well at school and you speak better than most round ‘ere – better than yer da or me. I should like ter see yer make somethin’ of yerself. Don’t get into trouble and rush in ter marriage, love. Look at Bridget Robinson. Her mother was a drunken slut, but Bridget was smart – like you. They say she does all Joe’s bookwork fer ’im, and she’s got a couple of market stalls ’erself. Likes sellin’ flowers, Bridget does. I should like yer to settle with a good man like Joe Robinson – so you just be careful. Billy Ryan is all right, but make sure ’e’s what you really want afore yer settle on ’im.’

‘I’m not thinkin’ of marryin’ yet, Gran,’ I said and laughed as I flicked back my hair, which was a dark honey blonde and set off eyes Gran always said were green like a cat’s. ‘I’m too young to train as a nurse yet, but that’s what I’d like to do. I keep thinkin’ about all those young men getting hurt so bad over there …’ I sighed. ‘When is it all going to end, Gran? I think it’s terrible that all our boys end up gettin’ killed in the trenches.’

‘We all feel the same, Kathy,’ Gran said. ‘It’s a wicked shame that it happened at all, that’s what I think – decent folk shooting at each other. Bridget’s eldest son is out there fighting, and she told me that he wrote to her about the first Christmas of the war, when the German soldiers and the British played football together in no-man’s-land between the trenches. She said her Jonathan thought the Germans were just like us then; they didn’t want to fight and kill people. It’s all the fault of them what started it – the Kaiser and politicians.’

‘Well, I don’t suppose we shall solve anythin’ by talkin’,’ I said. ‘But if the war isn’t over when I’m eighteen I shall join the Voluntary Aid Detachment as a nurse.’

‘That’s what I like to hear,’ Gran said approvingly. ‘My girl has a bit of ambition – not like her father. You stick to your guns, my girl, and don’t you let anyone talk yer out of it.’

We had been at the Pally for a couple of hours, and the dance floor was crowded with young men and women. Most of the men were in uniform, and the girls were all wearing pretty dresses. I knew some of them from school, and several of them were working in the munitions factory or voluntary organizations. We had been dancing most of the time and I was enjoying myself as Billy was fun to be with. However, I was very much aware of the war and that I had done nothing to help except knit a few socks and roll some bandages. So when Billy went off to fetch us another drink I spoke to a girl called Valerie Green about being a nurse.

‘It’s hard work, Kathy,’ she told me. ‘I’ve just come back from three months in France and the conditions were awful. The men are crawling with lice when they come in after weeks in the trenches, and there’s never enough of anything to go round. I asked to be transferred back home.’

‘But you like being a nurse, don’t you?’

‘It’s all right I suppose …’

I would have asked her more questions about nursing but Billy came back with our drinks and she walked off.

‘Port and lemon you said, Kathy?’

‘Yes please.’ I took a sip. ‘Oh, that’s lovely. Not too strong.’

Billy grinned. ‘I didn’t think you were a hardened drinker so I told them to put plenty of lemonade in.’ He took a swig of his beer. ‘Are yer enjoyin’ yerself then, Kathy?’

‘Yes, thanks.’ I finished my drink and put the glass down. ‘I’m goin’ to the cloakroom. It’s nearly ten o’clock, Billy. We’ll have time for one more dance before we go, won’t we?’

‘Just about. Mustn’t be late back though or your gran won’t trust me to take you out again.’

I smiled as I moved away from him, knowing that the gift of chocolates he’d brought for Gran when he called to pick me up earlier had gone a long way to winning her over. He had also brought a little posy of flowers for me.

‘Now that’s a lad who knows how to come courtin’,’ Gran had whispered to me as I’d kissed her goodbye.

I was beginning to think Billy was a decent lad and that I quite liked him. He’d given me a good night out and I was feeling relaxed and happy as I made my way back to him after visiting the cloakroom. It was then that someone grabbed my arm roughly, making me swing round to look at him in alarm.

‘What are you doing?’

My heart had begun to thud wildly. I didn’t know this man to speak to, though I’d noticed him standing with the crowd of rowdies at the bar on a couple of occasions. He was one of the lads who seemed to come to the Pally just to drink and stare at the girls.

‘’Ave a drink wiv me, luv?’

‘No, thank you. I’m with someone.’

‘That bleedin’ Billy Ryan. He ain’t no good to yer, Kathy. You come outside wiv me and I’ll show yer wot’s wot.’

His expression made me feel sick deep down inside, and I tried to pull away but his grip tightened on my arm, his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. People were looking at us, some of them frowning, others grinning as if it were amusing.

‘Let me go please. I don’t want to come with you – you are very rude.’

‘Rude, am I? Hoity-toighty bitch! Yer no better than yer ma was and she were anybody’s.’

‘You shut your dirty mouth!’

I pulled sharply away from him and after a tussle he let go of my arm, but then as I tried to move away he caught me about the waist. His intentions were obvious but I was determined that this brute should not maul or kiss me. I gave him a kick on the shins and he swore, raising his right arm to hit me. A cry of alarm escaped me but before I could do anything I felt someone pull me roughly away from his hold and Billy was there.

‘You take your filthy paws off my girl!’ he said and the look on his face was so savage that I was startled. He looked capable of anything at that moment. ‘I’ll teach you some manners, Sam Cotton.’

‘You and whose bleedin’ army?’

‘I don’t need no ’elp,’ Billy said and launched himself at my assailant in a fury.

In another moment they were at it full pelt, punching and jostling. Billy seemed as if he wanted to murder the other man, and I drew back in horror as girls started screaming and the men formed a sort of semicircle around them, yelling encouragement.

‘Give it to ’im, Billy. Kill the bugger!’

‘Hit him, Sam. Give the bastard one for me.’

‘Billy, don’t!’ I cried, feeling horrified as I watched them slugging it out. It was quickly clear that Billy had the advantage and as his fists slammed into Sam Cotton’s chin he went down. The next second Billy was sitting astride him, hitting him in the face over and over again. ‘That’s enough … please. Stop it, Billy. You will kill him.’

It was so awful. Everyone was aware of what was going on, and I felt terribly embarrassed, as if it was all somehow my fault.

‘I thought you were taking a risk coming with him,’ a voice said at my elbow. ‘Billy Ryan has a bit of a reputation …’

‘What do you mean?’ I glanced at Valerie Green. ‘Billy’s all right.’

‘He used to hang around with a rough crowd.’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s nothing to do with me, but you wouldn’t catch me going around with him.’

She walked away without giving me a chance to answer, but my attention was abruptly transferred back to the fight, which had ended as swiftly as it had begun. The owner of the dance hall had sent in his bouncers and they hauled Billy off his vanquished victim, dragging him to the door to eject him despite his protests that Sam Cotton had started the fight.

‘Come on, Kathy,’ he yelled over his shoulder. ‘We’re leaving.’

I followed hurriedly behind him, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment as I heard laughter and jeering. Now that the fight was over people were relieved and amused, but I felt hot with shame.

Billy was wiping blood from his mouth when I joined him outside the hall. He looked at me uncertainly, sensing my mood. ‘I couldn’t let him insult yer like that, Kathy.’

‘You didn’t have to start a fight. You could have simply told him to leave me alone.’

‘Swine like that needs teachin’ a lesson. I’m ’andy with me fists. That will learn ’im and a few others not to mess with my girl.’

There was a look of satisfaction in his eyes that made me angry. ‘You think you’re clever, don’t you, Billy Ryan? Well, I don’t. I hate being made a show of and that’s what you’ve done. Everyone will laugh behind my back.’

‘Yer don’t want ter worry about what folks say. ‘Sides, I weren’t ’avin’ that bleedin’ Sam Cotton bad mouthin’ my girl.’

‘I’m not your girl!’ I glared at him. ‘You don’t imagine I’d go out with you again after that?’

I started to walk away from him. I was smarting because of the insulting way Sam Cotton had behaved towards me, and also Valerie Green’s remarks about Billy. She was a year or so older and I’d known and liked her at school; it pricked my pride to know she thought me a fool for going out with him, especially as I had a sneaking suspicion she might be right.

Billy followed behind me. ‘Don’t be like this, Kathy. I’m sorry the evening was spoiled, but it wasn’t my fault. Sam Cotton is a docker. He couldn’t join up because they said he was needed on the docks – and some of us called him a coward. He hates anyone in uniform, especially me. That’s why he went after yer like that.’

‘He implied my mother was …’ I choked back a sob.

‘Don’t matter what she were,’ Billy said swiftly. ‘You ain’t like ’er, Kathy, and any man with sense knows that. Don’t be mad at me. I only did it fer you.’

I stopped walking and looked at him. ‘Was she a tart – my mother? Tell me the truth, Billy. I really need to know.’

‘I remember talk when she married your da …’ Billy frowned. ‘I were only a lad and me best mate were ill. Tom O’Rourke went away about that time and I were angry at the world because I thought he were goin’ ter die. I didn’t take much notice of anythin’ else, but I know me ma thought Ernie Cole was a fool to marry ’er. Sorry, lass. I can’t tell yer much more. Ma knows it all but whether she’d tell yer …’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I shouldn’t let it worry yer, Kathy. No one who knows yer thinks you’re like that.’

I looked at him unhappily. It wasn’t Billy’s fault that the unpleasant incident with Sam Cotton had happened. He had defended me and I supposed I ought to be grateful.

‘You shouldn’t have kept on hitting him like that, Billy. I thought you were going to kill him.’

‘I might ’ave if they ’adn’t dragged me off ’im,’ he admitted. The look in his eyes told me he wasn’t quite so proud of himself now. ‘He made me see red, Kathy. No one treats you like that when I’m around.’ He reached out and stroked my cheek with the tips of his fingers. ‘You’re special to me. Don’t you ever forget that.’

‘Oh, Billy …’ I was moved by something in his voice and manner and didn’t resist as he bent his head and gently kissed me. It was just a brief touch of his lips against mine but it made me feel odd. ‘Please don’t, Billy. Not yet. I’m not angry with you now, but I don’t know how I feel. I’m not ready to think about—’

He placed a finger to my lips. ‘’Yer don’t ’ave to say anythin’, Kathy love. I don’t want ter rush yer. It wouldn’t be fair to marry yer while this bleedin’ war’s goin’ on. Yer don’t want ter be a widow before you’re a wife.’

‘Billy!’ I went cold all over. ‘Don’t say that. Nothing is going to happen to you.’

‘Not if I can bleedin’ ’elp it!’ He grinned at me. ‘I’ve got too much ter come ’ome for. You are goin’ ter wait fer me, ain’t yer, Kathy?’

‘Don’t swear so much,’ I reproved with a little smile. ‘Da swears somethin’ terrible when he’s drunk and Gran hates it.’

‘I’ll try to remember,’ he said. ‘You will be my girl, Kathy – please?’

‘I’m not giving you my word yet, Billy. But if you promise not to get into any more fights I might go out with you again.’

‘We’ll go to the pictures tomorrow if yer like. There’s one of them Mack Sennett films on – the Keystone Kops, I think. Or we could go to a music hall if you’d rather. I’ve only got three days’ leave, Kathy, so we might as well make the most of it.’

‘Yes, all right,’ I agreed. ‘But remember, I’m not promising anythin’ yet.’

I thought about Billy when I was lying in bed that night. In the past I’d heard rumours about him getting into bad company, and I’d been very upset by the fight at the dance hall, but maybe he’d had to let off steam. All our men were under terrible strain out there, and Billy was no different from anyone else. I liked his smile and easy manner, and as I finally fell asleep I realized that I was looking forward to meeting him the next day.

I saw Billy twice more before he went back to his unit. We visited a music hall and saw Gertrude Lawrence and Jack Buchanan, joining in as the audience sang along with songs that had become so popular since the beginning of the war. On his last afternoon we went for a walk by the river and then had a drink in the pub.

It was a pleasant day despite the cool breeze and a lot of people were out walking about, making the most of the fine weather. The Sally Army was playing hymns outside the pub, and a group of children were marching after them banging on drums made out of old biscuit tins.

Billy looked at me anxiously as we lingered over our drinks. ‘You won’t go and marry anyone else, will yer?’

‘I’m not planning on it, Billy. I want to be a nurse when I can – to do something to help. I think of the war and about what’s happening out there all the time. All those lads getting killed and hurt.’

I had been reading the news about German submarines sinking ships, and the tremendous numbers of casualties at the Front, and it made me feel guilty for being safe at home when so many others were being killed.

Billy nodded, a serious expression on his face. ‘It’s bad, lass, real bad. We don’t talk about it much when we’re home on leave, but it’s a nightmare for the men. I’ve visited mates in the field hospitals out there, and those nurses are angels. I’d be proud for my girl to be one of them, so if that’s what you want to do I shan’t stand in yer way.’

Hearing the emotion in his voice I felt closer to him than ever before.

‘When will it be over, Billy? It’s more than three years since it started. Surely it can’t drag on much longer – can it?’

‘I wish I knew. Most of us who were out there at the start are sick of it – them what are left, that is. I’m one of the lucky ones. I’ve only ’ad a couple of scratches but I’ve seen some of me mates catch it. Us veterans ’ave to look out fer the young uns. Most of the new recruits they’re sendin’ us now are still wet behind the ears.’

‘It must be awful.’ I looked at him with sympathy, realizing for perhaps the first time how bad it must really be for the men in the trenches, seeing their friends get hurt. ‘You will take care, Billy? I shouldn’t like anythin’ to happen to you.’

‘I’m an old ’and at it now,’ he said and grinned. ‘It’s a matter of keeping your head down. Run away to fight another day and don’t be a hero – that’s what I say.’

‘Oh, Billy …’ I laughed. ‘I can’t see you runnin’ away from a fight.’

‘You’re never goin’ ter let me forget the other night are yer?’

‘Is your lip still sore?’ I asked and shook my head at him. Now that I’d had time to think about things I felt more pleased than angry that Billy had stuck up for me. I didn’t approve of fighting, of course, but it was nice that he’d cared so much.

‘Nah. It were just a little cut. I could kiss yer – if yer like?’

‘We’ll see. I think you’d better walk me home now or you’ll be late for your train – and Da will be back for his tea soon.’

So far my luck had held and my father hadn’t questioned me about my going out with Billy Ryan. I wasn’t sure that he knew. Even if he’d noticed I wasn’t around, he’d probably just assumed I was out with friends.

Billy finished his drink and stood, holding out his hand to me. I took it and we left the pub together, strolling through the lanes, which looked brighter than usual in the warm sunshine. In the distance we could hear the rattle of the trams and a hooter from one of the ships blasting off somewhere on the river. I’d heard that morning that an American ship had made its way here safely, bringing much-needed supplies to a country that was gradually running short of almost everything.

When we reached my doorstep, Billy lingered uncertainly. He was reluctant to leave and I knew he was waiting for the kiss I’d half promised him.

‘Oh, go on then,’ I said and moved towards him. ‘You can kiss me if you like.’

Billy smiled, reached out and drew me close to him. His kiss this time was much deeper and lasted longer than the first. I felt him shudder as he at last released me and I was trembling too. I gazed up at him wondering what emotion had made me feel so shivery inside.

‘You felt somethin’ too, didn’t yer, lass?’ Billy asked, looking down into my eyes. ‘I love yer, Kathy. I ’ave fer years. Wait fer me because I don’t think I could bear it out there if I thought yer were kissin’ another bloke.’ His tone and expression were so sincere that I was moved.

‘I like you a lot, Billy,’ I whispered feeling breathless. ‘I can’t promise that I’ll marry you, but I’ll think about you – and I don’t often go out with blokes. You’re the first I’ve let kiss me.’

‘Will yer write to me, Kathy? Ma will tell yer where if yer ask.’

‘I might now and then,’ I said. ‘Take care of yourself, Billy. We’ll see how we feel next time you come home.’

‘Fair enough,’ he said and that cocky grin spread across his face. ‘You’re my girl, Kathy Cole – whether you know it or not – and I’ll be claiming you when I get back.’

I smiled, but didn’t answer him, and I lingered on the doorstep to watch as he strolled down the lane. Billy’s kiss had certainly shaken me, but I still wasn’t ready to give him an answer.

I waved as Billy turned to look at me from the corner of the lane, and then I went into the house. I was smiling to myself, about to go upstairs when a yell of rage startled me and my father shot out of the kitchen and grabbed my arm.

‘You sly slut!’ he growled at me, his fingers digging deep into the flesh of my upper arm. ‘So that’s what you’ve been up ter behind me back!’

‘Leave off, Da, you’re hurtin’ me,’ I cried and pulled back from him. ‘What’s the matter with you? I’ve only been out for a drink with a friend.’

‘You’ve been out three times with that bleedin’ Billy Ryan,’ he muttered, his face puce with temper. ‘And don’t lie to me, girl, because you were seen by one of me mates.’

‘Billy is all right,’ I said rubbing at my arm where he’d hurt me. ‘We went out a few times because he was on leave – but we didn’t do anythin’ wrong. Billy respects me. He wants to marry me.’

‘I ’eard about the fight down the Pally,’ Da shouted, his face working furiously. ‘Makin’ a show of ’imself and you with ’im. No daughter of mine is goin’ around with a bloke like that.’

‘Billy was defending my honour,’ I said. ‘Someone tried to maul me and called me names – said I was like my mother.’ I looked at him defiantly. ‘Besides, you’re always getting into a brawl when you’ve been drinking. They threw you out of the Feathers last week and told you not to go back.’

Da raised his hand and struck me a heavy blow across the face, catching my lip. I gave a cry and jerked back as I tasted blood, gazing at him in horror. He had given me a clip of the ear in passing a few times when I was a child, but he’d never hit me like that before.

‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ I said. ‘You had no right to hit me like that.’ I felt like crying but I was determined not to let him see me weep.

‘That will teach you to cheek me,’ he muttered a sullen look in his eyes. ‘Your mother was a cheat and a whore – and I’ll kill yer afore I let you go the same way. You mind what I say, Kathy. See that Billy Ryan again and you’ll be sorry.’

He pushed past me and went out of the front door, slamming it behind him. For a moment I stood staring after him feeling shocked and numb. His rages and tempers had never really frightened me before, but now I wasn’t sure what he might do next.