Читать книгу Just Like Fate - Cat Patrick - Страница 9
Оглавление“— stay.”
Simone’s quiet; I know she doesn’t understand. She’s never experienced anything like what I’m going through. I think of reconsidering—it’s just one night—but once the decision’s made, my shoulders loosen. Even though Gram seems the same, and as much as I don’t want to be anywhere near Natalie, there’s no way I’m leaving tonight.
“Fine,” Simone says. “But don’t come crying to me, Argentina, when you’re the only one without a superhot college boyfriend tomorrow.”
“Promise,” I say with a forced laugh. The guy I like is our age anyway. “Call you later?”
“You’d better,” Simone says. “I’m sure I’ll have all sorts of scandalous gossip. You know how Gwen and Felicity are when they’re around older guys.”
“Total Lolita-land,” I say, laughing for real. “Remember the time with the water bra?” Simone snorts, which makes me laugh harder. When we stop, she surprises me with sincerity.
“Take care of yourself, Linus,” she says quietly. “We all know how much you love Gram—just remember to love you, too.”
“I will,” I say, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. “I’ll try.”
As I hang up the phone, the light in the hall returns—the fluorescent bulbs and white walls are all their normal boring colors again.
I walk back to Gram’s room. A nurse is checking her vitals while Natalie’s sitting awkwardly on the very front of the recliner near the window, like she doesn’t want to risk getting too comfortable. It occurs to me that it’s like a metaphor for her entire life.
“Is your mother coming back soon?” the nurse asks in a clipped tone that makes me nervous.
“Yes,” Natalie answers. “She just went out for some air. I can call her?” Nat looks at me, and I see the anxiousness in her eyes too.
“I think that’d be a good idea,” the nurse says. “Just in case your grandmother wakes up.”
In case she wakes up?
Before I have time to ask about the alternative—Gram not waking up—the nurse briskly leaves the room.
Panicked, I turn to Natalie. I don’t know how or why, but I see my sister in that moment—really see her. She’s got a tough outer shell, but she’s loyal to those she loves. And one of the people she loves the most is dying. We are the same, she and I. For the first time in a long while, I go and sit next to her.
“I don’t want to fight,” I say quietly. My mouth is dry, and I’m actually nervous to be having this conversation. It strikes me as strange—after all, she’s my sister. “I don’t think I can fight anymore.”
Natalie’s surprised eyes find mine, but she doesn’t say anything. I continue. “Gram’s been there for me, but I’m starting to realize that she won’t always be. And I’m scared.” My face stings with the start of a cry, and I turn to find Natalie watching me with a softened expression.
“I don’t want to fight either,” she says. “I’m sorry, Caroline. I really am.” She’s never told me she was sorry. Never. I let the words linger in the air to unravel the hurt they’ve caused all this time. I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear them. “I don’t know how we got so . . .” I begin, not sure what word to use.
“It was my fault,” Nat says.
“But I made it worse,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m sorry.” Natalie shifts uncomfortably. She’s never been good at letting people in. For a while, I thought that if only Nat had my back a bit more, I might’ve stayed at home after the divorce. But that’s just not her . . . not since we were little anyway.
Under normal circumstances—like if this were Teddy or Simone or even Mom—I’d reach out for a hug. Instead I keep my hands folded in my lap.
Gram is dying. I close my eyes for a moment, wishing it weren’t true, but when I open them again, there she is— motionless on the bed.
Slipping away.
