Читать книгу The Poems of Madison Cawein. Volume 2 (of 5) - Cawein Madison Julius - Страница 47

What can it mean for me? what have I done to her?

I, in our season of love as a sun to her:

She, all my heaven of silvery, numberless

Stars and its moon, shining golden and slumberless;

Who on my life, that was thorny and lowery,

Came—and made beautiful; smiled—and made flowery.

She, to my heart and my soul a divinity!

She, who—I dreamed!—seemed my spirit-affinity!—

What have I done to her? what have I done?

What can she mean by this?—what have I said to her?

I, who have idolized, worshiped, and pled to her;

Sung with her, laughed with her, sorrowed and sighed for her;

Lived for her only; and gladly had died for her!

See! she has written me thus! she has written me—

Sooner would dagger or serpent had smitten me!—

Would you had shriveled ere ever you’d read of it,

Eyes, that are wide to the grief and the dread of it!—

What have I said to her? what have I said?

What shall I make of it? I who am trembling,

Fearful of losing.—A moth, the dissembling

Flame of a taper attracts with its guttering,

Flattering on till its body lies fluttering,

Scorched in the summer night.—Foolish, importunate,

Why didst thou quit the cool flowers, unfortunate!—

Such has she been to me, making me such to her!—

Slaying me, saying I never was much to her!—

What shall I make of it? what can I make?

Love, in thy everglades, moaning and motionless,

Look, I have fallen; the evil is potionless:

I, with no thought but the day that did lock us in,

Set naked feet ’mid the cottonmouth-moccasin,

Under the roses, the Cherokee, eying me:—

I,—in the heav’n with the egrets that, flying me,

Winging like blooms from magnolias, rose slenderly,

Pearl and pale pink: where the mocking-bird tenderly

Sang, making vistas of mosses melodious,

Wandered,—unheeding my steps,—in the odious

Ooze and the venom. I followed the wiry

Violet curve of thy star falling fiery—

So was I lost in night! thus am undone!

Have I not told to her—living alone for her—

Purposed unfoldments of deeds I had sown for her

Here in the soil of my soul? their variety

Endless—and ever she answered with piety.

See! it has come to this—all the tale’s suavity

At the ninth chapter grows hateful with gravity;

Cruel as death all our beautiful history—

Close it!—the final is more than a mystery.—

Yes; I will go to her; yes; and will speak.