Читать книгу The Boss - Caz Finlay - Страница 18

Nathan sat at his usual table in a quiet corner of the Rose and Crown, waiting for his best mate, Ben McKinley, to talk over a business proposition Nathan had for him. Ben had been semi-legit for a long time, and owned his own garage, but he could still be persuaded to get his hands dirty when the occasion called for it. And Nathan was about to pull off a big takeover; he needed people he trusted around him – and there was no one he trusted more than Ben.

Jake had turned up and was sitting at the bar watching Everton getting slaughtered, as usual. Grace pottered about around him. Nathan watched them both from his vantage point. The closeness they shared was clear enough for a blind man to see. The way Jake looked at his mum every time someone scored – either to convey his joy or dismay. And the way Grace smiled at him, reassuring him everything would always be okay. Nathan had always been envious of their bond. He’d sometimes felt like a voyeur intruding on their happiness. Always standing on the side-lines and never truly one of them. He’d wanted to be. He’d tried to be one of them. Especially after Jake was born; he’d really tried to change. But the pull of his other life had always been too strong. He missed the adulation, the respect, the look in someone’s eyes when they knew they were beaten.

He loved them both more than he’d ever loved anyone. They were the only family he’d ever known. At the age of thirteen, he’d promised himself he’d never let anyone have that sort of power over him again. But ever since he’d met Grace, he’d been besotted by her. He loved her so much, sometimes it felt like he couldn’t breathe without her, and he’d gone and forgotten his most important rule.

Then Grace fell pregnant and it was game over. He’d never wanted kids. That was until she’d told him they were going to have one anyway. If there was anyone he would have chosen to have a baby with, it was her. She was everything a mum should be: warm, caring, and fortunately for him, forgiving. She was an amazing mum, he could never deny that. She had given their son the best home a child could ask for. Not like his own slut of a mother who had never given him any of those things. She’d left him to fend for himself most of the time and was more interested in the various men that drifted in and out of her life than she ever was in Nathan. He was never a priority, never first choice. He always felt like he was in the way. Her greatest regret – that’s what she always told him anyway.

Social services took him away from her when he was eight and she didn’t even try and stop them. Nathan told everyone, even Grace, that she’d died. The truth was, he had absolutely no idea where she was. She probably was dead anyway, her body ruined by years of alcohol and drug abuse.

Nathan never knew his father and, apparently, he didn’t even know his son existed. His mother would never tell Nathan who he was, and claimed she didn’t know, but he never believed her. He always fantasized that his dad would find out about him one day and would rescue him from his miserable life. But of course, his father never came, and Nathan learned that the only person who could rescue him was himself. Only he could pull himself out of the stench and the ugliness he was born into. Shake off the dirt and the shame that were the shackles of his childhood and become something better.

What was it about Grace? He’d always been able to have any woman he wanted. Why could she get to him the way no one else ever could? He used to ask himself those questions all the time. But now he knew. It was the way she made him feel. The way she looked at him like he was the most incredible person in the world. She saw through his suit of armour to the monster beneath and she’d still loved him. She made him feel safe. She was home.

Seeing her and Jake together gave him a hollow feeling in his chest. It didn’t matter how many people were around him, or claimed to be loyal to him, to love him even. When he saw Grace and Jake together, it made him feel more alone than he ever had in his life. It reminded him of the nights he’d spent at home, abandoned, as a small child, waiting for his mother to return. Sometimes it was hours, sometimes days before she came back to him.

Grace and Jake were his family. He belonged with them. He already had Jake believing he was the best dad in the world. His next step was to convince Grace to take him back again. He would make it happen if it was the last thing he did. Whether she wanted to or not. After all, it was her fault that he’d ended up on the path he had. There was a time he was so close to a different life. He had it all planned out. It was just within his grasp. Then he gave it all up – for her. Everything was always for her. Even if she didn’t know it.