Читать книгу Ballet School Confidential: The Complete 3-Book Bundle - Charis Marsh - Страница 5

Alexandra Dunstan

Genee was so much fun, I love you all!!! Never forget…

Alexandra walked out of the academy. She felt numb. She aimed for her dad’s car, trying to walk normally. She pasted a smile on her face as she passed all the other students leaving. Seeing her face, Peter Dunstan pulled out as soon as she had closed the door, leaving the academy as quickly as he could. As soon as she was sure they were out of sight, Alexandra burst into tears.

“What happened?” Peter Dunstan asked sympathetically, while trying to manoeuvre into the fast lane.

“They … they did it again!” sobbed Alexandra. “I’m double cast with Anna for Arabian! And Grace and Aiko are sharing Sugarplum and Snow Queen, and Anna’s also sharing Rose Queen with the new girl, Kaitlyn! She’s already got one cast of Clara. I can’t believe the Demidovskis did this again! I am so F-ing sick of it! And Leon and Jonathon are the slave boys!”

“How do you know what you got already? I thought they only told you on Saturday?”

“Oh, well this year we have to sign a contract.” Alexandra wiped her eyes and checked her eyeliner in the mirror. “Everybody who got a principal or solo role had to. So we all said we weren’t going to sign if they didn’t tell us what we got.” Peter Dunstan raised his eyebrows. “Okay,” Alexandra smiled slightly. “Tristan said that, and then we all sort of nodded in agreement. I mean, they can’t kick Tristan out, they don’t have enough boys in the academy to do that. And none of the boys in the company would do it for free. They’re already paying Dmitri to do Cavalier. They’re not exactly going to pay another boy.”

“Lexi, it’s actually okay that you only got Arabian. You sat out yesterday because of your stomach, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we’ll just tell everyone that you needed some rest because of Genee, so you asked the Demidovskis to give you something less demanding for The Nutcracker. We can say that we wanted to take you away for a vacation to recover, and just skip The Nutcracker altogether, but the Demidovskis begged you to stay, and we just couldn’t let them down. Since you got bronze, everyone will believe that,” he nodded to himself, satisfied.

“Dad, that’s perfect!” said Alexandra, much happier. Blowing her nose one last time, she reached to turn on the music.

“Lexi, do you have to turn that on right now?” Peter groaned.

“Yes. I could use my iPod, but then I would be destroying my ears …” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“Fine then, but no Damien Rice, or Radiohead, or Coldplay.”

“Dad, fine! I’ll put on Kelly Clarkson!”

“Great! I like her songs … I think.”

Alexandra rolled her eyes.

As they walked in the door, Beth Dunstan called out, “Good, you’re here! The meat’s just done, perfect timing!”

“Mom, I told you, I’m going vegetarian,” Alexandra said, frowning as she walked into the kitchen.

“Well, the rest of the family isn’t, sweetie.” Beth gave Alexandra a hug. “And you’re too skinny right now. It was fine for Genee, but you don’t need it for now. I don’t want you going to McKinley looking like a concentration-camp prisoner. I don’t appreciate all the phone calls from ‘concerned counsellors.’”

“Mom! Could you please just not!”

“Okay, okay. How was the academy today?” Beth mashed the potatoes.

“I didn’t get a good part. Only one cast of Arabian lead, and Grace got Sugarplum first cast and Snow Queen second cast, but it’s okay,” Alexandra peeled a mandarin orange. “Dad said we can just tell everyone I needed a break because of Genee.”

“That’s a good idea. I’m sorry about that, though, honey. I thought things would be different with a bronze. Oh, well. Could you please call your sister and brother down for dinner?”

“Sure,” said Alexandra. Going upstairs, she called, “Justin! Emma! Dinnertime!”

She went into her room and closed the door. Trying to breathe normally and calm down, she sat on her bed. Why does this always have to happen? Alexandra thought miserably. Why couldn’t they just cast me? No, every time, I have to stand in that stupid line, and watch, as people who aren’t as good as me get cast above me, yet again. Don’t cry, don’t eat, don’t hyperventilate, she willed herself to calm down, silently. Grabbing her knees, Alexandra hunched herself into a ball. She stared down at her feet. Great, she thought, that blister has gotten even bigger. I wonder if I should wear the stupid Gaynor Mindens tomorrow to give it a better chance to recover. As casting suddenly came back to her mind, Alexandra’s legs flew out from under her elbows. She scrunched her eyes shut, trying to drive the image away.

Alexandra lay under her blankets. It’s midnight, go to sleep, she thought. Giving up, she got out of bed and sat down at the computer, staring blearily at the screen. She checked Facebook: one friend request. Clicking on it, she frowned. Julian Reese, who on earth is that? Oh, the new boy, she remembered. She clicked accept. Finding an old Skins episode, and plugging in her headphones so she didn’t wake anyone else up, she sat down on the chair and sighed, resigning herself to a long night.

At breakfast the next morning, Alexandra was not at all tired. From past experience, she knew that this meant she would suddenly run out of adrenalin in the middle of ballet class. Justin was at the counter making what appeared to be a lot of sandwiches. “Are you making some for me and Emma, too?” Alexandra asked Justin suspiciously.

“Yeah right! Make your own,” Justin said. “I’m staying late at UBC and I want to watch a soccer match, so I need extra sustenance.”

“Why don’t you actually play yourself?” Alexandra asked as she inspected the fruit bowl.

“It’s a girl’s team, duh,” Justin rolled his eyes.

“Where’s Emma? And Mom and Dad?” Alexandra had suddenly noticed the absence of half her family.

“Dad’s at work, and Mom’s with Emma at some gymnastics meet. Your friend Grace’s mom is coming by to pick you up for school. In, like, half an hour I think.… I dunno, I wasn’t really listening.”

“Oh great,” groaned Alexandra. The last thing she felt like doing was taking an almost hour-long car ride with Grace and her mother.

As Alexandra got in the car, April Kendall said, “Oh Lexi, sweetie, we all missed you so much! I haven’t seen that beautiful face in so long! You aren’t looking very well, though, honey. I was just telling Grace that. I do hope you aren’t ill!”

“No, I’m just fine, April!” said Alexandra, smiling through gritted teeth. Grace smiled sympathetically at her, and Alexandra remembered why she actually did like Grace sometimes, like when it wasn’t casting day.

“Hey, Mom, wait a sec, ’kay?” said Grace. “I’m going to go sit in the back with Lexi.”

“Of course, darling. You probably have to tell Lexi all about what has been going on here while she’s been away! And let me tell you, sweetie,” she turned around in her seat so she could see Alexandra, “there has been a lot going on.” Alexandra smiled sickly a sweet smile back at her.

Everybody actually made it to the bus stop after school on time for the first bus.

“Wow, even Leon made it,” laughed Tristan as they filed on the bus. It was same bus driver as the day before, and recognizing him, Tristan laughed. “Hey, ’sup?” he asked, grinning.

The bus driver looked at him sourly. “Have you lot multiplied?” he asked suspiciously.

“No. Maybe you’re seeing things,” Tristan asked earnestly, peering up at him with a concerned expression on his face.

Looking nervously at an old lady sitting in one of the front seats who looked distinctly worried, the bus driver growled, “No, get back there.” He gestured towards the back.

Julian giggled as he followed Tristan to the back seats. Kaitlyn pushed past Taylor to sit next to the boys and Delilah, and Taylor quickly took the last back seat, cutting out Jessica. Everyone else scattered around the bus, trying to get good seats. Alexandra and Grace ignored them all and sat at the front, next the old lady.

“If anyone asks, we just look young for our age and have mental problems,” Grace whispered in Alexandra’s ear. Alexandra gave a snort and collapsed into giggles, worrying the old lady again. She got up and slowly walked to the door.

“I don’t like teenagers,” she loudly told the bus driver as he lowered the ramp for her to get off. He smiled sympathetically.

“Who do we have today?” Alexandra asked Grace as they walked into the academy.

“Um…” Grace checked her schedule. “Mr. Yu for ballet again, and then some contemporary class. It’s a new teacher again, I don’t recognize the initials.”

Alexandra peered at the board and frowned. “SP? I don’t know any contemporary teacher with those initials. Oh well, maybe it will be good.”

“Maybe,” a voice said from behind them.

“Yeah, you’re right, Kageki,” laughed Alexandra. “Maybe. So,” Taylor was standing nearby. “Go away! So, Grace, do you want to go shopping after this?”

“Um … okay,” Grace was unenthusiastic. “But Anna has to come too. I kind of told her we would hang out today.”

“Anna?” Alexandra said disgustedly. “Why her? Okay, okay, we’ll all go.” She grabbed her uniform and went to get changed.

Up in the studio, Alexandra went to the center barre, mirror side, Mao and Jessica quickly moving to make room for her.

“Aww, Lexi, I missed you baby!” said Tristan, smirking at her.

“Missed you toooo, honey sugar,” she said matching his tone and smiling at him.

“Come, I’ll stretch your feet if you tell me how it was, Miss Bronze!” Tristan rolled over to her. “Did you find any hot guys?”

“No, the only straight one was five feet tall and didn’t speak English,” Alexandra sighed, sticking out her feet to be stretched.

“Well, were there any hot ones that were sort of bent? Slightly curvy?” Tristan asked, giggling up at her. “God, your feet are like rocks. My arms are in pain!”

“Ow!” Alexandra groaned. “Um, there was one that was, like, almost a full circle, but he was really good looking. He got to finals, but didn’t win anything. I added him on Facebook, so I can show you later if you want.” Mr. Yu walked into the room grinning happily. “This is going to be a good class!” Alexandra whispered excitedly to everyone in the general vicinity.

Mr. Yu walked over to the barre and bent over backwards on it, cracking his back. Swinging his arms violently, and then pushing his hips out towards all four corners of the room, he proceeded to pop and crack every part of his body. Finished, he began stretching his hamstrings and said, “Before you take class, you should crack everything.”

“Uh oh,” groaned Tristan to Delilah. “I think this is gonna be a lecture day.”

Mr. Yu continued, “Ballet dancing is the hardest sport. It is not just a sport, because it is art. That makes it double, triple times harder. And ballet dancers need to be smart,” he tapped his head. “Cannot be stupid. Actually, ballet makes you smarter. That is why you need to work double, triple times. Stretching when you warm … not as good as when cold. If you want to be flexible, you should stretch when you first wake up, before you go to school, when the body is cold.”

“I think that goes against what every other fitness instructor and physiotherapist in the world would say,” Julian whispered to Tristan.

“Wait, it gets better,” Tristan said gleefully.

“At Beijing Ballet Academy, we would run in the park. At maybe 5:30 or 6:30. First run, then run with jumps, all through the park. After this, we would stretch on trees,” Mr. Yu continued, sticking his leg on the bar and bending his body over his leg to demonstrate how they stretched.

“I can’t believe he can still do that,” Julian whispered in astonishment, as Mr. Yu pulled his toes till they rested under his chin, his whole body lying flat on his leg.

“He keeps flexible by showing off for us,” Tristan said cynically.

“Canadians are wasteful,” said Mr. Yu, suddenly changing the topic. “In China, nothing is wasted. Even hair is sold. You die, hair sold. Make stuff like the eyelashes you wear for performance.”

“Ewww!” the class groaned in unison. Mr. Yu looked pleased with himself, having achieved the effect he wanted.

“You mean when it says ‘real hair’ on the fake eyelash box they mean it? And it comes off of dead people?” Alexandra asked horrified. Mr. Yu nodded. “Gross!”

“Okay, pliés,” said Mr. Yu, satisfied. He taught a very exhausting class, and everyone left the room groaning and complaining about their various body parts. Alexandra beamed happily as she left: a good hard class was exactly what she’d needed.

They moved languidly as they added layers, rolled up tights and pants, and took down their hair for contemporary class. The class took little interest in the contemporary teacher. She was wearing Lululemon pants and looked like almost every other contemporary teacher, not a ballet teacher.

Mrs. Demidovski walked into the studio, her heels clicking firmly on the floor. “Hello,” she said, staring around at the class. Almost a quarter of the students were missing. “Where are the rest of the students?” No one answered. Angela put up her hand, but Mrs. Demidovski ignored her. “Tristan! Come here.” Tristan obeyed. “Sit down,” The class immediately fell to the floor, happy for the break. Tristan dropped to the ground right in front of Mrs. Demidovski and folded his long legs into a cross-legged position. “Tristan,” she asked. “Where is everyone?”

“I don’t know,” he put a sincere expression on his face. “Maybe they are sick?”

Angela rocked back and forth, whispering urgently to Jessica, “They’re not sick, they’re skipping! Just because its contemporary doesn’t mean they can skip!”

“Quiet, please!” Mrs. Demidovski sounded irritated. “It’s okay, it’s okay …” she gestured at Tristan to move back again. He scooted back on his butt, coming to a halt between Delilah and Julian. Coughing, Mrs. Demidovski introduced the new teacher. “This is … Sukuuuya. Sukuuuya Paulen.”

“Actually,” corrected the contemporary teacher, smiling sweetly, “it’s Sequoia.”

“Oh god, another freak,” Alexandra whispered to Anna.

“I, like, need to meditate right now,” answered Anna, sighing. “I can’t move.” Mrs. Demidovski frowned at the girls.

“Yes, Sukuuuya,” Mrs. Demidovski said firmly. “Sukuuuya is a very good teacher. She teaches all over world. Everybody likes her very much. I want everyone to take the contemporary class, and work hard. Maybe those who do not have good feet, too tall, too this, too that,” she mimed huge boobs, “you can do contemporary. Many things not okay for ballet, okay in contemporary. You try. See?” she said gesturing at Sequoia. “She maybe not have so good body for ballet, no good feet, try contemporary. Possible okay.” Sequoia looked at her, her vague expression focusing into an expression of sadness for the unenlightened. Looking rather uncomfortable, Mrs. Demidovski started to leave, saying, “Tristan, you tell all boys must come to contemporary class! De-Li-Lah, you tell girls.”

“Class, I am so happy that we have this opportunity to get to know each other,” said Sequoia. “I want everyone to just scatter around the floor, but not too far. If you have something on your feet, I want you to take it off,” Alexandra groaned. Now she knew her blister was going to get infected for sure. “Take your hair down if it is still up. I want you to be able to feel it swing and lead you.”

“Eww,” Alexandra complained to Anna, “my hair is all sweaty and gross. And the gel isn’t helping.”

Kaitlyn was at the front. She kept her eyes on the teacher, nodding after everything she said.

“Do you believe that?” Anna whispered to Alexandra, pointed at Kaitlyn.

“Mphh,” Alexandra muttered, not paying attention and trying to smooth her hair down in the mirror.

“Everyone, just walk,” said Sequoia. “Let your arms swing, and breathe normally. Walk at a steady pace, pick a path and keep on that path, but do not walk into anyone.… Now, speed up, and move closer to each other. Yes, weaving in and out, through each other, tighter.… Now, make eye contact with the person directly in front of you, keep moving towards them. When you are almost touching, stop. Follow that person’s movements, take turns leading. Do not move your feet. Focus on your upper body. Notice your partner’s breathing and try to match it, become one body.… Okay, everyone, come and sit down in a circle.”

“Do you think she’ll put on any music anytime during this class?” Alexandra whispered to Grace.

“I don’t know,” Grace whispered back, “but I’m totally going to go crazy if she doesn’t.”

“Now lie on your backs, close your eyes, and breathe,” Sequoia continued. “I want you to imagine that you are walking in a beautiful forest. Imagine how it feels, and find peace in your enjoyment of this forest. Let your arms rest loosely at your sides, and let your lower back find a comfortable position. Now start rocking up and down, starting the motion from your heels. Yes, that’s right.” Standing over Kaitlyn, she asked, “What’s your name?”

“Kaitlyn,” she said, smiling up at Sequoia smugly.

“Very good, Kaitlyn!”

Anna pushed her heels violently into the floor, sending her body to the side by accident. “Careful, careful. Not too vigorously, now,” Sequoia cautioned. After the rocking exercise, they slowly progressed to floor work.

During a “just move across the floor concentrating on your feet, don’t hurry, move at your own pace” exercise, Alexandra looked at the clock for the twentieth time and noticed that the hands had actually moved. “Look!” she whispered excitedly to Tristan. “We’re finished soon!”

“Thank god,” Tristan whispered back. “I was that close to just running out the door when she was telling me to just ‘be the deer’!”

“Everyone, come and sit down,” said Sequoia. “Let your breath slowly return.”

“We weren’t doing anything! My breath is intact!” Alexandra complained to Tristan.

“Please do not to talk during class,” Sequoia said, a slight frown creasing her brow. “It is disrespectful to your classmates. Now, I believe that in order to become a successful dancer, you must know yourself. When I say successful dancer, I do not mean one that is successful in the eyes of teachers or judges. I mean someone who knows themselves so completely, that they can transcend their body to connect with an audience. To be able to accomplish this is to be a truly great dancer. When you dance, you should feel goosebumps on your arms. It is only when you have really come out of yourself that you have truly experienced what it is to dance.” Alexandra tried to smother a yawn. “During this class, I feel that I have really been able to get to know the real you, so I am going to attempt to act as a mirror, and show you bits of yourself that you may not have known before. What’s your name?” Sequoia asked Tristan.

“Ah … Tristan?”

“Now, that’s interesting, Tristan. Did you notice that you just said your name as a question? Are you quite sure that your name is Tristan?”

“Yes, my name is Tristan,” Tristan said, a bit confused and annoyed.

“That’s much better, Tristan! Now, Tristan, I want you to just close your eyes and think. I want you to imagine that a fly is coming to rest on your head. Swat it away. Good, good, that’s very good. Now stand up … and then put all your weight on one leg. Good! You can open your eyes now.”

“Great,” Tristan answered sarcastically.

“Now, Tristan,” Sequoia said with an understanding smile, “if you were angry with me right now, would you most want to punch me or call me names?”

“Call you names,” Tristan answered without hesitation. Delilah giggled.

“Ah, I think you are not in touch enough with your masculine side. You are really going to have to work on that to become more well-rounded.” Tristan looked at her in disbelief, and everyone started to giggle. “Might I suggest maybe focusing on some pursuits that bring out your manly side?” Sequoia was apparently oblivious to the class’s reaction. “Maybe try some baseball or soccer … you know, even just doing some extra math might help.”

Alexandra raised her hand to her mouth, trying not to laugh.

“Oh my God, do you believe that woman?” Tristan said angrily as they walked down the stairs after class. “Like, does she even know what gay means?”

“No, I don’t think she does,” Alexandra laughed.

“Even I know what gay means, and I’m Japanese,” Kageki said in disgust.

“I am so not taking that class again,” Tristan jumped into the lost and found bin. Taking a lost doll out, he held in front of his face. “I think you need to get in touch with your masculine side,” he said in a high-pitched voice, imitating Sequoia.

“And Mrs. Demidovski said we had to tell everyone to come to this class.” Delilah shook her head scornfully. “As if!”

“Yeah! Yeah right!” Tristan stuffed the doll violently back in the lost and found.

“Hey, Tristan,” said Alexandra, doing up her shoes, “do you want to come with Grace, Anna, and me? We’re going shopping.”

“Where?” Tristan brightened up.

“Robson, duh!”

“That sounds like fun …” Delilah hinted. Alexandra and Tristan ignored her.

“Oh, Lexi,” Grace said, “I think I’m actually going to just go home? I’m kind of tired. Anna, we can still hang out though, if you want. We’ve been planning this for such a long time. Do you want to come sleep over?”

“Sure,” Anna grinned at Alexandra.

“Well, do you still want to go?” Alexandra asked Tristan, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. Glancing over at Delilah, Alexandra added, “You can come, too, if you want.”

“Sure!” Delilah said happily.

“That sounds fun,” Tristan smirked at Alexandra, who was watching Grace and Anna leave. She looked nauseated.

“So, what’s the new guy like?” Alexandra asked as they waited for the bus. She suddenly remembered how little sleep she had gotten the night before, and yawned.

“Oh, Jules? He’s really cool, and nice,” said Tristan enthusiastically. Alexandra looked at him sharply. “He homestays at Mr. Yu’s. I went over there yesterday. We had a lot of fun, except it was laundry day, so nobody was supposed to come over. I tried hiding in Keiko ’s closet every time Mr. Yu came by, ’cause me, Jules, and Keiko were playing cards in her room, but then he heard my voice, and he was like ‘Wazzat? Who there?’ and so he gave me a lecture and hit me with the broom. It was fun though.”

“Jules sounds nice,” Alexandra said neutrally. “He seems straight, is he?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“He is definitely straight,” Delilah said, giggling. “He couldn’t be that clueless and be gay.” Tristan glared at her, annoyed.

“Some people are gay and clueless,” he said. “And it’s okay that he’s clueless, because he’s kind of smart.”

“It doesn’t really matter, right?” Alexandra said firmly as they got on the bus. “Where do you want to go first? We don’t have loads of time.”

“Zara,” said Tristan. “No, wait, H&M. It’s closer if we’re taking this bus.”

“’Kay,” said Alexandra. “Sounds good to me.”

“Yeah, me too,” said Delilah. “But can we stop by the gelato place after? I’m starving.”

“Sure. I haven’t been there in a long time,” said Alexandra. They got off the bus and started walking to H&M. “I love being downtown at this time of day. It’s so happy, you know? Full of tourists who just had a long day and are wandering around relaxing, and the druggies haven’t come out in full force yet.”

“Yeah, okay, Lexi,” Tristan said, laughing. “But no, you’re right, it is nice wandering around down here this time of day.”

“Um, yeah,” said Delilah, staring in disgust at a man who was relieving himself in an alley. “It kind of depends on where downtown, don’tcha think? Like, more there than here,” she pointed up the street to where H&M was and walked quickly. Tristan and Alexandra laughed and followed her.

Later, as they walked into Mondo Gelato, Tristan and Delilah were arguing. “I just don’t like them, okay?” Tristan said firmly.

“Why?” demanded Delilah. “Look, they are sooooo cute!”

“I don’t like the shoes. They’re ugly,” repeated Tristan for the third time.

Ignoring them both, Alexandra went up to the counter and looked. Half blueberry sorbet, half pineapple, she decided. That was what she always got.

“May I try the strawberry sorbet?” Alexandra asked the server. “And then the mango, and then the mint? Thanks.… Actually, can I have one scoop in a cup, half blueberry sorbet, half…” Oh why not be different for once, she thought recklessly, “banana sorbet?”

“Sure,” the server said, laughing slightly.

“It’s a gelato place,” Delilah said when they all had their orders and were sitting at a table outside. “How come you two both ordered sorbet?”

“It’s better for you. It has less calories,” Alexandra and Tristan answered at the same time.

“Jinx, give me a Coca-Cola!” Alexandra laughed. They finished their desserts slowly as it got dark, and then started walking back down Robson.

“Oh, look, it’s the mime dude!” Delilah said excitedly.

“Delilah, that guy is here all the time, we can watch another day,” Alexandra said, stopping to watch nonetheless. They laughed as a Japanese tourist jumped back — the mime was pretending to try and kiss her. Then he turned around and had a fake fight with her boyfriend, who couldn’t stop laughing.

“Okay, we totally have to go, like, now,” said Tristan. “Lexi, is your mom picking you up?”

“No, my dad. I phoned him while you two were arguing over the shoes. He’s going to meet me in front of Le Château and Bebe. Do you need a ride?”

“Yes, please.”

“I can bus,” Delilah said, but Alexandra ignored her.

“Good, that’s fine then,” Tristan answered for her.

“Hey, Tristan,” said Peter Dunstan as they got in the back of the car. “Am I driving you home?”

“Yes, please,” Tristan said, grinning.

“Did you have dinner, Lexi?” Peter asked as he drove.

“Um, no. But we had a lot of junk, so I’m not really hungry.”

Tristan stared at her and mouthed, “We just had sorbet.”

Miming a slit throat, Alexandra mouthed back, “I’m not hungry, and they’re annoying.” Tristan nodded. They spent the rest of the car ride imitating Sequoia for both Peter’s and their own amusement.

As they got out of the car, Peter said, “Are you okay, Lexi? You don’t look so well.”

“I’m fine, Dad,” Alexandra replied angrily. “I’m just tired. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

As she walked up the steps and into the house, Alexandra felt like crying. Emma ran up to her excitedly.

“Lexi, guess what? My teacher is taking us all to the pool on Friday, because we were really well behaved this week!”

“Cool,” said Alexandra impatiently.

“She already ate downtown, with her friend Tristan,” Peter called to Beth.

“Who?”

“Tristan,” Peter said in his normal voice, as Beth walked out of the kitchen. “You know, the tall, skinny one.”

“They’re all tall and skinny,” Beth said, laughing. “Lexi, you look tired. Go to sleep early, okay?”

“Okay. I’m just going to do some homework and take a shower first.”

Alexandra went upstairs, moving quickly. She closed the door to her room, threw her bag on the bed, took off her jacket, and fired it after the bag. She began digging through her drawers, and breathed a sigh of relief. The cookie and chocolate bar were both still there. Taking out a pair of pyjamas and a towel, she set them on the bed and unwrapped the chocolate bar, eating it as fast as she could. She wanted to cry. (No, it’s okay, it’s okay, she reminded herself.) Trying to slow down a bit, she also finished the cookie. When she went down the hall to the bathroom, the door was locked.. Oh great, she thought. Emma’s in the bathroom. “Emma, get out of there quickly,” she called through the door. “Please?”

“Okay, okay,” Emma called back. “I’m just brushing my teeth.”

As soon as Emma finished, Alexandra went into the bathroom and locked the door. She started the tap, tested the temperature, and then turned the shower on to muffle the noise. Then, she bent over the toilet and held her hair back to throw up.

In the shower, Alexandra felt her stomach happily. It was the same as before the chocolate and the cookie. She also didn’t feel as panicky or depressed. Feeling along her jaw, she sighed. She had to stop doing this, and just not eat. It was making her face fat. She walked into her room, trying to hold onto the happiness until she could fall asleep, but it didn’t work. Lying under the covers, Alexandra tried to block everything out of her head, but she couldn’t, and she started crying into her pillow. “I hate you, I hate you!” she mouthed angrily into the darkness, not sure who she meant. Eventually, calmed and exhausted from crying, Alexandra fell asleep.