Читать книгу Sinful - Charlotte Featherstone - Страница 10

He was delirious, not from fever, but Jane. The scent of her, the incredibly arousing feel of her petal-soft skin against his face made his flesh and blood blaze until he thought he would be consumed by the heat of longing.

He was amazed by her presence, the calm she washed over him. He had never been able to bear the feel of another atop him, yet he craved Jane like this, her breasts against him, the beat of her heart in his ears. He was starved for this, for the touch, the contact of another human being.

If he had been in his right mind, he would have refuted that wayward thought with a snort and a callous remark. But he was not in his right mind. Desire like nothing he had ever experienced before ruled him now. It was the same driving, relentless need that had fueled him with his first lover. But that had been lust, and animal need. The fucking had been hard, angry, soul stealing, yet the danger of it, the threat of being caught and punished, had made it arousing, made it just as good as the actual fucking.

But this moment with Jane was soft and tender, soul stealing, as well, as he felt something that had long lain dormant begin to awaken. There was need here, too. It was not animal lust, but something else. Something he could not name, something he had never felt before.

“You burn with fever, my lord.”

“Matthew,” he corrected. He did not want to be Wallingford here with her. He did not want to be an earl and heir to a dukedom. He wanted only to be a man, a painter and lover. He wanted Jane, not as a damaged soul who could not enjoy the feel of another, but as someone who was whole, untainted.

She was good and kind. He sensed it in her, and the devil inside him wanted to have a bit of her goodness all to himself. He had never known what it was to be good, or kind. He was cold and callous, purposefully hurtful. Yet here was this angel lying against him, allowing herself to be corrupted by a demon in a gentleman’s disguise.

“We must stop this,” she breathed in a husky pant that sent his cock lifting beneath the sheet that had grown just as hot as his body. “I must see to ridding you of this fever.”

“Yes, you must,” he agreed, his mind taking a turn down a wicked, wicked path. It was bad enough that he had envisioned her taking his cock into her lush mouth and swallowing him down, something he could never allow in any real way. Now he thought of her touching him, every inch of his body. When he felt the cool cloth return to his chest, he reached for her wrist and brought it low, guiding her. With his hand leading hers, he brought the cloth, which she clutched steadfastly, to his cock. He heard her gasp; it was followed by the rustle of starched muslin, and he imagined her shifting on the bed, her waist turning so she could look down at him, and the heavy sex that lay between his thighs. Her breasts would still be exposed, and he knew the image of her like this would be forever imbedded in his mind. He would paint her the minute he arrived home.

“Touch me, Jane,” he choked out as he forced her hand to release the cloth, and instead hold him. He groaned, threw back his head and gritted his teeth as her palm engulfed his thick shaft. With little pressure, he moved her hand up, then down. The image of his fingers locked atop hers as he worked his cock made his excitement grow. He was rasping in shallow, hard breaths, which mingled with hers.

She was watching, he could feel her eyes searing into the spot where their hands wrapped around his shaft. It aroused him, not angered him, knowing her eyes were upon him. He did not feel defiled as he once had when his lover had watched him masturbate. His lover had taken perverse delight in ordering him to pleasure himself and come all over his hand. His lover had enjoyed barking out orders. Even now he heard them: harder, faster, now slower, stop…

But Jane did not say anything. Their breaths were the only sound in the room. It had a strangely calming effect on him. Normally he was tense, his big body taut with urgency, but tonight, he felt himself go limp and fall into the thin featherticking mattress. He allowed himself to enjoy the feel of their joined hands on him, and the images that played out in his mind, how she would look like this, taking him in hand and tossing him off.

It seemed forever he lay like that, his pleasure building, Jane’s breaths frenzied. The scent of her wafted over him and he used his free hand to tug at her nipple in the same rhythm she used to stroke him.

“Matthew!”

The sound of his name in her angel’s voice weakened him, and he came, exploding in a hot jet onto both their hands. He heard her cry of shock, but she did not pull away, slowing her strokes instead, watching as his cock pulsed with his seed.

My God, he had not come into someone else’s palm in fifteen years. The shuddering orgasm unnerved him, and he turned his head, not wanting Jane to see his expression of terrified wonder. For he was alarmed by the emotions that suddenly ruled him.

Mercifully she said nothing as she rose from the bed. He heard the water in the basin softly slap against the porcelain sides. It was followed by the wringing of a cloth, then the sound of Jane’s fingers buttoning her gown.

Was she ashamed? Horrified he could be such a beast? He was ill, burning with fever, and yet he was still ruled by the needs of his body and cock.

“The water has turned too cold. Tepid is best for bringing down a fever.”

“Go then,” he said in a hoarse voice. He wanted to add a request that she return to him, but he bit his tongue, refusing to ask or beg. Yet as soon as he heard the door swing shut behind her, he heard her name, whispered in his broken voice, “Jane, come back.”

Scooping the water from the rain barrel, Jane watched as the clear liquid splashed into the bowl. Her hands were shaking, as was her body. The sounds of the wards inside the hospital were a distant whisper compared to the husky groan of male satisfaction that was ringing in her ears, even now.

Good God, what had she done?

Setting the bowl on the steps, she sat down and brought her head to her knees, trying to regain her innate sense of calm and composure. She refused to close her eyes and instead stared down at the starched white cotton of her apron. It was no use. Even with her eyes open she could see Matthew’s fine, strong body lying on the bed beside her, completely naked, the sheet thrust to his thighs, his phallus thick and long, heavily veined, engorged with desire. Desire for her.

Jane still could not understand, or make sense of the way she had instinctively known what he wanted. She had never done such a thing before, yet the feel of him, heavy and hot in her hand, had felt so right, as if she had pleasured many a man before. She gazed down at her palm and studied the lines in the moonlight. She could still feel it in her hand, still hear her own thoughts whispering in her mind, I want to know what this would feel like inside me.

It shocked her to hear such an admission, and in her own voice. She was not a naive prude. She had seen much growing up in the rookeries of the East End. Yet it still shocked her that she could want such intimacy with a stranger. Never before had she looked at a male patient and wondered what it would feel like to take his body inside hers. She had not even thought of Richard in such a way. Strange, since she felt a measure of affection for the young doctor.

Jane closed her eyes and forced an image of Richard to mind. Gray eyes, pale skin and golden hair. He was handsome in a typical English way. He was tall, too, although not as tall as Matthew, and much, much leaner. In all, he was very pleasing to the eye, and there was no shortage of nurses and patients who flirted with him. To Jane’s knowledge, he had never taken up their offers. She knew with one-hundred-percent certainty that Dr. Inglebright would never have touched, in a sexual manner, a patient under his care.

How far she had fallen for the touch of a man. Jane had no idea she yearned for such things. Certainly there were some nights when she felt the urge to touch her breasts and quim. She had found it naughty, in a forbidden way, to touch herself. And it had felt good. Now, those times of self-pleasure paled when put beside this brief, erotic interlude with Matthew. She sensed that what he had done to her, what she had done to him, was merely the starting point of where their shared passion might go.

She yearned to explore it, she realized, giving honesty to her feelings. But to do so could be disastrous. Besides, there could be nothing out of it except a few stolen moments, hardly worthwhile when one thought of what she could lose if it ever got out what they were doing behind that swinging wooden door.

Her job at London College would be lost. Her name and that of Lady Blackwood would be further tarnished. The profession, which she was trying so hard to make credible to the eyes of the world, would be thrust back down. Only old harlots and washerwomen are nurses…that would be accurate, if the truth about what she had just done got out.

No, she could not repay Dr. Inglebright or Lady Blackwood by sullying her name, her profession or the hospital.

Standing up, Jane retrieved her basin of water and determinedly stepped back into the ward, resolute to rid her patient of his fever and survive the long night ahead without further thinking on how much she wanted to lie on top of him and feel him thrusting that beautiful phallus deep inside her.

The tepid water trickled over his skin as Jane changed the cloth that she had folded on his forehead. His fever was higher, despite the hours of sitting at his bedside, bathing him.

“I don’t understand it,” Richard mumbled behind her. “Where is this fever coming from?”

“I do not know,” she whispered, worry clouding her thoughts. “He’s so strong and healthy, I don’t know why it holds him.”

“He smelled of spirits when he arrived. Perhaps he is a chronic drinker. I’ve seen the fever in the gin addicts when they don’t have it.”

Jane glanced at Matthew’s face, which was drawn tight. Occasionally he would frown, as if he was being plagued by dreams. Taking her fingers and dipping them in the basin, she brushed them over his cracked lips, while Richard continued to pace behind her, deep in thought.

“Perhaps it is the head trauma that is causing it. The body’s natural response to pain and injury.”

Jane did not respond. She knew no answer was necessary. This was Richard trying to solve a medical puzzle. Instead, she continued to bathe Matthew, studying the way his body felt taut with tension.

“Don’t touch me,” he suddenly cried, and thrashed in the bed, his arms flaying wide, nearly hitting her in the head. “Jesus Christ, get off me.”

He knocked her off the bed with a blow to her shoulder. With a thunk, she landed on the floor, and the ceramic basin smashed to bits around her.

Richard ran to her and helped her up. “Are you cut?”

“No, I don’t think so,” she muttered as she looked at her shaking hands then back at Matthew. “He rages with fever. He didn’t mean it.”

Richard looked at her skeptically. “From now on I will assign another nurse to care for him.”

“No!” The rebuttal was out of her mouth before she could stop it. Richard looked startled, then his gaze slipped past her shoulder to where Matthew lay still on the bed.

“No?”

Jane swallowed hard. She could not bear the thought of another woman sitting beside him. He was hers—her patient. The thought that perhaps he was already married or engaged did not enter her thoughts. For Jane, he was hers. It was the last remnant of growing up in the East End that still clung to her. She had grown up with nothing, not even a decent parent. As a result, anything that was hers, she held steadfastly on to with a selfish single-mindedness. Matthew was something she knew she had to keep hold of, if only for this night.

“Very well, then, Jane. But only because you are my most skilled nurse, and he is a man of good breeding.”

Jane nodded. “Have you any idea of his identity?”

“My father thinks he knows. He’s gone to Mayfair tonight after learning a few things at his club this afternoon.”

“I see.”

“Well then, I will let you tend to him, but I will be back,” Richard murmured as he ran his palms down her shoulders. He squeezed her arms gently before leaving. He didn’t say anything to her, but the look in his eyes said it all. He knew. Somehow Richard had discovered her fascination with Matthew.

Someone was touching him, but it was not that filthy lover in his past whose hands were covering his body. It was Jane. Amazing how he had the wherewithal to discern such a thing. Yet he knew it was not the other.

The other one had come, though, for a visit in a dream. He loathed those dreams and the way his body felt after them. But it was Jane’s body here with him now.

“Jane?” he asked, croaking through his dry lips and raw throat.

“Here,” she whispered, “take a sip, slowly.”

The cool water that slipped down his throat felt so good that he could not sip, but only gulp, despite her warnings. When he sat back, he felt weak and exhausted. He recalled what they had done, and the effects on his body still pleasantly lingered.

“You must rest,” she ordered, her voice now cool and detached.

“I have slept enough.”

“Sleep is the body’s best medicine.”

“No, Jane. You are the tonic I need.”

Silence blanketed the room, and Matthew cursed himself for his loose tongue. He was not a talker, not unless he was cutting someone off at the knees, but tonight, with Jane, he couldn’t seem to hold his tongue, or hide the strange emotions that bubbled beneath his skin. In truth, he had no idea if he desired to or not. His brain knew he should lie in silence and leave her to her work. But his body cried out for her presence at his bedside, her voice in the quiet, her hands on his flesh. He refused to wonder if it was the fever provoking these thoughts, or some deeply hidden need he had never known that lurked within him. Neither reason mattered now, the only thing that mattered was getting Jane back close to him, drawing her into him.

“Will you not sit with me?”

“No. There are other patients who require care.” She brushed past him. He heard her stiff skirts brush the sheet and he reached out, grasping for anything that he could hold.

“I wish I could see you,” he whispered. “Here, help me to, Jane.” He held his hand out in the air, waiting for her to take it.

“Matthew,” she said in a voice full of pleading, “please don’t.”

Despite his blindness he found her hand and pulled her down so that she was sitting beside him on the bed.

“If you are in pain, or in need of something—”

“I am in need of you.” Their fingers entwined and he ordered her to bring their hands to her face.

“I don’t understand what this will prove.”

“I want to paint you in my mind.”

He found the soft curve of her chin, and traced his trembling fingertips over the downy skin. In his mind he saw unblemished peaches-and-cream skin. His fingertips skated over the bridge of her nose down to her lush mouth. She turned her head when he reached the corner of her lips. Despite his coaxing words, she held herself away from his touch.

“Let me touch your mouth.”

“No.” She tried to move away, but he held her to him and brought her forward, capturing her mouth with his. It was a soft, lingering kiss, just lips brushing, and his soul stirred.

She pulled away, his lips kissing the air. “We can’t do this, Matthew.”

“Why? Is there another?”

“It doesn’t matter, does it?”

He smiled and reached for her once again. “No, it really doesn’t.”

“Matthew, stop.”

“What color is your hair?”

There was hesitation before she answered, “What does it matter what color it is?”

“Because I want to know what color to visualize when I’m dreaming of you and your hair spilling over me.”

“Please,” she whispered, “do not say such things.”

“Why?” he asked, the fog from his fever lifting, giving increasing clarity to his thoughts. “Did I shame you by forcing your hand to pleasure me?”

“You did not force me.”

“But I did shame you?”

The accusation hung heavy and he heard Jane leave the bed and walk to the corner of the room, her heels clicking against the floorboards.

“Why do you run, Jane?”

“I do not run.”

“Aye, you do. Every time the rope that is wrapped between us pulls you closer to me, you pull away, untangling us.”

“There is no us, Matthew. You’re confused. Febrile.”

“There could be an us,” he replied, hating the desperation he suddenly felt flare in his breast. “Jane,” he whispered, “come away with me.”

He knew he had caught her attention when he heard her movements stop altogether.

“When I leave here, come with me. Let us explore this…this…whatever has brought us together. Let me paint you, pleasure you. Be my muse,” he added, tossing in anything that might persuade her to come to him.

“Your muse?” she questioned.

“Yes. I’ve done nothing but paint you in my mind with nothing but my fantasies. Let me see you with my own eyes. Let me paint my fantasies.”

The door opened, and the sterile odor of Dr. Inglebright flowed around them. “Jane, the carriage is here. I ordered it ’round early. You’ve had a long night.”

Hatred fused his thoughts. Was Jane the doctor’s lover? Wife? Bloody hell, he had not thought of her as anyone but his.

“How very kind of you, Dr. Inglebright, but I will stay to finish my shift.”

There was no feminine welcome in that tone. No gratitude, either.

“I insist, Jane. There will be no argument.”

“Very well,” she muttered, and Matthew heard the clicking of her heels on the floor once more. This time they belied her true thoughts. She was not happy to be ordered about by the good doctor.

“Jane,” he called. “Sleep well. And you might do me the favor of reflecting on my offer.”

The door swung shut, and Matthew sensed the doctor staring him down where he stood at the foot of the bed.

“Lord Wallingford,” Inglebright growled, “you’ll be leaving us now, returning to your side of the city.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?” he asked, feeling his heart sink back into the black depths of his chest.

“Tell her what, that you’re a licentious rake who feeds off women and discards them when your amusement fades? Amusement, I have been told, that is rather dark, and decidedly not the sort of entertainment that Jane would find amusing.”

Matthew growled, “Yes, why didn’t you tell her I’m a soulless bastard?”

“Because it would have made you all the more attractive. Now then, my lord, your father has sent a carriage around to fetch you. The night men will make a litter for you—”

“The hell they will. I will walk out of here on my own two feet if it’s the last damn thing I do. And the last thing you’re going to do, Dr. Inglebright, is give me Jane’s direction.”