Читать книгу How to stop drinking and start living - Chicara - Страница 5

And here I am, a notorious child who does not know what she wants in life and seeking approval in everything, moving on to a new stage in life – living outside the parental home.

I studied at a vocational school for 4 years, it was a pretty fun time, I made friends, but relationships with the opposite sex have not begun, because it was a taboo in my family. Once the guys from the yard joked and gave me condom boxes, which I brought home and showed to my parents. I did not know what it was, I was too young. My father called me a whore, and they both beat me, not understanding – who is right, who is to blame, so relationships are the last thing I thought about, I was afraid of them like fire,, like everything else.

Even before leaving for school, I went to discos or local clubs with my friends, with such interesting names as «Monica», «Exclusive». You see, not everyone was allowed to go to such places at the age of 15, so the irreplaceable rules were: heels are higer, the skirt is shorter, the makeup is brighter. It always worked :) It was during that period that I tried alcohol for the first time, it was a cloudy light-colored liquid, which was called Finnish gin with a content of 5% alcohol

Sold in bottles of 1.5 liters or cans of 0.33. Further: half a liter of vodka at someone’s party or in a park in front of a disco. Sometimes by itself, others with lemonade; our bag was long and capacious, in which it was always possible to put «fuel» to warm up the party and no one suspected anything. Such meet-ups were on weekends, then I realized that with alcohol my self-esteem rises, I feel more confident, forget about my complexes, and believe me, they were many. I believed that I was quite something, as it was manifested in attention from the opposite sex.

At that time, alcohol was a way to increase self-esteem, to liberate myself (on the dance floor), gain courage for communication and just have fun at the disco. Because in everyday life I lacked the self-confidence and courage to communicate.

After graduating from vocational school, I moved to the capital and started working in the service sector: bars, restaurants, cafes. I liked being a waitress, every day I met new people and it was interesting for me to communicate with them. I began to like life more. When I, more or less, «joined» the team, we often went out after work to the bar, or rather the disco, which was located on the second floor of the restaurant.

There I got drunk after a hard working day and often remembered little… so I worked for a year, leaving all the money I earned in the bar. Then I changed jobs and went to work in a bar-restaurant with a police theme. It was cool – I worked in a police uniform, with handcuffs and a plastic gun; there I stayed for 3 years, maybe less. I still did not have a serious relationship with men, although I went on some dates. In my free days I was sitting at home with a bottle of wine and cheese for some whining melodrama or comedy – a classic of the genre, so to speak :)

Periodically I went to the gym and to the movies.

And so I lived, worked in a restaurant, «hung out» on the weekend, sometimes went to visit my mother. My father passed away when I was 16 years old, but we never discussed this topic.

I felt a little guilty for his death, because I could not help him, did not understand what his problem was, why he drank and beat us. I was with my mother at the funeral, my brother did not go with us, I don’t remember for what reason.

After several years of living in the capital, I met a guy and we started a relationship. He came from Spain, where he was to return in a month. We met every day and had a great time, having lunch in restaurants, walking along the promenade and telling each other life stories. Then he left, and after a couple of months he took me with him.

I immediately fell in love with Spain, I moved there in November and during this period I was still swimming in the sea. For the locals, the water was cold and they looked with caution in my direction, but for the tourists or for those who had just moved, like me, the water was just right.

Next, family life began as a couple, that I never had. He cooked, cleaned, I helped. In the evenings, I liked to drink a glass of wine with the dinner, and I did not mind having one during the lunch too. Further, it became a“tradition». One glass of wine per day or 50 grams of cognac with coffee and all. We walked around the city, went out into the city, the exact opposite life of the one that I had in my homeland: freedom, parties, booze.