Читать книгу POV - Chris Brosnahan - Страница 4

I pushed the needle into the woman’s eye. She squirmed.

‘It’s okay,’ I told her. ‘It’s okay.’ I brought my voice down a little, trying to calm her. ‘Just relax.’

She clenched the side of her chair, her knuckles turning white. ‘I’m trying.’

‘You’re doing fine, Sarah,’ I said. ‘Honestly. Just try and fight the urge to blink for another couple of minutes. It won’t take long.’

‘It feels strange. Is it okay?’ she asked.

‘It’s going exactly as it should go,’ I said, slowly pressing down on the syringe’s plunger. ‘This is normal.’

‘My eye feels heavy.’

‘Your eyes are going to feel a little heavier than normal from now on, but that’s something you’ll get used to in no time.’

She let go of the side of the chair and dug the nails of her right hand into her thigh. Even through the jeans she was wearing, I could see that she was doing it hard enough to hurt. Those sharp, thick, red nails looked lethal.

‘I’m freaking out a little bit here,’ she said. ‘I’m trying not to, but I am. Are you sure this is going right?’

‘It’s going fine.’ I said. The plunger was about halfway into the syringe now, and I could see the thick liquid swirling around underneath it. It was grey-white and metallic, and moved around of its own accord. ‘This isn’t taking any longer than it should. It’s just a strange sensation, that’s all.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Look, while I’m talking, I want you to take your hands and put one on top of the other, okay?’ I said to her. This was a technique I’d used before to try and calm people down. It sometimes worked. The problem with this procedure was that it wasn’t something you could stop halfway through. If I stopped now, the connections wouldn’t be made, and the liquid would just settle at the bottom of the vitreous humour, rather than filling it. It would push against the retina instead of surrounding it comfortably like packaging, and would damage her vision irreparably – possibly blinding her completely. And if she pushed her head against the restraints too far, she would break them and I’d have no option but to pull the needle out.

‘Okay,’ she said.

‘Right. What I want you to do now’ – The plunger was about three-quarters of the way down. ‘– is to gently scratch the back of your hand with one of your fingernails. Can you do that for me? Do it very slowly.’

‘O … okay,’ she said, as she began to do so.

I glanced down and saw the light, white trail left by the point of her nail against her skin.

‘Okay, so while you’re doing that, imagine you’d never felt any sensation against that part of your body before. Like it’s the first time you’ve ever been touched.’

‘Okay,’ she said. I had almost finished the first eye now.

‘Now, can you imagine how uncomfortable that scratch would be, if you’d never felt anything there before?’

‘… yes,’ she replied.

‘Right,’ I said, extracting the needle and dabbing a small cloth covered with clear gel over thehole in her cornea. ‘That’s why this is uncomfortable. You’re not used to any physical sensations inside your eye, so the first time it happens, it’s a shock – and look, there’s the first one done.’

‘I … I can’t see out of my left eye.’

‘It’ll clear in about six or seven minutes,’ I said. ‘Then you’ll be able to see in an entirely different way. Do you see what I mean about the sensation?’

She tried to nod, but the restraints against her head prevented her. ‘I can feel it moving in my eye.’

‘It’ll settle, trust me.’

‘Right, so it’s … this is what normally happens.’ She smiled, and I could see two small indentations in her bottom lip where she had bitten it.

‘Now, once it clears up, I can do your right eye. Or, if you would prefer, I can do your right eye while it’s still dark.’

‘What do you think I should do?’

‘Well, everyone is different,’ I said to her. ‘But I usually suggest getting them both done together. It’s strange enough adjusting to your new vision without having your other eye lose sight at the same time. Better to stay in darkness and start seeing with IDRoPS than trying to adjust to two completely different kinds of focus at the same time.’

I put down the syringe, and picked up another one. Very carefully, I removed the cap, and pushed the liquid right to the tip of the needle. I couldn’t let any spill, but this was something I was used to.

‘I’m feeling a little panicky, but less than before,’ she said, and I watched her front teeth dig back into her lip.

‘Then you don’t want to be taking in two different loads of information at the same time. I’d suggest that you let me do the other eye now.’

‘Okay,’ she said, and moved her hands back to the side of the chair.

‘Is this a bad time to mention that you’re only my second patient?’

Her eyes widened. ‘What?’

‘I’m joking,’ I said. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist.’

‘Jesus. You had me going there.’ I couldn’t quite tell if she was amused or annoyed, or both.

‘You’re my third.’

‘You’re joking again, aren’t you?’

‘Yes. You’re my fourth. Now, this is going to feel just the same as the first one, but you’re going to be anticipating it differently now, so I want you to take a few deep breaths, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘Okay,’ I said, and pushed the needle slowly against her right eye.

I remembered what it was like when it was done to me. The single point of view as the vision from your remaining working eye is filled with a needle moving towards it.

Every natural part of your psyche wants to react. You want to pull back, or even attack the person doing it, but you know why you’re here, so you try to relax instead, while the tip of the needle gets bigger and bigger and the person behind it, the person looking at you and pushing that needle, gets more and more out of focus until the world goes black.

And your point of view changes for ever.

‘This is going to be fine, Sarah. Don’t worry, I promise.’

The needle pushed against the fibrous tunic surrounding her eye, pushing it gently inwards against the point, until it finally yielded and allowed the needle access underneath. I felt the gentle tearing of the cornea as I pushed through to the vitreous jelly underneath.

I remembered that tearing when it was done to me, and the panic and nausea I felt rising in my gut. I’d only ever had two patients ever actually throw up while I was doing this procedure, thankfully. One of them had been a teenage girl and she’d covered both of our fronts in her recently digested meal. She’d been one of the only patients I’d ever had that had actually cried during the procedure as well, but once it started, it had to be finished.

I pushed the plunger downwards slowly and smoothly once again, as the IDRoPS liquid inside wriggled free and began to fill her eye.

‘Is it feeling okay?’ I asked her.

‘It feels like curtains closing,’ she said. ‘It feels like I’m looking at a huge stage, and the curtains are dropping between acts.’

I smiled. ‘I like that way of describing it.’

‘Will it be as good as I’ve heard?’ She asked. ‘Will it be as good as everyone says?’

‘Sarah, if the curtain just came down at the end of the first act, then the second act is going to be entirely revelatory, just you wait.’

She smiled and began to laugh. ‘It’ll be worth it, then? Oh God, I can’t see. I can’t see. This is really weird. Is this okay?’ Her voice cracked, and her knuckles went even whiter than before. She was becoming hysterical.

This was okay, though. The procedure was almost finished. As long as she gave me time to finish it, this would have actually gone pretty smoothly.

‘It’s more than okay. The second act is just beginning, and I promise you, Sarah......’

‘What?’

I dropped my voice and whispered to her as gently and as calmly as I could.

‘… you ain’t seen nothing yet.’